if you werent preg, would you give up your seat for a preg women?

[rachie2011]

Yes, i would give up my seat. Infact, when i was 25 weeks pregnant with my first LO a pregnant woman carrying a toddler got on the bus i was on. All seats were taken and out of everyone on the bus i was the only one to get up and offer her a seat! People need to have lessons in good manners if you ask me.

 

[Babybunny1982]

I think if anyone looks like they are struggling to stand whether preg or not, you are a better human being if you offer a seat.

If people talk to each other rather than making assumptions, this would be a .non issue

 

[TRINITY25_99]

Yes

 

[july2013]

I always try and see if there's someone more in need of the seat so I can offer it up! Now that i'm pregnant, I love it whenever someone offers me their seat, it literally makes my day as manners are so hard to find these days...

 

[Abz1982]

Up here, if you were on the bus and say heavily pregnant and couldn't get a seat the bus driver can make whomever is in the disabled seat (if not disabled or elderly obv) move to give you their seat - as for safety sake a pregnant woman standing on a bus is not a good idea.

I took the bus all through my first pregnancy, up to 36 weeks and I always got a seat bar 1 time, which I ended up having to sit on the floor due to my balance being off and I felt dizzy/sick as the bus was packed.

If we take Emma on the bus she can have a seat if they are free, if not she is on our lap. We don't pay till she is over 5 so until then she is not entitled to a seat. Its not just about manners, it is in my mind like I said before, safety. If I was a bus driver, I would want anyone clearly pregnant seated. Yes they do try to drive carefully, but they are going at up to 30 MPH and may have to break suddenly - an able bodied person can deal with that better.

As for if it was at a show or something, if I went now and couldn't get a seat I would have to leave as I cant stand for more than 10 mins at a time without moving as my back plays up and I get wobbly.

 

[missy1]

I think it's appalling that she had her child on her lap and still didn't give you the seat. If there was a real problem with the child needing her own seat, I think the polite thing to do would be to say "I'm so sorry but my child needs this seat because..." such and such reason, etc. It is absolutely not ok not to give a reason when a heavily pregnant woman is standing up, she would've known it looked really rude, so it's just common courtesy to explain.

Having said that, my children will always be taught to stand for others in need, I think it promotes a terrible image to see your parent ignore someone in need like that, and it just means more people will grow up without manners, which is desperately sad.

I don't care how many women have great comfortable pregnancies and don't 'feel' anyone should stand for them, this is about manners, and the offer should always be given to anyone who could conceivably be struggling: pregnant, disabled, elderly etc. I myself have suffered terribly during my pregnancy, and after a 9 hour shift standing up, standing on the train feels like standing on knives to me. Not just that but I get hot and sick on the train, the rocking is a nightmare when standing, and more than once I've had to pull out a plastic bag, it's hell. I travel at rush hour morning and evening, and 9 times out of 10 no one will offer me their seat.

I have found actually that more women than men have offered me a seat. The worst culprit (on my journeys anyway) is a man in his 50s-60s, which seems weird. So often when I get on a train people close their eyes and pretend they're asleep, it's disgraceful. I once saw a row of 5 men sitting in priority seats, all with wedding rings on, and to be honest all I could think was "thank f*** I'm not married to them". So far I have never asked anyone for a seat because I find it too awkward, but I'm always very grateful and kind to anyone nice enough to offer (whether I take it or not). Once I was in so much pain I sat on the train floor, people clearly saw me but still didn't offer a seat. You know that in a lot of European countries it's illegal not to give your seat to a pregnant woman, and in all honesty, it makes me want to leave the UK. Manners used to be so important, now it's a rarity, makes me so sad.

