How do you feel about your family being complete?

[pinklizzy]

I don't think I'll ever be at peace with the thought of not having another baby

 

[Dinah93]

In denial. DH has agreed to wait until our youngest is 5 before having a vasectomy in case he changes his mind and decides he would like a third child, but I have a coil so there won't be any surprise baby in the meantime. Both of ours were very prem (28 weeker 1lb 15oz and 29 weeker 2lb 3oz) and the eldest spent 101 days in hospital and had a very scary ride, the youngest not so much, 68 days of mostly feeding and growing apart from one scary night where he didn't feel like doing that breathing nonsense. They are both very happy, healthy and bright children now, and I could be very happy just raising them two, but when I look at our family I just feel there is a piece missing, and I feel like I will always feel that way. It's very hard as DH could have gone either way on having a larger family, but he's so worried I'll get sick like I did in the first pregnancy (severe pre-e, hellp syndrome, hallucinations, bp that wouldn't go down again so I ended up stuck in hospital for 2 weeks in the high dependency centre after my emergency c-section... it was quite an experience). The second time I was extremely closely monitored though and I didn't get sick, my bp was just very high and it was restricting cord flow so he had to come out.

 

[calm]

Dinah, preenclampsia is one of my many reasons not to go for number 3, I found it very scary and traumatic

 

[topsy]

I am sad that we will never have another one in some ways because of the pnd I think ( I don't remember the first 18 months just bits of it about lo first years) and would like to do it again and do it "right" and remember it! ... but DH has said no ( and I do understand and respect ) his decision but its hard. xxxx

 

[Srrme]

I'm very happy with our family. As much as I would love to give my daughter a sister later on, pregnancy is stressful with the risk of premature labor, and the weekly progesterone shots. I'm content with our 4.

 

[Eve]

I feel saddened as ours is for medical reasons due to an irreversible tubal ligation and lack of funds for IVF but I also feel we are in a good place now and it may be for the best... so I guess I feel torn.

 

[sweetcheeks78]

I am done and content with that. We have a big gap between our 2, and I had to work on DH to have DS2 as he would happily have stopped at one. I would have spent my life aching for another if that had happened, it would have been very hard. I feel complete with my 2 gorgeous boys, I have no desire to be pregnant again.

 

[Dinah93]

Dinah, preenclampsia is one of my many reasons not to go for number 3, I found it very scary and traumatic

It is a valid reason, but I didn't get pre-e the second time, I had very high bp (controlled (in the loosest sense of the word) by high dose methyldopa, nifedipine and labetalol, but I spoke to my consultant three times a week by phone or email, we tweaked my medication as we went along, I had twice weekly scans of the umbilical cord to check flow after 20 weeks. My consultants words were that knowing my pattern he'd have to be an idiot to leave me loosely monitored, but there was no reason for me or the baby to be in any danger so long as he did his job right and I accepted I was unlikely to make it past 30 weeks. He told me I had a 90% change of pre-e recurrence given how early it was and that I have existing high bp issues that don't respond well to treatment, but that he would deliver before pre-e hit, which is exactly what we did. When we saw cord resistance go into partial reversal we delivered, blood tests suggested pre-e was about a week away if I'd continued the current trend. Have to say I found it all utterly fascinating, wish more of the NHS could be so tailored. So for me while it's a consideration it's not a deciding factor.

 

[Sinead82]

I'm thrilled my family is complete, I hate being pregnant and really don't enjoy the newborn or early stages, I couldn't face doing it all again, am currently in the thick of it and it's awful!
I love knowing that this is it for us, no more ttc or factoring pregnancy, maternity leave etc into our plans, now we can get on with the rest of our lives as a family of four.

 

[wookie130]

I feel a bit sad, but I know its the right decision. Age, health, finance... everything is against having another baby. I suppose that some sadness is something that will always be there to an extent

This is me as well, to a T.

I think there may always be the "what if" question...my heart wonders, and then the rational/logical side of me knows that I need to be thankful for the two children I do have.

I have to confess that I always get really broody for another depending on where I'm at in my cycle. Around ovulation time, I really start yearning for a tiny baby to hold and snuggle. And then, I get all PMS-y (and as much as it pains me to admit it, and I hate that I'm this way), and I become a really crabby mommy. I almost wonder if I don't need some medication to handle my PMS at times...I'm in the throes of it right now, and I feel like all I've done is nag and bitch at my daughter, and it makes me feel like a horrible mother. PMS is always a slap to the face for me, and it cements the fact that we should be done having kids, because I couldn't possibly put a third child through my God-forsaken mood swings. But, all of this is fueled by the classic Mommy-guilt, and I know my children know that I love them. Hormones definitely effect how I feel on the third-baby front, though. If I'm ovulating, I want another. When PMS hits, I feel unfit for the two that I already have. You get the picture. Ugh.

