I might punch SD15 in the throat.

[purplecupcake]

I still don't get it. If you are so convinced that this is all due to her being mentally ill, why do you take it so personally, and attack her so personally? Threaten to physically harm her due to something that, you claim, is out of her control (due to her diagnoses)? That's like getting mad at someone with cancer for being tired and vomiting on your carpet. "That lazy bitch! All she does is sleep, and can you believe it she puked on my carpet! She does it on purpose!!".

You are trying to have it both ways right now, and that just doesn't work. You can play the mental illness card or the bratty teen card, but you keep wavering between the two.

 

[LadyHutch]

I've actually never said she is mentally ill. I've said we have had her to doctors and therapists, and they have concluded she is narcissistic and histrionic, but no one has outright said she is mentally ill. In fact, they have agreed she does not need medication, and that its a behavioral issue. Personally, I think she is a brat. I do not attack her in reality, but came here to blow off some steam, because she actually ATTACKS me, and her brothers, and her dad, and her mom, and other kids at school, and therapists, and counselors, and strangers, and the list goes on and on and on. I also never said, nor do i believe, it is out of her control. She is perfectly capable of controlling it. She does control it when it suits her or gets her what she wants. So, if you go back and read, you will see I have never said she is mentally ill. We've had her evaluated and evaluated. The best they can come up with is she is nearly a sociopath. They also agree she is capable of controlling her behavior, she just chooses not to, because she is getting what she wants by being this way. She actually enjoys it. You have never seen the glee on her face when she makes her little brother cry or gets the occasional rise out of someone. Or heard her giggling over the trouble she has caused someone.

Yeah, I said she is a brat. I still love her. But yeah, she's a brat. Now ya'll can grab that one and go with it...

 

[cookette]

LadyHutch, it is moot to try and defend yourself to this crowd, you could pee rainbows and perform brain surgery blindfolded and they would find fault with you for starting a venting thread.

I hope you can take a nice (not too hot!) bath, go splurge on a massage, and try and face the next day refreshed. It must be incredibly draining. Im with you, its a lot better off to vent on here than go off on her in person...just opens yourself up to every Tom Dick and Harry that wants to break a VENT into OMG SHE IS GOING TO LITERALLY PUNCH A KID!^&@!

 

[LadyHutch]

Yeah, you are right. They grab one idea and don't bother to read the rest. They could give a crap what we've invested in this kid or how hard we've tried. Too simple to just grab one thing and run with it. *shrug*

I do think it is sad though that many people think that her behavior is fine and excusable. I see the decline in society, and worry that kind of thinking is why rich kids are junking out on pills and heroin, and young people are so lazy these days. Its the fact that people think it is ok to be a slob, and ok to sleep around at 15 and do drugs. that it is perfectly fine to completely disrespect the people who are caring for you, or anyone for that matter. I guess it makes me a bad parent for trying to ensure even our most difficult kid has some morals.

 

[sethsmummy]

what makes me laugh Ladyhutch.. is that some of these people who dont believe in discipline (and i dont necessarily mean the ladies on here) would be the first in the que to slag the parents off of a child who goes off the rails and does that kind of thing.


Have any of you heard of "its just a saying" .. not everything is said in a literal sense.. and to be quite honest.. if you get through your whole parenting journey without thinking "ffs im gonna hit you" then i want to meet your kids... coz they must be perfect. Just because its going through your head DOES NOT mean your going to do it. its a figure of speech.

 

[Mummy to be x]

Oh my goodness, ladyHutch I am so sorry your thread has turned this way!

 

[ajlj1126]

I have read some of your other threads and see that you have had such a hard time with MC's. I am truly sorry for your losses. I'm sorry that you have the added stress of a high maintenance (I know, I'm WAY understating) teenager. I know how hard it is.
My mother had drug/alcohol problems and I was left to raise my younger sister who was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder) and Bi-Polar. She was a HUGE challenge. Did I want to punch her in the throat? OH YES! Do I feel bad about feeling that way and getting overwhelmed with her? Yes. Would I ever do it? HELL no.
Just know that those of us who have been through similar situations truly sympathize with you right now, and those who don't understand will probably judge us, and that's okay. Someone has to do the heavy lifting while others judge from afar. I really wish I could help you out somehow... you don't need the stress of your SD plus all this judgement right now, you need to be resting and taking care of yourself.

 

[amanda111308]

LadyHutch, darling. First and foremost *hugs*

DO NOT feel the need to defend yourself here. I just read this entire thread and tried honestly to view the perspectives fairly, of everyone who felt the need to express their opinions, whether or not they were in favour of all you have been doing in the best interest of your step daughter.

