Help!!! PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME!

[scottishgal89]

you don't NEED him. You want him to be there. You don't need him. Lots of us do it alone and cope. Don't mean offence or anything

 

[xarlenex]

I didn't read this full thread, so probably going to repeat something thats already been said.. Anyway, I'm glad you've put your foot down, just hope you can keep it up. Bit of motivation would be to just think of your son when he tries his 'charm' on again. Think about how a real man would want to know his son, and be there for him as much as he can. Think about how that beautiful little boy of yours deserves far better than a loser like that

 

[moomin_troll]

You don't need a man!
I'm without my children father for completely different reasons to u and my kids come first, I have to live without their father and look after them and I am.
You don't need a man who uses and has no feelings for u, that goes home to other women or his wife at the end of the night.

When my oh was alive Id always say I can live without u, I can't live without my kids.

 

[gemabee]

you don't NEED him. You want him to be there. You don't need him. Lots of us do it alone and cope. Don't mean offence or anything

i agree... u don't need him at all.
no offence meant either but i think u rang him because u wanted to nd managed to find an excuse to do it (u needed a lift...?... bus / train / etc... u didn't NEED him... u wanted him there).
what needs to happen is for u to stop findin excuses nd jus back off completely.
i'm not tryin to be harsh sayin this... i'm jus sayin it 'matter of factly'.
deep down ur still wantin him to be with u... this is both unfair on u... nd his wife.
his poor wife!!!
the only person this isn't unfair on is him!!
i understand ur hurtin right now... nd i'm very sorry but i have no respect for women (or men) who ruin relationships / families / homes... my family has been torn apart because of women like u (i accept the men are jus as bad... but if women weren't chasin after them... they wouldn't cheat in the first place!).
BUT what i do have respect for is women who remove themselves from bad situations... women who are strong nd are amazin mummies!!
u have the chance to be the latter... so take it.

 

[Second Chance]

I hate to sound bitchy but I did NEED him, I had no other way home I called him to see if he could find someone to come get me but he couldn't afford a cab or find someone else there is no train or bus that runs between the two areas so yea I did what I had to do to get home... I am not concerned what people think of me due to my situation! And for the record I never chased him he came to me so call me a homewrecker all you want I have told him goodbye many times and HE always came back that is not my fault! My son is my world and if you want to assume I am a bad mother because I want the father of my child to be in my life! Than so be it, but you really should understand the situation before you assume you know what's going on!

 

[gemabee]

errr... no-one called u a bad mother.
calm urself.
i'm not gonna argue with u... but u got to ur mums somehow... so knew in advance u had to get back.
nearly all of us on this forum do it with absolutely no support from our fobs... nd we do jus great... u can too.
u don't need him... at all... stop lettin him disrespect u.

 

[Jasiellover]

hugs!

 

[moomin_troll]

errr... no-one called u a bad mother.
calm urself.
i'm not gonna argue with u... but u got to ur mums somehow... so knew in advance u had to get back.
nearly all of us on this forum do it with absolutely no support from our fobs... nd we do jus great... u can too.
u don't need him... at all... stop lettin him disrespect u.

I agree with what you've said.

I relied on my oh for well everything, I can't drive so now I have to do things without help I'm going to learn to drive and if I can't get back from somewhere I don't go.

No one on here that I've read has called u a homewreaker! We've all said u can do this without him in ur life n if u can't see that it's not our fault

 

[scottishgal89]

I agree with gemabee and moomin_troll.
Noone is having a go at you.
You asked for advice and we are giving you it.
That's why you posted here in the first place...
I don't understand why you are being so defensive.
You didn't NEED to phone him to get home. He shouldn't be a part of your life anymore. He's married. He should be there for his child. That is the only connection there is between the two of you

 

[bobblebot]

oh second chance please just grow up! You dont need him, as ive said before get some bloody self respect, stop acting like a helpless, pathetic kid and look after yourself. I'm a single mum of 5 and the only person i rely on is me. My ex had a baby with a woman like you and i had self respect and left the low life.

you don't need him, fact is he is not and never will be your man to need...get it!!!
If you have no way home then don't put yourself in that position in the first place. get responsible for your own actions and stop relying on him.

You ARE on your own, he doesn't want you so stop being pathetic and get a life on your own and let him take are of HIS family, wife and kids.

I may sound harsh and yes guess i'm having a go but if you were my sister i'd kick you're sodding ass...get in reality, wake up and be a proud woman and mother, not what sounds like some unconfident little girl looking for a daddy figure not just for kids but for herself....do your kids a favour and grow up!

 

[v2007]

22 single, mother of a wonderful baby boy, and in need of serious advice! My BD wants nothing to do with my son as he is married and doesnt want his wife to find out, however we have since than meet up at least 3 times a month and I think I may be pregnant again and odds are that its his, I havent filed child support as he pays me monthly But I dont know what to! I have no job, no car, no money and I can barely support my son... Any advice?

So he having his cake AND eating it.

Sounds like a wonderful fella!!!!

You are having unprotected sex with him and possibly pregnant and you have said you can barely support the baby you have already OMG, then why are you still having sex with him.

I feel so sorry for his poor wife.

TBBH he is using you for a shag and thats it.

He dont care about you, he gives you money to keep you sweet.

If you let this carry on you will end up with more kids by him and maybe a son who thinks its ok to treat women like this.

Also you wrote ''odds are it his'' i am guessing there is another bloke on the scene or has been, i might sound like a cowbag but do you know the risks of having unprotected sex with many partners.

