I can feel it starting again...

[Wilsey]

I have so much to be grateful for, two great kids, a roof over my head and a really great husband. But he works shift work and he's currently been off work for a few weeks and it's been AMAZING! I'm so jealous of people who have their partner home morning and night.

He goes back to work this Saturday and I can already feel myself getting stressed and sad. I just ate two cookies, which was made even more depressing by the fact that it didn't make me feel any better!

I don't find being a mother a breeze, I love it, but I find it very challenging. And sometimes I find it really hard when my DH isn't home three nights in a row to help with the bedtime routine and then he sleeps in the mornings while I get them ready for the day. I find these the hardest parts of each day, getting my son dressed is having an 18 course dinner...it takes fricken forever!

Really, I just needed to vent and wanted to write it down. Feel like I could burst into tears at any moment I just wish he didn't love his job so that I could ask him to get a regular job.

And apologies to anyone with their husband deployed, I know you have it a trillion times harder!

 

[JessyG]

I can totally relate. When i was on maternity leave ny oh would leave for work on a thurs and i wouldnt se him again until monday night. He works 4 12/13 hours shifts then works an 8 hour shift on monday. I used to get very upset about it.

now its slightly different as although he still works the same shifts i work tues-thurs and stay with my mum thurs fri and sometimes sat night (its for ease of travel and childcare while i work) i usually come home on a sat to an empty house knowing i wont see him until monday. I find it very lonely.

I have asked him to find a mon- fri 9-5 job but he wont. Loves his job and knows he probably wont be paid as well elsewhere.

i too feel bad moaning when thete are people is a worse situation but i often feel like a single mum as we have no days off together and only two evenings. It was shit before we had our daughter but its ten times harder now.

 

[Wilsey]

Thanks for replying. I'm glad that someone understands but not glad that you're having to go through it too! Yours sounds worse too!

I didn't mind so much when we didn't have kids, I used to watch whatever I wanted on TV when he was on nights etc but it often did get lonely. Now I just feel like I don't get much help with the kids or anything around the house. Massive WHINGE on my part

 

[JessyG]

I find evenings the hardest. No ond to help with bedtime no one to talk to once she is in bed. As i say it was soo difficult when i was on mat leave we had also moved to a new town when b was 3 weeks old so i was even more alone. Now its 10 times better but the weekends are still hard and a bit lonely. I have only made one mummy friend and she spends all weekend with her husband and kids understandably so its just me and B. I do think it will ge

 

[JessyG]

Get better/easier but i feel my partner and i are drifting apart because of it. What sort of shifts does he work?

 

[Wilsey]

Sorry to hear that! Are there any groups you can join?

He works a range of shifts, days (usually 7am-4pm), nights (2-11pm) and lates (3pm-1am). Because of the nature of his job he can often finish late so he either needs to sleep in longer in the morning or he doesn't see as much of the kids at night. But it's great on his days off!

What about yours?

 

[JessyG]

He is a kitchen manager so basically works 10-10 or 9-10 thursday-sun then 8-4 on monday. He has tues and wed off to look after Bella while i work and my mum looks after her thurs and friday while i work. Its just so rubbish. I feel Bella will miss out on not having us both around for a family day at least once a week so i am putting a plan in motion to make sure that happens as my parents always worked opposite shifts and they got divorced when i was 15 (would have been much earlier if they didnt stay together for us!)

 

[Wilsey]

Good idea to be proactive rather than reactive. I hope you can all find some time together!

I'm lucky that we do get the odd time together as a family. Certainly not as much as a 9-5 job would give us but alas, he absolutely loves his job and I couldn't ask him to give it up. Why couldn't be just hate his job like the rest of us

 

[JessyG]

I do my job purely for the money. I have zero interest in it now that i am a mummy. Obviously i still do the best i can but now it is simply my way to contribute to the household and make sure Bella has everything she needs/wants. My ohs job is more like a career so he can see himself going places.

Yeah we plan to put Bella in nursery one day a week so that he can take a different day off (one of my days off).

its nice to know i am not alone in well being alone but i wish you werent alone iykwim.

 

[HKateH]

I can empathise. Although my husband doesn't work the long hours yours do, I find it pretty challenging being a mum as it definitely doesn't come naturally to me. I love my little guy to pieces but I don't love every minute of motherhood like some seem to!

Although my husband works pretty good hours, recently he's been promoted and often has work to do in the evenings and at the weekend. This means that after working all day myself, I often have to put LO to bed alone and then no one to talk to after he's in bed.

I don't think I have it anywhere near as tough as you two but I do understand the feeling of loneliness!

 

[shoelaces17]

I completely understand my husband is gone Thursday-Sunday night and then sleep's all day those day's and then on Monday, so we basically get 2-3 hours with him those day's before he leaves. It is lovely when he is here but it is so hard doing everything my self especially when we live 12 hours away from both of our families.

 

[JessyG]

We should keep this thread open and keep each other company on the lonely tough days!

 

[Wilsey]

Oh shoelaces! That sounds really hard. Certainly putting my situation into perspective! Any way you can move closer to your families? What does your OH do?

Kate - I think it's hard no matter how much time they're away. I'm a very fair person so find the feeling that I'm doing 'everything' overwhelming. And because being Suzy Homemaker doesn't come easy, it makes it that much harder.

Jessy - good idea! Thread will likely move locations.

 

[HKateH]

I think parenting can be pretty lonely at times - even though you have a little person there, it is different from a person who can talk back! I find I am much more anxious these days (never was pre baby)!

I'm back at work now after the summer off so struggling with feelings of full time working mum guilt too!

 

[Wilsey]

Oh mummy guilt! It's the worst isn't it? How old is your LO? Plus side, you'll get some adult conversation that isn't about poop

 

[shoelaces17]

We are both Nurse's but I have only gone back to work PRN so I only work what is required to keep my license right now. No luck moving back near family, and that is ok with us since both our parents stress us out lol. We just found a babysitter so thankfully we are able to be get a date night about twice a week thankfully but that just started last week.

 

[Wilsey]

Hahaha I hear you. My mother drives me nuts. Love my dad to pieces. My mother in law is amazing too and she lives just around the corner. She helps me out sometimes when OH is on nights and she's our go to for babysitting. She's a gem!

 

[Dime Cuando]

I understadn how you feel....my DH works away and it can take him away for weeks or months at a time, depending on the job. When he's home, we have a great time and he's an excellent father and does everything for LO (I actually treat his time home as if I am 'on holiday') but when I know D-Day is looming, I start getting panicky again and thoughts of long boring nights and hard days fill my mind.

He's just left again. This time until December (with one week home later this month). I don't find it easy at all some days and I have very little help - my mum passed away, his mum is ill with cancer, our fathers are old...it's just LO & me day in, day out.
LO is about to start at nursery for a couple of hours a week because I really need a little bit of time to myself before I go potty.....

 

[Wilsey]

Oh hun that sounds really lonely and hard! What does your OH do? I'm so sorry you don't have much help. Do you have any mummy friends around?

Puts my little meltdown this morning in perspective. OH's day shifts are going to change from 7am to 6am starts so he'll leave before anyone is up. I find getting myself and two kids ready for work/nursery challenging and stressful. Now I won't have his help at all. So I've told him on his days off he's in charge of getting the kids up!