How do you deal???

[Stash777]

I don't know how you girls deal with this, but I know somehow you do and I really need some inspiration.

DH and I have been trying for 2 1/2 years and have had 2 miscarriages (9 weeks and 5 weeks, respectively). I haven't had AF for 2 1/2 months, which really isn't that abnormal for me...I have PCOS. We've tried fertility treatment, but both times we actually conceived were on breaks from treatment. When we ready to start treatment again, I just didn't have a good feeling from our RE....basically it was very apparent that he hadn't even taken the time to look over my chart (nor could he remember our last appt) from only two days prior. The last time I mc'd, he told me it was a false positive due to the trigger shot...only problem with that was that I hadn't had a trigger for over 8 months, and I had gotten 2 pos from ICs, 2 pos from FRER, and 3 pos from CBdigi within the first week of the first hpt pos. Explaining all of this to my RE did NOT change his stance that I "must have read the tests wrong or they were false positives due to trigger". For an entire week I had positive tests and then they went negative, which is why I called his office to begin with! Again, I had not been undergoing any type of fertility treatment for 8 months, so how could the last trigger shot still be in my system???

Anyhow, here I am 4 months later and even more depressed...to the point where I'm terrified of having to experience another mc, which is making me terrified of becoming pregnant. I am making an appointment with a counselor, but would really love to hear how others have dealt with this or are dealing with this.

 

[Smiler82]

Hey there

my story is similar to yours, we are getting on for 3 years TTC, I also have PCOS and I have also had 2 miscarriages (10 and 12 weeks).

Personally I feel a lot of doctors, and in my experience they are almost always male, just love to tell you that you're wrong or to treat you like you're just another number in the books. I've been sat in a consulting room whilst 2 men talked about me, not to me, with one saying "why is she here, she's only had 2 miscarriages?" Followed by, "oh just do the normal blood tests and throw some clomid at her". My most recent appointment I was told again "you've only lost two babies, you don't need any help" and "you should just have a few glasses of wine and you'll get pregnant".

I'm afraid I don't know the first thing about the trigger shot, but 8 months sounds like a stupidly long time for it to hang around in your system. Can you see a different doctor? I know it is really hard but you just have to stick to your guns and do what you feel is right. So if you think you had an early loss then don't let him try and take that baby away from you. I'm so sorry he had that attitude. Don't listen. He does not know everything and he was absolutely wrong to talk to you like that.

I really, really would recommend seeing a counsellor. I started to see one after my 2nd loss as I really, really struggled and felt very alone. She has really helped me to get my head around it all, and also I was able to talk to her after my hospital appointments and have a moan about the doctors!! My counsellor is an ex-nurse and she said a lot of them are like that - they have the scientific knowledge but their emotional intelligence is severely lacking!

I'm also really scared of having another mc but I think it's been the counselling over this past year that's helped me to get strong again (along with my amazing DH) and I feel like I am ready to be pregnant again. I'll be terrified, but I think I'll handle it better than I would've done otherwise.

Will you be trying some more treatment soon? I'm so sorry for your losses and everything you've been through

 

[Stash777]

Thanks so much for your kind words. I haven't been on in awhile, so I didn't even realize anyone had replied. I'm not sure if we're going to do any more treatment, but if we do I have a referral to a different RE (and it's a woman!). I've been feeling much better the past two weeks, which is such a great feeling. I was pretty depressed when I first posted this thread (and had been for quite some time), but I'm finally getting my energy and motivation back. My dh and I went on vacation last week and just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary, so I think those two things helped a lot.

Oh and about the trigger shot, it takes up to 14 days to leave your system, so it definitely would not still be lingering in your body 8 months later. The only reason I even decided to take a test for the last (short-lived) pregnancy was because I was experiencing crazy morning sickness. While DH and I were not actively trying at that time (we were taking a different approach of just bding when the mood struck and not using bbt or opks) we weren't preventing either. We were so excited and in disbelief, so that's why I went out and bought so many different tests just to be sure.

This LTTTC can be so heartbreaking. I am glad to hear that counseling has helped you so much. I know it will help me as well, but I'm also a psych major LOL! Thanks again!

 

[Smiler82]

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better Having some time away is always good too, glad it helped. And congrats on your 3rd anniversary!

Well then your research shows you were right and the docs do not always know everything...morning sickness sounds like a good clue too. With my first, I did not realise I was pregnant til 6 weeks, and only tested because the entire week before I'd been feeling so sick. It was a real surprise, I'd only just started BBT and didn't know what I was doing...I was still waiting to see a temp rise, didn't realise I'd already had it

I hope if you do go for counselling you find it helpful too maybe being a psych major you will find it even more useful and not spend quite so much on it as I did haha

 

[Stash777]

It was a real surprise, I'd only just started BBT and didn't know what I was doing...I was still waiting to see a temp rise, didn't realise I'd already had it

That just totally made me laugh! I remember when I first started BBT, and the temps seemed too low at first. I had no idea what I was doing and I thought my brand new thermometer was broken!

 

[Smiler82]

Haha! Glad it's not just me who couldn't do it right to start with! I was also trying to chart on paper, I had to switch to using pencil because I made so many mistakes Thank God for FF!

 

[Stash777]

Haha same here! But I also had a hard time reading the paper chart. I couldn't read it without FF's helpful coverline!

 

[Smiler82]

I know...I just would not survive without the Internet in most areas of my life haha