if you werent preg, would you give up your seat for a preg women?

[meli1981]

Right I'm probably going to be an exception here, so here it goes.

Neither of my children can sit on my lap for very long. My oldest never has, she gets upset really easily so I would need that space. You'd be sitting next to a screaming child who'd throw up in the end. (she has autism too)

I'm afraid I wouldnt have given up the seat in my shoes. The lady may have had a reason.

Or she may have just been a cow , I dunno, but its good to be open minded.

but is it fair to "hold" a chair not being used, just in case you need it, when the place is packed and there are people standing all around? i just thought it was common courtsey! this lady was clearly being rude, especially since her lo seemed perfectly happy in her lap

Yeah that might seem fine but what of the kid gets suddenly fed up? It goes without saying I'd give up a seat for a pregnant lady , but I wouldn't give up my child's and I would actually give a child my seat if I was pregnant.

Yeah she could have been being rude and its only fair to think that way in that case but disabilities and difficulties can be unseen, and what may look "ok" to you might not be. I'm only saying that because I've been judged in many situations, for example, my child being in the pushchair space on the bus and a mother with a smaller baby thinks she's more entitled. Yep, for all she knew I was a lazy mare not wanting to take my kid out the buggy, when in fact I had my reasons.

Totally not having a go, but people are quick to judge

if the child gets fed up they i would take the child out of the situation, not allow he/she to continue in its own seat. im not talking about kids with disabilities, but this child was no more than two, and perfectly happy in moms lap

 

[meli1981]

Why does a small child need a seat when their adult has a perfectly good lap? I always offer my seat if someone more needful of it gets on the bus. I would give up my single seat for a parent with a small child but wouldn't give up my seat for a child who could simply sit on his/her parents lap. If you take children on a bus, you should be prepared to put them on your knee - whether they are 10mths or ten years old.

Because a child is a person, they are entitled to there own seat and may not want to sit on there mums lap for x amount of time.
And why should a parent be prepared to put there child on there lap specially when they hit 4yrs onwards and have to pay for them to get on the bus!
what 5,6,7,8,9,10 year old wants to sit on there mums lap?! Really 10 years old! LOL

children need to be taught respect. im not just talking about preg women, but elderly people ect. this child was no more than two, and didnt need his own seat. he was a baby! and btw my daughter is seven and still loves sitting in my lap

 

[meli1981]

and thank you to everybody being supportive it makes me feel good knowing there are still people with manners

 

[AP]

Well, all kids are different. like i said at 2 MY kid wouldnt have managed, and disabilities aren't obvious. That's what I was trying to say. Not everyone needs to agree, but it would be nice if people could accept that some children are different and need their space. People like me get judged all the time, I wish others could be more open minded

 

[CordeliaJ]

Well, all kids are different. like i said at 2 MY kid wouldnt have managed, and disabilities aren't obvious. That's what I was trying to say. Not everyone needs to agree, but it would be nice if people could accept that some children are different and need their space. People like me get judged all the time, I wish others could be more open minded

I'm sure if you had been in the same situation as that woman, you would've explained yourself. It's not like on a bus where you can't really say anything, but at an event it's pretty easy to say "sorry, no because..." etc.
Yeah of course there may have been a reason, but you can't deny that the majority of times there isn't one. Plus from the way the situation was described, it sounded like the woman was acting quite rudely, not in an apologetic 'there's nothing I can do' way.

I think a lot of the comments on here are talking about general situations, and the comments are fair as special circumstances are far less likely. I think it's clear none of us are talking about children with disabilities.

 

[DLA]

Yep I definitely would. But I don't expect it myself. I've been a bunch of places where people just stare at me (waiting for a table at a restaurant) and don't offer me a seat. I don't even care anymore. Some people have manors, some don't.

 

[CLH_X3]

Why does a small child need a seat when their adult has a perfectly good lap? I always offer my seat if someone more needful of it gets on the bus. I would give up my single seat for a parent with a small child but wouldn't give up my seat for a child who could simply sit on his/her parents lap. If you take children on a bus, you should be prepared to put them on your knee - whether they are 10mths or ten years old.

Because a child is a person, they are entitled to there own seat and may not want to sit on there mums lap for x amount of time.
And why should a parent be prepared to put there child on there lap specially when they hit 4yrs onwards and have to pay for them to get on the bus!
what 5,6,7,8,9,10 year old wants to sit on there mums lap?! Really 10 years old! LOL

children need to be taught respect. im not just talking about preg women, but elderly people ect. this child was no more than two, and didnt need his own seat. he was a baby! and btw my daughter is seven and still loves sitting in my lap

Didn't need his own seat in your opinion, the mum of the child obv thought different, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and would rather stand then take a child's seat.

