I feel depressed and alone and as if I'll never carry a baby fullterm

[MissBabyFace]

My due date is the 20th of July, just days away and my cousin has just given birth and I can't stand it, I feel so fucking angry and I shouldnt but I do, she's a heavy smoker, a frequent drinking, she already has 6 other children this is her seventh child, she has also had a miscarriage and given birth to a stillbirth so you'd think she would have some sort of sympathy to how I'm feeling, everytime I sign on to facebook she brags how her "little man" is an angel, who sleeps constantly and how she's breastfeeding because breast is best I just keep thinking I should have that bond with my baby, am I that much of an evil person I don't deserve to be a mummy?

It was my first pregnancy, I feel so guilty it was only 3 days before I miscarried I got used to the idea of being pregnant, me and OH were NTNP but it was still a shock and I'll admit I was so scared maybe thats why I miscarried because of the doubts that were roaming in my mind

Me and OH have been trying now for 7 months and still nothing, it's never going to happen, I truly believe I will NEVER be pregnant again and if I end up being pregnant I just know I'll never have a live baby in my arms to love and care for for the rest of my life.

How do I act after my due date? Since I lost my angel I've been dreading the date 20.07.2011 what happens once the date has been and gone, what do I do then? How do I cope with seeing my cousin with her baby boy, seeing the baby grow up thinking my baby would only be a week younger than him, his 1st birthday, saying mummy, starting school, bringing me those cute little christmas cards they make in school home for me, getting mothers day cards off him, getting his first girlfriend and everything, I'm going to miss it all but see another child do all these things but not with me, how am I meant to cope

 

[defobsess]

Soooo sorry tons of hugs. I can't Sven imagine the pain you feel to have finally conceived and gone through pregnancy not to continue. Then to be around others who may not empathize with you or take for granted what you have when that was your strongest desire adds insult to injury. Try to seek counseling, to help with the grief and share your feelings don't bottle them up, esp with your husband, you are both experiencing a huge loss together. Cry, scream, vent, be depressed, you have a right to whatever emotion. My sincere condolences.

 

[MermaidMom]

right there with you hun. my first baby's due date was may 19th. it was hard. just hang in there... you will get through this.

 

[sarbear4266]

I have had three losses and I also feel I will never carry

I had a friend (EX bff) who found out she was pregnant shortly after my mc and didn't tell me. Because she was considering an abortion. I couldn't believe it. I also had friends who were pregnant and smoked weed, cigs and drank. Absolutely no sympathy for me or others who want to have a child. Why is it that we do everything right and no good comes of it?

If you ever need to talk, I am here to listen. I know exactly what you are going through.

 

[CHILLbilly]

It is sooooo frustrating to see selfish moms with babies and feeling " why not me"..... there are sooooo many deserving moms-to-be out there (all on here...) its just the way things are......i have finially gottenover the fact that douch bags can get pregnant at the drop of a hat...while others suffer and struggle....
the only thing you can control is your own health.... and positive energy.
( I have been trying for 3 yrs and finially got my BFP... just to loose it at 8 weeks due to a sort of tubal....baby was implanted at top of uterus....a few more inches down and it would have made it.....)
chin up hun...... you need to be positive.....LOTS of women on here can help you with that...
We all "handle" due dates differently.... focus on yourself and not your cousins baby.
I'm so sorry for your sadness and struggle....
IT WILL HAPPEN..... cruise the forumn for help conceiving..I have leanrt so much....
Now have you had any testing...ie OH sperm? do you track ovulation with strips or temps? theres alot we can do BUT nature still has the upper hand
Good luck hun....

 

[ickle pand]

Ditto what all the other ladies said but I just wanted to add that in no way did you having doubts cause your miscarriage. Your brain is not connected to your uterus, the baby didn't know what you were thinking so you have to stop thinking like that and blaming yourself. Its much much much more likely that there was some abnormality with pregnancy - either with how it implanted or with the baby itself and your body dealt with it. It's a bit cold and clinical but it's just your body doing it's job.

There's nothing you could've done to prevent it so stop being so hard on yourself. We as women, are often so hard on ourselves. Would you tell a friend who'd miscarried that it was her fault because she'd had a few doubts? No, so don't do it to yourself.

Take care xx

 

[ChloeStar]

hope things go well for you soon x

 

[lulu83]

Im so sorry hun

I feel for ya though. a few weeks after my first miscarriage my sister in law announced shes pregnant.. I've had 2 more m/c since she got pregnant. my first due date would be in august..then in nov and feb. its going to be a hard few months...my niece will be here and all ill be able to think about is how she should have a cousin. My baby'd have been 4 weeks older, or 2 months younger...or 5 months younger... Its really going to be so hard to deal with, but i have no other choice.

as much as you may think you did something to cause your m/c, im sure you didnt. its definitely not your fault

Facebook has been SOOO hard for me to look at. EVERYONE is pregnant or just had babies. it makes me so sad at one point i counted 14 pregnancy related posts in my news feed...broke my heart.

