I'm a closet co-sleeper! Anyone else feel they have to hide their parenting choices?

[Cat_pj]

My mum knows we co-sleep often but I'd never tell MIL! She would be tutting now knowing she's currently asleep in my arms

 

[aliss]

Okay I admit I don't tell anyone (not even on here very often) that I still do 1-2 night feeds at 17 months (he's bottle-fed), because I don't wish to hear the inevitable (he doesn't need it!!!!). He likes it, I don't mind it, STFU

 

[purapura]

I find that telling the truth to my family only makes things complicated! So I don't tell them that my boy still naps on me as I love it, that I will hold him if he show signs of distress, I wear him, and buy him cloth and toys if I feel like it.
oh, and was told by mum not to spoil him by playing with him... he should play on his own

 

[whit.]

I don't often publisise that I have a nap schedule for lo. She was such a bad napper & the schedule has really helped her to be a happy little girl but people can be so critical & judgemental. I'd rather focus on being a mum than defend my choices all the time. Ive mentioned it a few times on bnb & nobody's had a go about it (yet - eek, don't all shout at me now!!!) but I'm very aware it's not the strongest preference on this forum.

So... "my name's Kath, and I'm a happy, closet scheduler!' as far as the rest of the worlds concerned anyway

Claire - does that not punishing/rewarding style have a name? I'd love to google & find out a bit more. Sounds interesting

how in the hell did you do that?!

 

[MrsHedgehog]

I don't often publisise that I have a nap schedule for lo. She was such a bad napper & the schedule has really helped her to be a happy little girl but people can be so critical & judgemental. I'd rather focus on being a mum than defend my choices all the time. Ive mentioned it a few times on bnb & nobody's had a go about it (yet - eek, don't all shout at me now!!!) but I'm very aware it's not the strongest preference on this forum.

So... "my name's Kath, and I'm a happy, closet scheduler!' as far as the rest of the worlds concerned anyway

Claire - does that not punishing/rewarding style have a name? I'd love to google & find out a bit more. Sounds interesting

Unconditional Parenting is the basis of it. I wouldn't say I'm a textbook unconditional parent in every way but certain take the main ideas from it. The book about it is by Alfie Kohn.

That sounds really interesting, can you tell us more about it? It's a bit soon for me to be thinking about discipline as LO is only 7 weeks old but I like to be prepared!

 

[JZW]

My LO sleeps in his cot which is right alongside me. He usually goes to bed around 10pm wakes at 4 for a feed and goes back into his cot from 5-8am. By the time I've finished feeding OH had left for work and I usually just put him alongside me in bed and a cushion so he can't roll off (I'm just paranoid). And I'll entertain him for a little and put tv off and we have a snooze.
We don't have him sleeping between us, it just doesn't work for us.
My problem is that I don't tell OH that he sleeps with me when he leaves in the morning. Because he always says he is afraid of co-sleeping. Sometimes he'll come how and he'll ask why the pillows are different and I say we lay down together (not slept).
I'm scared to tell him. I just feel so tired in the mornings as like most mummies I do everything all day mon-fri and it catches up with me.

Before I had LO I did prejudge cosleeping but now because I'm in the situation myself I totally understand. We don't sleep with LO between us mainly as OH is a nightmare and rolls onto me all the time, even when I'm feeding/changing LO through the night!
Thanks for this post hopefully it'll help me too.

^this is us as well, DH knows we part time co-sleep but no one else in our families know.

I often sleep with her on me as well. I pick her up at the first squeak instead of waiting for her to cry. I do what works for us.

 

[Weezie123]

The number of people who have told me not to respond to my baby straight away is unbelievable. I co-sleep and wasn't broadcasting it from the rooftops and my MIL saw the baby in my bed and said "what's he doing in there?" my husband had to back me up and explain that we had tried to put him in his cot but he just woke up every time. I'm actually glad he did though, I love him in with me.

To be honest I'm proud of my choices. The only thing I'm ashamed of is not defending not letting my baby CC, everyone else calls it "sleep training" and tells me it works in a few days. I just say "does it" I have no intension of doing it as when we have friends to stay with their babies it breaks my heart to see them put their babies down to bed crying. They also seem to respond slower to them in the day. How is it working if the baby still cries each time? They all Say "oh she/he needs to cry to go to sleep".

I know they frown upon me spending an hour letting my baby feed and comfort suck. But we have no tears!

 

[kaths101]

yeah i dont tell anyone my Lo still sleeps on me at 12 weeks old! He just will not settle in his cot, my mum asks all the time if he sleeps well and i just say yes - if she knew we co-slept she'd go mad! I told her once in the early weeks and she said im making a rod for my own back when hes older so I dont bother saying anymore.

