i never thought it would happen like this....

[jb0519]

Hi everyone, I'm new to this site but I'm in desperate need for some advice. My husband and i met as teenagers. It was clear that he was the one from the start. We had our daughter in 2005. We always planned on having more kids but when we were ready to start trying it didn't go very well. I had an ectopic pregnancy in 2008 and was never able to conceive afterward. As time went on the feeling of failure in this added with the stress of trying to grow up together took its toll. We separated 3 years ago. We both tried move on in life although we never divorced. We lived down the street from each other for most of that time so that our daughter could spend as much time with both of us as possible. We became better friends than ever. I put having another baby out of my mind and started focusing on the other things I wanted out of my life. I began working on getting my bachelors degree since i had never started college when I was young. We both saw other people during this time but never formed any emotional attachments for many reasons. Mainly because we both knew we loved each other too much. I was in complete shock when I discovered i was pregnant last September. The father of the baby was someone I dated for a few weeks and ended things with when i realized how much of an alcoholic he was. I told him I was pregnant, he me to have abortion and that was the last time I've heard from him. When i told my husband he immediately told me that this baby is here for a reason and how she got here is not nearly as important. I know he is right but the reason she is here is not so clear yet i guess. In the past few months i have lost my house, job and had to put school on hold. The actual pregnancy has a toll as well. I am almost 6 months along now and have been hospitalized for malnutrition because i can't eat. I passed out at the register in target a few nights ago and woke up on the floor not remembering where i was. Being alone through all of this is harder than I thought it would be. My husband has been trying to be there for me as much as he can and about a month ago he even asked if we could start going to marriage counseling. We have been discussing working things out but I don't think he could ever accept this baby. There are so many things that have happened since we separated that make it seem impossible to have our family together. Last weekend he told me he was having a hard time with it all. I think he only wants me back because he feels guilty leaving me by myself and pregnant. I can't imagine being with anyone but him. But we are still living apart and sometimes he is so distant. It's so confusing to keep going a forth like this. The question of if we love each other isn't an issue. He says he needs more time to think about things but I am in the a situation where i need to either focus on working my marriage out or preparing myself to be a single mom. Little miss will be here soon enough!!! We always wanted more kids but i never thought would be under these circumstances. I don't understand why it happened like this. I wish i could just be excited about it actually happening! I can't even think about baby names!! I'm just so consumed with worrying about what kind of family she will come home to. My daughter keeps asking when we are going to move back in with dad and i don't know what to tell her when I don't know if we going to.

 

[lilyd]

It sounds as though there is a lot of confusion. If you have been apart for 3 years, why is your daughter asking when you're moving back in with her Dad?

If your husband is unwilling to accept the baby then why is he suggesting counselling?

I think you should separate properly, it seems like the lines are too blurred. You have a new baby on the way and I think concentrating on your children is the way forwards.

There is no point worrying about what kind of family she will come home to, it will be you and your daughter.

In time, things may well work themselves out with your husband, but it sounds as though he is not in a place to make that decision and the indecision doesn't seem to be helping anyone.

 

[tallybee]

Huge hugs. Sounds like there's a lot going on. I hope things work out for the best xx

 

[moomin_troll]

I have a half sister, it's made no difference to me. She's my baby sister. So this baby is coming into a loving home, she has u and a big sister to love her.
As for ur husband, u really need to end this properly. Being in limbo isn't doing u both any good. If u can be with someone else sexually, then u can move on, if u both actually put an end to something that finished 3 years ago.