How do you decide on surname??

[katee82]

Hubby and I weren't married or engaged when DS was born but I hoped we would be one day so was happy for him to have dh surname... Think it was a good incentive for him to get a ring on my finger and now we're married.... Would have been weird if it hadnt worked out but guess that's the chance you take

 

[shambaby]

We are married, so not an issue for us, but if I was in that situation I think I would want the baby to have my surname. You never know what the future holds, and I expect very few people go into a relationship or have a baby expecting to split up, but it happens. If you were to get married in the future it's easy to change a child's surname when both parents agree. But if the child has the father's name and you split up you would have to get his permission to change the name, and that is often a problem. Sorry for a pessimistic post, but my niece is currently regretting giving her daughter the father's name, as he is now absent from their lives, but refuses to allow her to change her name.

 

[charbaby]

I am not married but all kids have o/hs name. I have always thought it was the norm for babies to have there dads names x

 

[Gertie beetle]

My bub will be getting my surname. Even if we get married I don't intend on taking his surname. I grew bub in my belly so it's only fair that he/she gets my surname

 

[AP]

I think people think its traditional to have their fathers name - but that was because it was deemed traditional to be married before children so it went without saying.

I gave our first my surname and when we got married we all took DH's name. It was such a lovely day for all three of us, not just us as a couple.

 

[JJKCB]

double barreled names are quite tacky inho

what if you get married? you child will forever have a different name (although i guess the OP will anyway)

not to mention it says i got knocked up out of wedlock but didn't trust the partner, all mothers i know that double barreled the name where young teen moms and i also dont know a single child with a double barreled name whose parents are still together which i dont think helps the stereotype

pick one name or the other, i sort of wish id chosen my surname as my partner still doesn't want to get married over 5 years later (so i feel left out having a different name) but that would be messing with my child (having to change his name if we did get married and i know how much of a pain in the ass that is when it comes to security checks as you age) and frankly i dont like playing games or using my child as a pawn to get my own way as its pretty selfish

 

[JJKCB]

What happens when Jasmine Thompson-Smith grows up and marries Michael Robinson-Davidson? Does she become Jasmine Thompson-Smith-Robinson-Davidon?

Seriously?! Pick one!

great point... when does it just get ridiculous

like on the tv show friends with the triple barreled name

 

[suffolksazzle]

My OH and I are not married but the bubs is going to take his surname. Maybe one day we will get married, I just dont want to yet! We are engaged though.

 

[nickynora]

double barreled names are quite tacky inho

what if you get married? you child will forever have a different name (although i guess the OP will anyway)

not to mention it says i got knocked up out of wedlock but didn't trust the partner, all mothers i know that double barreled the name where young teen moms and i also dont know a single child with a double barreled name whose parents are still together which i dont think helps the stereotype

pick one name or the other, i sort of wish id chosen my surname as my partner still doesn't want to get married over 5 years later (so i feel left out having a different name) but that would be messing with my child (having to change his name if we did get married and i know how much of a pain in the ass that is when it comes to security checks as you age) and frankly i dont like playing games or using my child as a pawn to get my own way as its pretty selfish

I think thats a very negative sterotype personally!!

Why would the child with a double barrelled surname have a different name when parents get married?

As I said I fully intend to also double barrel my name when I marry my current OH and that way my daughter will have same name as me and a connection with her half brother.

I know a few people with double barrelled names, none of whom were teenage mums! Some even chose to double barrel even before having kids and did so when they got married.

 

[CordeliaJ]

double barreled names are quite tacky inho

what if you get married? you child will forever have a different name (although i guess the OP will anyway)

not to mention it says i got knocked up out of wedlock but didn't trust the partner, all mothers i know that double barreled the name where young teen moms and i also dont know a single child with a double barreled name whose parents are still together which i dont think helps the stereotype

pick one name or the other, i sort of wish id chosen my surname as my partner still doesn't want to get married over 5 years later (so i feel left out having a different name) but that would be messing with my child (having to change his name if we did get married and i know how much of a pain in the ass that is when it comes to security checks as you age) and frankly i dont like playing games or using my child as a pawn to get my own way as its pretty selfish

Thanks for the brash comment, but double barrelled names are not tacky, especially these days. In the UK it is often considered a sign of being middle or upper class, and triple barrelled usually means upper-class without a doubt - not that class matters, but calling it tacky and ridiculous is extremely rude, and I have no idea what part of the UK you must be in to see only 'teen mums' use it.

As for just picking one - it doesn't really matter so long as you as a parent are comfortable with it. No one should have to drop a name if they don't want to.

I was born with a double barrelled name, and now I'm married and we have a double barrelled name. There's nothing wrong with it.
My name used to be Dallimer-Elliott, then when DH and I got married, I made my mum's maiden name (Dallimer) my middle name, then we used Elliott along with my husband's name of Miles and both became Elliott-Miles.
Now Dallimer is part of my middle name, and it will be part of our baby's middle name as well. He/she will have 5 names in total (1 first, 2 middle, 2 surnames), and as DH and I both have 5 names too, it will all match. It doesn't matter how long it is, there are always ways to vary it and mix and match them, and in the long run it gives your child more variation and choice for when they go through it.