 

[CordeliaJ]

Why does a small child need a seat when their adult has a perfectly good lap? I always offer my seat if someone more needful of it gets on the bus. I would give up my single seat for a parent with a small child but wouldn't give up my seat for a child who could simply sit on his/her parents lap. If you take children on a bus, you should be prepared to put them on your knee - whether they are 10mths or ten years old.

Because a child is a person, they are entitled to there own seat and may not want to sit on there mums lap for x amount of time.
And why should a parent be prepared to put there child on there lap specially when they hit 4yrs onwards and have to pay for them to get on the bus!
what 5,6,7,8,9,10 year old wants to sit on there mums lap?! Really 10 years old! LOL

children need to be taught respect. im not just talking about preg women, but elderly people ect. this child was no more than two, and didnt need his own seat. he was a baby! and btw my daughter is seven and still loves sitting in my lap

Didn't need his own seat in your opinion, the mum of the child obv thought different, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and would rather stand then take a child's seat.

It's the thought/offer that counts more than the action. You're very lucky you are comfortable standing at 35 weeks, for quite a large proportion of women they really struggle, I know I couldn't do it. I'm only 25 weeks and like I said in one of my earlier posts, I was in so much pain once I sat on the train floor when I wasn't offered a seat. Just remember not everyone has such a comfortable time being pregnant.

To be honest that woman could've given her seat to her own child, and stood herself. That way both child and pregnant woman would be able to sit down. Fair enough the child may need to sit, but why does the mother?

 

[meli1981]

it was a baby of two! if it had been an older child i wouldnt think twice. i have never mentioned children with disabilities, i know disabikities arent always obvious, but ide really like to leave it out of this thread because it wasnt the situation here. i try not to judge others as youve seen from my other posts from the past, but when someone is rude right to ypur face its hard not to! ide like to repeat i dont expect people to give up there seats for me, but the seat was EMPTY! you didnt have to pay for seats at this event, and just because the seat was empty beside her, doesnt mean it logically hers. imo it was rude to let anyone stay standing, since the place was literally walls of people, let alone a preg lady.

 

[sue_88]

Why does a small child need a seat when their adult has a perfectly good lap? I always offer my seat if someone more needful of it gets on the bus. I would give up my single seat for a parent with a small child but wouldn't give up my seat for a child who could simply sit on his/her parents lap. If you take children on a bus, you should be prepared to put them on your knee - whether they are 10mths or ten years old.

Because a child is a person, they are entitled to there own seat and may not want to sit on there mums lap for x amount of time.
And why should a parent be prepared to put there child on there lap specially when they hit 4yrs onwards and have to pay for them to get on the bus!
what 5,6,7,8,9,10 year old wants to sit on there mums lap?! Really 10 years old! LOL

children need to be taught respect. im not just talking about preg women, but elderly people ect. this child was no more than two, and didnt need his own seat. he was a baby! and btw my daughter is seven and still loves sitting in my lap

Didn't need his own seat in your opinion, the mum of the child obv thought different, I'm 35 weeks pregnant and would rather stand then take a child's seat.

It's the thought/offer that counts more than the action. You're very lucky you are comfortable standing at 35 weeks, for quite a large proportion of women they really struggle, I know I couldn't do it. I'm only 25 weeks and like I said in one of my earlier posts, I was in so much pain once I sat on the train floor when I wasn't offered a seat. Just remember not everyone has such a comfortable time being pregnant.

To be honest that woman could've given her seat to her own child, and stood herself. That way both child and pregnant woman would be able to sit down. Fair enough the child may need to sit, but why does the mother?

And where are you advising the woman to stand? In front of her child, and thus blocking the view of everyone around & behind?

Or would you rather she left her child unattended and stood to the side? Because I certainly hope you don't deem that acceptable.

Fact is, she thought her child needed the seat. Therefore her child trumps some unknown stranger.

 

[meli1981]

ok lets not get worked up here! she was sitting at the very end of the aisle, so not left unattended. the seat was EMPTY, how is that getting lost on everone!i couldve just sat down, but im polite so i asked if anyone was sitting there, she decided after i asked that her son needed to sit there. to be fair to everyone there, every parent should have sat with their children in their laps, to make room for more! i myself had a two year old with me, she wouldve sat on me and certainly doesnt need her own seat! her child may trump me or anyone else according to her, but in the real world everyone deserves respect

 

[summer rain]

I would and I have. xx

 

[ChelliBelle]

,

Nasty twat. LOL

this is the first time i've ever heard anyone use this word out of the UK!

