Husband says he wants a baby but will not have sex when I am ovulating.

[lilesMom]

hey samoorah, just wanted to let u know i have hypothyroid and take tablets every day for it and i concieved on my third month. my friend is the same as me and concieved in her first month and has a healthy baby now . just to let u know if your thyroxine levels arent crazy, ( ie are under control) u wont have extra trouble just by having low thyroid, in case ur worried about it but they do monitor ur levels while pregnant in case u need to adjust medication.
take it easy on urself, it is by no means ur fault, u dont need to change urself, just take it easy on urself. x
best of luck to u hon.

Thank you so much, you gave me hope, I can't wait to get my blood test done on Monday and see what my levels are at, they haven't diagnosed me yet, but told me I'm at high risk.. Were gonna check and see what level I'm at and if required for any medication. I hope everything goes well.. And thank you....

best of luck with the tests and dont worry if they tell u, u have low thyroid it doesnt affect my life at all . i just take my tablets every day and as long as i dont forget im fine, if i do forget one day im just a bit tired that day. if you do get put on thyroxine take it at the same time every day preferably on an empty stomach an hour before food.
once ever i started to feel symptoms again ( i hve been on them yrs now) and they raised my tablet strength a tiny bit and i was fine again.
best of luck hon x

 

[lilesMom]

I am feeling much better. When I went home the night I wrote this my husband actually initiated sex which made me feel so much better. I am actually 3 days late on my period but do not have my hopes up yet (I did that last month just to be disappointed). I am crossing my fingers and if not at least know that my husband is on board and we can have fun trying next month. I should have know with my husband sometimes patience is all i need to have and I lack that very much. Hope everyone else is doing well. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

woohoo on both counts.

why does ur profile thingy say sad, hope thats just cos u forgot to change it.
best of luck hon

 

[Becky07]

To the original poster on this thread....
Talk to your husband! Tell him how you feel. If it is irrational and crazy.. who cares... this is your best-friend... the man you will be with forever. If you feel he is not interested in having a baby after saying he would... tell him so. We are dealing with men here not prissy co-ed girls. I am scared for women kind If you all can't just talk to your men instead of tip toeing around their feelings. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Have an open and honest relationship... that way if you insult them as you ladies say..... they will tell you it hurt them.. then you can apologize. What is the big deal with saying what is on your mind to the man you love anyway????!!!!!

 

[Becky07]

Hi I could really use some advice from whoever has some. I feel like I am talking my family and friends to sleep about it and they all keep telling me be patient but I feel I need to do more.

My husband and I decided in January that we would TTC. I have a very regular cycle so was hoping that it would happen within the first few months. I am still not pregnant and I am frustrated because when I am ovulating I can not get my husband to have sex with me. I don't announce it to him I just try to put the moves on and it is always a difference excuse like "I'm tired", "I ate too much", or 'Maybe later" and then he falls asleep. he has done this several months in a row and last month I finally asked him if he was serious about having a baby and he said yeah and expressed some concerns he had. We talked about them and he promised this month we would make our best effort. Well last night which was a good day to TTC according to my calendar I tried to initiate and got shot down AGAIN. I wanted to burst into tears right there but am trying so hard to not make our sex life only about babies but I want a baby so bad. I keep seeing friends get pregnant in one try and some even on accident and it makes me sooooo depressed. I don't know what to do. Do I talk to him about it again? If I am not pregnant in a year I don't even think I would feel comfortable asking a doctor for help because we don't know if it is a fertility issue because we have not had sex during my ovulation since we have been trying. I feel so lost. I love my husband with all my heart but I feel betrayed and I don't understand why he is putting me through this. I even told him last month if you are not ready and want to wait that is fine I just need to know because I am stressing myself out about this. PLEASE any advice is appreciated. I am so stressed out and have no concentration cause all I think about is what is wrong with me. Why does he not want to have sex with me?

