If you could give a new mum one piece of advice

Discussion in 'Postnatal Support' started by Serene123, Oct 1, 2008.

  1. Piper84

    Piper84 Well-Known Member

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    Get dressed when you get up, if you are up to it, and shower. Put the baby in its seat/basket in the bathroom with you so you can keep an eye on it while you're freshening up.

    Get out of the house as much as you can. It makes you feel vaguely normal again and not so cut off from the rest of the world.

    But most importantly, only when you feel ready.

    Those things helped me more and more as the days went by!:flower:
     
  2. youngmummy94

    youngmummy94 Tylers Mummy !

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    Go for a walk at least once a day, or at least sit outside in the sun.
    Do things to feel good about yourself when you have the chance.
    Don't beat yourself up about bottle feeding or feeling like a failure - you're not.
    It's normal to feel horrible and overwhelmed and just want a break.
    It gets easier!
     
  3. mjsmith88

    mjsmith88 Mother of 2

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    Mine would be enjoy every moment because they grow up way too quick and to take loads of pictures because they change so much from day to day.

    My other advice is that you as their mum know what's best for your kids and never let anyone undermine you, loads of people will offer advice some good some not so good you can choose which to accept and which to ignore x x
     
  4. nickyXjayno

    nickyXjayno Guest

    If your heart is set on breastfeeding but you can't get a latch in the beginning then express, give it a few weeks and keep trying.

    Also don't feel as though you owe people a hold of your baby and if you don't want a 'break' then don't have one.
    You will never get the time back so grandma/grandpa have plenty of time in the future to play with your little one, this is your time to bond with him/her and not anyone else.

    Everyone said to me 'oooh you'll need loads of help and we'll teach you how to do stuff'.
    Last thing I wanted was people around as I wanted me and oh to bond as a family and learn ourselves, which we did.
    It's no where near as hard as everyone makes out so don't feel you have to accept help if you'd rather not.
     
  5. katy1310

    katy1310 Mummy of 1 and TTC #2

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    Don't feel bad about saying no to visitors, or about going away to BF if you have visitors round all the time (if you're not comfortable BF in front of people). We had so many visitors when we first brought Sophie home, and I constantly felt guilty about taking her upstairs to BF when people had come to see her, but then the visits tailed off after a few weeks and we never see or hear from all those people now! I just wasn't comfortable feeding in front of people because I couldn't get the latch right while staying completely covered up.
    I just wish I had not felt guilty about going away to BF, and I think I'd have got on a lot better with it if I'd given myself a chance to do it properly.
     
  6. Blue12

    Blue12 icsi miracle xo

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    Take one day at a time. That means good ones and bad ones. Enjoy the good when it is good and when it is bad or difficult know that it is likely going to be goo again the next day. I remember feeling like difficult days might never end and then the next day would be amazing. And yes. Sleep when they sleep.
     
  7. _jellybean_

    _jellybean_ Well-Known Member

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    Let family help you. Don't try to do everything on your own.
     
  8. eulmh82

    eulmh82 Well-Known Member

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    Trust your own instinct - I know when my baby is not ok and when he is ok. I know if he's too hot or cold thank you very much - I know when he is hungry etc etc. Also let your house go a bit :) I was and still am very house proud but I've accepted the clutter -it's so much easier to have it all to hand rather than having to get everything out of a cupboard everytime you want to use it
     
  9. cupcakekate

    cupcakekate Cooking baby #3 :)

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    Give yourself a break. I know alot of mums (including myself) who give themselves a hard time if they think they aren't doing something right or have made a mistake. Noones perfect!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
  10. Noelle610

    Noelle610 Guest

    Probably what's already been said...

    Shower daily, even if it's at 5pm! You should feel like a human being.

    Get out of the house, even if it's for a 30 minute walk.

    Know that it does get better... babies change so quickly, they're different at 3 weeks old than they are at 3 days old!

    Don't compare yourself to others. As my mom says, if you're down on yourself for success with breastfeeding or how well your baby is sleeping, you'll be down on yourself when your LO doesn't get into the right college or get married to the right person. Your baby is unique - cherish that!
     
  11. GirlRacer

    GirlRacer Well-Known Member

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    I'm sure mine have been said already but let family and other people help. Don't feel ashamed to ask for help or anything, even if it's over night.. My mum helped me out a lot and did a couple of nights at times (i was in next room) and it helped soooo much especially in the early days.

