I might punch SD15 in the throat.

[LadyHutch]

She is making me insane. She is just awful.

When we lost the last pregnancy, she made it all about her.

This time, we asked empathetically that she not announce it to everyone I am pregnant, in case we lose another one. Of course, she has announced it to her mom, all her friends, and its all about her again - how hard it is for her, how excited she is, how worried she is, how my symptoms are affecting her.

She has grilled me on my previous pregnancies and has become informed that I get pregnancy rage/irritation, and is trying to annoy me to trigger me off.

She is lazy as shit, and refuses to help with ANYTHING unless it suits her.

I get stink-eye and attitude and mumbled snarkiness under her breath for asking for simple, sane things, like please do your homework...please put your laundry away rather than unfolding it, sleeping on it then throwing the clean clothes back in the dirty clothes hamper...please drink the rest of the bottle of water you opened 10 minutes ago rather than opening another one.

She lies. Constantly. Can't believe a word she says.

She throws all her candy/food/popcicle wrappers on the floor. My 3 year old picks up his stuff and puts it in the trash. She refuses, and then, with her trash right beside her or by her bed or where she was sitting last, swears it was the toddler who left it there...when it is OBVIOUSLY what she was eating 3 seconds before.

She complains about EVERYTHING. It never, ever stops. And if we don't meet her every demand, she throws a bigger fit than the toddler.

I swear, one more sideways glance and she will be the first to get the full force of my pregnancy rage.

Thank Christ Almighty she is leaving in 22 days. I don't know if I will hold out that long. She is just awful. Lord, give me patience before I unleash some awful truth on this horrible person.

 

[bridgetboo62]

awww give her a break she is just a teenager right?
hormones are doing just as much of a number on her as they are on you right now
she will grow up soon
dont be too hard on her she is a just a kid

 

[LadyHutch]

Ugh, I'm trying. I am really, really trying. I've been giving her a break for a year now. She just keeps getting more and more awful every day.

I'm doing a good job keeping a lid on my hormones. But when she told her brother than she was going to try to get me to explode so she could laugh about it, that was when I got to my limit.

I haven't said/done anything yet. But Lord help me.

 

[bridgetboo62]

ugh that is tough
well at least you are staying strong though!
hopefully she comes around soon
try talking to her and relating to her maybe?
every teenage girl needs an older woman to be able to talk to

 

[Narla83]

I agree with bridgetboo62 in that she is still a kid, she snds like my 13yo dd esp with the clean washing drives me mad but that's what they do I'm affraid

Give me half an hour and I cld write an essay on eye rolling, bad attitude and temper tantrums and I'm sure my mum cld have done the same when I was her age!

Give her a chance, maybe have a day out together doesn't even have to b a whole day see if u can find something you both enjoy doing.

 

[LadyHutch]

I try. I have been trying for a year.

She is very, very manipulative. Its really difficult to deal with her. I do things for her all the time...I even took her for a $180 hair cut and color...made a day out of it for her at the spa. I take her shopping...to the mall. I drive her friends around everywhere she wants to go. I cook/buy all her special foods and shit. I wash her clothes and fold them, I pick up after her pig-pen ways. I help her with her homework, listen to her multiple daily crises, give her solid advice that she never takes.

I do everything I am supposed to do and she is still horrid.

I wish I could explain it better. Her dad and I are both so done and ready for her to go home, she has been so awful to us. Its constant attitude, the lies she tells about us are unreal - I am surprised she hasn't gotten CPS called on us with the lies she tells.

It is constant drama, filthiness, lies, attitude, selfish, self seeking, spoiled. Normally I weather it well. But with this pregnancy, and the worry *I* have and my own hormones, its getting to my breaking point.

I won't do anything to her. I am stable and constant every day because she isn't the only kid who lives here, but I am about to lose my mind. I got enough worry right now...we lose 4 out of 5 babies we try to have. I don't need her crap to stress me out.

 

[LadyHutch]

Sorry all, i just needed a place to unleash so I don't go off on her.

