How young is too young to start trying?

[Alexas Mommy]

And sorry for the rant, just got a bit cross there

we all do now and then when we read/hear ignorant peoples judgements and opinions.

 

[CamoQueen]

I'd say under 18, you should never be TTC. Over that, I can't really say, because people vary so widely in their maturity levels. I've known 18 and 19 year olds that go out and get shit-faced every night, and ones who work really hard to put themselves through college. I think I would have to take a person and look at them one-on-one before I could say, "You're too young to be TTC". And even then, I could be wrong. People can surprise you.

 

[AP]

Yes, we all know a couple of people who scrounge of benefits because they are lazy asses who think they shouldn't have to work, and have no intention of ever looking for work, but I don't think most people are like that.

It's a shame, because i can get very bitter about this still. i was very narrow minded about younger people TTC , purely because EVERY young person i know has got pregnant on the intention of not ever working, and just to get a council house or trap their boyfriend. I'm not kidding you, there are way too many people out there that do that.

I had trouble concieving and keeping my lil ones so it was eay for me to be bitter towards some people. I know, its nasty, i feel awful for it, but emotions got in my way sometimes.

After joining BabyAndBump I have become much more open minded and appreciate hearing others stories which just arent quite like the above. I was quick to judge every one like that, and tar everyone with the same brush. I was wrong. But I didnt bring those judgements to this forum!!
I agree that a few members seem to be very harsh and critical.

 

[AP]

knew i shouldn't have come back to this thread. Gets right on my wick that someone thinks they can determine the age at which I am most mature. I am upset and offended. My own stupid fault for coming back to this thread mind.

No its not, and you are totally within your right. now get your ass back here lil lady!!! I didnt quite relise someone had gripes with people under 22 TTC. To me, that just seems like the normal age?.xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[x-amy-x]

Ah... well. I haven't actually replied with my opinion on the opening question. I think 18+ is a good age as any to TTC given your personal circumstances ie, own home, job, secure relationship. Baring in mind that some 30+ year olds do not have those things. Age is just a number but i think that under 18 IS still very young and there's things you haven't likely sorted out yet. For example, money or housing.

On the other hand, i am in no way, shape or form, saying that under 18s can't make good parents. Stuff happens and the majority of us would make the best of a hard situation. to all us young mums who get judged by so so many just because of our age!

I had a collegue at work the other day tell me there was no way i was old enough to be a mum, i'm still only a bairn myself. I dont think she realised just how offending her words were. I AM a mum and i DO have a daughter. And god, she's one of the best things that's ever happened to me and I do NOT regret her one teeny weeny bit for my princess

 

[sparkswillfly]

Surprise Surprise she hasnt been back on to apologise to all the people she offended...

 

[lozzy21]

Surprise Surprise she hasnt been back on to apologise to all the people she offended...

Because she dosent see/care that her oppinions are closed minded so she dosent think she had anything to appologise for.

If i think the commet im about to put could cause offence i allways appologise before iv even said it.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Surprise Surprise she hasnt been back on to apologise to all the people she offended...

she obviously doesn't think that her posts offend and/or she isn't bothered

 

[Alexas Mommy]

Surprise Surprise she hasnt been back on to apologise to all the people she offended...

she obviously doesn't think that her posts offend and/or she isn't bothered

From what I gather, she thinks she is simply "telling the truth" but to be honest, I don't think she knows how to tell the truth, without offending, and when she thinks she is only telling the truth, most of the time she is actually stating an opinion based on her ignorance, and lack of experience in certain areas of life. I don't mean that to be rude, it is just something I have noticed with her posts. Just ignore it, because she obviously is not going to change, or apologize, and honestly, why bother getting bent out of shape over someone who disrespects you due to any life experience right? It's annoying but what can we do.
to everyone she has offended.

 

[tasha41]

I don't think there's an absolute right age but I tell my friends not to try to have babies until they're like 24.. and that's the age I want to be when I have my next baby I think.

Everyone's different, but if I had my first at that age rather than 19, I'd be done college, I'd be working (hopefully) full time and have nice benefits, I'd be more likely to be married, have experienced things I haven't and might not get to now (certain vacations, partying in some regards, maybe some more dating, who knows).. I'd be moved out on my own, etc. The main thing I regret is not 'enjoying' my time, pre-pregnancy, with my OH enough.. I wish I got to hog him all to myself a little longer and that we had more time to fall in love and do couple stuff before complicating things with a baby.

Don't get me wrong, I looooooooooove Elyse so, so, so much, and I grew up pretty damn fast and I've matured a lot from the girl I was before I found out I was pregnant, but I feel like I could have been more prepared. I would have liked to have been more independent first.. I still have a lot of growing up to do.

