How young is too young to start trying?

[3boys]

My husband and i had our first baby when i was 20, my second when i was 21, my 3rd when i was 24 and i am pregnant now. this baby wasnt planned, the rest were. I have to say i have no regrets but motherhood is a lot tougher than i imagined. I wouldn't change it for the world but at the same time i think you really need to know what your getting into. trying to cope with day to day life when you haven't had much sleep is tough and also i have to say it can be very lonely. I think its a personal choice that is different for everyone. Also i would say that your relationship has to be really strong as it is very stressful bringing up children.

 

[Danielle21x]

Hey every1 I'm 21 and would love me and my bf to have a child together we are best friends which u don't find often! I think teens is too young to try to conceive and i am not against abortion when it comes to these circumstances either. It really is down to the individual!! So I 2nd that!! xx

 

[Newly Broody]

I agree with you all that there's no "right age" for everyone. At the same time I think there's a few reasons to not start TTC too early in life.

First: In your late teens and early twenties, you're still finding yourself. It might not feel like you are at the time but I think most people would agree that they were looking back. I think planning a child too early means you miss out on some great life experiences (such as travelling, uni, your dream career...). And what feels right to you at 19 might not be right for you at 35. That goes for partners as well, as people change so much between 15 and 25 and a lot of previously stable relationships break up in this time.

Second: I think it's absolutely essential that you can support yourself and your child. So I think you should have a steady job or preferably a degree or some training. Of course some people achieve this by the time they are 18 but I think usually it means waiting till your mid-twenties. I think if you're still dependant on anyone else, such as your parents or the state, then it's too early to TTC.

Third: Babies should grow up in stable families. Personally I wanted to be married before I start TTC but I don't think a marriage license automatically means that your relationship is stable (or the lack of one that it isn't). I just think you should be very very sure that you and your partner are fully and utterly commited. Of course a relationship can always break up but I think you should only bring a baby into a realtionship if you're as sure as you can be that it's going to last.

If I apply all these things to me, then it would have been too early for me to have kids before my mid-twenties (and I waited for those reasons, despite the old biological clock ticking away in my ears). But I think it's important to remember that some people have achieved all these things by say 22 while others may not have them into their 30s. So it's not about age but about getting your life in a place where it's ready to accomodate a child.

Sorry ladies, I'm joining the conversation a bit late, and I'll admit I haven't read all the post, but Amygdala hit the nail on the head for me here.

 

[vermeil]

Hey everyone!

i *personally* think the perfect age to have kids is after 25.

With that said, here's the obligatory disclaimer before ya all get upset as obviously some have been at some of the replies:

-the thread title clearly invites people to come give their *opinion*. If it's not an answer you agree with, well then isn't is great that we're all different =p

-I *personally* think people should finish their studies, get a stable job, visit the world a bit before having a family. Yes yes I know quite a few who had kids straight out of highschool and are GREAT parents and PERFECTLY happy. That's not what I would *personally* do.

-I think the average age of visitors WTT is young so that will of course influence replies here.

With that said, hope your family plans turn out just like you want!

-sour old woman of 37

 

[bodacious]

I'm not going to try to give a universal age, because everyone is different. For us, we know what we want out of life and know that wtt until July is what we want. We will be married with a good, steady income. qe want to start early because we want 4 kids spaced at lesst 3 years apart, and if we wait too long, we will be treading unsafe territory by the last one if we wait too long. I will be 20 and oh will be 22 by the time we conceive. Some might think this is too young but its just right for us.

 

[stargirl69]

From a personal point of view I wanted to be at an age where I had my own home with plenty of room to bring up my family in a nice area with a good local school, I wanted to have money in savings, for my husband and I to have been together a good number of years, to have enjoyed travelling and the time just the two of us, for us both to have good secure jobs etc. For us we didn't reach that time until our late 20s, so before that we wouldn't have tried. (The last few years were a very frustrating wait but I'm glad we waited).

For others though, having a baby is all they aspire to do with their life and so, therefore, are ready as soon as they are in a serious relationship. So if that's when they're 16 well that's up to them. Everyone is different! It wouldn't do if we were all the same, and you can't force anyone to see things the way you do.

I think people have the potential to be good mothers no matter what their age. It's their character that is the most important thing.

 

[helent1983]

I don't think you can put an age on TTC as everyone's situation is different. I wanted a baby since I was about 15 but only just had my first 7 month ago. (I am nearly 27). When I look back I am glad I didn't have a baby earlier as I wouldn't have been able to do all the things I wanted to do like college, work saving up etc.

Hope I am ok asking this but why doesn't this forum support under 18s TTC? The law says you can have sex from 16 so obviously you can get pregnant from 16 (by law). Just wondered?

