Help! My husbands having performance anxiety!

[ThinkPositiv]

Hi ThinkPositiv, this sounds like a good idea. I am the opposite to you, I've never used ovulation tests so actually don't know when I ovulate exactly. I've been looking at CM only as I'd read that this is a good predictor of when you're most fertile. I was wondering, did you ever notice that fertile CM coincided with your postive Ovulation tests?

The reason I've never used ovulation tests is exactly what you say above. I think it would put me under far too much pressure as I wouldn't want to be sharing the results with OH as I am guessing this would cause too much stress. Having said that, I am tempted to use them as a one-off to check if I am really fertile when I think I am!

As for drinking during the 2WW, I do have a few glasses of wine as I think you can't revolve your whole life around TTC, and the more miserable you are from giving up your pleasures, maybe the more stressed you can become, therefore the less likely you might be to conceive! Maybe this is just my justification tho???

Sorry if you've already told me this, but how long have you been ttc for? Also, if you don't mind me asking, what age are you?

hey there. actually, i am one of those women who DO NOT get EWCM around O.....i get it in patches throughout my cycle, but never around O...or at least never when the ovualtion tests go positive....which I know are reliable because my period comes 14 days after or I have fallen pregnant twice. For me it is a very very high cervix, open and lots of watery, white CM and a increased sex drive. Last time we fell pregnant we only did the deed once....the next morning I wondered if I read my body right...i had all the things i just mentioned, so i did a ovulation test and sure enough, positive...it was only positive for a few more hours that day and then that night I had INTENSE pain in and around both ovaries.... so the tests seem to coincide with ovulation for me.

I am 30 and we have been trying for 9 months. we put off trying for over a year due to a work injury i had, and then during that time decided to get married....so then even though i was much better we then decided to wait till after the wedding! Life...i guess. I would love a large family.....5 or 6 kids would be fabulous, but if I am blessed to have children I will take whatever I am blessed with. I dont know if it was because i lost my mom at an early age and became very maternal to my sister....and ran a household at 16....or what, but I feel I wont be truely happy till i am a mother. for as long as I can remember all I have ever wanted was to be a mom.

and i like your theory on a few glasses of wine during the 2WW....i think i wont be so anal about it anymore! if this is going to take a while I might as well enjoy a few glasses here and there!

hope all is well.

whats your trying to concive story if you dont mind me asking?

 

[SaraJewel]

Well we've been together about 5 years and have been trying for about 8 months now. Not much more to say to be honest! The main problem has been performance anxiety from OH. He usually can't finish. In terms of tracking ovulation, I seem to get EWM 12-16 days before my period, I'm guessing this would tie in with ovulation.

I'm feeling quite exhausted by the whole process to be honest at the moment, it's hard to stay positive. But then I read stories like yours and reckon if you can stay positive then surely I can!!!

 

[ThinkPositiv]

Well we've been together about 5 years and have been trying for about 8 months now. Not much more to say to be honest! The main problem has been performance anxiety from OH. He usually can't finish. In terms of tracking ovulation, I seem to get EWM 12-16 days before my period, I'm guessing this would tie in with ovulation.

I'm feeling quite exhausted by the whole process to be honest at the moment, it's hard to stay positive. But then I read stories like yours and reckon if you can stay positive then surely I can!!!

yeah, staying positive is hard. i just talked to my step mom last night and she was asking how i was emotionally...and i told her ok, but if i miscarried again i would be a mess....i mean that would put me into a whole other category.....but my hubbby said we will do whatever it takes to have a baby and hes fully prepared to shell out thousands if that is the case. but the thought of a 3rd just makes me tear up.....esp since i already feel outnumbered having 2 in a row (apparently only about 5% of women have 2 in a row!). anyways, but i gotta stay positive - i want to be a mom....giving up would def. not get me there.

but speaking of positive, it was hard the other night when my hubby and i went to do the deed for the first time in months (crazy i know!) and he couldnt get it up.... he was SO distressed.....i could already feel the pressure building in his brain....and so it begins again. feeling defeated.