In your situation double barrelling is probably the best way forward, so that you both get to be a part of your child's name.

 

[JJKCB]

double barreled names are quite tacky inho

what if you get married? you child will forever have a different name (although i guess the OP will anyway)

not to mention it says i got knocked up out of wedlock but didn't trust the partner, all mothers i know that double barreled the name where young teen moms and i also dont know a single child with a double barreled name whose parents are still together which i dont think helps the stereotype

pick one name or the other, i sort of wish id chosen my surname as my partner still doesn't want to get married over 5 years later (so i feel left out having a different name) but that would be messing with my child (having to change his name if we did get married and i know how much of a pain in the ass that is when it comes to security checks as you age) and frankly i dont like playing games or using my child as a pawn to get my own way as its pretty selfish

Thanks for the brash comment, but double barrelled names are not tacky - in the UK it is often considered a sign of being middle or upper class, not that class matters, but calling it tacky is rude.

As for the other person who said it's too many names, just pick one - it doesn't really matter so long as you as a parent are comfortable with it. No one should have to drop a name if they don't want to.

I was born with a double barrelled name, and now I'm married and we have a double barrelled name. There's nothing wrong with it.
My name used to be Dallimer-Elliott, then when DH and I got married, I made my mum's maiden name (Dallimer) my middle name, then we used Elliott along with my husband's name of Miles and both became Elliott-Miles.
Now Dallimer is part of my middle name, and it will be part of our baby's middle name as well. He/she will have 5 names in total (1 first, 2 middle, 2 surnames), and as DH and I both have 5 names too, it will all match. It doesn't matter how long it is, there are always ways to vary it and mix and match them, and in the long run it gives your child more variation and choice for when they go through it.

In your situation double barrelling is probably the best way forward, so that you both get to be a part of your child's name.

i dont know what uk you live in but the one i live in its not lol

also our opinions are no less valid than yours, you are being rude by becoming defensive because people dont agree with you

 

[CordeliaJ]

i dont know what uk you live in but the one i live in its not lol

also our opinions are no less valid than yours, you are being rude by becoming defensive because people dont agree with you

Um, not 'people', it's just you, and I wouldn't walk around saying short names are tacky (not least because name length is irrelevant). It is a rude comment, whether you want to accept that or not. A more polite thing to say is that you yourself are not keen on them, or would prefer not to use them. You have no idea who is reading the thread or how many people you may be offending.

Also, ever heard of public and private boarding schools? You will find plenty of double barrelled names in there, all over the UK.

 

[Wriggley]

I am not married to my OH and DS1 has his surname as will DS2

 

[JJKCB]

well i live in the uk and my family are middle class, i grew up in Durham with some of the best schooling and go to a university with many friends from all sort of backgrounds and Ive never met one with a double barreled name there, i have met many school drop outs, young moms and single mother (not that thats wrong with those 3 categories just in general non of the people i know in that catagory have higher than a school education and that helps form a strong stereotype) with double barreled kids names though as i posted before

my comment clearly said 'in my opinion' and backed up why i have that opinion by explaining about the people i know whose children have double barreled names... you are more than welcome to have a different opinion but dont attack me because i disagree that's rather pathetic

stereotypes exists whether you like it or not and around here thats a very well known one

this is a forum asking for opinions if you disagree put that you like double barreled names but dont get on your high horse over me love

 

[CordeliaJ]

Well, on the whole, in the UK, that is not the reason behind double barrelled names.

I give up, this is a pointless argument, just because you say something is your opinion, doesn't stop it from being offensive. It helps just to use a little bit of tact on these forums when phrasing 'your opinion'.

 

[onetwothreebp]

I would give the baby my last name. I'm also the type that doesn't count my chicks before they hatch. If I did marry my partner then, I'd change my name and LO's at the same time.

 

[nickynora]

well i live in the uk and my family are middle class, i grew up in Durham with some of the best schooling and go to a university with many friends from all sort of backgrounds and Ive never met one with a double barreled name there, i have met many school drop outs, young moms and single mother (not that thats wrong with those 3 categories just in general non of the people i know in that catagory have higher than a school education and that helps form a strong stereotype) with double barreled kids names though as i posted before

my comment clearly said 'in my opinion' and backed up why i have that opinion by explaining about the people i know whose children have double barreled names... you are more than welcome to have a different opinion but dont attack me because i disagree that's rather pathetic

stereotypes exists whether you like it or not and around here thats a very well known one

this is a forum asking for opinions if you disagree put that you like double barreled names but dont get on your high horse over me love

I agree sterotypes do exist, but this is not one I have ever personally come across until now!

My son has a double barrelled surname, I'm not a school drop out ( I too went to a good uni!), and I am by no means a teen mum! I did however find myself a single mum for a while but that has nothing to do with my sons surname!

To assume that kids with double barrelled surnames come from broken homes, were born to teen mums or school drop outs is very negative. I bet the vast majority of kids in the UK that belong in those 3 categories do not have double barrelled surnames!!

I also agree that to describe them as tacky is a little insensitive when clearly that is the majority of the advice being given to the original poster! I agree you could have been phrased it a little differently. But there's no excuse for being rude to someone because they disagree with what you're saying!