You both need to sort all this out cos if his wife finds out she is gonna flip, even more so when she inds he has a son.

Sorry if i have repeated what other have wrote.

 

[18singlemom2b]

oh my god...if only you knew on how many level i can relate to you on..i'll private message you hun

 

[18singlemom2b]

okay there's a few people that should stop being so harsh with this woman, like the reality is harsh and sure, tell her how it is because she did make a mistake but we don't know the circumstances around it. like many women here have also said, they entered into relationships with men blindly that they didn't even realize had commitments to other men! that's what happened to me, and by the time i figured everything all out, it was too late i was already pregnant. if you have never been the one on the other side of the table you can never understand the hurt that happens to the "other" woman. i'm not sure if this woman knew before, just talking about my own experience and some others that were mentioned here..

also to say that this other woman, and her kids are his family, you are forgetting one important thing. this woman and his child are his family too!!! whether he wants them to be, or whether they never talk again, he has abandoned a part of his family that he created. who cares how it came to be. this is his son and the mother of one of his children!

 

[18singlemom2b]

*i meant other woman, as in his wife

 

[AppleBlossom]

First of all, you need to stop seeing him. He is only using you unfortunately. It's worse that he has a wife at home. Stop sleeping with him and get on with things. If you're pregnant, then contact Child support once it is born if you want to

 

[aliss]

okay there's a few people that should stop being so harsh with this woman, like the reality is harsh and sure, tell her how it is because she did make a mistake but we don't know the circumstances around it. like many women here have also said, they entered into relationships with men blindly that they didn't even realize had commitments to other men! that's what happened to me, and by the time i figured everything all out, it was too late i was already pregnant. if you have never been the one on the other side of the table you can never understand the hurt that happens to the "other" woman. i'm not sure if this woman knew before, just talking about my own experience and some others that were mentioned here..

also to say that this other woman, and her kids are his family, you are forgetting one important thing. this woman and his child are his family too!!! whether he wants them to be, or whether they never talk again, he has abandoned a part of his family that he created. who cares how it came to be. this is his son and the mother of one of his children!

I do know what you mean about being 'duped' as I have as well in the past although I did not get pregnant so it was easier to walk away.

I think the problem here is that she says she wants him back despite this man making it painfully clear that he doesn't actually care about her.

("We had an amazing relationship we have so much in common and we get along so well, and I keep hoping if I can keep him around eventually he'll see how much how I love him and come back to us")

The ONLY way I was able to get past that situation was to admit that yes, I was wrong, and no, he doesn't actually love me, and no, things are not going to change (this has been going on for YEARS with her).

We can only control our actions. Until we take responsibility for ourselves and stop making excuses for our poor choices, we can never move on. I think she loves her son more than anything else but I also think she loves what she thinks this man could be. But that is not what he is. Until she accepts that he will never be the father or partner that she wants him to be, she will never move on from this vicious circle.

Love someone for who they are and not what you think they can be.

Good luck to you (both of you!!!)

 

[Second Chance]

Thank you 18singlemum2b, its hard for me to get people to really understand the severity of the situation I do love him and want to be with him but I am slowly getting better, i had to. Call him to come get me fro. My moms because her transmission went out while we were there and I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE! You all act like its so easy, I have looked for a job I can't pay my rent and I can't find a job necaujse I am a felon! I have no income and there is no more assistance that I can receive ! Maybe you can afford to get do it completely alone but I can't!

 

[scottishgal89]

Why'd you go to your mums then? If you couldn't get back?
There should be no contact with him except if it's to do with his child. If he doesn't want that either. You should leave him alone. It's his choice really.
It is harsh but as someone else already said, you are coming across "pathetic" and really quite childish. Prioritise your child and forget him.

 

[Baby France]

He doesn't love you - if he did, he'd be with you now. He doesn't care about you or his son - if he did, he would have left the minute he found out you were pregnant. You don't NEED him, you will ALWAYS be able to figure something out yourself with the help of your family and friends. I agree with Gemabee that I think it was just an excuse to contact him.

I completely understand that it is hard to walk away from someone you care for - but you need to face facts, you are nothing but sex for him. You are his free ticket, always ready and willing for him to get his own way, because he knows how to push your buttons and charm you.

If his wife wants to stay with him and knowing full well he's out and about throwing his bits into anyone that'd have him then thats her choice. Personally I'd go about things the proper way - so he acknowledges his son as his own.

I am not judging you. I've been there myself, however my OH and I went on a couple of dates and then I called it quits (when he told me he was married, no kids) within 4 weeks he'd left her and now he's divorced. I told him to sort his head out, get some space and a few months later we started dating properly, that was more than 3 years ago and we now live together and have two children.

How to cut him out of your life will be hard. But remember that he doesn't care or love you - he cares more about how much action his pants are getting!! If he cared, he would have left at the beginning/pregnant. He keeps coming back because you LET him - that is your fault! If he has to promise that he'll ask more about his child...er WHAT? He is not a man, but a worm who's always on the look out for his next piece of arse. I'd keep reminding myself of the bad things he's said/done to make your heart strong and hard against his 'tales of love'

 

[AP]

Maybe some of the replies are a 'harsh' to some but unless someone has a magic wand to get this so called man to leave his wife then its pointless saying anything else, second chance is too defensive
Stop calling this man, for gods sake, leave him to his wife. You are looking as awful as him now by encouraging his behaviour. You'll have no legs to stand on if his wife finds out, you won't look so innocent when you're the one needing him.