Husband says he wants a baby but will not have sex when I am ovulating.

[Hormonal10]

Hi there
I know how you feel, I'm in a similar situation. My husband and I have been trying for 6 months with no success. Before TTC my husband had a far higher drive than me but since trying it feels like he's hardly ever in the mood. I'm finding the feeling of rejection pretty hard to get used to and never expected it to be this way. I wish I could offer a magic answer but I'm afraid I don't have one just wanted to let you know your not alone!
I would say though whatever you do make sure you talk to each other after all your in it together. My husband and I lived together for quite a while before getting married but still found our first few years of marriage quite a learning curve. Try and give yourselves a break (a lot harder than it sounds I know) and enjoy your marriage because when the baby does come along the marriage will have to come second. We've decided next month we're gonna cancel our plans and give up on the house work for the ovulation days and have an 'us' night, worth a try!

 

[samoorah1983]

Hi there
I know how you feel, I'm in a similar situation. My husband and I have been trying for 6 months with no success. Before TTC my husband had a far higher drive than me but since trying it feels like he's hardly ever in the mood. I'm finding the feeling of rejection pretty hard to get used to and never expected it to be this way. I wish I could offer a magic answer but I'm afraid I don't have one just wanted to let you know your not alone!
I would say though whatever you do make sure you talk to each other after all your in it together. My husband and I lived together for quite a while before getting married but still found our first few years of marriage quite a learning curve. Try and give yourselves a break (a lot harder than it sounds I know) and enjoy your marriage because when the baby does come along the marriage will have to come second. We've decided next month we're gonna cancel our plans and give up on the house work for the ovulation days and have an 'us' night, worth a try!

Ya I need to do that ovulation is coming up soon and I want us to get busy hopefully hell give in .. I will talk to him about it... And hope hell understand ... Well see what happens..

 

[2have4kids]

Hi samoorah, I have a few suggestions. You said something a while back that he may be taking it personally having not been successful the first two times and having him be 40? My husband's 42 and has amazing fertility, (64 mill last iui squirt-it's me who's the problem child) so age shouldn't get him down. If you use ovulation tests you don't need to bd the whole week, just once or twice when you need it. And with knowing when you'll o, have you tried bluffing? Maybe try asking him for a bd and let him know it's that time on day 11 knowing that you haven't ovulated or knowing you normally ovulate day 17. You'll receive your usual rejection, then once off the hook a few days/week later when the positive O occurs jump him. I know it's not nice to use reverse psychology but it's amazing what mind blocks can do when we're aiming for success.

What about counseling? My partner responds really well to third party intervention. When there's something going on in our relationship that I need changed, he won't take it from me no matter how creative I get in encouraging the appropriate response from him. But when a third person is in the room, there's a different level of accountability and openness. I've learned alot, he comes out with some interesting things. And who knows, maybe just the thought of counseling will spur frolicksome moments of bd'ing, just when you need it most.

Finally, I'm a Fine Arts grad and without wanting to offend anyone, I'd like to suggest trying to introduce some porn. Visual "art" if I may call it, is the quickest way to illicit response. If the sperm collection clinics can provide porn for our husbands in order to complete the job for iui/ivf, why can't we help them out too? I think the risk of taking their mind back to a very carnal place and out of the land of poopy diapers and screaming babies is so worth the effort. I'm happy to push that button on our TV digital remote if my husband is a little weary but he's more reserved than I and never lets me (I think I'd actually enjoy it more than him being a visual person). Who knows, maybe it'll be the opposite for you two? Just a suggestion out of the very best wishes for you two

 

[lilesMom]

lily 28
[
Same here...

The thing is without sex there isn't going to be any baby. Simple as that. No matter how hard I try, by planning, taking opks, bbt etc etc if he can't perform the result will always be the same. He seems like he doesn't care and say he is just tired but often I wonder he is just not into me sometimes. I never tell him about making babies, or that I'm ovulating. Then we wouldn't have ANY sex at all.[/QUOTE]


i feel ur pain, it is so bloody frustrating when u feel like u are the only one who gives a damn. maybe give him a kick in the ass and tell him u really need his co operation and ask him does he honestly want a baby or what. u hve obviously tried to treat him softly and he isnt playing ball. im not sure if this is any help at all but im not sure what else to say and i really really hope it work s out for u. i know how strong the longing for ur baby is and i hope u work it out xxxx

 

[lilesMom]

