I want to get married *sigh*

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Third Trimester' started by bebedreamr, Nov 20, 2011.

  1. bebedreamr

    bebedreamr Well-Known Member

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    My OH and I have been together almost 3 years, and we are expecting DD 1 in February. I really want to be married, or engaged or something, but I don't think it's happening. Especially since we have had a small hiccup, and OH was laid off briefly but has thankfully found a fabulous job that he starts this week. Over the next year we will be short on money because I will be off work, and then when I do decide to go back to work we will have to worry about daycare!
    My OH always tells me he is with me for forever, we truly love eachother and I know marriage doesn't make the relationship. I just really want that day with him, to celebrate our love and being a family together and to make that promise to one another. I guess I am just sad that I will have to wait so long for it :( Even if we were engaged for a few years I would be happy! I just want us to be more than "this is my boyfriend/girlfriend", especially with having a DD together. Does this make sense? lol
     
  2. mummylove

    mummylove Well-Known Member

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    Me and OH av been together nearly 3 and half years and still nothing and this is our 2nd child together
     
  3. ashley_gee89

    ashley_gee89 Mummy of 3.

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    Yep.. Why dont you breech the subject with him? He may well be feelin the same way but you wont know unless you talk to him. I agree though, after i had my son i wasnt satified jus being my DHs gf.. Luckily he proposed but i was planning on speaking to him about it. Its like ur child takes u so far past gf/bf you need a new title to fit hah i know what i mean even if that does sound weird :wacko:. Anyway, speak to him, find out what his thoughts are :) or if he asks u what u want for xmas say somethin like a meaningful ring would be nice.. He should get it
     
  4. 30mummyof1

    30mummyof1 Mummy of 3

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    Yep i can understand that, still waiting for my bf to make an honest woman of me! We've been together 5 years in March, i'm 31 and he's nearly 37 2nd child togetherdue in 2 weeks and still bf and gf! He does want to get married though, i know that much.:)
    Our 2nd child is due on 5th, i think a xmas proposal would be perfect but thats me!!
     
  5. bebedreamr

    bebedreamr Well-Known Member

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    Oh I hope a christmas proposal happens for you! I am cheering for you.
    Ashley_gee that is exactly how I feel, I just feel like bf/gf doesn't cut it anymore. The closer I can get to being the "wife" the better! He already sees us as being "married" as we have a house, and our pets, and a baby on the way so he has everything he wants. So why buy the cow when you get the milk for free, right?
    I do try and drop hints to him, and talk to him about it but he just doesn't want to spend the money on it and I figured that if it was a priority he would be saving for it. I guess I am worried that if he doesn't start seeing it as something he wants to do, that it will never happen. I think I shop for my own ring more than he thinks about it even.
    I did say if he wants another baby, he has to marry me first. lol.
     
  6. 30mummyof1

    30mummyof1 Mummy of 3

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    Thankyou!
    I said that too last time, and then i got fed up waiting! so it definitely has to happen before no'3!
    Every year when its time to buy birthday and xmas cards, it so annoying having to stand in the boyfriend section when i want to buy from the husband section! :grr:
     
  7. TTC86JMS

    TTC86JMS Well-Known Member

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    I'm in the same shoes.me and OH have been together for 3 years,we kno each other for 7 years.I've talked marriage with him a couple of times to the point that he got furious and said that I was pressuring him.
    I blackmailed him with the baby issue(he wanted a baby and i wanted to get married)told him ill give him a child after he marries me,but turned out I wanted a child more.
    So I finally stopped mentioning it,now lately I noticed that he started talking about marriage.he will say "y hav a fancy ceremony,we can just hve the church service and go have our honeymoon.then we'll tell people we're married"
    So maybe I'm close to the finish line.
    ;)
    Anyway hun,don't give up hope.sometimes wat we want is just around the corner.
     
  8. TTC86JMS

    TTC86JMS Well-Known Member

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    I'm in the same shoes.me and OH have been together for 3 years,we kno each other for 7 years.I've talked marriage with him a couple of times to the point that he got furious and said that I was pressuring him.
    I blackmailed him with the baby issue(he wanted a baby and i wanted to get married)told him ill give him a child after he marries me,but turned out I wanted a child more.
    So I finally stopped mentioning it,now lately I noticed that he started talking about marriage.he will say "y hav a fancy ceremony,we can just hve the church service and go have our honeymoon.then we'll tell people we're married"
    So maybe I'm close to the finish line.
    ;)
    Anyway hun,don't give up hope.sometimes wat we want is just around the corner.
     
