How important is it to have a father present in a family?

[AirForceWife7]

EDIT: This pretty much came out ALL wrong

 

[tallybee]

It depends what you mean by 'father'

My children know my OH as their dad, they know he's not the dad that helped mummy make them, but he is daddy. They know the truth about that.

T's bio dad is dead and H's bio dad is a complete loser who does drugs, doesn't have a fixed abode, has been to jail, pushed me around when pregnant, has multiple other kids by different women, couldn't even turn up to the once a month visitations set down by solicitors (only turned up a handful of times), kept disappointing her, never even remembered her birthday and paid £5 a week maintenance for a handful of months.

In my opinion it's far better that he keeps the hell away, which he has done - by his own choice - for over a year now. There was no positive and a ton of negatives attached to his visits. I would say the same thing even if single (which I was for time vefore meeting OH and fob was useless then too).

My OH on the other hand, loves both my children as his own, thinks of them all the time and is as a father should be.

Having OH in the childrens lives is a very positive thing. Having a bio 'dad' involved can actually be a very negative thing. Just because they knocked a woman up does not mean they are a positive influence for a child, I know this from experience

 

[justlove]

Not important whatsoever. Families come in all shapes and sizes. If a child is in a loving enviroment it doesn't matter if that consists of just a father,mother, both or even same sex relationships.

 

[Miss Wright]

As long as children are surrounded by people that love them and care for them - that's what matters x

 

[Blah11]

I came from a 'broken' home too but tbh I dont think it made any difference. I think a father figure can be a fabulous thing if the father is a stable and constant figure in a childs life and they dont necessarily need to be living with the children to be just that. 2 happy parents who live apart and adore their children is a million times better than growing up in a miserable household as is growing up with just 1 parent instead.

idk what you mean by 'holds down the house' and i certainly dont agree with them being the sole discipliner?! Its generally whoever spends the most time with the child which 9/10 is the mother.

 

[punk_pig]

There are advantages to having a more rough and tumble influence who uses less baby talk and plays 'risk' type games but uncles, granddads, male friends etc can all do this, it doesn't have to be biological dad. However I do think that when kids show an interest in knowing about where they came from it can be damaging to withhold information and freedom of choice from them (age appropriacy born in mind).

 

[LeeBee]

Not important whatsoever. Families come in all shapes and sizes. If a child is in a loving enviroment it doesn't matter if that consists of just a father,mother, both or even same sex relationships.

agree

 

[Sarahkka]

I know so many well-adjusted, successful people that were raised by single mums. In all honesty, I think that insisting on some sort of non-existent "norm" of a nuclear family as the model to which all other families must be held up to and compared is beyond silly. It's great to have positive role models/parental influences of both sexes, but it certainly isn't a necessity for raising a healthy happy human being.

 

[lesleyann]

I dont think it matters, as long as the child is looked after and cared for but knows right from wrong i dont care if the parents are aliens anymore than if there is a father involed

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I definitely don't think it is important to have the kind of father that 'keeps the kids in line' and is the sole discipliner, that sounds really negative and controlling and definitely not something I place any value on.

 

[Blah11]

I definitely don't think it is important to have the kind of father that 'keeps the kids in line' and is the sole discipliner, that sounds really negative and controlling and definitely not something I place any value on.

I'm glad im not the only one who was at that sentence!

 

[Button#]

I agree with Punk-Pig. A male role model doesn't have to come from a father or even step father. Grandfathers, Uncles, Cousins can all provide a masculine influence in a child's life. The main thing is that there is support available in whatever form for both mother and child.

Also both parents should be able to discipline their child, it shouldn't be left to the father.

 

[Laura2919]

In my opinion its important to have a man in your life that is a father figure but it doesnt have to be a dad. I know lots of people who came from broken homes and they are just fine. They either have a stepdad, an uncle or a family friend that they see as a father figure.

I am very lucky, I come from a home with married parents, they have been married now for 33 years and I have in my opinion a fantastic dad, he is there to support me no matter what. He is such a great dad and a great grandad we couldnt ask for better. I am very thankful I have such a close family, my mum, dad, brother, sister and myself talk all the time.

I do believe having some form of father figure in your life is important for lots of reasons. But I do understand its not always the case and it doesnt mean that you dont have a great life without one.