Hi there
I know how you feel, I'm in a similar situation. My husband and I have been trying for 6 months with no success. Before TTC my husband had a far higher drive than me but since trying it feels like he's hardly ever in the mood. I'm finding the feeling of rejection pretty hard to get used to and never expected it to be this way. I wish I could offer a magic answer but I'm afraid I don't have one just wanted to let you know your not alone!
I would say though whatever you do make sure you talk to each other after all your in it together. My husband and I lived together for quite a while before getting married but still found our first few years of marriage quite a learning curve. Try and give yourselves a break (a lot harder than it sounds I know) and enjoy your marriage because when the baby does come along the marriage will have to come second. We've decided next month we're gonna cancel our plans and give up on the house work for the ovulation days and have an 'us' night, worth a try!

hey hope u get ur good news soon hon.
maybe ur hubby wants a baby but is a little scared by the change it will bring hence the hesitation, he knows how badly u want it so maybe he is afraid to voice his fears . plus no man likes to admit being a bit scared.
hope ur new plan works, we tried for 2 months when i concieved and the 3rd month we didnt try cos i was goin away on hols and it was that month it worked with bd on one day only
best of luck to u and hope u get ur good news soon x

 

[baby222]

Samoorah1983 that agood thing that u dont concern people
And u r doing well when u pray but that is not every thing..

U nee to realize why you dont havee baby until this moment


Do u know why? cause you pushibg it.

Relax and dnt even think about it

Live every moment as its the last moment in ur life

If this is the last moment in ur life what would u do?
I will give u the answer.....

1. U will enjoy it
2.u will do any thing u wish to do for a long time
3.u will fix any mistake u have done

But u will never make a baby

So live in faith, in hope, in love and make sure when baby nock on the door u will open it

 

[lilesMom]

hey samoorah, just wanted to let u know i have hypothyroid and take tablets every day for it and i concieved on my third month. my friend is the same as me and concieved in her first month and has a healthy baby now . just to let u know if your thyroxine levels arent crazy, ( ie are under control) u wont have extra trouble just by having low thyroid, in case ur worried about it but they do monitor ur levels while pregnant in case u need to adjust medication.
take it easy on urself, it is by no means ur fault, u dont need to change urself, just take it easy on urself. x
best of luck to u hon.

 

[dozydormouse]

Samoorah1983 that agood thing that u dont concern people
And u r doing well when u pray but that is not every thing..

U nee to realize why you dont havee baby until this moment


Do u know why? cause you pushibg it.

Relax and dnt even think about it

Live every moment as its the last moment in ur life

If this is the last moment in ur life what would u do?
I will give u the answer.....

1. U will enjoy it
2.u will do any thing u wish to do for a long time
3.u will fix any mistake u have done

But u will never make a baby

So live in faith, in hope, in love and make sure when baby nock on the door u will open it

Baby222, I appreciate you're probably trying to help and you don't mean to sound condescending, but don't forget that everyone is in a different situation, no matter how similar they seem. What works for you might not work for everyone and not all people believe in God (I do, as it happens). Also, do you think it would be gentler to write "maybe you could" or "what works for me is" instead of "you need to"

 

[dozydormouse]

Babyonmymind1, how are you doing today? Hope you're feeling better and that he's made some progress.

 

[vicky84]

well i think i pretty much have to go with what will be will be, hubbys doin harder work now and is knackered when he gets in at 7am, when he gets his day off hes so tired hes sleeping and wants to relax. *sigh* wouldnt care if it wasnt his piggin idea to have one

 

[baby222]

Samoorah1983 that agood thing that u dont concern people
And u r doing well when u pray but that is not every thing..

U nee to realize why you dont havee baby until this moment


Do u know why? cause you pushibg it.

Relax and dnt even think about it

Live every moment as its the last moment in ur life

If this is the last moment in ur life what would u do?
I will give u the answer.....

1. U will enjoy it
2.u will do any thing u wish to do for a long time
3.u will fix any mistake u have done

But u will never make a baby

So live in faith, in hope, in love and make sure when baby nock on the door u will open it

Baby222, I appreciate you're probably trying to help and you don't mean to sound condescending, but don't forget that everyone is in a different situation, no matter how similar they seem. What works for you might not work for everyone and not all people believe in God (I do, as it happens). Also, do you think it would be gentler to write "maybe you could" or "what works for me is" instead of "you need to"

Thats right ,....excuse my langauge, but I dont mean no Harm ....

its all about to keep every one motivated and to remember that as long as we still a live we can do a lot of things instead to focus on one thing and make our life stuck in a certain point

 

[vicky84]

in a way i kind of agree, i was so flippant when i concieved my first 2, they were both fast, was was sure as hell it "just wouldnt happen" and i was wrong, now im on my 3rd cycle. Of course you are right - hubby may well be gettin stressed about it and wondering if its just him not working - well we already had two children together! So im literally not pushing, and its killing me, but weve had little - no intimacy for a good week and a bit now , which for us is not normal. So im gonna relax, i know O time is approaching and i just have to hope he goes for it!!