I am a mom, like many others on here. My first priority is to ensure I give my son and my baby on the way the best possible opportunities in life. I have dealt with many disappointments in my life and handled some very tough and trying situations all so I could better provide for my family. You also have done this. I commend you for being the true adult handling it for so long with better grace than I or the majority of others could have.

You came here to vent and hopefully have some light shed on you by people who could sympathize, guide/advise or simply give you a judge free safe area to just "let it all go"

To all of you who feel the need to crap all over someone who already feels terrible about her situation, how about getting off of your high horses and truly think about what you would honestly do differently. Your answer is nothing because she has done EVERYTHING! If you have nothing nice or supportive to say then piss off! We are all pregnant and hormonal I understand that but it doesn't help anyone to be so judgemental and cruel. Advice and support are what these forums have been created for. Not a cowardly way to bully people anonymously from the comfort of your own home where you will never meet or know to whom you are speaking. This is not a public place it is a public forum for everyone. If you do not agree continue on your merry way and don't start trouble and fight someone who is already weak from the fight.

THAT is inhumane.

LadyHutch, feel free to PM me anytime love, I am not going to claim to be a professional or tell you how to raise your family and shoot you down if I do not agree. But I can promise you one thing, I am a mom and that is all I have to be to understand the trials of being a mom. Thank you to the ladies who have been supportive. To those who have nothing better to do with their day, than further crash the spirits of a struggling sister on the forum, do us all a favour and just be quiet. Move on and just be quiet. You do not know what her life is like, you do not understand, and neither do I. But I know when support is needed and I also know negativity is never needed.

 

[purplecupcake]

I've actually never said she is mentally ill. I've said we have had her to doctors and therapists, and they have concluded she is narcissistic and histrionic, but no one has outright said she is mentally ill. In fact, they have agreed she does not need medication, and that its a behavioral issue. Personally, I think she is a brat. I do not attack her in reality, but came here to blow off some steam, because she actually ATTACKS me, and her brothers, and her dad, and her mom, and other kids at school, and therapists, and counselors, and strangers, and the list goes on and on and on. I also never said, nor do i believe, it is out of her control. She is perfectly capable of controlling it. She does control it when it suits her or gets her what she wants. So, if you go back and read, you will see I have never said she is mentally ill. We've had her evaluated and evaluated. The best they can come up with is she is nearly a sociopath. They also agree she is capable of controlling her behavior, she just chooses not to, because she is getting what she wants by being this way. She actually enjoys it. You have never seen the glee on her face when she makes her little brother cry or gets the occasional rise out of someone. Or heard her giggling over the trouble she has caused someone.

Yeah, I said she is a brat. I still love her. But yeah, she's a brat. Now ya'll can grab that one and go with it...

You keep backpedaling and contradicting yourself. I'm not going to waste my time anymore because it's a lost cause, but what you are saying makes no sense from a psychological and behavioral point of view. You simply cannot attribute motives, intentions, and emotions to other people to try to explain their behavior.

To the bolded - well duh. I am an ABA therapist. All behaviors are learned and maintained through functions of reinforcement. Why is she getting what she wants by inappropriate behavior? It's not her fault for continuing to do things that get her what she wants if no on is following a behavior plan and only reinforcing her contingent upon appropriate behavior. It sounds like your family needs to get some help from a BCBA to learn how to apply ABA.

 

[messica]

I hope everyone is reporting nasty, judgmental and harassing posts where necessary. That's the best way to deal with rule breakers here, let admin handle them

 

[bridgetboo62]

wow i never said what i shared was "normal teenage behavior"
i specifically stated please no negative comments though

 

[StranjeGirl]

I haven't read all the posts, but just wanted to say that even if she does have a mental disorder, it is still really really hard to deal with. Yes maybe deep down you know the reason why it's happening, but honestly it doesn't make it any easier on a daily basis. I'm a therapist and if therapists are throwing out possibilities such as narcissism and histrionic then things must be REALLY bad. We all use the word narcissistic on a daily basis to describe people who are self absorbed, but when used clinically it is a VERY different and difficult thing to deal with-one of the worst in my opinion. Personality disorders are not easily handled and it will probably be a long road ahead. I'm so sorry you and her and your family are going through this and I do hope that this can become a safe place for you to vent because it is going to be a tough road ahead and you will need support. I hope for the best possible for you

 

[calm]

Thread closed for review