    Also, DO NOT let anyone make you feel bad if you're bottle feeding and you are no worse mother for bottle feeding either. As long as your baby is gaining weight and sleeping well then you are doing just right. :)
     
  12. Arisa

    Arisa Mummy to Summer Rose

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    So true, ask for as much help as possible when you need it and do not feel ashamed to ask before you get too flustered :/ and make sure you seek help from agencies like plunket or post natal support groups and look out for signs of depression and feeling low or detached from your baby to talk to your doctor or counselor. I cannot stress asking and seeking support enough!!!!
    Also do not let anyone bully you into how you feed, change or look after your baby

    AND no matter what birth you have do not expect to heal within a few days, it takes TIME even if you have a relatively straight forward vaginal birth with minimal grazing, there will still be bleeding, sore boobs if you breast feed, saggy skin and soreness all over your body just from giving birth, you will also feel rather overwhelmed especially if its your first like I did. emotionally let your hormones settle
     
  13. Scottish mum

    Scottish mum Well-Known Member

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    My lo is 3 weeks old I agree with airsa, I'm still overwhelmed by it all as I'm a first time mum and still can't believe I have a son! Don't feel bad for not thinking
    motherhood was all rainbows and cupcakes lol! It's a bit of
    a shock to the system no
    matter how expected or
    prepared you are for baby.

    But I take every day as it comes and you get use to it all xx
     
  14. Arisa

    Arisa Mummy to Summer Rose

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    Dont expect to feel back to normal in the "standard time frame" the doctors or midwives give you. Your body is not and i mean NOT back to its normal size after six weeks and sex is no picnic even after a C-section because if you suffer the baby blues or PND its a river of dark hormonal distress and pain and sometimes it feels like you are going through the rapids day in day out. So yeah having a baby is HARD work, not only are you looking after a new life 24/7 even with help and support, you also have YOU and your body to look after. The tiredness, the niggly aches and post surgery pains and the post partum bleeding and infections that can happen are not fun. Do not push yourself like i did or you will end up with an infection in your lochia oh and when your period does come back boy does it hurt, it feels like a million knives stabbing you all at once!!!!

    summer rose is six months and my incision still aches at certain places


    oh and as for going to the gym and exercising, if you have the time then great and even if you do, it really hurts afterwards.

    Bottom line, allow yourself a year or two to get "back to normal" unless you are one of those lucky toned stretch mark free and pain free women who can jog and feed your baby at the same time and hold down a job. Well i wish that were me but its not, so yeah roll with he punches and accept being in big cotton granny panties for awhile after birth not just a week afterwards

    oh and C-section recovery IS longer exercise wise than vaginal
     
  15. Scottish mum

    Scottish mum Well-Known Member

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    Arisa

    You are so funny!! It's all so true!! I think people forget giving birth is like going thro major surgery! I had a friend on day two after leaving
    hospital insisted on taking
    her lo into town with the
    pram it was a big mistake as she was I'll afterwards!!

    Yes you do get cabin fever but watch lots of films if lo allows you to..... It's great if you have sky as you can pause tv!! When you feel up to it go for a small walk.

    X : )
     
  16. Miss Ashley

    Miss Ashley Well-Known Member

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    I'd say that if you can, try to have some support home with you for the first week or two, especially if you've had a C-section. Of course, it's always tough adjusting to a newborn, but factoring in the healing processes make it even tougher. I found that even having support around to act as a "gatherer" (someone to bring you things as you need them, or to put together food) is a HUGE help.
     
  17. MYBezalel

    MYBezalel Active Member

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    For mommies whos babies are in the NICU:
    "This too shall pass. Even babies that go through the NICU are tougher than they look"

    For mommies who have gone through C/S:
    "The pain will subside day by day. Stand and get moving, lying down and just listening to the pain will make it worse."

    For all new mommies:
    "Listen to your heart, it will lead you to your journey. Not all advises are good, and every baby is unique & special. They grow in their own pace, may it be a FT or Preemie."
     
  18. FromHopeToJoy

    FromHopeToJoy Member

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    Don't let people stop by unannounced for the fist month so you can sleep when you need to!
     
  19. crossedfinger

    crossedfinger Hannah's mommy and TTC#2

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    I'd tell new moms to hang in there during the first few days, when the hormones are raging and out of control. For me, the uncontrollable crying stopped after a bit. And if it doesn't get better, please, please, please get help! You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of baby.
     
  20. Lilyandbump

    Lilyandbump Well-Known Member

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    My advice would be....

    1. Remember that after the birth comes the fourth trimester. The pregnancy books don't warn you about how unbelievably difficult the first three months are. You'll be sore, emotional, tired, scared, bewildered, on edge and totally in love all at the same time. Hang in there - it gets easier!! (I remember people telling me that at the start and wanting to scream "when?!!" but they were right. My son is 9 months and it's way easier (and actually quite enjoyable!) now than it was at the start).

    2. Throw the baby books away. They rarely ease your worries and generally just add to them when you read what they say and wind up making useless comparisons with the real baby sat in front of you. Your baby is a human not a robot. Don't let a book dictate and make you feel guilty when your little bundle of joy doesn't do what they're "supposed to" at their age.

    3. Calpol can be given to a baby from 2 months and is available at all good high street chemists!!
     

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