It's hard as hell to deal with being a new mom for the first time at any age but I think it's tougher when you're young. My dad put me down a lot while I was pregnant so it's harder for me to ask for help now, I feel like I have to prove to him that I can do it. And I can.. but I do need help sometimes, and I know I should be able to ask for it rather than sit around hoping someone will offer it. And I think that speaks of my maturity level a bit; I know that because of the way things are with my dad, because we butt heads (it's not TOTALLY his fault but I'll say it mainly is his lol) that I need to grow up, because it's juvenile behaviour.

I don't know if I worry about how my hair looks, and I put on make up before I go out and worry about looking nice in terms of clothing and because I hate the way my body looks and I obsess over whether or not I look fat or if my shirt shows my bandages and hate my stretch marks because of my AGE or if it's just every mom..

I know I rambled quite a bit but there you go, reasons I say 24ish is a good age to start!

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

Aria correct me if im wrong but youv been trying 10 years but u said somewhere u was pregnant at 18.. i no you had a m/c but that makes u pregnant as a teen so dont you think your being a bit of a hypocrit?

 

[Pyrrhic]

Aria correct me if im wrong but youv been trying 10 years but u said somewhere u was pregnant at 18.. i no you had a m/c but that makes u pregnant as a teen so dont you think your being a bit of a hypocrit?

Agree. How can you say women shouldn't be parents or TTC until they are 22, but you were a parent yourself at 18.

 

[AppleBlossom]

Doubt she'll be back Trace...

 

[AppleBlossom]

Also she even says that over 22's TTC she wouldn't particulaly support. So who does she support?

 

[x_Rainbow_x]

o well if she does she can read it.. everyone is diffrent and shes stuck everyone in the same boat and tarshined everyone that chose 2 TTC at 18 + or fell pregnant as a teen. i defo didnt plan 2 get preg at 18 but i did and it made me realise i wanted a baby but 3 yrs on and all my probelms i realised the I wasnt ready.. she was obviously ready to as she has been TTC 10 years..

 

[AppleBlossom]

Someone direct her to this thread! lol

 

[WTTMommy]

Damn. I just read a bunch of uneducated guesses in this thread. Opinions are one thing, we're all entitled to them, but please don't play off your opinion as if it's a fact.

 

[laurasmith7]

Hey all just thought i would add to this. I am 19 and am absolutely desperate 4 a baby however i know in my mind that i am too young.i have a very stable relationship with my partner who has a gd job however I only have 1 year to go untill i hav my degree. I have decided that waiting a few years untill i am settled is definetely the right decision 4 me even though i want a baby so bad. My time will come when its right gd luck every1!

 

[EstelSeren]

I'm in a strong, stable relationship, am graduating uni this summer and am getting married in a year's time. I'm 21 in June and so, provided both my partner and myself are earning, 21 or 22 will be a good time for me to start trying as we have agreed to wait until after we're married. But this is just my personal situation.

It goes without saying that there are good and bad mothers at all ages and therefore age as a way of judging readiness is rather hit and miss.

I would definitely say that you should finish compulsorary education before trying (although this doesn't necessarily hold true in the UK where compulsorary education ends at 16, which I agree is too young to be actively trying). There's a difference between falling pregnant and actively trying and, whilst under 18s can make excellent mothers, I don't like the idea of under 18s actively trying to have children. Tbh though, I think this probably comes from knowing that there is no way that I was ready then, even though it wasn't that long ago, and regardless of how unjudgemental we endeavour to be we are probably all guilty of judging based on our own experiences as this is what we are familiar with.

Ok, I've waffled on a bit there!! Short version: under 18- actively ttc not advisable, over 18: ttc is at your own descresion as only you and your partner know your circumstances and legally it's not for us to judge after this age really!

I'm not sure if I've said anything that might be offensive here but, as I know that it can be a touchy subject, I am truely sorry if I have.

Beca :wave:
P.S.
Re: Aria's posts. After reading her comments on the how old is too old thread I think I've actually stopped properly reading her posts as I'm not interested in opinions like that, especially phrased in that way. to all those offended by her post.

 

[MoonMuffin]

I completely agree Amy, at 19 I am a fantastic mother and I know that because my baby loves me and I love her and I do everything right by her even though I've gone through rubbish times and am now bringing her up on my own. I could quite easily stick her in my mums all the time and go out drinking with my mates (like someone I could mention) but I don't, she will always be my number one priority, even when she's 35 and got kids of her own. I know of a lot of older mums who don't do half a good a job as I do in bringing their kids up as I do.

I'm 19 too, and though Kathryn was a surprise she is such a joy. I know me and DH are doing an amazing job because Kathryn is such a happy girl. When I go out so many of the other babies are quiet and just kind of sit there and stare (even older babies), but Kathryn is so alert and is smiling at people and babbling happily . And even when she's at home she's always in a good mood. She's the happiest baby I've ever seen, I must be doing something right.

and I do think that TTC under 18 is too young, but if you fall pg it doesn't aromatically make you a bad mom if your young. You should wait to TTC until you are ready, weather that be 18 or 45 years old, it's your life so you should do what makes you happy otherwise you will regret it.