I swear other people make gender dissapointment worse..

[tinkerbelle93]

To clarify, I have a little boy. Since it was my first pregnancy neither me and my OH were particularly bothered about the gender, I can honestly say I had no preference with him at all.. but we're thinking of TTC soon and I really do think I would like a girl next time, and I'm worried about feeling dissapointed if it is another little boy.


Anyway I just wondered whether anyone else's gender dissapointment/desire is worsened by what other people say/want. Since I had my little man, 4 girls I am close to have been pregnant- 2 of my SIL's, one of my friends and my best friend. ALL of them openly expressed a strong preference to have a girl.


My SIL already has 1 child, a girl, but made it clear she was desperate for another one and was extremely happy to find out she is. She sometimes makes comments like 'Oh I know loads of people who have boys I'm lucky to have met your brother and gotten 2 girls from him' and when I was talking about future children she said; Don't worry, I'm sure you'll get your girl if you have another one or two'- even though I have not ever openly expressed any desire for a daughter!

My other SIL was pregnant with baby number 5 and, despite having 2 of each already, was very keen for another girl. She only had a girls name picked and was going on about all the cute dresses she'd seen and how she did hope a little bit that it was going to another girl. It did turn out it was boy but still. My friend was pregnant with her first baby (team yellow) and was open about wanting a girl, whenever we went round Mothercare to look at things she wouldn't even glance at the boys section, just pick up anything pink and coo over the little dresses and tights. She had her baby the other week and did indeed get her girl. Now, my best, closest friend is 16 wks pregnant and, although she insisted at the start that she wasn't bothered about the gender it seems to be the same- only has a girls name picked out, only looks at the dresses and girls things when we're out shopping etc.


Anyway, I swear that all that just makes everything worse- since everyone seems desperate for girls it feels as though everyone looking at me thinking I got second-best, and that if I do have another little boy everyone else is just going to be dissapointed on my behalf.. it just feels like an awful lot of pressure! So many people say to me 'Ooh I bet you want a girl next' and 'don't you think a little girl would be lovely?' and I just think I'm going to feel way more anxious next pregnancy then I would have been.. it just makes a small preference into a bigger issue. Anyone else feel this way? x

 

[ravenmel]

The worse thing you can do when ttcing or pregnant is listen to other people as it just gets on your nerves and people assume to know what you want or what you're going through. Unless they've been their they don't.

Your SIL is just feeling like the cat that got the cream, don't worry about her.
Some people just say the first thing that pops in to their head. When I was pregnant with my second everyone just assume that I'd be desperate for a boy because I already had a girl. My mum kept wishing it on me even though she knew it wasn't what I wanted. I remember a girl wrote on my face book wall, I hope you have a boy this time so you don't have to have anymore? I'm mean seriously why do people assume everyone wants 1 of each or only a girl/boy. It got me soo worried I mental prepared myself for the ultra sound tech to say it's a boy.Even after I had my scan and knew it was another girl people kept on with ultrasounds can be wrong and all that non sense, it just makes you want to scream.

The heart wants what it wants xoxo

 

[onetwothreebp]

i was still in the hospital bed when somebody from my OH's family said to me "oh i bet you're disappointed it's not a girl"

... first of all, stop using the word it. i have a beautiful son, say him/he. second of all, i WANTED a boy!! just because i am extremely girly and love pink and everything doesn't automatically mean i want a daughter. i grew up with two sisters and just wanted a son to avoid all the drama!

 

[MrsStutler]

For me it was my DHs family. He has 5 brothers and boys run really strong in his family. Everybody would always talk about how Stutlers only make boys and it was a general "everybody wants to have boys" kind of feeling. I think it had an effect on me wanting all boys. I really, really, did not ever want a girl after becoming close with his family. When my BIL found out they were having a girl for their first child we all kind of felt pitty on him. We were SO happy to have a boy first and then we found out we are expecting a girl in July/August. When I saw she was a girl I felt devistated. My tears were probably mistaken for joy but they were genuine sadness. I'm still grieving over not having all boys like I wanted. I hate to admit how I feel but I really, still, don't want this girl. A lot of it does stem from the feeling of "boys are better" in my DHs family.

 

[foxiechick1]

Oh god yes! People just say the rudest comments as well!

We are team yellow again this time, yes we would love to have a girl as we already have a boy, but will be happy either way.

