I hate her...

[SweetPotatoPi]

Breathe Jenn . The anticipation is likely worse than the reality. Stalking for an update for sure and got my crossables in a knot for you!

 

[Napua17]

Jenn........where are you??? Appointment is done so I am anxiouly waiting to hear how it went!!!!

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

^^^ wss!

 

[JViti]

So today went pretty good. Me and hubby were sitting in the Dr.s office, and he asked me how the metformin was doing, i said good, he was glad. He told me about the IVF process and asked how many embryos I would like...1 would guarantee I wouldnt have twins (unless the egg split, which isnt likely since theres no family history of twins), but a less success rate. Still a good success rate tho. 2 embryos would highly increase the chance of twins, but the success rate would be higher.

I said 2.

He was glad...he said he LOVES when people choose 2, it shows they know what they want and arent afraid to take a risk. He said "those are the people you KNOW have had enough and are ready for the finish line."

So, I had some blood work and genetic testing for Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I dont think I'm a carrier (no one in my family has it, or my hubbys but better safe then sorry). And previous testing was negative for CF. They are doing kidney and liver function tests to make sure the metformin isnt killing me lol. Still waiting for the phone call with the results (hence why its taking so long to update...i wanted to wait for the phone call, but i couldnt wit any longer...ive been dying to tell u ladies! lol)

So, he is putting everything through the insurance and were playing the waiting game now. As soon as they accept it, I will be going on Birth Control to get a jump start. (sounds so counter productive doesnt it??). Then we will begin all the injectables. fun fun. (good thing ive had lots of practice )

So, in short, I am happy with todays appointment. Unfortunately, theres nothing to count down to now...its a waiting game. but im happy.

He asked if I needed a support group for infertility...I told him I had one...online...he wasnt sure if it was the best, and thought it might be better to see people in person...my hubby looked at him and was like...trust me, she is on that support group everyday, twice a day, sometimes 3 times a day, and it helps her. a lot. He was satisfied and said whatever helps me though the tough times.

There was a lady next to me who was 8 weeks pregnant and going for her last appointment with the RE before she gets shipped to the OB. I was mad jealous, but happy at the same time, because that means they got someone pregnant. and theres hope for me.

So now, its just waiting to see if the insurance will cover my IVF. If so, then let the games begin...If not, I'll need some help from you ladies to go shoot up the insurance company....kidding...maybe.

So all in all....

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Woooooohoooooooo!!! Excellent appointment Jenn!!
I knew it would go fabulously . And it sounds like you guys and the doc are really on the same page so yes! So, so, so excited that things went so well for you and can't wait to hear the test results .

 

[tommyg]

Fantastic update, sounds like you are heading in the right direction.

 

[JViti]

Thanks everyone. I'm still nervous and anxiously awaiting the insurances decision. Hopefully it will be soon!!! They said it could take as long as 4 weeks...i hope to GOD it dont take that long...i cant stand it!! So even though this is all a step in the right direction, i cant get overly excited yet. cant get excited until my insurance gives the green light.

So as far as my SIL goes, I think im getting excited. I saw her last night and holy moly shes showing. Shes only 14 weeks, but wowzers, shes got a belly. its all anyone talked about last night. of course i got to tell everyone about my appointment and they seem excited but since theres no baby yet, she got all the excitement. She called me today to tell me that she got engaged (fina-fucking-ly...they been together for like 6 years), and ITS A BOY! So i gues im getting excited to have another nephew. Just glad its not a girl...i dont think i would have recovered.

I know I say this, like, all the time, but I LOVE YOU LADIES. (so does hubby...now i dont bug him as much with my problems and depression lol)When I got out of my appointment yesterday, I told you ladies about it before I told anyone else. wow. i do love you ladies lol. I hope we all get our BFPs in 2014, and Becky--I hope you bean stays sticky!! I cant speak for everyone, but I am happy for you. I know you felt weird telling us about it, but we have to remember, we all have children and are trying for more, you are finally getting your first!!

I hope this happiness stays with me, but, knowing my track record, it wont. I'll get depressed within the next couple days. But it did help to get out of the house like you ladies suggested. I would like to get out today, but its snowing like a madhouse here in Massachusetts.

So, how are all you ladies doing today???

 

[JViti]

Becky, were all praying for a sticky for you. While it may be tough to see updates from people, you started in almost the same boat we did. You were LTTTC. You didnt know u were pregnant when you first chatted with us. Will never hold it against you.

I am a little nervous about the 2 embryos. I mean, that means I could have twins. I mean I'm ok with it, I'd rather twins than zero, but its the high risk factor that worries me. I'm already at a high risk of miscarriage, gestational diabetes and pre-term labor...this ups it. But where i only have 6 IVF chances before my insurance cuts me off...i figure, i'd rather have 12 chances (2 eggs x 6 IVFs) than just 6 chances (1 egg x 6 IVF).

Who knows, maybe I'll go all octomom on them and have them do 8...If i get 8, You can all have one lol. I'll take the 9 months of heroin freeness for the team! lol.

