How do you do it?

[xLeeBeex]

Hey ladies,

Some of you may have seen me around, I've been on BnB since 2010. Very slowly achieving the goals on our list before thinking about starting a family.

Over this lovely four day weekend it's made me really broody, happens most weekends actually lol. Starting to think about it more and more as we tick things off the list and I get a bit panicky.

The last three things on our list are:

- Go on a few more holidays, which we've got planned already.
- Pay off debt, reckon that'll all be gone by about September/October
- Buy a house, that'll probably be happening middle of next year (fingers crossed we can buy the house we're currently renting)
- If we can buy it, ideally we'll need to get an insulated office/shed type thing built in the garden as OH works from home. Maybe get windows done too, but not top priority.

Then we'll be good to go, I'll be 25 by then and OH will be 35.

However, what panics me is work. I've just been promoted to contract manager, and I worry that taking a year out to have a baby is a long time to have off work. I'd also feel like I'm letting my boss down...But I don't want to put having a family on hold just because of my job. To me, a family is more important. But, I don't want to lose a good job or have them replace me. Plus, I'd miss it. But I want to bring up my child and teach them things. I'm very confused about it as you can tell lol.

How do you decide when is the right time? I mean, I could always say that we need to wait a bit longer because of work but I don't want to keep saying that for years lol. The OH has a great job so money wouldn't be an issue but I don't want to rely on just his wages either, so I'll definitely go back to work.

I don't think I've done a very good job of explaining myself lol.

 

[SoBlessedMama]

You sound like you have very specific goals in mind, which is a great thing!! : )

Of course, the timing has to be right for YOU. As for me, I had my dream coaching job right out of college. I coached for 7 years and loved every second of it. Then I unexpectedly got pregnant with DS, who is now 4. As a result, I decided to make the switch from coaching to a classroom, because it is MUCH less time consuming. I miss my dream job. But I have never, not even for one minute, regretted giving it up so that I could have more time with my little boy. For me, that is what was right. And we are now expecting #2 in October and could not be more thrilled!

When the time comes to have a family, you're exactly right--it will be top priority, and everything else will play second fiddle, and fall into place. For us, it was a matter of prayer and knowing our hearts were in the right place.

Its a tough decision, and it has to be the right thing at the right time for you and your OH. Not very straightforward advice, I know lol, but its the truth! : ) until the time is right, just relax and enjoy life.

 

[xLeeBeex]

Thank you, I'm hoping we'll just know.... If OH said to me tomorrow, let's have a baby, I wouldn't give it a second thought. But because I think it's going to be down to me to give a little nudge I might just keep putting it off lol.

 

[SoBlessedMama]

I totally understand!! If #1 hadn't been a surprise, I'm not sure I ever would have been ready lol. But you have plenty of time--I was 27 when I had my son, and will be 32 when this one is born. And while you don't want to wait TOO long, you still have lots of time. No worries. : )

 

[xLeeBeex]

I worry a little because of OHs age, he complains about it's knees now, let alone running round after a little one lol.

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

There's never a right time to have a baby. But their can be a not so good time if that makes sense?

With regards to your job they can't replace you whilst your on mat leave. Legally. They can only replace you if you give notice of not returning. By law they have to offer you the same position/hours/rate of pay.

If you keep looking (and I don't mean you as in you I mean you as a general term) for a reason to put off starting a family you'll always find a reason, the house isn't owned, the savings aren't at 1 million, the curtains in the living room are the wrong colour.

If you've set your own goals and are happy with them then work at them but having a baby doesn't stop goals being achieved.

 

[xLeeBeex]

I think that's what I'd end up doing with regards to the curtains lol. I'll always be able to find an excuse as to why we should wait as will the OH. Will see where we're at around the middle of next year I guess, and just go from there.

Bloody terrifying haha.

 

[RainbowDrop_x]

It is scary!

And I agree with SoBlessedMama if DD wasn't a surprise I'd probably still be without children now. There were changes that had to be made to accommodate having a baby but if I had to do it all again I wouldn't change a thing. Family will always be there, jobs won't.

 

[xLeeBeex]

A surprise wouldn't be an option for us, so it's going to come down to us just saying right, let's give it a go now. Hahaha, my stomach was going over as I wrote that. It won't happen for a while yet anyway as we want to get the house first. But after that, there won't really be anything stopping us. I'll have been in this job as contract manager for a year in April. Plus we'll hopefully be well on the way to having a house then. I do hope that next year is the year that I either come off the pill, or that we actually decide for definite to come off it the following year.

 

[MissN8]

we are the same waiting until we have house improvements done and more money saved but I am coming off the pill end of year due to me being in my 30's. My OH would gladly wait. I don't even think I will have saved as much as I want but as other posters say there will never be a right time and we will just have to make it work. its hard though as we are only trying to do the right thing. at least we are being responsible

 

[SoBlessedMama]

I agree with you ladies!

1) It is scary.
2) There will always be a reason/excuse not to. (Meaning that the time will NEVER be perfect.)
3) It is a wonderful thing to be responsible and wait until you're ready. (As ready as possible lol.)

But having my son, and expecting #2 now are two of the greatest blessings God has ever given me. I wouldn't change a single second of it for anything. : ) So even though the time will not be "perfect" there will be a right time. And it will be awesome when that time gets here for you!!!! : )

 

[Wnt2beAMom]

I am feeling exactly like you Lee, in regards to work...I was so impatient for us to start TTC and DH didn't show much excitement until his BFF announced he is going to be a dad...now it's more my DH dragging me into bed to "make a baby" and he is so freaking excited it makes me scared! haha

We have pretty much got everything done on our "to-do" list, but now I'm worried about letting work down by taking a year off, after they've just given me a great promotion. So it worked out perfectly, because I was hoping to have the promotion before TTC, but now I'm afraid they are going to think "Oh great, we give her a promotion, so she gets knocked up". I really hope they don't "punish" me indiscreetly. I've even wondered if I want to go back to work after the kid is born though...then I'll REALLY be letting them down...

 

[xLeeBeex]

Everyone here is making perfect sense, so thank you all for your replies and it's like you're reading my mind lol.

Ok, buy a house by middle of next year, debt will be gone by then, by April we'll have hopefully been on 4 holidays, so there won't be anything on our list to tick off. There shouldn't be anything holding us back except ourselves lol.

 

[MissN8]

hi leebee, hope you are feeling better about it all. time will fly by sure its nearly may already and I just remember Christmas like it was last week!

 

[xLeeBeex]

Oh I know, time really is flying by! I can't believe it's May next week.