 

[SaraJewel]

Well we've been together about 5 years and have been trying for about 8 months now. Not much more to say to be honest! The main problem has been performance anxiety from OH. He usually can't finish. In terms of tracking ovulation, I seem to get EWM 12-16 days before my period, I'm guessing this would tie in with ovulation.

I'm feeling quite exhausted by the whole process to be honest at the moment, it's hard to stay positive. But then I read stories like yours and reckon if you can stay positive then surely I can!!!

yeah, staying positive is hard. i just talked to my step mom last night and she was asking how i was emotionally...and i told her ok, but if i miscarried again i would be a mess....i mean that would put me into a whole other category.....but my hubbby said we will do whatever it takes to have a baby and hes fully prepared to shell out thousands if that is the case. but the thought of a 3rd just makes me tear up.....esp since i already feel outnumbered having 2 in a row (apparently only about 5% of women have 2 in a row!). anyways, but i gotta stay positive - i want to be a mom....giving up would def. not get me there.

but speaking of positive, it was hard the other night when my hubby and i went to do the deed for the first time in months (crazy i know!) and he couldnt get it up.... he was SO distressed.....i could already feel the pressure building in his brain....and so it begins again. feeling defeated.

Oh that's hard, but I'm sure he's been building himself up to and psyching himself out about the situation. I always find the 1st time each cycle for us is the hardest. I hope it gets better for you both. It sounds like he is really supportive and it's good that he'll talk about it with you.

We are about to start trying again this cycle, it's the thought of failure at the 1st hurdle that gets me upset. If things go OK, I will feel a bit better. So I can understand that part of where you're coming from. But you've done it before so you'll do it again!

 

[ThinkPositiv]

Well we've been together about 5 years and have been trying for about 8 months now. Not much more to say to be honest! The main problem has been performance anxiety from OH. He usually can't finish. In terms of tracking ovulation, I seem to get EWM 12-16 days before my period, I'm guessing this would tie in with ovulation.

I'm feeling quite exhausted by the whole process to be honest at the moment, it's hard to stay positive. But then I read stories like yours and reckon if you can stay positive then surely I can!!!

yeah, staying positive is hard. i just talked to my step mom last night and she was asking how i was emotionally...and i told her ok, but if i miscarried again i would be a mess....i mean that would put me into a whole other category.....but my hubbby said we will do whatever it takes to have a baby and hes fully prepared to shell out thousands if that is the case. but the thought of a 3rd just makes me tear up.....esp since i already feel outnumbered having 2 in a row (apparently only about 5% of women have 2 in a row!). anyways, but i gotta stay positive - i want to be a mom....giving up would def. not get me there.

but speaking of positive, it was hard the other night when my hubby and i went to do the deed for the first time in months (crazy i know!) and he couldnt get it up.... he was SO distressed.....i could already feel the pressure building in his brain....and so it begins again. feeling defeated.

Oh that's hard, but I'm sure he's been building himself up to and psyching himself out about the situation. I always find the 1st time each cycle for us is the hardest. I hope it gets better for you both. It sounds like he is really supportive and it's good that he'll talk about it with you.

We are about to start trying again this cycle, it's the thought of failure at the 1st hurdle that gets me upset. If things go OK, I will feel a bit better. So I can understand that part of where you're coming from. But you've done it before so you'll do it again!

yes, its been done once so hopefully the stars align again!

the weather is sooooo beautiful here!

have no idea if i have ovulated.....

we have vacation in a few weeks and might head to the cabin for a week...hopefully the distraction will do us good!

 

[SaraJewel]

Oh lucky you! Weather not so great here, but that's England for you!

