Help!!! PLEASE DONT JUDGE ME!

[Second Chance]

Wow ok, well let me start off by saying thanks you all for thinking in so pathetic! And for the record my son is my priority so that comment was unnecissary, you are all taking ur hurt for what your men did to you out on me! Look I am defensive because you are assuming that my son is second to anyone and that couldn't be farther from the truth! There have been a few people here who understood what have gone through and those few people who give me genuine advice are the ones that have the right to judge they now EXACTLY what I am going through! And they're more sympathetic, no I don't sympathy from any of you I just want honest advice on HOW to walk away how do I deal with it and along the way I am going to tell the obstacle I have to get past! If you can't help and only want to criticise please don't comment kepp your thoughts to yourself! I am looking for help and encouragment to get by not negativity and name callling! Thanks

 

[scottishgal89]

We can't give you advice on HOW to walk away.
Only you can do that.
People were supportive, but you saying you NEED him, isn't going to help. Because you don't.
We're not taking what our ex's did to us out on you, how can you make a comment like that when you don't know what they did?
We're giving you advice on a serious situation and being blunt with you to help you realise before you get hurt yet again.
At the end of the day, you posted on a PUBLIC forum. The name of your thread shows you know the situation isn't good in the first place. We all have different opinions and views and if you didn't want them, you shouldn't have asked.
I have not met one person in this section who is nasty and I have been in here nearly 2years. No-one called you a name. We told you the TRUTH. Something which by the sounds of it, you didn't want to hear.
We can't help you until your willing to help yourself

 

[moomin_troll]

Thank you 18singlemum2b, its hard for me to get people to really understand the severity of the situation I do love him and want to be with him but I am slowly getting better, i had to. Call him to come get me fro. My moms because her transmission went out while we were there and I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE! You all act like its so easy, I have looked for a job I can't pay my rent and I can't find a job necaujse I am a felon! I have no income and there is no more assistance that I can receive ! Maybe you can afford to get do it completely alone but I can't!

Who here has said it's easy....no one!
My husband has died and he supported me n my son, week after he died I found out I'm pregnant. I don't have a job n despite laws no one will employ a pregnant depressed woman.
So no I can't afford to be a single mum n a lot of woman who have posted here don't get anything from fob, so ur lucky to get anything.

We've given u advice saying go thru courts to make sure u get child support from him....it's not our faults uve chosen not to read actual helpful comments.

The point is u don't need him, he doesn't love u and make sure he pays child support. And it's not our fault uve got a criminal record and can't find work either

 

[scottishgal89]

Thank you 18singlemum2b, its hard for me to get people to really understand the severity of the situation I do love him and want to be with him but I am slowly getting better, i had to. Call him to come get me fro. My moms because her transmission went out while we were there and I HAD NO OTHER CHOICE! You all act like its so easy, I have looked for a job I can't pay my rent and I can't find a job necaujse I am a felon! I have no income and there is no more assistance that I can receive ! Maybe you can afford to get do it completely alone but I can't!

Who here has said it's easy....no one!
My husband has died and he supported me n my son, week after he died I found out I'm pregnant. I don't have a job n despite laws no one will employ a pregnant depressed woman.
So no I can't afford to be a single mum n a lot of woman who have posted here don't get anything from fob, so ur lucky to get anything.

We've given u advice saying go thru courts to make sure u get child support from him....it's not our faults uve chosen not to read actual helpful comments.

The point is u don't need him, he doesn't love u and make sure he pays child support. And it's not our fault uve got a criminal record and can't find work either

So true, I missed bits out of my reply but you've covered it all. x

 

[Second Chance]

Being called pathetic is name calling... nobody's saying it "your fault" I am explaining to you how our situations are different! And how YOU may be able to do it but I am not!

 

[Baby France]

Being called pathetic is name calling... nobody's saying it "your fault" I am explaining to you how our situations are different! And how YOU may be able to do it but I am not!

It sounds like you're feeling sorry for yourself. You seem to want sympathy, but ultimately you got yourself into this situation. You CAN do it - you just have to WANT to do it!

My mum brought 5 kids up alone, with no job. She saved every penny she got and she only ever relied on my dad for the money he sent. He would see us, but thats because he wanted to. We ate beans on toast for alot of our childhood

If you didn't want people to be honest and open with you then maybe you should post for opinions on the internet in a public forum?