I completely agree with your post. I think children are not being brought up these days to be respectful to their elders and that's sad and it is a bad example that woman is setting to her child. I've even seen it with my own relatives. At any family gatherings The children are allowed to sit on the couches/seats and the adults end up sitting on the floor and their parents don't tell them to give the adults the seats. I'm sorry but maybe it's just the way I've been brought up but a child should not have a seat before an adult. If the woman that the original poster mentioned was so bothered about her toddler having a seat then she could still have given the pregnant woman her seat and let her child sit down.
Also I agree that pregnancies are different from person to person. It's ignorant for people to say that just because their pregnancy has been plain sailing and you are able to stand for hours that every other pregnant woman should be the same. I experienced a lot of this attitude from other pregnant women early in my pregnancy when I had severe sickness, because they didn't they treated me like I was faking it or exaggerating.
Also you are right that in some countries it is law to give up your seat for a pregnant woman. I travelled by train in Italy during my first pregnancy and at the priority seats they have a picture of a woman with bump to show that these seats should be given up for pregnant women. In Italy I always had people giving up their seat which was always appreciated. Sometimes it's just the attitude in this country, people are becoming more selfish it seems. In saying that there are still some kind and unselfish people out there thankfully

 

[Wriggley]

I would have sat my son on my lap and offered the seat the the pregnant lady - i really really dont understand why some people think its acceptable to refuse a heavily pregnant lady a seat 'just incase' their child needs it.

If i was on the bus i would offer up my seat and let my son sit down because i dont want him standing on a wobbly bus and i would just stand by his seat

 

[CordeliaJ]

Missy, yeah the southwest trains I get also have a picture of a woman with bump where there are priority seats. I think also a lot of people are so involved in their phones/computers on public transport (particularly long haul trains with commuters) that they don't even see these signs and/or people in need.

I thought of this thread today as I had 3 experiences that reminded me of this discussion.
1. Yesterday on the train a man with an 8 or 9 year old boy went to an available seat next to me. He asked his son if he'd like to sit down. The boy said "no daddy, you should sit down, I'll sit on your lap". I thought that was really sweet especially as the boy was of an age where I can imagine they wouldn't want to sit on their parents lap, lovely that he wanted his dad to sit.

2. This morning on a packed train, a woman standing up saw me standing, and she yelled into the carriage "isn't anyone going to stand up for this pregnant lady?" I thought that while that was quite bold, it was also a nice thing to do knowing that it's really awkward to ask for a seat yourself. Only one guy stood up for me, but hey that's better than no one standing up!

3. At work today a woman came into our shop and demanded I get her a book from upstairs, I first phoned up to check we had it, then said "my colleague has it waiting at the till upstairs for you". She just stood there looking at me and said "ok I'll wait here". I couldn't bring myself to argue with her so I just decided to walk upstairs myself and get the book. When I came back, she said "oh, you're more pregnant than me, I didn't notice". I have a huge bump which is hard to miss even from behind the till.
Now what bugs me about this is that she was not showing at all - I have no idea how far she was but if you have no sign of a bump even in a tight t-shirt, no badge, nothing, why is it ok to behave that way (she was speaking to me in a rude manner whilst eating a pastry at the same time) when no one could know you were pregnant? I mean ok I don't like saying "I'm pregnant" either, but there was no other way for me to know. She didn't even apologise for having asked me to go upstairs either, I do have SPD so it's hardly a fun trip, but if I had refused to go, you can be sure I would've told her why.

Anyway, there are all sorts of these situations I would never have thought about before bring pregnant. Who knew it was such a minefield, huh!

 

[iluvmyfamily]

From the 2nd tri but sometimes come in here to see how everyone's doing and I came across this post.

I don't see pregnancy as a disability. I have 4 other children to care for while being pregnant. I cook, clean, do laundry, go shopping, carry bags, pick up my toddlers, and I even help others with their children, bags, shopping carts, etc. So, I definitely do not see pregnancy as a disability. We're just carrying another human being inside our body, the way God intended it to be, and women have been doing it for centuries.

With all that being said though, I would give up my seat for anyone who is pregnant, disabled, a child, basically anyone who looks like they're tired and have their hands full. It's just the kind of person I am. I remember in my previous pregnancy I was in the hospital due to PPROM and they sent me to another floor for a special sonogram. The room I was in was packed. Husbands with their pregnant wives, kids with their pregnant moms, and I just stood there in the corner for a good 20 mins. I didn't say a word, but a receptionist came in the room and told the men "can ANY of you give up your seat for her?? She can't be on her feet for a long time. She's at high risk of giving birth right here and now." They all took their sweet time getting up, even one wife was laughing so at this point I got mad and looked at the receptionist and said "thanks, at least someone had the respect of actually thinking about me." I mean, the women are pregnant. I don't want you to leave your seat for me but how about asking your husband to stand up for another pregnant woman?? I'm just as pregnant as you are. I let it go though as I know there are a ton of people in this world who have no respect. It is what it is.