 

[Mummy to be x]

She is just a teenager yes but god she needs to learn some respect! If you've tried and taken her on days out and paid for her hair cut, bought all her fave foods etc then she definitely needs to start respecting you. I'm sorry your having to deal with all this shit right now, I hope things get better for you soon, you don't need that stress while pregnant x

 

[bridgetboo62]

with you so early in your pregnancy its probably a good thing she will going back home soon. you are right you dont need the stress especially in the beginning
she will come around one day. wishing you and happy and healthy nine months
sending good energy and vibrations your way

 

[Kantny09]

I agree with mommy to be x she definitely needs a few lessons in respect. And if she were a permanent child in your house I would think something serious needs to be done. However, since she will not be there for much longer and since keeping your stress level down is the most important thing right now perhaps maybe you should stop fighting her? For the next 22 days just pick up after her, do the laundry, and don't let her antagonizing get to you. Instead of trying to get her to pick up her trash or room just pick up what is left out in the house and leave her room to be filthy. I know it is more work on you but it will only be for a short while and if you don't expect her to do it herself maybe you won't be as irritated when she doesn't do it. Does that make sense? But also, stop buying her everything. She doesn't deserve it. I can bet that she does all this JUST to irritate you and when she sees it doesn't work anymore she will move on to something else. Just a thought. I really hope everything works out!

 

[messica]

Teenager or not I don't understand why your husband is allowing her to behave the way she is

My ex is (supposedly) getting married next year. I'd be mortified if either of my children treated his wife like that and would see it as his responsibility to nip it if they did. I sure as heck don't allow them to treat my husband (their step dad) or our home any such way.


Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and get on the same page as to how to handle her. It's his job to be fielding all discipline imo and you shouldn't need to be caught up in the middle of any of her behaviors. I don't understand where he is when you're writing out all you did above?? What has he done to drive the point home that what she's doing is not ok? What has he done to full on stop it? Why do you continue to cater to her and treat her if she isn't reciprocating? Since you guys are obviously struggling with her so much does she *have* to come to your home for such extended stretches?

Maybe shorter visits would be more appropriate at this point in her and your lives.

 

[Kantny09]

I was wondering all those things too Messica! I have a 9-year old step-son who...thank God...is an angel. But when he does need to be disciplined...as all kids do...my husband handles it and handles it very well.

 

[bridgetboo62]

i dont believe in discipline. rewards and praise for good behavior but not discipline. perhaps explaining to a child calmly why what he/she did is wrong. treat them like a human being and respect them and they will respect you. no grounding or time out and especially no spanking is ever necessary in my opinion

 

[messica]

i dont believe in discipline. rewards and praise for good behavior but not discipline. perhaps explaining to a child calmly why what he/she did is wrong. treat them like a human being and respect them and they will respect you. no grounding or time out and especially no spanking is ever necessary in my opinion

I'm sorry but this is a really odd response to me.

I was in the "no discipline, that's mean" camp before I had kids, and then even maintained it pretty well when mine were little, but this is a 15 year old girl we're talking about.

No one is or has suggested anyone try to spank her or put her in time out but consequences are a very real part of life. When she tries to get her first job, if she doesn't show up, doesn't follow policies or disrespects her co-worker or boss no one is going to sit down and calmly explain to her like a baby that it wasn't nice what she did. She'll be demoted or fired. Period. When she gets her first car if she doesn't make her loan payments, or doesn't keep proper insurance on it, the bank and law enforcement isn't going to sit down and calmly explain to her like a baby that "no, no honey sweetheart, you can't do that love!." They'll default the loan and repo the car and possibly even haul her butt to jail. Don't pay your rent - you get evicted. Disrespect your partner - you get dumped. etc etc etc......

If you don't get your child used to the fact that in life if you do wrong, there will be very real and at times very unpleasant consequences, they are in for a real shock when they finally get out on their own (if they ever manage to get the heck out of your house at all).