I love you guys...

I made a joke to my MIL the other day that maybe I should start popping pills and using heroin and prostituting to get my baby...she didnt find it funny...i did tho...and i laughed my ass off....she didnt...she doesnt get it my humor like you guys do. you guys are awesome!!!

 

[tommyg]

Jviti I'm so so delighted you are getting excited for SIL, it's still early days and you have time for it to grown on you. I know a brother and sister who didn't talk for about 5 years because of pregnancy envy. It wasn't good for any of them. I'm glad you have a plan going forward. Good luck.

 

[CaliDreaming]

Jviti I'm SO excited you've started the IVF process. I also think it's great that you're putting two back. I can understand being concerned about the risk but they have gotten so good at managing twin pregnancies these days.

I'm also glad that you're happy for SIL but I still want you to be first to have a girl...or maybe two!!! You deserve that little cherry on top after all you've gone through!!!

 

[JViti]

Well ladies, drunken drug-laden orgies aren't quite as effective as once thought. I had my 8 week appointment today and when the midwife was doing the ultrasound, there was a sac, but no baby. She sent me for an internal which indicated that there was a baby, but it was only measuring 6 weeks and there was no detected heartbeat. I was told that I most likely had a miscarriage. I know for certain that I ovulated December 7 (BBT charting and OPK), so given that, I should be 8-1 or 8-2, so the fact that the baby's measuring only at 6 weeks isn't a good sign. My midwife wants to make absolutely certain that it's a nonviable pregnancy before scheduling a D&C, but only a miracle will change the circumstances here. It'll be scheduled for either Wednesday or Thursday. It was too late tonight so I'll be getting a call tomorrow about when it is. It's crushing. I feel numb. I hate statistics. Hate them. Because 85% of couples get pregnant within a year. AND, 80% of confirmed pregnancies don't end in miscarriage. So, the odds of taking that long to conceive and then having a miscarriage are like 3%. I should start playing the damn lottery.

Becky I am sooo sorry. I am literally crying here for you. My eyes welled up with tears. There is nothing we can say to ease your pain. and anyone who tries to has clearly never experienced a loss. Just know that we are here for you to vent if u need to. We love you Becky!!! We are still praying for a miracle for you. Ive got everything crossed over here!!

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

Oh becky I am so, so, so very sorry . Just, no, no, NO damnit!!! I wish we could do something, say something, to make this not be love. This shit is so crushing and it's so fucking heartwrenching to LTTTC as well as m/c. I'm cosigning with everything Jenn said. Sending major healing energy your way doll and I will light a candle for that sweet soul who shared your space with you . We'll be constantly checking in with you girly...

 

[CaliDreaming]

Becky, I'm so sorry. Life is just so unfair!

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

How are you ladies? Thinking of you .

 

[JViti]

This is totally unrelated to infertility, but you ladies are friends to me so I know I can vent to you guys about anything...

My dad called me yesterday and told me that he has been urinating blood. A lot of blood. I've taken enough medical classes to know that blood in urine is caused by 1 of 3 things....Kidney problem, Bladder problem, Urethra problem. Add that to the fact that he is 45, diabetic, heavy smoker, hypertensive, coronary artery disease and has had 2 heart attacks already...my dad is a walking health disaster. The light side of the spectrum is that it could be a UTI or kidney stones... But nope, he called me today and they ruled those out...now whats left is serious infection, or...the C word. And if it is the C word, the fact that hes bleeding in his urine would mean its advanced. As in not much chemo can do. But since some doctors dont care unless its their family, he is scheduled to see a urologist FEB 4!!! Like 2 weeks away....If this is the C word, he needs to start treatment, like, yesterday! I mean come on...hes 45!! hes too young for all these problems. I mean, hes a smoker and has been since he was like 18 (with a 7 yr hiatus) so it would be his own fault, but still. hes 45. not even 50 yet. hes too young for everything he has been through. 2 heart attacks before he was 45. First grandchild when he was 38 I got a lot of grief for that one lol.

Why does life have to suck. Now its like more important than ever to have another baby so that just in case its bad news, my dad can meet as many of his grandchildren as possible. He only has 1, my kid. My sisters are 22 (with no bf or partners) and my other sister is 16...so its up to me lol.

Ugh please let him be ok. Please let it be that my dad is a man whore and caught an std from someone. (never prayed for an std before )

and lastly...sdngfhdskgjnNJKDSNGJKHFDGHFJGJKFNHJFNDHNRJNHJNFLKHJKFNBJKENSGJKHFJKHNFNJFHFJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <---that about sums it all up!!!

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

I'm so sorry to hear about your dad Jenn! I can't believe they're not getting him in ASAP . I had to crack a smiley snortle at you wishing man whoredom to be the root cause . That would certainly be preferable to The Big C! Hmm, why does life suck? Good question; my short answer is to advance us in our spiritual journeys. Life doesn't completely suck but it can certainly be difficult to achieve some damn balance it seems like . We'll absolutely be looking for your update on how things are going with him. Sending healing energy to your dad love.

