I really need encouragement from my TTC friends..DH dropped a bomb..

[Liz2]

I am so sorry to hear that you had to go through that. I think that the cold unspoken words are harder to handle then if he was yelling and screaming. I don't think that this episode should be ignored like it never happend. It's coming from somewhere and you should ask him to open up about what even drove him to feel that way. A lot of times in a marriage people might feel like they want to give up because that is easier then working on it and most of the times they don't mean it. I hope that all turns out well. Good luck and hang in there. Major hugs your way!!

 

[Mama4]

Thanks Liz2! I think you make a good point about it being easier to just give up...Im thinking alot about the past few months and the interactions we've had that seem so much more important now than they did before. Im beginning to think all he really wants is my undivided attention. I'd forgotten how childish he can be at times if he doesnt get enough of my attention...and I have to honestly admit - he's been last in line several times this summer...maybe its as simple as that....
Still, I dont think I will really feel better until he tells me with sincerity that he didnt mean the things he said...ya know?
Thanks so much for your kind words and thoughts! to you!

 

[Sassy1]

Its weird, I dont even know you and I am pissed off at him!! Who does he think he is saying something like that??? If you are married, you NEVER say that unless you mean it!! I am so sorry, I know you love him, but I think he is a total ass! Even if he isnt cheating, what he did and said to you was low. If you love someone, you dont take your ring off and say you want a divorce!!!! Big red flags up girl!! Something is up and its time for a serious talk. Oh, and if you have the slightest bit of feeling he is cheating, dont leave him home alone for a few days, thats your home, if he is the one not sure, how about HE takes a few days away so HE can see what it feels like to not have you around, because I am pretty sure if it ends, he wont be living there!

I am sorry for getting all hard about this, I have been thru something similiar and I became so weak because I loved him and didnt truly see what was going on. I am sending you strong vibes hun, all I can say is BE STRONG! No one on this earth will look out for you the way you can, only you can truly protect your heart.

 

[Mama4]

I am sorry for getting all hard about this, I have been thru something similiar and I became so weak because I loved him and didnt truly see what was going on. I am sending you strong vibes hun, all I can say is BE STRONG! No one on this earth will look out for you the way you can, only you can truly protect your heart.

Amen sister! I know this so well from my own past experiences ~ what the hell is wrong with men anyway??? Thanks for your post, I know it may come down to some real heartache for me, but I am strong despite what this thread might portray. I've been down this exact same road before...we shall see. Thanks so much for the and insight. I really appreciate all the feedback Im getting from so many caring women!

 

[sh77]

You are a beautiful woman and you deserve better. I agree with the previous poster, instead of you going away, tell him to bugger off for a few days.

 

[Mama4]

Thanks guys!!!!

 

[babyhope]

Just wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through this, I can only imagine how your heart is breaking. I hope things get better for you sweetie.

 

[MsLesley]

I just want to say that i can honestly understand and feel your pain..truly i can.

im so sorry you are going through this..i only hope you you can find strength and peace in what ever the future holds.

 

[HollySSmith]

Just remember sweetie that this isn't your fault. You must remember that he CHOSE to act this way, no one forced him, even if he thinks the world is coming down around him (as most men tend think when they are stressed).
But don't ever think that its your fault because he didn't get enough attention. And in the end, if he cannot see what a treasure you are then he simply does not deserve you.
He needs to own what he did. He needs to be an adult and realize that life does not revolve around him. In my experience, once they realize what they stand to lose they tend to smarten up.
Maybe try what the other posters said. Take a couple days off, let him sweat it. The space will give you some objectivity at the very least. And remember an apology is more than just words!

Big hugs! I hope that everything works out so that you are happy!

 

[Mama4]

HollySSmith - Thanks. I really needed to hear that and I believe you are right about all that you said. I think I am ready to just leave it alone - maybe with a little time he will realize how hurtful his words were and get over himself a bit. I try to tell him all the time that actions speak louder than words (sometimes - cause words sure can ring in your ears and rip out ur heart!) and if I based his love for me on his actions I'd have to believe he despises me at times...oh well, anyway, its all making me kind of tired and I am coming to terms with it - I cant force him to be someone he is not. And if he is so unhappy with me then far be it from me to stand in his way...some people never learn to stop putting themselves first, do they?
I've been plenty willing to put him first - give him my best, but he never returns the favor (tho he thinks he does!) Its a hard one to continue - if you ask him though, HE is the one always giving...I'd like for us to go to a counselor but Im not sure what he would think of that. If he wont talk to his wife why in the world would he open up to a doctor who might ridicule him? Bleh! I'd as soon ring his neck today truthfully! Im ready for work to be over so I can get home and take a hot bath and go to bed! When Im asleep I dont have to think about all this foolishness. Life is too short, you know?

 

[HollySSmith]

Absolutely. Keep your chin up kiddo, you've done nothing wrong. Focus on making yourself happy, because that's all you can do. I know its hard and it isnt fair. But you seem like a strong woman and remember that us ladies at B&B have your back whenever you need to vent.