 

[moomin_troll]

i come from a "broken" home but im glad i do as im glad my scumbag dad was never in my life! i grew up with my mum and never felt like i needed a dad and i didnt have a father figure and i no i didnt need one. just like some children dont need their mothers.

my plan was that i was married and my kids would have both of us, even if we split up they would always have their dad in their lives because i no hed make the effort to be there.

but life doesnt go to plan, i have no choice for my children to now grow up without their dad. they wont no any different so i really dont think they will feel they are missing out even tho i no they are because their dad wasnt a scumbag like mine

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

Is it just me that hates the expression 'broken home'? Well, I come from one, but my dad has always stayed in my life, but he is important because of who HE is as a person, not because he is a 'father figure' whatever that really means.

 

[KittyVentura]

Very important.

I believe a child really ideally needs the balanced parenting that 2 parents together can provide. Whether that be a mum and a dad, 2 mums, 2 dads or however it goes. Wherever possible the "father" should remain active in the childs life & the parents should put their own differences aside to permit this. The parent may have shown themselves to be abusive and only warrant supervised visits etc but should remain if possible.

However in some situations it is in the best interests of the child to remove a parent from their life. Be it mother or father... if they are known to be a true risk to the child.

I've known plenty of people who have grown up under the influence of only one parent and they are no less balanced individuals than those that grew up with both parents... So I do not believe it to always be detrimental to only have one parental figure. However if you look at how valuable your own guidance, love and support is to a child... it makes it very easy and clear to see that having 2 parental figures present to provide this is going to be beneficial.

xx

 

[sequeena]

I too come from a broken home, and considering my 'start' in life I think I've turned out very well

My biological father beat me and my disabled mother. They finally split in the mid 90s when I was around 8 years old. It was just me and her for a couple of years when my ex step father came on the scene mid 2000.

He sexually abused me from 10-20 (lessening in degree over the years but the bulk of abuse was probably 10-16) and nobody suspected a thing... at least they say they never knew anyway.

He was arrested in March last year, a month before I turned 21 and I went a bit 'loopy' when everyone found out about the abuse. Self harm, overdose etc. I fell into a really bad depression. I think I'd been depressed for a long time but pushed it so far back that I never thought about it. When I was finally forced to confront what happened I lost the plot.

Sadly he was found not guilty in December 2010 but he's out of my life now as are my sister and niece who decided that was the time to tell me how much they hated me etc. They said some pretty vile things

I only really have my OH now. My mother keeps trying to be involved in my life but I like to keep her at arms length.

But in answering the question... yes 2 parents are probably better than 1 but I don't think it's essential in bringing up a child. I do want Thomas to have both a mum and dad who love each other and most importantly love him no matter what It's the one thing I know I will succeed at... I might never go back to Uni or have a high paying job but I will be the best mum I can be.

 

[moomin_troll]

I too come from a broken home, and considering my 'start' in life I think I've turned out very well

My biological father beat me and my disabled mother. They finally split in the mid 90s when I was around 8 years old. It was just me and her for a couple of years when my ex step father came on the scene mid 2000.

He sexually abused me from 10-20 (lessening in degree over the years but the bulk of abuse was probably 10-16) and nobody suspected a thing... at least they say they never knew anyway.

He was arrested in March last year, a month before I turned 21 and I went a bit 'loopy' when everyone found out about the abuse. Self harm, overdose etc. I fell into a really bad depression. I think I'd been depressed for a long time but pushed it so far back that I never thought about it. When I was finally forced to confront what happened I lost the plot.

Sadly he was found not guilty in December 2010 but he's out of my life now as are my sister and niece who decided that was the time to tell me how much they hated me etc. They said some pretty vile things

I only really have my OH now. My mother keeps trying to be involved in my life but I like to keep her at arms length.

But in answering the question... yes 2 parents are probably better than 1 but I don't think it's essential in bringing up a child. I do want Thomas to have both a mum and dad who love each other and most importantly love him no matter what It's the one thing I know I will succeed at... I might never go back to Uni or have a high paying job but I will be the best mum I can be.

thats disgusting! the so called justice system in this country is shocking.

 

[sequeena]

I think after 10 years it was just a case of my word against his and sadly it went in his favour.

 

[anna matronic]

My son has never met his dad. I don't see that changing. I am the sole parent, sole bread winner, sole home maker, sole disipliarian.

Ask my son in 20 years time if it is important, for him who knows, but I belive that I am giving him a solid, safe, well rounded upbringing x