It sounds like you deserve a break x

 

[SaraJewel]

Hey ThinkPositiv,

noticed your good news on another thread, congratulations! Fingers crossed for you and very happy x x x

 

[flagirlie7]

I see I am not the only one having this issue with DH! I have been of BC for like 4 years, although we have not been trying before, it was also my body adjusting and having long periods did not help either. Since we got married a year ago or so, I have been tracking my periods/temps/opk more closely, but it's been a process of learning and guessing. Now I feel like I am finally getting a hang of it, but it puts a lot of pressure on both of us. I feel like if I tell him, ugh, he would bail out sometimes (yes, the pressure), if I don't tell him, we would for sure miss it. He only wants to DTD when he's in the mood and he proclaimed that sex needed to be always spontaneous and not forced/begged for/necessary etc. Sad. I see too all these ladies going at it many times before O, I pray to get one out of him. He also kinda lost his drive but obviously not in a hurry to see a doc! Then, we DTD when he gets excited unexpectedly. I thought it would be the time for my O, but that never came. Figure.

 

[ThinkPositiv]

Hey ThinkPositiv,

noticed your good news on another thread, congratulations! Fingers crossed for you and very happy x x x

SaraJewel - i have been meaning to touch bases with you since we found out! Too funny that you beat me to it! Yes, we are super excited! We found out last friday! After the D&C we took a laid back approach....we were waiting and waiting for my period to try....no sign of it. went on vacation...and looks like we concieved on vacation! it is kind of humerous, and i cant wait to tell our friends it came true...but my husband had said to our friends that we were going to get our own hotel room because he "wanted to knock me up." - well, it happened!

i thought i would be super nervous and scared considering the previous MC's, but i am fairly relaxed. we are SUPER busy the next three weeks and my dating scan is right after, so it is perfect. will keep you posted.

how are things with you? that is really sweet that you sought me out to touch bases. i hope things are well. i'd like to keep in touch. talk to you soon

 

[ThinkPositiv]

I see I am not the only one having this issue with DH! I have been of BC for like 4 years, although we have not been trying before, it was also my body adjusting and having long periods did not help either. Since we got married a year ago or so, I have been tracking my periods/temps/opk more closely, but it's been a process of learning and guessing. Now I feel like I am finally getting a hang of it, but it puts a lot of pressure on both of us. I feel like if I tell him, ugh, he would bail out sometimes (yes, the pressure), if I don't tell him, we would for sure miss it. He only wants to DTD when he's in the mood and he proclaimed that sex needed to be always spontaneous and not forced/begged for/necessary etc. Sad. I see too all these ladies going at it many times before O, I pray to get one out of him. He also kinda lost his drive but obviously not in a hurry to see a doc! Then, we DTD when he gets excited unexpectedly. I thought it would be the time for my O, but that never came. Figure.

hey there. i totally feel your pain - it was never an issue until we started to try and have a family, then i realiazed just how important it was for my husband to finish.... I have cried SOOOO many nights alone, esp when I knew i was close to O. this time we got pregnant i gave up on the OPK's (well, the majority of days....)......and I also think it had to do with the fact that we were suppose to "wait" one cycle to try.... the pressure was off my hubby. although we both knew in the back of our head that we could get pregnant, it was just less pressure for some reason.

i had suggested too a doctor to my hubby....he just brushed it off, and sometimes would get some pills from a friend....which never helped, and made me nervous, because he didnt really know what they were! (i'm a nurse so that just freaks me out!). So he stopped those (only used them a handful of times).

my best advice is to just have spontaneous sex, and not only around O....and dont ever tell him you might be near O. and then pray. enjoy the summer and try to relax. have a few glasses of wine (I did!) and remember that it can be done - i am proof. i hope you dont take me the wrong way...i truely have had my struggles....and use to wish more often than not that i wish my husband was like some of the other womans husbands on here.....having sex lots around O.....but then i realized that i wouldnt trade my man for the world, and where there is a will, there is a way. come september we were going to see a fertility specialist....because erectile dysnfunction, or whatever you want to call it, as you are well aware is a HUGE barrier in ttc.

hugs and more hugs. always here if you need someone to chat to..