 

[RKW]

Hi, really feel your pain with this one. It's the most frustrating thing ever. After 18 months of trying I caught my OH smoking at a party this weekend. I am so disappointed as he knows how much it affects fertility. I just think men think of things do differently to women. Hope it all sorts out soon

 

[vicky84]

That too - hubby didnt smoke before and does now and i dont think he understands

 

[lily28]

^ Oh dear. he must quit asap. Smoking is sooo bad. Not just for ttc, but mainly for his health. I'm sure he doesn't wish his 2 beautiful daughters orphans, right? Smoking is self destructive and nothing good comes out of it.

 

[samoorah1983]

hey samoorah, just wanted to let u know i have hypothyroid and take tablets every day for it and i concieved on my third month. my friend is the same as me and concieved in her first month and has a healthy baby now . just to let u know if your thyroxine levels arent crazy, ( ie are under control) u wont have extra trouble just by having low thyroid, in case ur worried about it but they do monitor ur levels while pregnant in case u need to adjust medication.
take it easy on urself, it is by no means ur fault, u dont need to change urself, just take it easy on urself. x
best of luck to u hon.

Thank you so much, you gave me hope, I can't wait to get my blood test done on Monday and see what my levels are at, they haven't diagnosed me yet, but told me I'm at high risk.. Were gonna check and see what level I'm at and if required for any medication. I hope everything goes well.. And thank you....

 

[samoorah1983]

Hi samoorah, I have a few suggestions. You said something a while back that he may be taking it personally having not been successful the first two times and having him be 40? My husband's 42 and has amazing fertility, (64 mill last iui squirt-it's me who's the problem child) so age shouldn't get him down. If you use ovulation tests you don't need to bd the whole week, just once or twice when you need it. And with knowing when you'll o, have you tried bluffing? Maybe try asking him for a bd and let him know it's that time on day 11 knowing that you haven't ovulated or knowing you normally ovulate day 17. You'll receive your usual rejection, then once off the hook a few days/week later when the positive O occurs jump him. I know it's not nice to use reverse psychology but it's amazing what mind blocks can do when we're aiming for success.

What about counseling? My partner responds really well to third party intervention. When there's something going on in our relationship that I need changed, he won't take it from me no matter how creative I get in encouraging the appropriate response from him. But when a third person is in the room, there's a different level of accountability and openness. I've learned alot, he comes out with some interesting things. And who knows, maybe just the thought of counseling will spur frolicksome moments of bd'ing, just when you need it most.

Finally, I'm a Fine Arts grad and without wanting to offend anyone, I'd like to suggest trying to introduce some porn. Visual "art" if I may call it, is the quickest way to illicit response. If the sperm collection clinics can provide porn for our husbands in order to complete the job for iui/ivf, why can't we help them out too? I think the risk of taking their mind back to a very carnal place and out of the land of poopy diapers and screaming babies is so worth the effort. I'm happy to push that button on our TV digital remote if my husband is a little weary but he's more reserved than I and never lets me (I think I'd actually enjoy it more than him being a visual person). Who knows, maybe it'll be the opposite for you two? Just a suggestion out of the very best wishes for you two

Hi thanks for your response what your saying it's absolutely logic, and that's common sense. My husband is 30 and our life works around a very busy schedule, I'm gonna take your advice and do some changes around. I'm gonna motivate myself to make it work.. Thanks

 

[babyonmymind1]

I am feeling much better. When I went home the night I wrote this my husband actually initiated sex which made me feel so much better. I am actually 3 days late on my period but do not have my hopes up yet (I did that last month just to be disappointed). I am crossing my fingers and if not at least know that my husband is on board and we can have fun trying next month. I should have know with my husband sometimes patience is all i need to have and I lack that very much. Hope everyone else is doing well. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

 

[RKW]

Good to hear things are looking up

 

[vicky84]

well am happy to say my husbands been a little more inviting today. Sadly its not o day - but the test is darker than it was at this point last cycle so maybe ill o a little earlier - the only catch is i have to convince him its a good idea again then!! LOL