But....when people TELL me I am having a boy as I'm carrying all front no possible way I can be having a girl and I'll have to try again won't I!?!?! WTF? And it's said with such venom and a smug look on their faces! Why why are people so rude? I love my son to pieces and I would have 20 of him if I could but people are just mean!

When people I don't know say it must be a boy as I'm carrying all front I just say really? That's funny as I carried my DS all round!!! Lol I didn't but it shuts them up! lol x

 

[motherofboys]

Everyone I talk to says "will you keep trying till you get a girl? I bet you want a girl"
Also its worse knowing that DH and our sons and most period in the family want us to have girls. With my last son (we have 3) I didn't really have GD, at least not for myself, I knew we would be having a boy I could just feel it. But for other people's sake I felt bad.

 

[onetwothreebp]

For me it was my DHs family. He has 5 brothers and boys run really strong in his family. Everybody would always talk about how Stutlers only make boys and it was a general "everybody wants to have boys" kind of feeling. I think it had an effect on me wanting all boys. I really, really, did not ever want a girl after becoming close with his family. When my BIL found out they were having a girl for their first child we all kind of felt pitty on him. We were SO happy to have a boy first and then we found out we are expecting a girl in July/August. When I saw she was a girl I felt devistated. My tears were probably mistaken for joy but they were genuine sadness. I'm still grieving over not having all boys like I wanted. I hate to admit how I feel but I really, still, don't want this girl. A lot of it does stem from the feeling of "boys are better" in my DHs family.

i am so sorry you have to go through this and i can completely relate. when i had my son, my dad didn't stop expressing over and over how glad he was i had a boy. like i said, i only have two sisters and my whole life my dad made sure we knew he was disappointed he never had a son. it made me feel terrible and wonder how he would have reacted if i had a girl. my DH's family was kind of the other way, they have so many sons/grandsons that they wanted a girl to spoil.

 

[Rhi_Rhi1]

It does seem like the whole world is after girls, but i imagine it is because it is easier to pick up on it when you are thinking about it ? x

 

[joeegurl06]

For me it was my DHs family. He has 5 brothers and boys run really strong in his family. Everybody would always talk about how Stutlers only make boys and it was a general "everybody wants to have boys" kind of feeling. I think it had an effect on me wanting all boys. I really, really, did not ever want a girl after becoming close with his family. When my BIL found out they were having a girl for their first child we all kind of felt pitty on him. We were SO happy to have a boy first and then we found out we are expecting a girl in July/August. When I saw she was a girl I felt devistated. My tears were probably mistaken for joy but they were genuine sadness. I'm still grieving over not having all boys like I wanted. I hate to admit how I feel but I really, still, don't want this girl. A lot of it does stem from the feeling of "boys are better" in my DHs family.

I felt the same way with my second one so I totally know how you feel. Mine is just the opposite. We already had a boy and I was so hoping the next one would be a girl, because I want a girl so bad, that when I found out he was a boy I called my Mom and was balling on the phone so hard. I eventually got over it and once he was born I loved him so much that it didn't matter that we wasn't a girl.
We are not pregnant with our 3rd and last and fingers crossed for a girl, but I have been preparing myself that it can also be a boy. I don't want to be disapointed and look like a terrible Mom because I don't get the girl that I have been praying for. Not to mention I know there are people out there that cannot have kids and they would give anything to be in my shoes but it is hard when you have your heart set on something plus your hormones are all over the place not to feel sad.
Keep your head up because once your little angle is born you will love her so much and then feel guilty for ever thinking you didn't want her.

 

[motherofboys]

It does seem like the whole world is after girls, but i imagine it is because it is easier to pick up on it when you are thinking about it ? x

I may have miss read what you said in which case this isn't really the answer but I was thinking, perhaps it seems everyone always wants girls and assumes we want girls is because we are women, I bet when they talk to men they say "bet you want a boy, hope it's a boy for you" I know mine with all girls who get anger because people say it to their DH, and say "what a shame you didn't get a boy"

 

[HHenderson]

Oh wow Im on the list. I find out in 22 days and already have an 8 year old daughter. It took us this long to even have another baby. I know this will be my last child so it makes it even worse for me. I dont want to even look at little girl names or look at clothes. I get so emotional thinking if its a girl Im going to need a box of tissues and a really dark room because I am going to be so depressed. I have always wanted a little boy.