See above

 

[Becky07]

Hi I could really use some advice from whoever has some. I feel like I am talking my family and friends to sleep about it and they all keep telling me be patient but I feel I need to do more.

My husband and I decided in January that we would TTC. I have a very regular cycle so was hoping that it would happen within the first few months. I am still not pregnant and I am frustrated because when I am ovulating I can not get my husband to have sex with me. I don't announce it to him I just try to put the moves on and it is always a difference excuse like "I'm tired", "I ate too much", or 'Maybe later" and then he falls asleep. he has done this several months in a row and last month I finally asked him if he was serious about having a baby and he said yeah and expressed some concerns he had. We talked about them and he promised this month we would make our best effort. Well last night which was a good day to TTC according to my calendar I tried to initiate and got shot down AGAIN. I wanted to burst into tears right there but am trying so hard to not make our sex life only about babies but I want a baby so bad. I keep seeing friends get pregnant in one try and some even on accident and it makes me sooooo depressed. I don't know what to do. Do I talk to him about it again? If I am not pregnant in a year I don't even think I would feel comfortable asking a doctor for help because we don't know if it is a fertility issue because we have not had sex during my ovulation since we have been trying. I feel so lost. I love my husband with all my heart but I feel betrayed and I don't understand why he is putting me through this. I even told him last month if you are not ready and want to wait that is fine I just need to know because I am stressing myself out about this. PLEASE any advice is appreciated. I am so stressed out and have no concentration cause all I think about is what is wrong with me. Why does he not want to have sex with me?


This was what I was responding to.
B.

 

[Faylinameir]

okay honestly I CANNOT read all these posts, its too depressing to see some of the issues you ladies are having but I feel strongly I need to share my two cents:

If your husband or whatever doesn't want to have sex or if they're aren't 110% sure they want children, you should NOT be trying to have a baby with this person. This may hurt some people's feelings but you need to think of your child in the event your relationship was to end. My step son is a product of a similar sort of thing, my husband's ex wife went off the BC and pretty much planned it without my husband's knowledge. Unlucky for him and lucky for her, when we was trying to leave her, she actually got pregnant. 9 months later they had my step son, like an idiot my husband's married her and trying very VERY hard to make it work but in the end, it wasn't ment to be. Exwife went psycho, cheated on him for over a year and in the end got everything, including the son. He has suffered pretty much since that day, he grew up thinking he was abandoned and unloved or that it was his fault, reguardless of what anyone else told him.
You guys just need to realize that its pretty common for men to freak out and eventually leave (or worse). Also, you might realize the guy you loved is actually a different person and you yourself might want out.

I'm not trying to be super negative, just need to realize these things.

Me personally, I am VERY open with my husband and we often re-evaluate our wishes for children and thankfully for us both its been consistant for the over 8 years we've been trying for one. Recently we have "gotten serious" about it, and I am open and say I am fertile or I have the good mucus today and we should have sex. My husband and I want a child more than we want the air we breathe so often we do what we have to do (lose sleep, take herbs, even have sex in the bathroom because the step son was staying over and we couldn't do it in the bed since we live in a studio apartment).


Dust to everyone.

 

[Vorlander]

take it from a man, he only knows because your telling him

just tell him its another point in the month, he wont know

just make him an offer he cant refuse at the right times

 

[2have4kids]

To the original poster on this thread....
Talk to your husband! Tell him how you feel. If it is irrational and crazy.. who cares... this is your best-friend... the man you will be with forever. If you feel he is not interested in having a baby after saying he would... tell him so. We are dealing with men here not prissy co-ed girls. I am scared for women kind If you all can't just talk to your men instead of tip toeing around their feelings. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Have an open and honest relationship... that way if you insult them as you ladies say..... they will tell you it hurt them.. then you can apologize. What is the big deal with saying what is on your mind to the man you love anyway????!!!!!

