How to ask family to give less?

[misspriss]

Okay, I love Christmas, and family, and well thought out meaningful gifts. But my husband's family gives a ton of cheap, plastic, branded toys that I dislike. I keep having to weed out toys from DS, and now we have DD this year too. I am trying to cut back.

How can I ask my inlaws to limit themselves to one or two quality toys per child? Is this even possible? And they are over at our house at least 1-2 times per week, so it's not like I can just not keep things I don't like, lest they be offended.

I also only plan to get one big item per child and a few small ones, I don't want grandma and grandpas gifts to outshine our family celebration, if that makes sense. I want my son to value the few things we get him, not get all excited about the heaps of stuff he gets there...

I guess I just need to be honest with my MIL about it, but it's such an awkward conversation.

 

[catty]

STALKING! MIL actually gives them more than u do and it makes me feel like I should be buying more but I dont want them getting hundreds of meaningless toys.

Iv seen a wooden farmset I like and a few other dearer bits. I might just say the kids would really like it but iv bought their pressies if she is needingany ideas theyd like that. dont want to look cheeky though

 

[misspriss]

Yeah, in addition to not wanting so many meaningless toys we are super strapped for cash this year too so it's not like we could afford more toys so it's like a double whammy.

 

[wtbmummy]

For us its my family that gets cheapy easily breakable gifts. That or its nothing n there are a lot of them which means we spend out quite a bit even though they dont
so this year we have told them we are not doing gifts to anyone and dont expect any in return. I am making a few batches of fudge in different flavors n will give them a few bits each. (Theres 5 in their household)
hope that helps??

 

[DCS]

We just told OHS mum. It helps that she is lovely and we get on. We were honest and just said that ds got overwhelmed by the amount of stuff he had to unwrap and got stressed out at how much there was in the living room. We asked if she would mind cutting back a little and buying a few wooden toys instead. She now buys a lot less and put some money into the accounts she has set up for them.

 

[misspriss]

For us its my family that gets cheapy easily breakable gifts. That or its nothing n there are a lot of them which means we spend out quite a bit even though they dont
so this year we have told them we are not doing gifts to anyone and dont expect any in return. I am making a few batches of fudge in different flavors n will give them a few bits each. (Theres 5 in their household)
hope that helps??

These are grandparents and their only grandchildren, so no it doesn't! We do exchange cheap gifts with the extended family but it's one gift per child and it's not like they would know if we never played with them. Grandparents on the other hand expect no gifts from us, but shower DS with toys even when it's not a birthday / holiday!

 

[leoniebabey]

I would just say something like your really strapped for storage this year so could they stick to one or two toys and maybe give them a couple of suggestions or ask would they like to see their lists and they can choose themselves to suit there budget.

 

[kksy9b]

I just outright told my parents that we would only like him to have one toy gift but can also do books if they want to. They wound up getting him more but checked with me first. Part of the issue last year was we were getting ready to pack up our house and move in January and they understood we needed less to move. This year might be more difficult. So I set up a wish list on amazon and am sending it out to those that would get him something so they have an idea. Maybe that could be an option? Ask them to purchase from the list so that you can control what he is getting a bit more?

 

[Mum21boy1girl]

we get money from the Inlaws to buy stuff for the kids, so luckily we don't have this problem.
i would talk to them and tell them you are trying to cut back on clutter and maybe see if they can give you some gift vouchers, or tickets to a theme park, zoo etc?

 

[misspriss]

we get money from the Inlaws to buy stuff for the kids, so luckily we don't have this problem.
i would talk to them and tell them you are trying to cut back on clutter and maybe see if they can give you some gift vouchers, or tickets to a theme park, zoo etc?

Yeah I guess I'm just going to have to have a weird conversation, I can't help but think MIL is going to take it personally for some reason.

She knows we are trying to downsize, cut back on spending, and reduce clutter. I will just mention how his toys barely fit that he has now and suggest they go maybe with the voucher/gift card idea? That would actually be a good idea I think.

 

[motherofboys]

I would go with lack of space and also say "I hope you don't mind the suggestion, but they are really loving x y or z at the moment, I think they'd really love to get that from you"

 

[cocosianelle]

I find this incredibly difficult because both our parents are split up so we have 4 grand parents all buying presents for her. I've always tried to stick to the rule of 1 toy and then clothes if they want to buy anything else. I made a joke last year that anything more than 1 toy would be going back to their house.

I also set up an Amazon wish list which seems to go down pretty well but again its hard to tell them to stick to one toy and leave some for the rest of the grand parents.

 

[misspriss]

I find this incredibly difficult because both our parents are split up so we have 4 grand parents all buying presents for her. I've always tried to stick to the rule of 1 toy and then clothes if they want to buy anything else. I made a joke last year that anything more than 1 toy would be going back to their house.

I also set up an Amazon wish list which seems to go down pretty well but again its hard to tell them to stick to one toy and leave some for the rest of the grand parents.

Oh they already have probably 3x as many toys at their house, there is no shortage there, that would probably just encourage them to give more toys and just "keep it at our house". Still doesn't solve the issue of the fact that we can't afford or desire to get him a lot of toys, so it would make me feel bad if they got him a ton of toys. He's a child and doesn't understand, he just thinks NeNe gets him lots of toys and mommy and daddy only got him one.

 

[c1403]

I have to be strict this year, we have NO ROOM.

As much as I am Christmas crazy my house is just getting too full of random toys. It is mainly myself, my mum and sister that go a bit mad so we have all decided to work together off a list I have put together for both DD. (keeping mainly to their toy kitchen, Lego duplo and play Mobil).

I also have lots of aunts and uncles that like to buy a gift so have also jotted down a list for them to choose from. Obviously I tell them they are under no obligation and I give them ideas of the girls interests etc. Doing things this way has never been a problem. I'd rather not have money as they girls do not really understand it and would much rather a present to open. Bubble bath is a huge hit here!

It's OH family that drive me batty lol. They ask me what they like etc and get the complete opposite, do not really think of their age or anything. Luckily we do not see them often so I can hide it away, unless the girls do like it. For example, on their birthdays MIL and SIL got my youngest three baby dolls and my eldest got two easels. Obviously not much communication going on there.

Just a thought, maybe put together a letter to Santa and send it round to relatives. Some may find it rude and some may find it helpful. Even if they don't choose anything off the list they may get an idea of what sort of things your child likes etc

 

[buttons1]

I have suggested to family they buy my daughters annual pass to Longleat instead of presents as she will get lots of use and happiness out of that all year. Also money in bank account as well as a few but to open