Thanks

xx

 

[JASMAK]

I think 10 is too young! sorry...just had to add mine. I know, I am a smart a$$

 

[cupcake123]

I don't think you can put an age on TTC as everyone's situation is different. I wanted a baby since I was about 15 but only just had my first 7 month ago. (I am nearly 27). When I look back I am glad I didn't have a baby earlier as I wouldn't have been able to do all the things I wanted to do like college, work saving up etc.

Hope I am ok asking this but why doesn't this forum support under 18s TTC? The law says you can have sex from 16 so obviously you can get pregnant from 16 (by law). Just wondered?

Thanks

xx

Its not a worldwide consent age; in many states in America it is 17 or 18, so I guess that this is the reason.

 

[Althara]

In my frank opinion, unless you can afford to support your child, you shouldn't be trying to conceive one. Accidents happen certainly, but blatent totally unprotected sex before you're in a situation to provide for a child is silly, immature and totally selfish. In my opinion.

Naturally everyone's opinion of what 'provide for' means is different xD If you and your parents are happy raising a child in your parent's house, then so long as you can afford the basics your baby will need, go for it!

Beyond the legal limitations, I don't think it's age that's important; rather your own personal cirumstances and stability

 

[aliss]

For me, 25

There are plenty of great yummy mummys that are not even 20 I wasn't one of them!

 

[venusrockstar]

I think over the age of 24 is a good place to start. I think schooling and education are very important as well as establishing a good stable career. I think you would be more "grounded" to provide for a child. I personally waited until I was 29 to start trying for our first because I was in no state to provide for a child previous. I have a wonderful full-time career in insurance with full health benefits, I'm married to the man I've been with going on 9 years now. We've had time to work on and sort out all our relationship issues. We also used to live in a VERY BAD neighbourhood. Last April we bought our very first home in a wonderful family-oriented neighbourhood with 2 schools and a park at the end of our street.

This is just my personal opinion from MY situation. Please don't anyone take offence. I'm sure when baby's are unplanned etc, people arrange to provide the best life they can for their child and I'm sure there are TONS of great young mother's out there. I'm not knocking being a young mom, just saying it's better to wait for some people.

 

[lesleyann]

i think it should not matter tbh well atlest 16 since thats the legal age to have sex. But aslong as you are mature and 1 of the 2 parents has a job idont see aproblem with it.

I was 16 when i get pregnant not TTC 17 by the time i had my son and 18 now and i do not regret 1 thing it has made me a better person as a whole and make some changes i needed to make. My Oh was 19 when i got pregnant and 20 now and will be 21 2days after our Lo's 1st.. He has a job, i was at college and we rent our own house **non council**.

Every person/couple is different there should be no age set within reason as i said above under 16's TTC NO because under 16 you are not even legally aloud to have sex but i think once you are old enough to legally have sex then thats up to you tbh.some familys have medical reasons that mean by the age of 24 they may no longer be able to have children of there own, Some people it will take years to concive and they no this so they start before the "norm" opinion would say they should.

As long as the baby is well looked after and has love and a roof over there head and ok not TTC while on 100% state help i do not see the problem at all.

 

[MiissMuffet]

I know 25+ year olds that are mentally too young, or just arn't secure enough to try for a baby so it isn't always age. x

 

[Mummy2Asher]

i think everyone should choose when they want to have children becuase its everyones own choice!
i dont agree with ttc under 16 for legal reasons but i think its so unfair young mums get classed as the worser mums?
i had my son 2months after i turned 16 and have had many rows with people about being too young to have my son and being a single mum. but im doing it, loving every second and wonder sometimes why people say motherhood is hard? im 3.5yrs in and still cant believe i have the most perfect lil boy, and we are so close.
so now im nearly 20 and having baby no2 and havnt questioned once if i was too young. i plan to have all my children by the time im 30 so i have a long time to watch them grow up and chase them round feilds and take them swimming and everywhere else they wana go.

 

[nightkd]

I'm 19, DH is 22. For us, that was the perfect age to start trying.

x

 

[Lucy_lu_84]

I think it's a personally thing...some 25 years olds are not mature enough to have a child. I know a few and i know a girl who had her first at 16 second a few years later and is an amazing Mum. Age doesn't say whether or not u are ready of if u will be a good mum!

Personally for me 23 was the perfect age to start trying, but that was because I was with me DH for a few years, we were marredi (not that that is important) and for us it waas the right time in our relationship.

 

[cdejdemommy]

I haven't read through all the posts. All I can tell you is that it all depends on the person and the situation the person is in.

As far as I'm concerned my teenage days were over as soon as I turned 14. My dad left us so my mom had to go back to work. I have 2 younger sisters and a younger brother. I was left to take care of them. I cooked their dinners, I cleaned the house, I helped with homework, etc. All of this after coming home from my freshman year of high school. My school work suffered for it. I ended up failing two classes my sophomore year because I was too tired to study after doing all of the things the MOM in the family is supposed to do while the DAD is going out and bringing home the bacon. I was drained.

