I can’t make any friends

[R_x]

I find it impossible to make friends. Where am I going wrong? I chat to mums at the school, work with lots of people but can’t manage to make a proper friend? I do lack confidence but I do come out of my shell.

 

[second.time]

Making friends in adulthood is really hard. People are busier, people may have already have friend groups they carried over from college etc. and just not have the time or mental energy to put in the work you need to put in to make new friends. Think about when you're a kid and it's so easy because you're around each other every day and have so much extra energy ... versus the demands of parenthood, relationships, work, etc.

It sounds like you're already putting yourself out there and being friendly and chatting. Sometimes you just need to really go an extra step. I met a few moms around my neighborhood but didn't strongly click until one mom was VERY on-the-ball about scheduling visits. Not "let's meet up one day," but "let's meet at the playground at 1 p.m. on Tuesday" ... that kind of thing. Some people will say no or brush you off but when you find someone who's willing to repeatedly visit with you, you'll be better able to build a lasting friendship.

 

[Kiwiberry]

I'm in the same boat, I ended up just giving up tbh.

 

[Wobbles]

I made friends through BnB ... meeting up with Mums in the 'groups' we were in and although I loved all only a couple you click with! Like someone said it's so hard finding friends when we are older, gone our the days you can skip outside the back and mingle

My main friends now come through the gym. To make that work I go at 6am, back home by 7.15am, kids up for school etc.

 

[Hoping4numbr3]

I do not have many friends outside of work either. I do not hang out with anyone but family outside of work. It sucks sometimes but other times it is preferred. I think they have apps you can download to try to meet people in the area.

 

[AngelUK]

I only have one friend here in London from my college days but I have been trying to make other mummy friends by setting up play-dates with kids from my boys' class and parallel classes. I wouldn't call them friends yet but I have now a group of ladies I am friendly with and maybe this will develop from there.

 

[mrsmummy2]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. I have only 1 friend whos been my best friend since school. Ive not made ANY successful adult friendships.

 

[jessmke]

Most of my friends I've met through playgroups. We moved to a new town where we didn't know anyone, and I had my daughter about a year after I moved here. It wasn't until I started doing the playgroups with my daughter that I met some really good friends. I find there are definitely people I see every week at playgroup that are perfectly nice people, but I just don't really "click" with them or have an interest in seeing them outside of playgroup. But the people I did click with I made an effort to both talk about things other than our kids so I could really get to know them, and make plans outside of playgroups. Sometimes it feels forced and you have to really put yourself out there, but when someone takes you up on an offer for a coffee or to meet up at the park or do whatever then you can really build a relationship from there.

Our town also does monthly "women's groups" at the community centre. I went to one and totally expected it to be older women, but there were actually quite a lot of people my age and I now have a really close friend that I met at one of the groups. Again, I was the one to suggest we meet up for something (she said she was a runner so I made plans with her to go for a run).

 

[noon_child]

It sounds like you're already putting yourself out there and being friendly and chatting. Sometimes you just need to really go an extra step. I met a few moms around my neighborhood but didn't strongly click until one mom was VERY on-the-ball about scheduling visits. Not "let's meet up one day," but "let's meet at the playground at 1 p.m. on Tuesday" ... that kind of thing. Some people will say no or brush you off but when you find someone who's willing to repeatedly visit with you, you'll be better able to build a lasting friendship.

I agree entirely. This is the step I really struggle with, because I don't want to be rejected, but I will just end up with "acquaintances" if I don't allow myself to be vulnerable.

 

[mrsmummy2]

I've struggled to make any friends as an adult. I've had one or two "friendships" that haven't really worked out for one reason or another. I only have one real friend who I've been friends with since I was 7. I don't even have any acquaintances anymore as most of the people in my childrens school no longer speak to me. It got very lonely until I realised having a bunch of people around me who weren't true friends just wasn't worth it. I spend a lot of quality time with my family and get to see my best friend at least once or twice a month and it's working out well for me. I no longer have the worries that came along with the friendships I'd made.