i lost my baby at 18 weeks

[WILSMUM]

hi
i don't really know what to say or how to start, its all still very raw, i lost my baby over the weekend i was 18 weeks but baby only measured 15 weeks.
I had no idea anything was wrong until i experienced some slight brown bleeding/discharge on saturday morning that was only there when i wiped after going to the toilet. I was convinced it was nothing and was just going to ignore it but so glad i didn't and that i did tell my dh and phoned the hospital and went and got checked out. it was then that they told us there was no heartbeat and we arranged to go in on monday for me to be induced but nature had other intentions, around half 5 sat night i started getting pains they came and went, contractions i guess, i kinda just thought it was normal and just got on with looking after my 2 other children but come half 9 i started shaking uncontrollable so dh started phoning round people to get someone to babysit just in case, he literally had been off the phone 2 minutes when i guess my waters broke, he got straight back on the phone i went up to the bathroom where i felt this kinda whoosh looked down and there was the baby, i called for dh he took one look and called for an ambulance, we had to wait over an hour for it to arrive during which time i delivered the baby and the afterbirth sat in the shower cubicle. i don;t think i will ever get the image of my tiny baby laying on the floor between my legs looking up at me out of my head. i had to have a scan at the hospital to make sure i had delivered everything and then stay in overnight. baby is being sent off for chromosone analysis and we'll get the results within the next 3 months.
i don't really know how i should be feeling or whati should be doing, i have 2 children already so have to get on with "normal" life for them and for a few seconds i feel like everything is "normal" and ok and then i remember and start welling up again!
I had an early mc at 5 weeks about 2 years ago and that was nothing compared tothis, this is the most awful thing. and the most ironic thing is that it is and will be the only time i have given birth naturall my 2 previous were c-sections.

 

[lynn1216]

omg hun that sounds like a tramatic experience! i cant imagine what its like!
hugs! youll be in my prayers ! its something that will get better in time i promise

 

[carly_mummy2b]

Oh hun that sounds sp very trumatic I'm so sorry for your loss xxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

I am so sorry I lost my Ava at 20 weeks and the same way as you . I went in for amniocentesis and before they do this they do a regular sonogram and that is when they told me Ava was gone/ I had to stay 3 days ( Knowing she was gone)with her in me until they were going to do what is called a D&E. I was prepared for the D&E and I was supposed to go to the hospital in the morning. Well i didn't know what a D&E was and when i googled it I refused to go to the hospital and had Ava like you , my doctor wanted to kill me, he said I could have bled to death. I already was prepared for the D&E had what they call seaweed up me, it opens the cervix so the D&E can be performed. I wanted Ava to come into this world my way, I still can't believe at age 40 i didn't know what a D&E was/ I am not saying it is wrong to have this done but it was just not for me. I wont get into what the procedure is and not even my best friend who knew what it was told me, she was afraid to So when I googled it I said NO way and I refused to go. I went into labor and 30 minutes she was out and I went to the hospital and we held her and I was released 3 hrs later, We buried Ava on 3/11/2011 and she was born on 3/3/2011. I don't regret my choice but I would not recommend it. It should have been explained to me what a D&E was, they would have explained it right before it was done in the hospital , but that isn't right IMO, I should have known what it was before I was prepared for it. I am still devastated over this loss and always will be, it never goes away the pain just gets manageable. We did test her cells to see what happened and why she died but her cells didn't grow so we don't know what happened and never will. I am so sorry and if you ever need to talk I am always here.
XOXO Andrea

 

[nicksi27]

Hello I'm so sorry for your loss - I lost my baby boy 4 weeks ago. He had no hb on our 20 week scan and I gave birth two days later. I have no words of advice as to how to get through this - I'm an absolute mess I can't think straight. My baby was my whole life and I feel so empty now without him I wish I could have protected him. I hope u find some comfort in the coming weeks xx

 

[WILSMUM]

thank you all for yr kind words.
Andrea I have no idea what a d&e is either - i've heard of a d&c but think that is for earlier losses. they explained to me on the sat that when i came in on the monday i would be given a pessary in my vagina and then an oral tablet every 2 hours until labour started and then they would take the baby and a sample of the placenta along with a blood sample from me and all would be sent to newcastle for chromosone analysis but due to having to wait so long for the ambulance and the placenta being delivered literally as they arrived in my shower cubicle they weren't able to send any of that as it would have been contaminated so i'm not sure what they will be able to find out from just the baby and my blood. I never really held it just when it first came out i was standing up and i put my hands under me just as a impulse reaction and then held it while i sat on the floor, they asked if we wanted to see it at the hospital I said i'd already had and dh didn't want to but now i just have visions of this little thing in a jar as that is how they preserve it to send it to newcastle. they couldn;t tell us the sex at the hospital as it was too early but i presume they will be able to find out from the chromosome analysis, i just don't knwo if i want to know the sex, i don't know it it'll make it easier or harder knowing.
i just can;t believe its all happened, i can't believe that the healthy wriglley baby i saw witht he strong heartbeat at my 12 week scan now isn't here growing in me anymore. i don't understand why this has happened. everything was ok, the nuchal scan results came back low risk and a couple of weeks after that scan my babys heart just stopped beating. life really is so harsh at times.

 

[v2007]

I am so sorry.