I finished up my schooling and got my high school diploma but it took me one extra year. In the mean time, when I was 16 years old I met a wonderful boy. He was 19 at the time and we had marriage plans less than 6 months after we started dating. We knew we'd be together forever.

Two weeks after I turned 19 years old I got married to the man of my dreams.
One year and 2 months later we decided the time was right for us. We both had stable jobs and a loving, trusting, committed relationship. For us, it was the perfect time for the next step.

We welcomed my first son into the world just one month shy of me turning 21. He became my life. I had always thought I felt mentally and physically prepared to have a baby - from the time I got married. Having a baby changes you though (at least, if you let it... if you're a GOOD parent). If you allow that love for your child to fill up your heart that is when you are able to take good care of them. Regardless of the circumstances of life. When I was 2 months pregnant with my first I lost my job. These are unforeseen things that you should be prepared for but sometimes can't be. Life doesn't work out according to our plans sometimes. We had some tough financial times while I was pregnant with him because of this and we couldn't pay our rent. We moved in with my mom from the time I was 4 months pregnant with him until he was 4 months old. It wasn't bad. We were happy to be back out on our own again when my husband finally found a second job but the most important thing when you have a baby is the LOVE you have for him or her and the stability of the marriage between you and your spouse.

Going through those stresses helped us become stronger people and we have more to offer our kids because of it. One month after we moved out of my mom's house I got pregnant with my 2nd. I had him one month after turning 22.

I do not, in any way, shape, or form regret having my kids at the time of life that I had them. They are my life. Everything else pales in comparison to them. Everything else is SO petty. When my oldest son was one month old and I turned 21 my friends told me that they wanted to take me out on the town for my 21st. I politely declined and stayed at home nursing my one month old baby. Yes, there are sacrifices but to me - once you have that love for your baby - the sacrifices you make don't even feel like sacrifices.

I don't believe you have to wait until you are in your mid-late twenties like a lot of people do. I believe that pushing 30 is even more unnecessary and anything after 35 is (to me) kind of risky. I know that people want to get their educations first and that's fine. It's also fine to want to start a career, etc. or buy a house or whatever it is you wanna do but for *us* and for *me* there was never a better time. My husband works really hard to provide for our family and I do what I can when I can but we have 2 beautiful children, our own cozy little 4 bedroom house, a loving relationship, a committed marriage, a fenced in yard and plenty of food in our pantry and fridge. We are happy as can be. The thing about having a child is that THEY mature YOU. I hear a lot of people say "we're not old enough, we're not mature enough..." well, for *ME* having my children and placing them as first priority in my life not only has made me a humble person but a mature one. It opened my eyes to a whole new world and opened a door to my heart that I never knew was there.

Everything in life is more important now. Child abuse makes me cringe more now than it ever did before. When I hear about murders or robberies all I can do is shake my head and wonder what that person's mother must think.

My life is dedicated to making the future brighter for my children. It makes you want to work in your community even more to improve it, it makes you sick to your stomach to see graffiti on walls or litter in the streets. It matures you in ways that you cannot even understand until you've actually been there. Until you actually hold that little bundle of HOPE and experience in your arms - you'll never be ready.

As I like to describe it - it's like trying to prepare for a tornado. A tornado that sweeps through your life but instead of destroying everything in it turns it completely around and makes it 100% better - puts your life in a beautiful place... one you never even knew existed.

I'm sorry this was a novel. In conclusion - I think anytime after your teens is a good time if you are stable in your relationship, are making good choices for your life and have your finances lined up. Babies don't need frilly dresses and the most expensive stroller on the market. All they need is a place to call home, breastmilk, and diapers... but most importantly - LOVE.

 

[JCsquaredd]

"Too early" depends upon a lot of factors. I suppose it isn't as much about age as it is financial and relationship stability. That being said, most really young couples do not have either a secure job or a secure relationship, that's why the general belief among many people is that teens and early twenty-somethings are "too young" to have children. I believe that education is the most important thing someone can (and should) do for themselves, so in an ideal fantasy world, I think people should go to college before they have children. The stress of a baby can be overwhelming which is why, statistically speaking, the reported happiest times in a couple's relationship is BEFORE having children and AFTER they've grown up and moved out.

 

[aliss]

I had a full time govt job at 19 and owned my own home at 20. Even making $80k/yr, I was nowhere near ready mentally. I don't think finances are as big an issue. My parents never had enough money to give us more than ramen noodles and rice but my mother was the best darn mom ever. She may have 17 when she married but her head was on a lot straighter than mine at 23!