 

[flagirlie7]

Oh thanks, that's super encouraging! I am near O today I think, so we'll see if I can try some of the tricks hehe. I told myself not to really stress anymore, coz I think that is causing my delayed O this month (cd30 today!), normally I O around cd23 (which is long enough ugh). I have an appt with my OB on 8/1, to perhaps get clomid and shorten these cycles a bit, and talk to her about the possibility of IUI in the future.

 

[SaraJewel]

Hey ThinkPositiv,

noticed your good news on another thread, congratulations! Fingers crossed for you and very happy x x x

SaraJewel - i have been meaning to touch bases with you since we found out! Too funny that you beat me to it! Yes, we are super excited! We found out last friday! After the D&C we took a laid back approach....we were waiting and waiting for my period to try....no sign of it. went on vacation...and looks like we concieved on vacation! it is kind of humerous, and i cant wait to tell our friends it came true...but my husband had said to our friends that we were going to get our own hotel room because he "wanted to knock me up." - well, it happened!

i thought i would be super nervous and scared considering the previous MC's, but i am fairly relaxed. we are SUPER busy the next three weeks and my dating scan is right after, so it is perfect. will keep you posted.

how are things with you? that is really sweet that you sought me out to touch bases. i hope things are well. i'd like to keep in touch. talk to you soon

Do, I really am thrilled for you and think you are an inspiration, I know it's been so tough for you but you have kept going through it all.

I was actually doing a search for ClearBlue Digital ovulation kits and when best to test when your post came up! I did some Boots ovulation kits this month to get an idea of ovulation times, but to be honest, I find it quite hard to not drink too much so think my urine is always too dilute to test. Can only really do it 1st thing and at about 5pm after work. Got an almost positive on Boots OPK this month which seemed to tie in with other fertility signs. So gonna test first thing next month to see if make a difference, even tho I know a lot of people say not to, the Clearblue digital OPK says it's OK.

Things getting gradually better with the anxiety issues. Still have our bad moments when OH doesn't finish, but they are becoming less and less. I think I am getting more anxious than him now so need to chill out!!!

Good luck with everything, and yes, do let me know how you're getting on.

 

[ThinkPositiv]

Hey ThinkPositiv,

noticed your good news on another thread, congratulations! Fingers crossed for you and very happy x x x

SaraJewel - i have been meaning to touch bases with you since we found out! Too funny that you beat me to it! Yes, we are super excited! We found out last friday! After the D&C we took a laid back approach....we were waiting and waiting for my period to try....no sign of it. went on vacation...and looks like we concieved on vacation! it is kind of humerous, and i cant wait to tell our friends it came true...but my husband had said to our friends that we were going to get our own hotel room because he "wanted to knock me up." - well, it happened!

i thought i would be super nervous and scared considering the previous MC's, but i am fairly relaxed. we are SUPER busy the next three weeks and my dating scan is right after, so it is perfect. will keep you posted.

how are things with you? that is really sweet that you sought me out to touch bases. i hope things are well. i'd like to keep in touch. talk to you soon

Do, I really am thrilled for you and think you are an inspiration, I know it's been so tough for you but you have kept going through it all.

I was actually doing a search for ClearBlue Digital ovulation kits and when best to test when your post came up! I did some Boots ovulation kits this month to get an idea of ovulation times, but to be honest, I find it quite hard to not drink too much so think my urine is always too dilute to test. Can only really do it 1st thing and at about 5pm after work. Got an almost positive on Boots OPK this month which seemed to tie in with other fertility signs. So gonna test first thing next month to see if make a difference, even tho I know a lot of people say not to, the Clearblue digital OPK says it's OK.

Things getting gradually better with the anxiety issues. Still have our bad moments when OH doesn't finish, but they are becoming less and less. I think I am getting more anxious than him now so need to chill out!!!