As for your situation OP, I think you're right. The kid wasn't disabled and she did have him sitting on her lap at first, and if she really felt her son needed the seat then why couldn't she get up and and give him her seat and have him give you his seat? I don't think it would've killed her to do that. I'd teach my kids to give up their seats for others and I have done so. I guess everyone has their own view on the topic.

 

[iluvmyfamily]

Missy, yeah the southwest trains I get also have a picture of a woman with bump where there are priority seats. I think also a lot of people are so involved in their phones/computers on public transport (particularly long haul trains with commuters) that they don't even see these signs and/or people in need.

I thought of this thread today as I had 3 experiences that reminded me of this discussion.
1. Yesterday on the train a man with an 8 or 9 year old boy went to an available seat next to me. He asked his son if he'd like to sit down. The boy said "no daddy, you should sit down, I'll sit on your lap". I thought that was really sweet especially as the boy was of an age where I can imagine they wouldn't want to sit on their parents lap, lovely that he wanted his dad to sit.

2. This morning on a packed train, a woman standing up saw me standing, and she yelled into the carriage "isn't anyone going to stand up for this pregnant lady?" I thought that while that was quite bold, it was also a nice thing to do knowing that it's really awkward to ask for a seat yourself. Only one guy stood up for me, but hey that's better than no one standing up!

3. At work today a woman came into our shop and demanded I get her a book from upstairs, I first phoned up to check we had it, then said "my colleague has it waiting at the till upstairs for you". She just stood there looking at me and said "ok I'll wait here". I couldn't bring myself to argue with her so I just decided to walk upstairs myself and get the book. When I came back, she said "oh, you're more pregnant than me, I didn't notice". I have a huge bump which is hard to miss even from behind the till.
Now what bugs me about this is that she was not showing at all - I have no idea how far she was but if you have no sign of a bump even in a tight t-shirt, no badge, nothing, why is it ok to behave that way (she was speaking to me in a rude manner whilst eating a pastry at the same time) when no one could know you were pregnant? I mean ok I don't like saying "I'm pregnant" either, but there was no other way for me to know. She didn't even apologise for having asked me to go upstairs either, I do have SPD so it's hardly a fun trip, but if I had refused to go, you can be sure I would've told her why.

Anyway, there are all sorts of these situations I would never have thought about before bring pregnant. Who knew it was such a minefield, huh!

Sounds to me the pregnant lady was using her pregnancy as an excuse to not go upstairs and get the book herself. When she realized you were pregnant, and even MORE pregnant than she was, she probably felt stupid.

 

[Annie77]

I don't see pregnancy as a disability in general. However, in some cases pregnancy can render a person temporarily disabled. I work with physically disabled people and have had referrals for pregnant ladies who are no longer able to put on their underpants or socks by themselves, get in or out of the bath, walk around the supermarket, care for other young children and don't have a hubby etc to do for them. In these instances I give them equipment to help get dressed, bathing equipment and arrange assistance for shopping or childcare. After the baby is born the majority of them are back to 'normal' within weeks, if nt days. Pelvic girdle pain or obesity within pregnancy are just two of the most common problems.
Without these conditions, many pregnancies go smoothly without the need for a 'disabled label' but I think it is only fair to recognise that not all mums are as lucky as those who sail through pregnancy with only the usual niggles.

 

[CordeliaJ]

Yeah, I think someone mentioned on this thread earlier - pregnancy is not what classes you as disabled, it's down to whether you're having difficulties like SPD or severe sciatica etc. Being a sufferer myself I completely agree with that, lately I feel completely useless and I'm normally really efficient and energetic.

 

[Dani_Ldn]

I have always given up my seat to pregnant women/older people etc because I have manners, unlike some people. I also think it is rude to leave a small child on a seat in a busy packed train when paying adults have to stand. Congratulations to those who can still stand on a train when pregnant, my work commute was more than an hour each way & with the swaying & jolting of the train, plus pelvic & back pain I simply couldn't stand in the last 5 weeks & if people ignored or didn't see me, I asked for a seat.