 

[abcd1234baby]

No way! How rude. When I was still working I commuted everyday for 2 hours on a very bust train in Milan. There were many days when there were no seats left by the time I hot on and I was really surprised that I got offered a seat every time. Once I was standing between two carriages (to embarrassed to ask for a seat so resorted to standing) and a man saw me from the middle of a carriage through a tiny window in the door. He walked through and asked me to follow him and them have me his seat. I was very impressed and thankful! Most Italian women at work told me I should just ask for a seat but I am way to shy to do that. Especially with my atrocious Italian! But ... I don't think a pregnant lady should have to ask!

 

[Annie77]

Why does a small child need a seat when their adult has a perfectly good lap? I always offer my seat if someone more needful of it gets on the bus. I would give up my single seat for a parent with a small child but wouldn't give up my seat for a child who could simply sit on his/her parents lap. If you take children on a bus, you should be prepared to put them on your knee - whether they are 10mths or ten years old.

Because a child is a person, they are entitled to there own seat and may not want to sit on there mums lap for x amount of time.
And why should a parent be prepared to put there child on there lap specially when they hit 4yrs onwards and have to pay for them to get on the bus!
what 5,6,7,8,9,10 year old wants to sit on there mums lap?! Really 10 years old! LOL

Eh -because my child has been brought up with manners? My girls are 8&10 and I can honestly say they have never fussed about giving up a seat and sitting on my lap or squeezing onto a seat together to let someone more needy have a seat. There have been times when I have stood and they have also wanted to stand but I haven't let them due to risk of falling when bus stops etc. We use public transport sporadically so it isn't like they have had it drummed into them.

Yes- a child is a person but they are a person who is (hopefully) learning the rules of what behaviour is acceptable and how to treat others with kindness and respect. Teach a child valuable lessons when they are small and hopefully they will grow up to be thoughtful and considerate adults & less selfish.

Yes there are children who are exceptions, such as children with autism, but most children will be able to understand the reasoning behind performing acts of goodwill or even just the importance of sitting where they are asked to by their parents.

Some posters have stated that pregnancy is not a disability. In fact, just like obesity, pregnancy can in certain cases be classed as a disability albeit a temporary one. Under disability act 2003 a disability is classed as 'a condition (physical, mental or psychological) which prevents you from carrying out activities of daily living'. For some pregnant women who have spd, gestational diabetes, severe anaemia, hypotension etc it can be disabling. Again as a previous poster has stated - if we don't know the full story we shouldn't judge. Just because one pregnant person is fit and well, others may not be.

 

[lauren26]

I would absolutely give up my seat. I don't have kids yet (this is my first) but my nieces have always been expected to give up their seats for pregnant and elderly people and have done so happily.

 

[Jadie]

I would offer a seat most definitely! The only time I felt like I wouldn't was on the train to work one morning and I saw a heavily pregnant lady wearing high stilettos and she asked someone to give up their seat. First of all, I suffer from postural hypotension so i need a seat just as much as her. Secondly if she was wearing appropriate shoes then I might have felt more accommodating. Just my opinion though

 

[overcomer79]

Just browsing but that would have been totally unacceptable. In fact here anyone under four rides the public transit for free. That means the person with the child should hold the child to open a seat. If I'm travelling with my kids, I won't give up my seat but I will hold them if I am able. I don't understand why she couldn't hold her child?

 

[overcomer79]

I just remembered a story. I was 8 months pregnant with my son (feels like ages ago lol). The bus was totally packed. This lady gets on the bus with a small child. Tbh, the child probably couldn't walk. I thought surely someone would offer her a seat but no they didn't. I stood up and motioned for her to take my seat. I had PIH...as well as severe swelling. It shouldn't have been on me to offer this lady a seat but I was concerned for the safety of her child. I guess it shamed a gentleman who then in turn offered me his seat. I didn't know how difficult it was to commute with a small child at the time b/c my son was my first but thinking back on it, I'm glad I did what I did. It is DAMN hard to commute with a child that has to depend on you to carry him.

I'm not saying I agree with that woman as when the bus gets full I put DS on my lap (I try not to commute with both of them at the same time) but he's content either way.

 

[DLA]

I don't think it's about who "deserves" or is "entitled" to a seat. In a perfect world, everyone (including kids) should get a seat. It's more about doing something nice for a stranger. I would absolutely sit a bit uncomfortably with my son on my lap to give a pregnant woman a seat. Not because it's what I "should" do but I'm a kind person don't mind going a bit out of my way to help someone out.