I wish Men understood our need to have children!!!

[Aurora CHK]

Hello ladies. My scenario is that I'm 32 and I know that doesn't necessarily mean my fertility is on the wane, but it might be, and I don't want to take any risks. However my (33yo) fella just thinks 'it'll probably be fine' to not start TTC until I am 35 or 36 so feels a bit pressured by me. I could understand if he was in his early twenties and still wanted to go out drinking, clubbing, travelling and so on, but actually he just likes being at home with me and our cats reading. I guess he's worried that a baby will cut into his 'slobbing time'!

 

[lovelaughlive]

Oh Shame Aurora!! I cant say i know exactly how that feels as im only 19 BUT my OH doesnt drink and also prefers to stay at home and chill so in that prospect i know how u feel! It doesnt mean that you cant have a baby at that age but your fertility does decrease! So PLENTY baby dust to u and hopefully your OH changes his mind!! Good luck to u!!

 

[NurseSooz]

Yup my OH has no reason not to try now. I'm sure they just do it to piss us off. I'm telling you, they enjoy being 'keepers of the sperm'....grrrr!!

 

[Aurora CHK]

Yup my OH has no reason not to try now. I'm sure they just do it to piss us off. I'm telling you, they enjoy being 'keepers of the sperm'....grrrr!!

Ha ha, Sooz you crack me up!

 

[Amalee]

Yup my OH has no reason not to try now. I'm sure they just do it to piss us off. I'm telling you, they enjoy being 'keepers of the sperm'....grrrr!!

Hahaha well said! My boyfriend is the same way, we stay in and watch movies most nights, but he's not ready for baby-makin' yet. Neither am I, but hey... At least I have REAL reasons, he just doesn't want interruptions during football games!

 

[OliviaRae]

I know what you mean!! I think my husband would be happy to wait years and years to have a nabs if I let him!! He doesn't get exciting that it's getting closer and gets fed up when I talk about babies to much!!

I think it's because men can still make babies when their like 70 but women can't so they don't get that 'need' like we do because they have loads of time!!

Agree with you completely! lol My DH also gets annoyed when I bring up anything baby I can't help it

 

[Aurora CHK]

I'm gonna start calling my DH 'the SK'

 

[lozzy21]

I know you might not think that going on holiday and nights out etc what you want but more people regret things that they haven't done than people who regret what they have done.

 

[Dukebaby25]

hey there Ladies,
hope you dont mind if i join your thread cuz I really need to get this off my chest. I could talk to my friends but the ones that are married are pregnant or have kids and the ones who are single arent even thinking about babies. Realistically My husband and I are ntnp but in his mind we are wtt. I say we are ntnp because Im not on birthcontrol and we dont use protection. I am in limbo because I have wanted a child since I was a kid and he could wait years. I was lucky in my younger years to have parents who traveled with us alot. I've been to alot of places and done alot. My husband has not, he wants to do all that before we have kids. I can't fathom waiting a couple more years to have kids. We have been together 4 years, married for just shy of six months but it feels like we have been married forever because it took us so long to get married. He loves kids, especially our nephew who was just born this january and he is great with children. He has told my mom and his mom in private how much he can't wait to have kids but that he wants to wait. We got into a huge fight today because i feel like he is unwilling to compromise and doesnt even begin to understand what Im going through. He was like "i guess we have to have this conversation again..." and I said to him "whats the point? your not going to change you mind and Im the one who has to just sit by and deal.." then he said "ok, can i do anything?" Thats when I lost it!! All I could get out was "are you serious??" and then i walked out of the room. He had to leave for work so he did but now Im so confused. All I want is for him to give me a realistic timeline, maybe save some money for a baby and be understanding of my wants and needs and all he is giving me is this is how its gonna be whether you like it or not.
Advice please!!!
Im sitting here sobbing in front of my computer.
We have this amazing relationship and I dont want it ruined but I also dont want to live a life where my dreams are overshadowed by his master plan.

 

[lovelaughlive]

Awww shame Dukebaby!
Sorry i didnt respond earlier but i chat at work and didnt see your message until now!
I know how u feel!
My OH is the same! He loves children but says he is not ready but i think he does kind of understand where i am coming from but hes just not ready! It iritates the living sh1t out of me because i have different views!!
I know what u mean about the timeline, i was driving myself crazy!! and finally my OH said maybe end of next year(Even tho i know he wasnt being serious) i can now start planning and we have only spoken about it once since then because i feel much better that im actually getting somewhere!
I really dont know what advice to give you but maybe what you could start doing is save up your money and go travelling and then save some more for a baby(If possible) Give him what he wants in a way and then if he still doesnt want to give you a baby then im not sure, its all up to you!
Sorry im not much help!
I hope you come right soon! GOODLUCK!!

 

[curly79]

Hi Dukebaby, I don't know if this might help you both but it's what I'd do. Sit down calmly with him, explain what you want and explain that you'll wait if he seriously starts to tick off some of the things he wants to do. So physically write up the list he has, plan how he's going to do them eg. Save so much a month to go travelling. Say you actually want to work on this list with him to get the list down. You'll also be working together which might make him realise what you'll be like as a mum, and you'll get to spend time together working on this like a joint project. You'll see the list shrinking and closer to your dream. Hope you get it sorted and no more arguments.

 

[lovelaughlive]

That is such a great idea Curly!!
I think you have just given me an idea too
Thank You!!

 

[Aurora CHK]

Hi Dukebaby, I don't know if this might help you both but it's what I'd do. Sit down calmly with him, explain what you want and explain that you'll wait if he seriously starts to tick off some of the things he wants to do. So physically write up the list he has, plan how he's going to do them eg. Save so much a month to go travelling. Say you actually want to work on this list with him to get the list down. You'll also be working together which might make him realise what you'll be like as a mum, and you'll get to spend time together working on this like a joint project. You'll see the list shrinking and closer to your dream. Hope you get it sorted and no more arguments.

Totally agree with Curly here, I was going to say something similar although I doubt I'd have put it as well! But I definitely agree that some kind of plan needs to happen, for both of you to feel you are able to achieve what you want out of the next few years. You've said that "All I want is for him to give me a realistic timeline, maybe save some money for a baby" and so I think it would be wonderful if you can get him to sit down and work this out. It may be you want to open two savings accounts, one for baby and one for travels/experiences, along with writing a schedule of travels/experiences he wants to get under his belt.