V sxxx

 

[tummymummy]

Im so sorry sweetie. Life is truly awful at times. I am so sorry for your loss xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Andypanda6570]

thank you all for yr kind words.
Andrea I have no idea what a d&e is either - i've heard of a d&c but think that is for earlier losses. they explained to me on the sat that when i came in on the monday i would be given a pessary in my vagina and then an oral tablet every 2 hours until labour started and then they would take the baby and a sample of the placenta along with a blood sample from me and all would be sent to newcastle for chromosone analysis but due to having to wait so long for the ambulance and the placenta being delivered literally as they arrived in my shower cubicle they weren't able to send any of that as it would have been contaminated so i'm not sure what they will be able to find out from just the baby and my blood. I never really held it just when it first came out i was standing up and i put my hands under me just as a impulse reaction and then held it while i sat on the floor, they asked if we wanted to see it at the hospital I said i'd already had and dh didn't want to but now i just have visions of this little thing in a jar as that is how they preserve it to send it to newcastle. they couldn;t tell us the sex at the hospital as it was too early but i presume they will be able to find out from the chromosome analysis, i just don't knwo if i want to know the sex, i don't know it it'll make it easier or harder knowing.
i just can;t believe its all happened, i can't believe that the healthy wriglley baby i saw witht he strong heartbeat at my 12 week scan now isn't here growing in me anymore. i don't understand why this has happened. everything was ok, the nuchal scan results came back low risk and a couple of weeks after that scan my babys heart just stopped beating. life really is so harsh at times.

My scans were all fine also. Ava's heartbeat was picked up at 7 weeks it was 192 and my doctor said that was a great sign and my Nuchal was normal and my risks were not bad for my age 40. Her heart just stopped and I will never know why. I hope you find some answers, cause it hurts so much when you just don't know what happened.
A D&E is performed after 15 weeks, cause the baby is to big for a D&C, put it this way after the D&E is performed the baby is not in one piece, that is all I will say ...

 

[WILSMUM]

yes i have the feeling it will be the same for us - that they won't find anything and we'll never no why its heart stopped. i hate calling it it but i don't know if finding out the sex would make things easier or harder.
i don't think i want to know anymore about a d&e and i completely understand why you stayed home.

 

[Krippy]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful child.

 

[Miss Mitch]

So sorry for your loss, we are all here for you if you want to talk xx

 

[Cracker]

Oh my goodness Wilsmum I haven't been on here since I lost our baby at 15 weeks, but we were only a few days different for due date. I am so incredibly sorry when I read this.

I suddenly lost my baby in the A&E toilet 240 miles from home and like you was just sat there holding it. I had to have an op to remove the placenta though. We are waiting for the results of the postmortem and placental analysis - but they have said it is unlikely to show anything, but we will wait and see.

We chose not to name the baby but we did find out the sex which was initially really hard as then you can imagine your life with the baby even more but I am glad 4 weeks down the line that we did.

You will have very teary moments that come upon you for no real reason, just embrace them and it is all part of the grieving process. I feel for you I really do and if you ever want to chat with someone going through something very similar, feel free to message me xx

 

[WILSMUM]

thank you cracker, i was 18 weeks but the baby measured around 15 weeks and they couldn't tell us the sex at the hospital. The same as you we're waiting on the chromosone analysis but because I passed the placenta in the shower cubicle at home they couldn't send that away as it would have been contaminated, even before that happened they said the likelihood of actually gettign any answers would be slim so I guess now with only the baby and my blood the likelihood will be even less. I do wonder tho if they will be able to tell the sex from the chromosone analysis.

Did they say how long it would be before you get the results? They told us it could be 3 months before we get an appointment at the clinic to go over everything and get the results!

 

[jojo23]

im so sorry you went through such a traumatic experience hun! i lost my little girl last year at 22 weeks but i was in the hospital at the time i cant imagine how scared you must have been at home! the ladies here are amazing and really got me through some hard times so dont be afraid to ask all the questions you need and know that we are always here for you! xoxoxox

 

[calm]

So sorry

 

[heatherlyne90]

i am soooo sorry, i lost my son at 15 weeks and i delivered at home as well... theres no pain that goes deeper than that and i will send up a prayer for you and your little angel. keep your head up, though the pain never leaves completely it does get better and youll make it through i promise.

 

[WILSMUM]

thank you all, it just doesn't quite seem real now, almost like it happened to someone else and not me.

 

[Cracker]

My GP said to contact him in a month but I haven't been offered any sort of meeting to discuss it - he said if he hadn't for the results in a month he will chase them up.
I would love the opportunity to discuss it with a specialist but haven't
Been offered it, has anyone else?

I think in my case the continual heavy bleeding ruptured my waters and triggered labour.

I completely agree, it feels incredibly surreal

 

[WILSMUM]

we were told we'd get an appointment at the clinic at the hospital within 3 months to get the results and follow up, I'm guessing it will be wiht a doctor/consultant that works in gyne/labour ward but don't know.

I have no idea what caused it - the babys heart just stopped beating at around 15 weeks and then 3 weeks later i started spotting and then my body just went into labour by itself.

The not knowing why is horrible but the probability is that the analysis results won't show anything and we will never know. All the health professinals have stressed that there is no reason for us to wait physically and if we do want to try again we can as soon as we feel we want to.