Here here! When did we ever become such caretakers that we suppress our own needs? Did our mothers teach us this? If so, it's up to us to stop the cycle. We only have a short time on this earth and when my hubbie starts whining louder than I do I always remind him there's only room for 1 princess in the house, and it's certainly not him! Lol

 

[spuddy13]

Hi, if I were in your position, I would totally call his bluff and tell him you have had time to think and you don't want to try for a baby for a while. Don't mention it, don't tell him when you are fertile, just pretend you don't care (I know that's going to be so hard) but I personally think if you take away the fact of wanting it, one of two things will happen : he will either agree with you, and then you truly know he isn't wanting to try. Or he will disagree and start to make an effort to try xxx

 

[alkemist]

I feel like I'm almost in the same boat with the OP. Husband says he wants a family and tells people we are hoping to have a baby within a year and have yet to see him be active about it. I've been more open about it, telling him it's probably a good idea to have sex during my fertility window and I get nothing. Last month, we did have sex on the first day of the window and on ovulation day but every time, it's the same excuse. I'm tired, maybe later, I want to sleep, tomorrow.. and so forth. He works a long shift and everything but a baby isn't going to make itself. This isn't all about baby making sex either, I would like us to have intimacy in that part. We've lived together for 2 years and been married for a few months. I've seen my sex life drop off a cliff maybe half year after we've lived together. It's frustrating, I'm always the one that has to initiate...

Long thread, I haven't read all of it. If you have your problem solved then good luck. If not, well it's time to sit down as adults and have a chat about the situation. At the end of the day, you're not the only one. Having a baby can be a very intimidating life changing situation.

 

[oneKnight]

I'm not sure you guys. My experience with guys is that if they don't "ever" want to get it on, something is seriously wrong. Like Alkemist, a year or so into my first marriage his sex drive seemed to drop off a cliff. I always had to initiate. Constant rejection HURTS. Well, we lasted almost 6 years, but towards the end I was LUCKY to get some once a month.

I'm in a MUCH better relationship now. Been living together for 9 months and I practically NEVER initiate coz he gets there first! LOL I don't tell him about my cycles or anything, just kinda drop hints that I'm in the mood near O and he runs with it! And there's NO denying that he wants us to have kids. He just wants a girl, and I want a boy haha

 

[Faylinameir]

I'm not sure you guys. My experience with guys is that if they don't "ever" want to get it on, something is seriously wrong. Like Alkemist, a year or so into my first marriage his sex drive seemed to drop off a cliff. I always had to initiate. Constant rejection HURTS. Well, we lasted almost 6 years, but towards the end I was LUCKY to get some once a month.

I'm in a MUCH better relationship now. Been living together for 9 months and I practically NEVER initiate coz he gets there first! LOL I don't tell him about my cycles or anything, just kinda drop hints that I'm in the mood near O and he runs with it! And there's NO denying that he wants us to have kids. He just wants a girl, and I want a boy haha

LOL well eventually one of you is going to be happy with the gender or who knows, maybe twins one boy one girl?

 

[Tammy012]

Don't be too technical with him. Maybe he gets freaked out when you approach and are like, "Hey, baby, I'm ovulating..." that's like not sexy at all lol Instead, just get all sexual and excited around that time of the month to conceive so he knows you want HIM and not just his sperm lol

 

[ACKKMOM]

My sh doesn't always want to have sex but when I ignore him and show not interest in initiating sexual intercourse he is ready to go sometimes the man is so stubborn but men get that way. or maybe try telling him you have decided that now is obviously not the right Time for you to have children cuz you guys can't even agree when to have sex or how often. this may also get him more motivated! Happy humping!

 

[FaithnHope41]

Sometimes I think with talking about it so much and planning and timing when to bd, it takes away the fun and can make hubby not want it like when we're just caught in the moment. I know there have got to be more of you out there that have this happen sometimes too! I tend to try and pull out the lingerie to surprise him!!