 

[motherofboys]

I had another person tell me today that they bet this one is a girl because I've been so sick. With my others my sickness was only in the morning, it was mild nausea I was hardly ever actually sick, and if I started to feel nauseous I would eat and I would be fine. This time it's all day long, really strong feeling, I've been sick everyday since it started, even when I'm not actually sick I'm still in the bathroom almost throwing up, it doesn't matter whether I eat or not, I just constantly feel like I'm going to need to dash of to the bathroom at any moment.
It's building my hopes up, and I wish they wouldn't say it, because I'm convincing myself it's a boy.

 

[cckarting]

For me it was hard because we are totally outnumbered boys/girls. My MIL has 3 brothers, and had two sons. So there was a big pressure to give her a granddaughter this time around. (we have two sons already). In my family we have 5 kids 3 girls and 2 boys and out of all of us there are 8 boys and 2 girls and then a step grandson/step granddaughter. so out of 12 grandkids there are only 3 girls born. So i felt pressure to have a girl. Both my sisters got the girls they wanted. My one brother has no children, and my other brother has 3 boys of his own, and the step son/daughter so he also has a girl. We have found out were having our third little boy in december and i can't help feeling sad that everyone has a daughter but us......We have our final u/s tuesday to confirm boy (he was in a weird position at our 18 week u/s so we didn't get any pics, all they could really say is they are pretty sure it's another boy.

 

[HHenderson]

I was never sick with my daughter. This time Ive had slight nausea for a few weeks for hours a day. I think it really just depends on you and your health at the time not the sex of the baby. Im convinced Im having a girl just so Im not so upset when they tell me the news. I havent even picked out a girl name and my husband thinks Im nuts because no matter what I cant control the outcome of the sex. He doesnt understand how badly I want a son.

 

[cckarting]

i was never sick with my other two! Everything went so good with them. I conceived our first on a one time no protection accident, and the second the first month we started trying. Never sore, no morning sickness, very little weight gain, everything was perfect. i loved being pregnant with them. This baby took us 18 months to conceive i had bleeding through the whole first tri (had a tear in my placenta) was so nauseous and tired, my bb's hurt for the first 6 months i was pregnant. so sick i can't take out the garbage, clean the fridge, even making supper sometimes makes me sick! So i honestly thought we were having a little girl this time. everything was different and it took us so long this time, but guess not!

 

[motherofboys]

Well I didn't think sickness would make a difference regarding gender, because I know people who were so sick with their sons and not with their daughter and vice versa. Or who were exactly the same with both babies and had different genders. But when you really want something and people keep saying that this points to you getting that, you kind of grab onto that hope don't you.

 

[HHenderson]

Just read a forum in first trimester about ramzi method. 97% accurate!

 

[cckarting]

ramzi method was wrong for me

 

[motherofboys]

The only problem with it is trying to read it from your scan because often they flip the image so what looks like the right is the left, and what looks like the top is the bottom.

 

[aimee-lou]

Ermmmm mine is right in the middle lol

People keep assuming we want/are having a girl this time. I'm actually pretty convinced of if myself but I know a lot of that is self-preservation. I know that really I want another boy. I have a lot of issues with my family, especially my Mum and basically I turn into a bit of a brat when she expresses a desire, and I will HAVE to have the opposite. I can't help it, it's just my automatic reaction. When I was PG with Earl (weve been team yellow in all our pregnancies) we were talking about names and we had been thinking about Jacob. Mum said that this was nice and she'd like a 'Jake' - at this my brain automatically said No and I scratched it from my list. I have since made a point of not sharing any details or preferences with my mum.

With having 2 boys already, most people assume that you're only having a 3rd to try for a girl, and I'm sure if it were the other way round we would get the same to be trying for a boy. As it happens we wanted 3 children. I am a little scared if we do have a little girl but not because of my reaction - but because of everyone else. I'm getting worse and worse at dealing with other people's expectations and I often feel like, especially when it comes to the children, that the grandparents are the ones who we do it for not ourselves. I hate this feeing and work hard not to bring it about, but sometimes it can't be avoided - I warn you though, I'm very very emotional right now thanks to hormones and I am taking everything far far too seriously and to heart

I'm sure that once baby is here, and the initial hubbub surrounding a birth dies down it will all carry on as normal. My main worry is though that my Mum will talk as if we carried on and had a daughter for her benefit (she's always said in all my pregnancies she hoped I had a girl), and possibly favour the girl over the 2 boys. For simplicity's sake, I'm often heard to plead with my bump 'Please be a boy!'