 

[wookie130]

I'm thrilled my family is complete, I hate being pregnant and really don't enjoy the newborn or early stages, I couldn't face doing it all again, am currently in the thick of it and it's awful!
I love knowing that this is it for us, no more ttc or factoring pregnancy, maternity leave etc into our plans, now we can get on with the rest of our lives as a family of four.

I'm with you on the pregnancy thing. I hated pregnancy. I felt like death warmed over half the time, the weight gain, the weird aches and pains, the lightening crotch, and the constant anxiety...I really was not a good pregnant person, either time. But I do LOVE newborns...if I could just skip pregnancy, and just have a newborn without the pregnancy, I would do it right now. And then I remember that I actually do value sleep, and that my toddlers already wear my quite thin most days.

 

[morri]

I am perfectly fine

 

[mum140381]

i did want number 8 but now we have decided we are complete i feel quite relived x

 

[lusterleaf]

I had my second child 5 months ago and we are done- i'm kinda sad about it. If we were better off financially, I think I would have one more but financially we just can't swing it. My daughter's daycare costs are half of my salary and I can't afford to stay home (as much as I'd like to). Not to mention that my older child is special needs so it would just be too much to handle. But still I can't seem to start giving baby stuff away just yet.

 

[kmbabycrazy]

I really struggle. I have a son (7) from a previous relationship and my daughter (3) with my husband. Before having my daughter we talked about having 4 children (including my son) and after Lily came along he changed his mind and didn't want any more. He is absolutely adamant and unmovable but I am so desperate to have a bigger family. I was 21 when I had my daughter and I never thought I would be done with having kids so long. I hope every day that he will change his mind but I know deep down he won't. I honestly hope that my contraception will just fail me and we fail pregnant. I can't watch things like one born every minute because I just bawl at the thought that will never be me.

Also my daughter was a pretty big baby and I was in agony for most of it. If I'd have known it would be my last pregnancy I would have enjoyed it so much more and not have been so desperate for it just to be done with.

I feel so selfish for feeling like this because I have two beautiful children whilst my sister who is so desperate to have children can't conceive and because she will keep trying different things to get pregnant she can't apply to adopt until she stops (you can't have had any fertility treatment for 12 months before even just applying).

My husband won't even let me be a surrogate for her because

"I hated you when you were pregnant" he couldn't stand that I would moan because my feet were bloated or that I literally felt like she was going to tear me apart when she stretched out from about 35 weeks on. He hated how much I wriggled in bed or would moan that I just wanted her here.

Anyway that's my rant over

 

[mum140381]

hugs kmbaby x

 

[Buttercup84]

I really struggle. I have a son (7) from a previous relationship and my daughter (3) with my husband. Before having my daughter we talked about having 4 children (including my son) and after Lily came along he changed his mind and didn't want any more. He is absolutely adamant and unmovable but I am so desperate to have a bigger family. I was 21 when I had my daughter and I never thought I would be done with having kids so long. I hope every day that he will change his mind but I know deep down he won't. I honestly hope that my contraception will just fail me and we fail pregnant. I can't watch things like one born every minute because I just bawl at the thought that will never be me.

Also my daughter was a pretty big baby and I was in agony for most of it. If I'd have known it would be my last pregnancy I would have enjoyed it so much more and not have been so desperate for it just to be done with.

I feel so selfish for feeling like this because I have two beautiful children whilst my sister who is so desperate to have children can't conceive and because she will keep trying different things to get pregnant she can't apply to adopt until she stops (you can't have had any fertility treatment for 12 months before even just applying).

My husband won't even let me be a surrogate for her because "I hated you when you were pregnant" he couldn't stand that I would moan because my feet were bloated or that I literally felt like she was going to tear me apart when she stretched out from about 35 weeks on. He hated how much I wriggled in bed or would moan that I just wanted her here.

Anyway that's my rant over

So sorry you've found yourself in that situation hope your Dh concedes one day, you're still quite young so time is on your side at least. I always said the only situation in which I'd have a 4th pregnancy would be to be a surrogate for my sister. She's 26 and doesn't want children so not an incredibly likely scenario but I'd do it for her if the need arose.

 

[Eve]

 

[LeoTheLion]

I'm not maternal at all, was one of those 'I don't want kids' but when i fell pregnant with ds1 now 4 it was a happy time and felt right planning to have child 2 was a easy decision because we felt ds1 should have a sibling. In my head there are two of us parents & i have two hands lol .. so many times i get asked 'but don't you want a girl?' err no i'm more than happy with two boys.
second son was a big baby and had shoulder dystocia (no time for pain relief) plus resuscitated twice so had a pretty traumatic time.
Both husband and I are more than happy with two

 

[allforthegirl]

I am mostly done, I really don't want another boy(I LOVE the ones I have), and my likely hood to have another is extremely high. Plus I have haemorrhaged so many times now that it is very likely to happen again and I have such a rare cross match that makes things too dang difficult.

On the other hand I LOVE being pg regardless of the symptoms, aches and pains. I love babies and every thing that goes with that. In reality if we didn't have money worries I may have 10

I am sure I will have good days and bad days