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

And who are those handsome boys in your avvie Jenn? Is one your son and the other your nephew?

 

[CaliDreaming]

So sorry about your dad Jviti. I hope it's not cancer.

 

[SweetPotatoPi]

becky. I'm so glad you're able to see the positive potential through the grief doll. It's wonderful that you've got such supportive providers too as that can make such an overwhelming difference in how you move forward .

 

[JViti]

Becky, I am so sorry. But i am happy you may finally have some answers! I dont want the genetic testing to say anything, but at the same time i do so that u have ur answers. LT disease--I've never heard of it, but maybe its something they can fix!! I know that progesterone is something give women after an IUI or IVF to lessen the chances of a miscarriage, so hopefully the next time you get your BFP, you can start the progesterone right away and get your sticky! Its great that you have an understanding doctor...it makes it sooo much, i wont say easier, cuz nothing makes it easier, but it makes it more bearable. Fingers crossed for you Becky that you have a short wait for your next BFP!!!

My dad called me again and knowing I was so worried, tried to reassure me. Now they are saying that kidney stone is back on the table as a possibility due to the fact that he had some back pain in the area of the kidneys. YAY for kidney stones!! I told my dad that I hope he is being a man whore so that its just an std...his reply? He wishes, hes due for a lay...eww dad, gross...

On a funny note...my sister knows I gross out easily when it come to my parents and sex...so does my dad...well my sister called me once at 3 am...of course im frantic thinking someone died...i answer and im like "omg whats wrong whos dead whos dying...someone better be dying...its 3 am...and i was about to go down on jesse spencer...this better be important. Her response....and i quote.."moms having sex right now...i can hear them...its kinda gross...want me to put the phone by the door so u can hear???" yeah...thats my sister...im blessed...needless to say, i was ready to kill her...i would have if i wasnt too busy puking my guts out from tmi. eww. A couple days later my dad was telling us about old movies he saw at the drive in...i then said I have only ever been to one and it was with gram. Hes like, no...youve been to 2. we argued for like 5 minutes about it. He then says to me....and i quote..."its been 2 Jenn, you were conceived at a drive in..." I screamed, the dog barked...ewww. Now my dad feels the same way if me or my sisters talk about sex, so of course, me and my sisters wanted to get back at him...so my sister tells him like an hour later..."dad, i wouldnt sit on that couch anymore if i were you...Jenn and Keith conceived Anthony on that very spot...and Jenn was on top" yeah i was mortified but not as much as dad was...thats the kind of relationship we have---i cant imagine something being wrong with my dad that has no good end in sight. hoping to god its kidney stones...

And yes ladies....those 2 handsome devils in my pic are my son and nephew. My son, Anthony, is the blonde with the glasses. Not his best pic, but its the only one where they are BOTH looking at the camera and BOTH smiling lol. My nephew is the brunette. My son is 7, my nephew is 4. I got to see him (my nephew) tonight and he ran to me...he usually ignores me cuz hes a boy and sees my son do it, so he does it. But he ran to me today and told me that hes gunna have a baby brother. Now I already knew it was a boy and all, but I got that kick in the gut feeling cuz I had to pretend to be super excited. Im usually good at it...I was a preschool teacher for 4 years so i know how to fake happiness lol, but it was tough this time. I did it tho, mainly cuz its the first time since he found out about the baby that hes been happy about it, so I couldnt take that from him. My son knows im upset, i tried to hide it from him, but hes upset too. I mean hes happy that hes gunna have another lil cousin, but hes sad that Zach gets to be a big brother and he doesnt. So i told him that i was sad too, just so that he knew he wasnt alone and that it was ok to feel that way.

Im still waiting for stuff to take off...They cant submit the claim to insurance until my last RE office sends in my genetic tests results (for the negative CF results), my HSG report, and my IUI report...of course they are slow as hell and they suck, which is why i left them so they are making this drag out more!!! As soon as my new doc receives everything, they can send it off to insurance for approval. and i can get going trying to get my twins...i am hoping and praying for twins so that my family can be complete...and i dont gotta go through all this shit again with TTC and stupid insurance shit.

BKrispy---Just outta curiosity...have you ever heard of GoFundMe? Its a website where you can ask people to donate to a cause. I have seen everything from IVF to adoption to dog surgery bills to bail money. All you have to do is tell a lil about yourself and send it off...its perfect if you have a facebook. You set a goal, and people will donate to you. A friend of mine used it the other day because her 2 yr old chocolate lab ate a sock and it got stuck in her intestines and she needed a $1500 surgery that they couldnt afford...she raised the money in 10 hours...I know someone else who used it for adoption, and they raised $35,000 in just a couple weeks. Its really good and people are usually nice enough to donate. Especially when you tell your story...its not like you just want IVF, you need it, you have no choice, and the reason you dont have your tubes is due from 2 heartbreaking losses...not you getting them tied or using that new permanent birth control and changing your mind. I know it gets in the way of pride, but sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures. I would look it up...its GoFundMe.