People are only being honest and trying to give you a solution how to help yourself but by keep saying you NEED oh, it seems you are not at that point where you truly are fed up of the way he treats you and LO and want to continue being his shag piece

 

[AP]

Sorry but you are feeling sorry for yourself, you knew what you were getting into playing with fire and you continued to do so by sleeping with him, so rather than help yourself and your son you dig a deeper hole. And calling him makes you look weak. Now we've all given advice but you complain you cant do it on your own. It sounds like you are complaining FOB didnt live up to his side of the bargain but in most cases they never do. We cant make him leave his wife for you. Thats all you seem to want.

Karma is crap, it hit me when i messed with a married man. suck it up and learn, move on and become stronger.

Theres single mums on here who have posted on this thread with more children, children with disabilities, and they all manage and dont whine about how life never turned out how they wanted. They got up and showed some strength, and they'll be a role model.

 

[v2007]

Wow ok, well let me start off by saying thanks you all for thinking in so pathetic! And for the record my son is my priority so that comment was unnecissary, you are all taking ur hurt for what your men did to you out on me! Look I am defensive because you are assuming that my son is second to anyone and that couldn't be farther from the truth! There have been a few people here who understood what have gone through and those few people who give me genuine advice are the ones that have the right to judge they now EXACTLY what I am going through! And they're more sympathetic, no I don't sympathy from any of you I just want honest advice on HOW to walk away how do I deal with it and along the way I am going to tell the obstacle I have to get past! If you can't help and only want to criticise please don't comment kepp your thoughts to yourself! I am looking for help and encouragment to get by not negativity and name callling! Thanks

Why??

You have said you dont want to stop seeing him so whats the point in asking for advice when seem to have already decided to continue seeing him.

I would put yourself in his wifes shoes and then maybe you might get rid if him.

 

[v2007]

Wow ok, well let me start off by saying thanks you all for thinking in so pathetic! And for the record my son is my priority so that comment was unnecissary, you are all taking ur hurt for what your men did to you out on me! Look I am defensive because you are assuming that my son is second to anyone and that couldn't be farther from the truth! There have been a few people here who understood what have gone through and those few people who give me genuine advice are the ones that have the right to judge they now EXACTLY what I am going through! And they're more sympathetic, no I don't sympathy from any of you I just want honest advice on HOW to walk away how do I deal with it and along the way I am going to tell the obstacle I have to get past! If you can't help and only want to criticise please don't comment kepp your thoughts to yourself! I am looking for help and encouragment to get by not negativity and name callling! Thanks

That comment is uncalled for....

 

[AppleBlossom]

I'm a single mum. I have been on the other side to you, fob cheated on me. That's his problem as far as I'm concerned. But it's not a nice feeling. Just for a minute imagine you were his wife and you found out he had potentially 2 kids with another woman who knew he was married. I don't think anyone has called you names, everyone has given advice. It might not be the advice you wanted to hear and that's why you're getting annoyed? People are telling you to walk away and forget about him. But I think you want him for yourself. But you need to realise he doesn't want you and instead of letting him use you, you should get you and your son out of the situation as quick as possible

 

[gemabee]

Being called pathetic is name calling... nobody's saying it "your fault" I am explaining to you how our situations are different! And how YOU may be able to do it but I am not!

too bad because guess what... you have to. you don't have a choice.
i have been there... thinkin i couldn't do it... most of us have.
suck it up.
i'll say it again - U DON'T NEED HIM.

as the cliche goes -
'u made ur bed... now lie in it'.

yes we've been harsh nd tried to give u a kick up the bum to help u walk... we've all given u advice... when lets be honest - u did a shitty thing.

the reason people are gettin fed up with u is cos ur ignorin the advice nd feelin sorry for urself... ur tryin to get sympathy out of people who have no sympathy for ur situation... not many people would.

we're not takin our hurt out on u... because we got over it!
stop bein so bloody rude.

 

[Second Chance]

My intention is not to be rude, I shouldn't have never posted at all, thanks for your advice I'm going back to journal now so thank you all and have a great new year

 

[MrsBandEgglet]

I get the impression you are harbouring a hope that he'll leave his wife for you someday? I guess as you have a child together now that's only natural but you knowingly slept with a married man and are now asking to not be judged. I'm sorry to be harsh but I just wouldn't have posted if I was you You were aware of the damage you were causing and are now obviously repentant but unfortunately I think for many people it would be too little too late.

