How do you plan on announcing?

[Wish85]

Yes, could you please explain how to be mindful of those with fertility struggles while still having the chance to share our good news? I don't think anyone who announces their pregnancy does so with the intent to rub it in anyone's face or to upset those who struggle to have children!

Everyone is on their own journey & whilst I feel empathy towards those lttttc's or anyone else who can't conceive, that is not my journey so I should be able to announce my good news to whoever I want, however I want & whenever I want without feeling guilty about it.

Don't forget, a lot of people who announce their pregnancies may have had their own struggles to get to that point!

 

[kittykat7210]

Can I butt in?

I am part of a community elsewhere dealing with infertility and loss. Could I make a little plea to the ladies planning to announce at Xmas that they think of the potential for any family members who might be struggling with any of the issues?

I am not saying they won't be delighted for your news, they will be very happy that you are not going through the pain they are, but the announcement will be a little reminder of the pain they are enduring on a daily basis, that maybe they are trying to tuck away for the holidays. In mental health circles it's called a trigger warning, something out of the blue that just puts you in the bad place you were trying so hard to avoid. I was facing last Christmas knowing I should have had a little one with me. I found the Xmas announcements hard.

For some LTTTC women, they go as far as avoiding family events when they are anticipating happy announcements.

In my situation - we will be telling my mum and sister at Xmas because we are a very open family and there is no issue there at all. My DH's family, there is a sibling who came to a long hard decision not to have children because of a severe medical issue, and a couple who are either trying or can't yet for practical reasons. So we will announce to them a few weeks later on a random day in January.

I appreciate the sentiment but as someone who has experienced many losses and long term infertility, I understand the upset but I would never want someone not to announce because of me. Especially during such a joyous occasion as Christmas and new year.

 

[PrettyInInk42]

I'm thinking I'll maybe tell my mom around Valentine's Day (when I'll be about 17+ weeks). And then I can't announce it on FB til after the father knows, which I'm going to try and put off til early April.

 

[Jilliank2005]

Hello - I will try to remember all the points in the above posts to reply to but bear with me - it's 4:15 here and I'm awake with nausea and heartburn.

I am so sorry my post offended people, for not one second did I mean to imply people shouldn't announce or feel bad about doing so. I tried to say that actually most LTTTC will be genuinely happy for their friend or family member. I'm sorry one poster has felt animosity from someone struggling - I guess I always felt most of the frustration was turned inwards against themselves. And I tried to say - albeit clumsily - that it seems to be most people feel sadness at their situation and not the pregnant person.

I probably made the mistake of trying to speak for a lot of people - on the forum I go on the posts comprise women discussing their cycles, their next steps and struggles. They've supported me at my very early stage of fertility treatments and I guess I've been struck by the frequency women feel upset by things never intended to hurt them. I also feel I don't really fit in the group I was trying to protect - I have a child and am pregnant again.

And I certainly wasn't suggesting anyone has ever announces a pregnancy to rub it in anyone's face. I completely get that baby's conceived in one cycle, or accidents are instantly loved and wanted so badly- LTTTCers do not hold a monopoly on wanting a baby!

To the ladies asking how they should tell - well I will not try to speak on behalf if a much larger group of individuals. I think you will know your friend/family member best. Some people prefer a face-to-face and one to one announcement - I think if a loved one has been open about their struggle taking them to one side and actually acknowledging this might be difficult seems to go down well with some people. Some people may prefer to find out in a card - gives them time to process and move through their pain and find the happy. I personally have found announcements via gifts of baby products hard - as handling a baby gro just months after my miscarriage was tough. Some stories express frustration when the pregnant person is describing how annoyed they are at not being able to drink in front of them - when actually you can't drink during IVF and don't always get to take a baby home.

So, I'm going to try to get back to sleep now. Sorry again. What can I say, hormones.

 

[kirstybumx3]

I don't think you need to be sorry. It's difficult to know in which context a post is written online and you do make valid points.
I'm always mindful of other people when I post things online especially but still everyone I have on my friends list (Facebook for example) I feel would be happy for me regardless of the situation.
I ttc #1 for 3 years and ok that's not long compared to many but it felt that way, and although I was a bit sad when others announced I'd never want them not to iykwim. That's their special time and I knew I'd do the same one day if I got the chance to.
I was severely jealous for the longest time of people who had healthy term babies when I had to spend my first 2 months as a mother on neonatal, but again I'd never wish for someone not to post their squishy newborn photos at home as a family.
It's impossible to please everyone all of the time unfortunately. I hope I don't sound heartless saying that. It's not intended to come across that way.

 

[Girly922]

I think you're right that it boils down to the friend/family member involved. One of my best friends has been ttc for 5 years so far. I got my bfp the day before I went to stay with her. The first thing I did was tell her before we went out. I know her, and I know how much more upset she'd be if I tried hiding it from her. That being said, everyone is different.
We are not announcing on Facebook purely because everyone who we want to know, will be told in person.

 

[Gagrlinpitt]

Girly we are the same. We aren't announcing anything on Facebook until the baby is born.

As far as telling friends and family.. We told one of my good friends who is currently struggling with medical issues and needing to loose weight before she wants to ttc for her second child. When she found out that me and my two best friends are all expecting.. She got really sad and upset and left the place we were at. While I totally feel bad for her, Its also frustrating for me as we had a loss in July and I had to watch her and fourteen other friends be pregnant last year when we really wanted a baby.