Good luck with everything, and yes, do let me know how you're getting on.

thanks. yeah, i always found the OPK's hard because too dilute urine and you are rolling the dice if the test will work...and then if it was negative, but your thought it should be the time for a positive you wonder if your urine was too dilute! i dont think there is anything wrong with first morning urine...i guess the concern is that the LH might be too concentrated giving a false positive? but i have never had a false positive.... so i say go for it. and if your other signs of fertility are adding up, then test after work too on those days too.

yeah, hard not to get stressed out! have a terrible headache this morning! suppose to work a night shift tonight but if this doesnt go away, i dont know how i am going to get on!

will keep in touch.

 

[SaraJewel]

I e-mailed the experts at Clearblue in the end, who said that if it's a choice between 5pm for first thing urine, go for FMU as more chance of picking up surge. They said there are no hard and fast rules but you do need concentrated urine. So will listen to the experts!

Take it easy, hope you're feeling OK x

 

[ThinkPositiv]

I e-mailed the experts at Clearblue in the end, who said that if it's a choice between 5pm for first thing urine, go for FMU as more chance of picking up surge. They said there are no hard and fast rules but you do need concentrated urine. So will listen to the experts!

Take it easy, hope you're feeling OK x

when in doubt, go to the experts! where are you in your cycle? I am doing excellent! feeling great about this pregnancy, and I am confident in a positive outcome. my hubby and i are super excited that we were given another oppertunity and are looking forward to being parents soon! although, i have to admit, now that i am pregnant, it kind of scares the crap out of me! haha. hope all is well.

 

[SaraJewel]

I think I am 8 DPO, AF due on Sunday at the earliest.

Sigh, I wish I could fast forward til then. I think we managed 2 x BD in the fertile window but not sure. It is getting better every month. I am trying not to analyse symptoms as they are just the same as my PMT symptoms, but it's so hard just to chill out and forget about it!

Glad you're doing well, yep, I think I will be terrified if I do get pregnant!!!!!

 

[ThinkPositiv]

I think I am 8 DPO, AF due on Sunday at the earliest.

Sigh, I wish I could fast forward til then. I think we managed 2 x BD in the fertile window but not sure. It is getting better every month. I am trying not to analyse symptoms as they are just the same as my PMT symptoms, but it's so hard just to chill out and forget about it!

Glad you're doing well, yep, I think I will be terrified if I do get pregnant!!!!!

keep me posted! i am glad to hear it is getting easier each month.

 

[babyluv2012]

It's probably not best to say I'm ovulating, let's . lol. Just surprise him with some lingerie, give him an exotic massage and then make it wild and fun. Good luck hun.

I agree, even though they also want a baby I talked to my husband about it and he said its kind of turn off to know if I'm ovulating, LOL. I think guys don't want to feel like were "using" them as baby making factories.

 

[SaraJewel]

It's probably not best to say I'm ovulating, let's . lol. Just surprise him with some lingerie, give him an exotic massage and then make it wild and fun. Good luck hun.

I agree, even though they also want a baby I talked to my husband about it and he said its kind of turn off to know if I'm ovulating, LOL. I think guys don't want to feel like were "using" them as baby making factories.

Yes it's true! I feel the pressure when I know I'm likely just about to ovulate, so I can understand how OH feels! And it's not much of a turn on........... Having said that, OH asked to know when it was a good time to BD as otherwise we probably wouldn't do it at the right time. I've started telling him when it's a good week and we've been upping our efforts then. Seems to be working, les "failed" attempts anyway!

Have you been having problems?

 

[patpatalien]

Thank god I’m not the only one. We ttc for 5 mths and I feel so frustrated and angry with my hubby. Sometimes he cannot perform well because he knows much I want to have a kid and how serious I’m about it. The idea of no baby yet is killing me and I was SUPER stressed and depressed from the situation. I have been using CBFM and that thing not helping me but giving me A LOT OF STRSS. I can never reach my PEAK and the first month of using it, it has HIGH for almost 18 days. I have been blaming myself and crying about almost everything. I have been giving too much pressure to my DH. Thanks for all the tips.