He also still feeds on demand

 

[lovelylaura]

we dont co-sleep really we put her in bed with us sometimes if its a bad night , i love it tho but not sure i want to start it as she is happy in her bed but the next baby will be with me any way im staying at my mums in december for a night and she was asking were she was going to sleep and when i said in bed with me she really wasn't bothered i thought she would be a bit funny about it but she wasnt i think you should just be honest most people wont care as long as you and baby are plodding along nicely xx

 

[Ozzieshunni]

I don't hide anything I do with Alex. Why should I? He's my son, I have to deal with him, not them

 

[k4th]

I don't often publisise that I have a nap schedule for lo. She was such a bad napper & the schedule has really helped her to be a happy little girl but people can be so critical & judgemental. I'd rather focus on being a mum than defend my choices all the time. Ive mentioned it a few times on bnb & nobody's had a go about it (yet - eek, don't all shout at me now!!!) but I'm very aware it's not the strongest preference on this forum.

So... "my name's Kath, and I'm a happy, closet scheduler!' as far as the rest of the worlds concerned anyway

Claire - does that not punishing/rewarding style have a name? I'd love to google & find out a bit more. Sounds interesting

how in the hell did you do that?!

sounds more difficult than it is! First nap finishes at 10 & we very rarely go anywhere before 10!! If we do she naps in the buggy. & then her bug nap is 12.30 onwards, up to 2 hrs & I just make sure I'm going to be in the same place for that time - lo will happily nap in her buggy if I'm at a playcentre or shopping etc

Don't get me wrong - if someone asks about her schedule I tell them. I just don't rave about it.

 

[Natsku]

I don't tell people that I let Maria eat on the floor half the time as she doesn't like to be constrained in the high chair. I let it slip once on Facebook and my mum told me I should be teaching her good table manners...

 

[aliss]

I don't tell people that I let Maria eat on the floor half the time as she doesn't like to be constrained in the high chair. I let it slip once on Facebook and my mum told me I should be teaching her good table manners...

I used to do that

But then my dog started getting fat

 

[SugarFairy]

I too have hidden the fact that we co-sleep. My HV has no idea nor the other mums we spend time with. My parents know though and are very supportive as they co-slept with all of us. My youngest brother is nearly 8 and still joins them in the night sometimes. They've actually told me to ignore other people and do whats right for us. He's been sleeping in with us since 2weeks old. Up until that point I'd spent every night struggling to get him to settle in his basket. I was absolutley exhausted and spent a lot of every night crying. I'm doing it my way but I don't want to hear everyone telling me its wrong!

 

[Sarah&Ady]

I followed a routine (from a book) he sleeps in his own room in a cot, has done since 5 weeks, 3 meals a day & we have a strict bedtime but most importantly a happy contented baby.
I couldnt give a hoot what people think and neither should you.... do what works for you guys and what makes you all happy x

 

[Natsku]

I don't tell people that I let Maria eat on the floor half the time as she doesn't like to be constrained in the high chair. I let it slip once on Facebook and my mum told me I should be teaching her good table manners...

I used to do that

But then my dog started getting fat

Hmm maybe I should get a dog so I don't have to keep cleaning up the trail of crumbs.

 

[sapphire1]

I don't tell people that I let Maria eat on the floor half the time as she doesn't like to be constrained in the high chair. I let it slip once on Facebook and my mum told me I should be teaching her good table manners...

I used to do that

But then my dog started getting fat

Hmm maybe I should get a dog so I don't have to keep cleaning up the trail of crumbs.

Nah, I'm sure Maria will hoover them up herself eventually Holly often finds random titbits left over from dinner on the floor, and eats them a few days later. Carpet fibres are her favourite though

 

[Natsku]

I don't tell people that I let Maria eat on the floor half the time as she doesn't like to be constrained in the high chair. I let it slip once on Facebook and my mum told me I should be teaching her good table manners...

I used to do that

But then my dog started getting fat

Hmm maybe I should get a dog so I don't have to keep cleaning up the trail of crumbs.

Nah, I'm sure Maria will hoover them up herself eventually Holly often finds random titbits left over from dinner on the floor, and eats them a few days later. Carpet fibres are her favourite though

Maria eats the leftovers too if I don't clean them up. She doesn't eat carpet fibres though, she's not that weird But then again, she eats bark

 

[sapphire1]

I don't tell people that I let Maria eat on the floor half the time as she doesn't like to be constrained in the high chair. I let it slip once on Facebook and my mum told me I should be teaching her good table manners...

I used to do that

But then my dog started getting fat

Hmm maybe I should get a dog so I don't have to keep cleaning up the trail of crumbs.

Nah, I'm sure Maria will hoover them up herself eventually Holly often finds random titbits left over from dinner on the floor, and eats them a few days later. Carpet fibres are her favourite though

Maria eats the leftovers too if I don't clean them up. She doesn't eat carpet fibres though, she's not that weird But then again, she eats bark

 

[Siyren]

im a closet unconditional parent too (well a part time one, pretty similar to claire i think- we basically do what i call natural consequences)- i refuse to talk about it to anyone who isnt my OH or bestfriend as people just seem to assume i let her do whatever she wants no matter what

we've just recently started co sleeoing again at just over 2 years old- and i love it i must admit- it isnt ideal as she wakes for the day whenever daddy's alarm goes off for work- but love the cuddles!!

and she still occaisionally wakes up for milk in the night