 

[LovesMyLovey]

This story saddens me as the same thing happened in my first marriage (lasted 3 years)
I'd initiate, and he'd shoot me down.. I'd dress up.. still nothing.. and btw.. what man in his right mind turns down oral favors from a beautiful woman dressed in lingerie?? ya.. mine did..
it was heartbreaking. we went 6 weeks without anything. Talking didn't help, hints didnt' help.. nothing did.. after about a year of occasional sex it really started breaking me down.. he said he wanted children.. but yet.. he never wanted to bd when I was o'ing.
Turns out we just weren't meant for eachother.. I found out he was having an innapropriate friendship with a girl he worked with and that was the final straw.. I filed for divorce.. left everything except what I came in with.. I didn't want a thing to do with anything that belonged to him.. furniture pics.. nothing.
I made sure to throw my lingerie behind the dresser and leave some pieces from our toybox in places I knew he wouldnt find.. and knew she probably would if she cleaned the house ever and split.
I am now married to the best guy ever, who never makes me feel unsatisfied and loves making love, and wants babies and to be a family, and wants me!
I only hope others can have a happy ending like i did. I'm so thankful for my hubby. He's my miracle in life

 

[FaithnHope41]

Lovesmelovely, I am so sorry you had to go through that with your ex husband. No man should ever treat a woman that way! But on a brighter note, I am very happy to hear you are in a better marriage now with somebody that truly loves you and wants to be with you!! Good luck and I hope you get your BFP soon!!

 

[2have4kids]

Lovesmylovely, what an awesome story. I'm so happy for you. What a courageous strong woman you are. Sometimes the grass is MUCH greener on the other side.

 

[lily28]

Now that I'm pregnant my DH is just relieved that I no longer bug him about sex. I think he is happy with sex 1-2 a month, I don't know what to think. He loves spending time with me, and we are always together, he is very affectionate but I guess not so much into sex as I am.... I decided to give him a break, for now!

 

[2have4kids]

Now that I'm pregnant my DH is just relieved that I no longer bug him about sex. I think he is happy with sex 1-2 a month, I don't know what to think. He loves spending time with me, and we are always together, he is very affectionate but I guess not so much into sex as I am.... I decided to give him a break, for now!

I went to counseling a while back with my hubbie and this was one of my complaints. The counselor said that one person will always want more sex than the other. She required him to set up dates for us once /week. He failed miserably. Now his task was to plan this Turkey vacation we're planning and again hasn't even looked at the map. If we were millionaires and could arrive and afford to pay $500/night if we needed to I'd say fine. But since this was a task he's meant to complete for us (straight out of counseling) and he's failing at this too - he just leaves it to the last minute like our honey moon (I ended up booking everything 1 week before we left)- it's terribly disappointing. I will vow not to raise boys who have problems with women. Somehow, they will know that it's their job to keep their wife happy and tear-free. To be the protector and the romantic and know how to wash the dishes, vacuum and split the housework after he comes home from work (along side his wife). I see these issues somehow stemming back to a lack of good rearing.

Harumph. Sometimes it's too difficult. Some ladies get lucky with carnal men that lust for sex, some of us get men who would rather be reading a book. I've been terrible and called him all sorts of names...even called him gay a few times. He'll never forget but I have to live my future with his low sex drive. That's hard, I never thought my life would be with a low sex drive man. If I could I'd be getting it once/day, he's happy once/month. It will be something I tell my girls to NOT marry unless they know what he's like in bed and are compatible this way (how to do that without personalizing it is going to be difficult!) I'm not religious and would never wish for my child to save herself for after she legally binds herself to-that's part of the reason there are too many divorces.

At least my OH good about putting out for procreation. I suppose if we went further with no children and I let everyone know that we're childless because he wouldn't get down to business, he couldn't forgive me so it's really something he's behaving well with. If I get some outside of the 3-4 day fertile zone it's rare and very gladly greeted (this was a wonderful week as I got an extra bump in) but otherwise I could just ring his neck after a romantic evening that he settles down and picks up his book. Grrrrr.