 

[smithface24]

When visiting family in London at end of January. I gave up my seat for lady heavily pregnant. I was only about 4 Months gone at the time.
I have also made my 5 year old move for elderly/pregnant or those with younger children. Some people can b right turds. Xxx

 

[AmandaBaby]

I'm so sick of hearing this "pregnancy is not a disability" crap! While I know that technically it isn't, it frustrates me so much when people belittle you and say you're over exaggerating about pregnancy symptoms just because they had it easy! I was at the supermarket once when heavily pregnant, holding a few items waiting in line (there were no baskets left) and it would have been nice if someone had let me go before them (or maybe even offered me there basket!), instead I had to stand in line, holding a bunch of things, trying not to drop anything while feeling extremely dizzy and nauseous (I know someone will say it. Yes, I could have just left but that's not the point!) Which brings me to manners.. Just because you can't see the point in something and just because you had it so easy doesn't mean everyone else does! We all know pregnancy can bring on an array of complications, nausea, dizziness, headaches, the lot! So why don't people stop being so high and mightly, learn some respect and offer someone in need your bloody seat if your able to do so! Also, with the public transport issue and some other scenarios, if your child cant or wont sit on a seat by themselves and there are people needing to sit down, how about giving your child your seat and YOU stand up!
People need to be taught manners, otherwise this world of ours is going to turn to sh*t! I was always bought up to show respect for others and so will my kids! It's disgusting to see the way some people act!
I will always offer my seat to someone else in need, in fact, on the rare occasion I do catch public transport, i'm always on the look out for pregnant and elderly people! I don't do it because I feel I should, or because someones eyeing me with dirty looks, I do it because it's the right and polite thing to do! It's pretty bloody simple, people.
Actually, safety comes into it as well! A pregnant lady or the elderly should not be made to stand on public transport, all it takes is a small bump in the road or sway of the train for an already off balance person to lose their footing! She same goes for kids as well so again, if they wont sit on your lap then you stand up and let your child and whoever else needs the seat to sit down!


Rant over!

 

[MustBeMummy]

Yes I would

 

[chulie]

I think you ladies have hit the nail on the head.....that was the perfect moment for that mom to teach her child some manners by the MOM giving up her seat and standing in front of the child.....Children learn from watching folks......My parents used to always say..."no such thing as bad kids...just wrotten parents"...hahahah.....It's a very OLD saying that does not take into account developmental issues that cannot be avoided...my nephew has a learning disability so I'm sure some times he doesn't always shed the best light on his WONDERFUL parents...hahahaha...but ya..let's face it folks.....children learn from watching......so if your on here saying it's ok to not give up a seat...that's fine..your entitled to that...but remember that your child is going to learn from you how to treat others........you might not like how that looks back on you when your child is older............

 

[meli1981]

i completely agree

 

[knk2011]

I would have demanded the seat.... purely based on the fact that there was no reason he couldn't continue sitting on her lap...

I demanded a seat at the bus stop from a stroppy teenage kid after leaving work the other week, I have SPD and had been stood up all day working - it's good manners to offer your seat to a pregnant woman I think.

While it isn't a disability, we can't all go around with T Shirts that tell people we have pelvic problems or not. I was always taught by my mother to at least offer the seat to them, if they tell you no, that they're fine, then at least you offered.

 

[Annie77]

I think you ladies have hit the nail on the head.....that was the perfect moment for that mom to teach her child some manners by the MOM giving up her seat and standing in front of the child.....Children learn from watching folks......My parents used to always say..."no such thing as bad kids...just wrotten parents"...hahahah.....It's a very OLD saying that does not take into account developmental issues that cannot be avoided...my nephew has a learning disability so I'm sure some times he doesn't always shed the best light on his WONDERFUL parents...hahahaha...but ya..let's face it folks.....children learn from watching......so if your on here saying it's ok to not give up a seat...that's fine..your entitled to that...but remember that your child is going to learn from you how to treat others........you might not like how that looks back on you when your child is older............

That's a really good point - its all about manners at the end of the day. My cousin is a paediatric OT and she says you can tell the children with developmental issues whose parents still try to teach them manners. In fact she was thinking about running some social classes to encourage basic manners etc amongst kids and their parents. Some parents just accept their child's challenging behaviour and don't even try to instill manners (tbh I totally understand as life cannot be easy) but what she is witnessing may be evidence that it is not impossible.