Affairs destroy lives; if and when his wife finds out hers will never be the same again, she will probably struggle to trust another man that comes into her life, she will feel much less confident, the impact of an affair is devastating for all involved. His children with her could grow up with trust issues and fearing the worst in people. The impact on you is you may be constantly paranoid that any men you are with in the future will be just like him or there could be women out there just like you and you may worry you'll be the cheated rather than the cheater. Most importantly is the impact it could have on your son.

My mother had an affair and ripped our lives apart and I'll never forgive her. You really should walk away completely now before any more damage is done. I do hope you can find some kind of happiness one day but I'd say learn a lesson from this, married men are off limits, that's what makes those vows so sacred. Don't mock them any more than you already have because some day you could be the wife

 

[aliss]

No personal judgment from me-

There's one thing in common with every problem you have - whether it is with your FOB, being a felon, paternity issues with possible new beanie - you are making bad choices for yourself. Choices that don't make your life better, but make it worse.

So until you decide to start making the right choices in life (and accepting your personal responsibility in making bad choices), then you're doomed to repeat this over and over again. Nobody can help you do anything until you choose to do the right thing. You KNOW what the right thing to do is, so you need to either do it or suffer the consequences again and again. Some of us in here are long past making those particular choices (I'm talking about 'taken' men) and we aren't judging it, we're saying how it is. In hindsight, everything that happened to me was because I wasn't doing the right thing. Nobody forced me to do the wrong thing, I did it on my own.

Good luck to you.

 

[moomin_troll]

I have days where I feel I can't do this, but then I think well I have to!
If u really think u can't look after ur son by urself then u need to look into doing whats best for him ur son not urself or this "man"

 

[scottishgal89]

My dad had an affair. It's had a huge impact on my life. I find it hard to trust and I feel bitter about a lot of things. I used to blame myself aswell.
You knowingly went into this. Its hurtful.
Your only thinking of yourself.
I feel so so sorry for his wife and kids.
I will never forget the day my mum found out.
Truth always comes out in the end.

 

[Abigailly]

Play with fire and you'll get burnt.

Mother to mother, rathern than woman to woman (as if i didthatid probably get banned), but you can do it, you have no other choice. He's not going to leave his family. So you have to be strong. We all manage. You can too.

Take him to court for child support, he's his father, he has to pay too. Take two to tango and all that.

However in regards to the second, perhaphs you should think aboutsome long term contraception?

 

[bobblebot]

Yes i called you pathetic and no i'm not taking it out on you for what my husband did to me...and just to highlight he didn'tdo it alone...two were involved.

The reason i said pathetic wasn't meant in a name calling way, i said it as a wake up call to you and yes it caused a reaction and i bet it did make you think about what you're current position is.

BY allowing this man to treat you this way, by letting your emotions rule your behaviour and not looking at the situation for what it really is....pining for a man who walks all over you, uses you for sex, is someone eles and will never be yours, like it or not you are allowing yourself to act deperate and pathetic. Ask yourself if one of his kids with his wife needed a kidney and yours did too, whose kids life would he save....heaven hope that situation never arrives but i guess you know the answer....do your kids deserve that....if you and his wife were in life threatening situations who would he come to the rescue off...again you lose....if i'm harsh its becaue i am trying to help you see where this misplaced 'love' is putting you and your children.....always second, you can never be priority, whilst you may not have the self confidence to want more for yourself, don't you want more for your children?

I still love my husband but my self respect is worth more than having a cheat as a huband and i am not willing to have any of my hard earned money go towards supporting his onenight stand child, that is his issue.

I am not saying the real 'you' is a bad person, we all make mistakes, but it is how we deal with them that makes us better people. You are probably a great mother but by walking away from this man who could never be good for you or the kids you would be a better mother. Ask yourself who you love the most, your kid or the man who uses you and then do what a mother should do and make the best decision for her children.

 

[v2007]

I dont think the OP cares or is coming back

V xxx

 

[Second Chance]

Just for everyones update, I have gotten rid of BD and have moved on I am now with a wonderful man named mark he is great to my son and to me and best of all he is only with me!! Thanks for the advice ladies! I hope things work out with this one!