I have no words

[addie25]

Every time I think I am doing ok and I feel some joy it all ends in a crying session. I had such a great day today. I went out with my mother-in-law. We went to a casino and I had so much fun. I walked around with confidence this morning (my stomach is getting flatter since I was 14 weeks when I lost the baby I had a bit of a bump) and I felt good till i began to feel empty.

With all this joy today I still had no desire to eat anything and had some guilt for being a bit happy.

I came home after this great day and broke down and cried and cried on the floor. (my husband was not home and I felt so alone.) I do not want him to think he has to watch me. I want him to be able to go out with out guilt. But I just really need him rt now and I have to say he has been amazing.

I went to where I found the ultrasound pictures ( I asked my husband to hide them) and I quickly took a glance and then slammed the draw shut. When is this going to stop? I really thought I was doing better. I was really happy today and now I am drenched in tears. I am scared to go back to work because I feel like I am just going to crack. As a teacher I really cant do that with my students around. I know I have a bright future we are starting IVF in May I think and we will have a healthy baby so why cant I move on?

 

[MsJMouse]

So sorry to hear you are feeling down after a good day. It is really is a rollercoaster, one moment positive, the next not.

 

[wannabe mam]

Ah, hun I am so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. A loss is something I dont think we ever recover from we just learn to live with it, it has been the worst thing I have ever experienced and mine was nearly a year ago, I still breakdown now especially around AF I am crazy! But it does get a bit easier, just keep going, keep a busy life, make plans, try again. Every month I am not pregnant I tell myself I am a bit closer to when I will be! I am a teacher to and work a million hours a week so I am sure that will help keep your mind off things! You are right there is no way you can teach when you are so fragile.
Hope you are feeling better soon xx

 

[addie25]

Ah, hun I am so sorry for your loss and that you are going through this. A loss is something I dont think we ever recover from we just learn to live with it, it has been the worst thing I have ever experienced and mine was nearly a year ago, I still breakdown now especially around AF I am crazy! But it does get a bit easier, just keep going, keep a busy life, make plans, try again. Every month I am not pregnant I tell myself I am a bit closer to when I will be! I am a teacher to and work a million hours a week so I am sure that will help keep your mind off things! You are right there is no way you can teach when you are so fragile.
Hope you are feeling better soon xx

U seem so positive and that is great. I am trying so hard to be but I am a mess. I just want to get the test done in April n have it say I'm good To go and start ivf in may then I will have hope again. I just get so upset with myself bc I go out all day and then come home n break down. I guess in time I will break down less and less

 

[msdecember]

sorry for your loss.. give yourself as much time as you need to grieve and get stronger.