Its hard to imagine, I agree, but I really hope and wish we all get our forever babies soon! Gotta keep trying

 

[Semanthia]

I am so sorry for you loss. I completely know how you feel and I don't have an answer for you. I lost my daughter at 21 weeks and my due date was June 30th. I know tons of people who were expecting around that time and have all had their healthy babies (which have all been girls too, of course). I found out I was pregnant July 1st and felt that it was perfect that I could redirect my focus on this new LO. I also know several people again who are expecting at the same time and will have their babies around my due date. I found out this week that I miscarried
It is perfectly normal to be angry and bitter. My sister has four kids and had one miscarriage and even though she had a miscarriage she does not understand at all and can be very insensitive. It is possible your cousin doesn't understand because she has been able to have a healthy living baby (multiple times) and doesn't know the pain of someone who keeps miscarrying or miscarries and has trouble conceiving again. To me those people take things for granted and it is not fair.
My fear of not being able to carry a baby to full term has increased immensely since this loss. I have been trying to be positive and tell myself that there is a purpose for it but right now I see no purpose and have thrown all positivity and religious "Comfort" aside because it has not helped and I am feeling angry and bitter too. I think only time will help heal you. I know it is hard to not feel bad about feeling the way you do or thinking the things you think but it is ok and I think it will get better with time.
Also as for facebook you can "hide" her comments and if later on you want to see them again you can. It might help you for the time being to hide her until you have had some time to heal and she has had time for the newness of her LO to wear off.

 

[Brookegarrett]

I am very sorry for ur loss.. I have some of the same feelings. I had an mc in may. Try to keep yourself busy. I find myself gettin so mad when I log onto fb n seein all belly pics and new born pics.. I have 7 friends who r preggo n 3 delivered last wk so i have tried to avoid loggin onto fb so I won't b reminded. Everyone copes in their own way. I wish I had more helpful info but I don't good luck n I'm here to listen

 

[sannod]

Hi ladies,
I'm sorry for all your losses. I had a missed miscarriage last month after 2 years of no birthcontrol with 1 year of ttc. It has been so difficult especially now that i am back into my first cycle and feeling downhearted about starting all over. My sister just came over yesterday to tell me she is pregnant! I knew it would happen soon and although I am happy for her, not one person has asked if I am ok, its like my entire family has forgotten that i'm trying or that I just lost a baby. They said "Oh everyone thought you would cry because you would be so happy"

Are you *** serious?

It's hard enough that I will keep things to myself and that noone bothers to aknowledge my lost baby but then to put that on me and expect me to be the happiest person in the family that my much younger sister will be happily having a baby as planned with no problems while I face another year of ttc? Again I love my sister but I'm still human and I don't think it is totally selfish to ask my family to stand by me in this time whether she is pregnant or not. Just because she is pregnant so soon doesn't mean we forget my pain overnight. It seems everyone starts to avoid you after you miscarry and they don't let you talk about it.

 

[lulu83]

Hi ladies,
I'm sorry for all your losses. I had a missed miscarriage last month after 2 years of no birthcontrol with 1 year of ttc. It has been so difficult especially now that i am back into my first cycle and feeling downhearted about starting all over. My sister just came over yesterday to tell me she is pregnant! I knew it would happen soon and although I am happy for her, not one person has asked if I am ok, its like my entire family has forgotten that i'm trying or that I just lost a baby. They said "Oh everyone thought you would cry because you would be so happy"

Are you *** serious?

It's hard enough that I will keep things to myself and that noone bothers to aknowledge my lost baby but then to put that on me and expect me to be the happiest person in the family that my much younger sister will be happily having a baby as planned with no problems while I face another year of ttc? Again I love my sister but I'm still human and I don't think it is totally selfish to ask my family to stand by me in this time whether she is pregnant or not. Just because she is pregnant so soon doesn't mean we forget my pain overnight. It seems everyone starts to avoid you after you miscarry and they don't let you talk about it.

Im soooo sorry hun. I TOTALLY know how hard that situation is. My sister in law announced she was pregnant a few weeks after my 1st m/c. Ive had 2 more m/cs while shes been pregnant. shes due in sept...i wouldve been due in aug if the 1st pregnancy had been successful. Its definitely tough dealing with the family reactions...they do seem to forget about our losses and just focus on the "excitement' of the new pregnancy. The pregnancy of my sister in law is just a constant reminder that im NOT pregnant

that things get easier for you

 

[tweety pie]

Sorry for all your losses. I lost my daughter lily may at 18wks and it was just such a terrible time my heart is still in bits. I have stopped going on facebook as i get so upset seeing peoples scan photos, baby photos and all the comments about there babies. It makes it all the more difficult when now i am struggling to conceive i have had one problem after another since the d/c and are getting so frustrated.

 

[KatyW]

I am so sorry for your loss and I can't fathom what you're going through. We just lost our first on 25 June so the due date hasn't come yet, but it's got to be a huge slap in the face.

It simply isn't fair that people who desperately want children have to go through losses or through times of waiting, while others who are irresponsible "accidentally" get pregnant and do things to harm their babies while pregnant. It's okay to be angry about that.

I felt the same way, that I would never conceive, and that just isn't true, it's your sadness talking.

You're going to be a wonderful mother who is so in love with her child, good will come out of this.

So many of us know what you're going through, you are so not alone, and your grief is real.