Coddling through wrong doing's does nothing to prepare any child for the real world. Mutual respect is not a given, it should be something that's earned and then maintained. I'm not going to teach my children that if they treat me like crap I will continue to be patient with them, because no one else in the entire world would ever respond that way to them.


If this teen leaves her stuff lay on the floor, I'd pick it up - but take it away for a determined amount of time or if it was left lay many many times, maybe even throw it away.

If she was disrespectful to me, no way would I go out of my way to bring her or her friends anywhere.

If she doesn't contribute anything but negativity to the household, why should the household give anything positive back to her in the form of spa days, spoils and such?



Absolutely give your children the benefit of the doubt and model good will and forgiveness, but if they break your trust or rules repeatedly you need to respond accordingly or you're just asking for them to continue on the exact same way.

 

[bridgetboo62]

i was simply stating my opinion. everyone has different views of how to raise children and i agree age is a factor. im not saying there is a right or wrong way to do it. im just saying i dont like discipline. but discipline is a very broad term. there are ways to show teenagers there are consequences for actions and still treat them with respect and dignity while doing so. they are people and you should treat them as how you would like to be treated regardless of whether they do the same to you. two wrongs dont make a right. this is such a short period of their life where they are learning and maturing and acting out is just part of the process. no one deserves to have their stuff taken from them and especially not thrown away in my opinion that is cruel and unjust. that is such a minor offense. when you marry someone who has children you make a vow not only to be their wife but also to love and care for their children and treat them with respect and dignity as if they were your own. and when you make the choice to have children to make a promise to love and care for them during their younger years. their place in your home is their birth right not a privilege they didnt choose to live you chose it for them and they are entitled to food and shelter and clothing and they are entitled to have fun and be carefree as this is the only times in their they will be able to do so free of responsibility. the majority of teenagers go through a stage of being disrespectful and it will pass. you signed up for it when you had them/decided to become a step parents and no its not easy at times. and teenagers dont listen when you give them advice they are teenagers know it alls everyone knows that. you need to let them make their own mistakes the best way to learn is from first hand experience if she gets a job and gets fired and is trying to figure out what to do ect then that will be a big learning experience for her. the world is harsh and cruel yeah employers and coworkers are hard to deal with and she will learn that but when she gets fired or his trouble with anything her family and loved ones are there to comfort her and help her through it help her to figure it out not to be just as harsh and unkind and unforgiving as the rest. i didnt mean to start any arguments are criticize anyone else's parenting methods or views on this topic. i was just plainly stating my opinions since others had done so and my point of view just happens to differ from others

 

[messica]

i was simply stating my opinion. everyone has different views of how to raise children and i agree age is a factor. im not saying there is a right or wrong way to do it. im just saying i dont like discipline. but discipline is a very broad term. there are ways to show teenagers there are consequences for actions and still treat them with respect and dignity while doing so. they are people and you should treat them as how you would like to be treated regardless of whether they do the same to you. two wrongs dont make a right. this is such a short period of their life where they are learning and maturing and acting out is just part of the process. no one deserves to have their stuff taken from them and especially not thrown away in my opinion that is cruel and unjust. that is such a minor offense. when you marry someone who has children you make a vow not only to be their wife but also to love and care for their children and treat them with respect and dignity as if they were your own. and when you make the choice to have children to make a promise to love and care for them during their younger years. their place in your home is their birth right not a privilege they didnt choose to live you chose it for them and they are entitled to food and shelter and clothing and they are entitled to have fun and be carefree as this is the only times in their they will be able to do so free of responsibility. the majority of teenagers go through a stage of being disrespectful and it will pass. you signed up for it when you had them/decided to become a step parents and no its not easy at times. and teenagers dont listen when you give them advice they are teenagers know it alls everyone knows that. you need to let them make their own mistakes the best way to learn is from first hand experience if she gets a job and gets fired and is trying to figure out what to do ect then that will be a big learning experience for her. the world is harsh and cruel yeah employers and coworkers are hard to deal with and she will learn that but when she gets fired or his trouble with anything her family and loved ones are there to comfort her and help her through it help her to figure it out not to be just as harsh and unkind and unforgiving as the rest. i didnt mean to start any arguments are criticize anyone else's parenting methods or views on this topic. i was just plainly stating my opinions since others had done so and my point of view just happens to differ from others