  9. luckybreak

    luckybreak Well-Known Member

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    OH and I are getting married this week, we were going to have a nice wedding but now that little one was a surprise that money is going to go to the baby and we are going to the court house lol $30 dollars and we are done with it and legal ;)
     
  10. Mummy_to_be87

    Mummy_to_be87 Well-Known Member

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    I really want to get married as well, I got engaged last christmas and I have wanted to get married before this little one is here in February but even if I wanted to marry him I cant because he is still legally married to his ex, they are separated and waiting on the divorce coming through but it upsets me that this baby wont have a mummy and daddy together married but there is nothing I can do for a year or two :(

    Drop hints that you would like to get married and hopefully he will pick up on it and propose, a christmas proposal is great :D

    I hope all goes in your favour :flower:
     
  11. Proud_Mommy

    Proud_Mommy Well-Known Member

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    Have you guys talked about marriage when you first got together? To me this was so important, to lay it all out on the table to my husband when we met. We both were on the same page, we both wanted 2 max 3 kids and both wanted marriage. We actually had DD before we got engaged, she was all planned too I just knew we would get married and we just said lets make a baby! lol. So 3 months prior to my first pregnancy he proposed and we got married a year later when she was born. Now we're expecting #2.

    Communication is the key!!! Some men will say "now is not the right time due to work/money etc".. thats an excuse. If a man wants to get married he will do it.
     
  12. Laurenmomma

    Laurenmomma Well-Known Member

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    Ohhh I so no how u feel! Marriage means so much to me, even being engaged like u say would mean a lot, I hate just being his girlfriend n were on our 2nd child! I hint so much showing him rings, telling him I don't want nothin extravagant but his dad puts him off as he's been married twice, divorced one and separated now from ohs mum! Every time I brin it up his dad has somethin bad to say :-( it means nothing in his family whereas my mumn dad still married n my nan n grandad been married 52 years so I no it means something!!!

    I hope we get it someday... Not holding out much hope tho :-(
     
  13. steph.

    steph. Two little girls!

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    I'm getting married in 5 days but starting to wish we had waited a little bit! We got engaged 1 month before my bfp, and were going to get married in feb 2012 in Brazil, where most of my family live. But we decided to get married before baby arrives, so I will be 34 weeks pregnant, we are getting married in Australia so out of the 65 guests only 5 are mine :( And we are beyond broke. Doesnt help that my parents arrived from Brazil yesterday and were shocked by how big i've become. I have no doubt that I want to become his wife, but I fluctuate become excitement and resentment that it feels like its mostly HIS wedding and I'll be a fat bride.

    Anyway my point is that there is never a perfect time to get married, but sometimes it might be better to wait. Talk to him and make sure he's on the same page. And my biggest advice-- get married somewhere where you can have more guests than him!!!
     
  14. booboomagoo

    booboomagoo Well-Known Member

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    ^ wss.
     
  15. SouthernC

    SouthernC Well-Known Member

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    I've been with my OH for almost 9 years, this is our first baby and were still not married either, we've discussed it and everything but he's yet to pop the question. So I know how you feel
     
  16. flippityflop

    flippityflop Well-Known Member

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    My OH popped the question 30 seconds after I got my BFP. He knew I always wanted to get married, but at 31 I was also aware of the fact that (due to family history) I was running out of time to have a baby. I did come to terms with the fact that I'd have a baby before I got married.

    As it happens my OH got made redundant and then got a new job. Little did I know he used half of his redundancy money to buy me a ring. He asked my Dad on 25th April if he could marry me. My brother got married on 30th April and my OH's plan was to ask me the day after (as to not steal any thunder). Unfortunately his uncle died very suddenly on 29th April and the family was devastated so he didn't feel it was the right time. 6th May I took a pregnancy test and bam. I walked out the toilet and he had a ring and asked me to marry him. He did it there and then as he wanted me to know he had already planned to ask me and didn't want me thinking he'd just gone out and bought a ring as I was pregnant.

    I was over the moon, but also I couldn't really celebrate the engagement as the baby kind of stole the thunder! As for the actual wedding - I really have no idea when that will happen. My plan was for next December, but I don't see how we could save for a wedding on one wage, with the added expense of a baby. His wage isn't that good either so it might be a 2013 wedding at this rate. I know everyone says you don't have to spend a lot to get married, and I get that, but I also know what I want my wedding day to be like! :haha:

    We've been together 7 years, have a house and 2 dogs. We like to do things the wrong way round!
     
  17. Amy2701

    Amy2701 Mummy of 2

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    I know exactly how you feel - me and my OH have been together 7 years and engaged for 3 and a half!! We were planning to wait until we'd had one more baby after this one, but with the baby being so close I am starting to feel like I'd really like my baby to have a mummy and daddy who are married... and I'd also like to legally have the same surname as my baby. We talked about it a bit more last week and decided that we're gonna make it our mission to get married AT SOME POINT in 2012 - makes me a feel a bit better knowing it will be happening soon.
    My sister NEVER wanted to get married, then she fell pregnant by mistake with her VERY on-off BF and they got married 4 months after baby Eva's arrival in July this year :) Think everyone feels the same way when they create a life with another person xx
     

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