 

[Mama4]

Thanks Holly! Who knew that I had so many sweethearted friends at the touch of my fingers??? Its wild to me how encouraging everyone's posts have been to me. Its interesting to get different opinions and ideas and take that into consideration. Its helping me not to feel so sad and making the day easier to cope with...

Thanks again... xxx

 

[impatient1]

I would say sit down and talk to him about everything, discuss where all of it came from and why. I wish you all the luck hun Hope things are better today!

 

[12047887]

mam4, I know what you are going through, from experience. All I can say is that you do need to sit hime down and talk to him. Re-evaluate the situation, how long have you guys been married? How many kids do you two already have? Men operate on a different level than we do, sucks.

 

[Mama4]

mam4, I know what you are going through, from experience. All I can say is that you do need to sit hime down and talk to him. Re-evaluate the situation, how long have you guys been married? How many kids do you two already have? Men operate on a different level than we do, sucks.

I have 4 kids from previous marriage, he doesnt have any kids of his own. Weve been together nearly 5 years total, but only married 7 and half months. I really am starting to think it was just a crazy build up of bottled up stress and anger from previous disagreements we've had and OF COURSE he refused to talk to me about...Im hoping this weekend will shed some light on things. The kids will be at their dads and it will just be me and him. Considered taking time away from him - sending him off for a few days, but at this point that almost feels like handing him the opportunity to walk away and NOT face whats up...I think eventually we will be ok. I have to keep the faith that he didnt mean the awful things he said....

 

[angeljewel]

Hiya honey!! So sorry this is happening to you, its awful when you feel someone has ripped out your heart and stomped all over it!! The way he said 'thats not it' when you asked if he cheated sounds like he is definately stressed about something!! Is there anything going on at his work or yours like people losing their jobs etc, coz he may be worried about the responsibility of another child if this is the case!!

If not you need to sit him down petal and tell him how you feel, he cannot just think this will blow over especially after what he has put you through in the past! He might have felt that coz it was all planned out, that you only wanted him for one thing, as you know how obsessed we ladies become when TTC, he might be terrified to let you down especially as you can obviously conceive he may be scared he can't and won't be able to give you the baby you want!!

Give him chance to put things right, I have in the past screamed and shouted at my hubby mid arguement that I want simply because I wanted him to let me know how much he wanted me to stay, so that might be it!!

Ramble over lol!

Tons of hugs chick x

 

[Nibbler]

Been through a similar situation with my ex. He was uninterested and very distant for months. It was the end of 1999. Saw in Year 2000, a new millennium with him, but it was most unhappy and painful.

Mama4. Be strong. I hope it all works out for you and you will have a very happy ending

 

[mommy43]

awww hun im so sorry hes still being a pain in the butt
u cant make him face up to it n if he wont ur waisting your energy sorry if thats not what u want to hear if he refuses point blank to talk things over that are hurting u and your relationship are u ever gonna be truely happy only u can answer that
as i said before mine does the silent moody thing but knows eventually he has to talk n it does come eventually takes a bit of pushing but we get there in the end i really dont know what to suggest hun i dont know why men have to be so closed
if u feel eventually things will be ok keep going girl obviously u still love him very much hopefully the light will come on n he'll realise what hes done sooner rather than later
hugs to you hun x

 

[Mama4]

The DH has been kinder today..He managed to say that he does want to work on the marriage but would not admit that he didnt mean the awful things he said. He said "its not something I can just change over night" ...meaning he doesnt feel like he used to about me and it will take time for that to come back - if it does??? I have to believe that he still loves me enough - at least he didnt walk straight out and give up right away. Im praying for strength to be patient and try to understand what on earth has led us to this place. I didnt see it coming at all and I feel just awful and shocked over that...mostly just hurt feelings really...Im hoping that I can be a better wife and maybe in return, he will be a better husband. On the surface everything appears to be just fine. But when I look in his eyes too long I see it there now..I see the distance and I dont see the love I used to when I looked at him. I am strong and I will get through this no matter what happens. I know deep in my heart that I've done nothing to deserve being hurt this way - men are just so insensitive at times, they have no idea what an impact their behavior can have on their wives - dont think it through really..Im guessing and hoping that with time things will get back to where they were, and it will be like it never happened for him - he will get over his little snit. But it has certainly carved out a great big gaping hole of insecurity in me that will not be easy to fill back in...

Thanks again to all of you wonderful women who I consider friends for taking the time to help me cope with this mess a bit better! You are all very wise and so sweet! Keep your FX for me and keep us in your prayers please.
Im wishing all of you great big BFP's!!! Wouldnt that just be great if this month I get a BFP??? Luck would have it that way! On that note, I asked him if he'd rather I go back on the pill and he still said no to that. Go figure?? Maybe underneath ALL this the problem truly is his fear that he will not be able to give me a baby, or if he does that he will fail as a father or provider..and its just easier for him to some how make it about me..does that make sense?

Sorry to ramble on sooo long! If anything new develops I will post it here in the days to come. Love and to all of you!!!!

 

[banana1011]

Hi Sweetie,

I had been off B&B for a few days with family in town - just now really catching up on posts. I'm SO sorry you're going through this. We'll all be thinking about you!