It was kind of tough to get through that with no capitals, punctuation or paragraph breaks but from what I gathered:

1.) you're assuming OP and her husband have never once tried to approach the issues they're having with husbands daughter gently. That's really unfair. I'm very sure they gave her the benefit of the doubt and approached her patiently many many times over. At some point, everyone has their breaking point and imo it sounds like this child has pushed things way too far for far too long. Quite obviously, coddling and parental slavery hasn't worked thus far so it's time to try something else.

2.) it's not cruel to take away something a child is treating like garbage. If it's left on the floor like a discarded piece of trash then that's obviously how much they care about it. If they do that at school, the mall or anywhere else the item would get tossed or stolen, so why do you think it's so wrong that a parent teach that very realistic lesson at home? (with the perk of the child being able to earn the item back - lucky them because that's not going to happen elsewhere).

3.) beyond that, I don't treat our family home as a garbage dump, so why should anyone else living here be allowed to - children included? I am not a personal slave that's going to follow my kids around better tending to their personal property than they themselves do. They need to learn responsibility for their own things and frankly, I have better things to do with all of my free time at that age.

4.) sure acting out is a part of a child maturing, but applying appropriate consequences in response is also a part of being a parent.

5.) just because I birthed my children doesn't AT ALL give them a free pass to treat me or others like sh*t at will.

6.) just because my husband agreed to marry me and love and care for my children, doesn't AT ALL give them a free pass to treat him like sh*t at will.

7.) a responsible parent will discipline BECAUSE they love their children, not because they don't.

 

[RaspberryK]

Sorry I've not read all of the lengthy replies but why do kids/teens think they're so entitled?
Number one if she acted like that she's old enough to do her own Damned laundry!
If she can't put away her food wrapper then she doesn't get crisps and candy.
It's pretty simple.
If she doesn't tow the line then she gets privileges such as tv time, pocket money, phone and computer times limited or removed.
Your dh should be dealing with this a lot more effectively.

Xx

 

[bridgetboo62]

i dont feel like its worth my time to utilize punctuation and capitalization in this particular setting
as i stated before not making any assumptions just stating my personal opinions same as others here on this topic

to each their own. you dont consider it to be cruel i do.
and thats so not a valid argument. your home should be a place where you dont have to worry about your belongings be taken or thrown away. your home and public are suppose to be two drastically different settings. and have you ever heard of lost and found?

i never said bringing a child into this world gives them reason to be able to mistreat you
nor did i imply it. that is your own assumption

and i never said that becoming a step parent you are signing up to be treated like shit
or deserve to. i never said its a step childs right to treat their step parent badly
nor did i imply that either

so your making the generalization that all parents who choose not to "discipline" their children as you define the term discipline are irresponsible parents? well thats just silly and closed minded at the least

 

[vickyandchick]

I'm sorry, I was a giant pain in the arse when I was 15 but I would never have behaved like that. Especially not to someone who did everything for me.
Yes teenagers are angsty and hormonal at times, hell I still am, but there still should be a level of respect. Telling everyone that you are pregnant when you asked her not to is just spiteful. I agree with pp's that your husband needs to have a talk with her. Maybe there's a reason she's behaving this way or maybe not, either way something needs to be done about it x

 

[bridgetboo62]

personally her room (if she has her own room) should be her space. she is a teenager now and she has the capability to clean it and keep it clean if she so wishes if not then thats her choice who cares if its messy if its not a communal area.

also i dont agree with her telling people when you told her not to yet
but im sure she is excited and im sure she is worried for you and maybe the stress it puts on you does put stress on her in a way. everyone is effected by the energy of those around them and if your putting off stressful nervous energy because your newly pregnant then she is absorbing that energy and although she isnt dealing with her feelings in a proper manner perhaps she isnt just making it all about her and the situation is genuinely having stressful effects on her as well