I'm a closet co-sleeper! Anyone else feel they have to hide their parenting choices?

[NewMummyx]

I did at first but now I just think "f**k you!"

Im honest about my parenting and firmly remind people if I make a rod for my back then that's the thing, its for MINE

 

[sweetpea2]

I cosleep and bf on demand. I tell everyone about it! lol. I've never had any criticism but I am confident in my choices so I wonder if that comes across. The way I see it, if I am willing to tell people that I do these things, they may not seem so alien and against the norm, and attitudes might be changed, even if only slightly.

 

[sequeena]

I co-sleep, feed on demand and babywear and all these things are practically unheard of where I live. I daren't tell my HV I co-sleep, I could hand her the research to go with it but it's just not worth the hassle. My baby doesn't even have a bedtime routine yet.

 

[BrokenfoREVer]

Jesus! What is it with the world & his wife wanting to get you & LO as far away from each other as quickly as possible?

Don't co-sleep. Don't feed on demand. Don't cuddle/rock to sleep. Don't play with them. Don't let them nap on you.

Seriously what the hell!

My mother would literally drop a kitten if she found out I was co-sleeping. I would not hear the end of it until I told her he was sleeping in his moses basket/cot. In fact...I have visions of her sneaking in & putting him back in his cot/moses basket.

What I fail to understand is why outsiders i.e. not you or your partner or LO think they have a right to comment. Are they doing any of the above with your LO? Do any of your parenting choices affect them? Are you asking them to do the same thing with your LO? No, so back the hell off!!

 

[summer rain]

I part-time co-sleep, babywore with my second youngest (but youngest has never been keen), BLW starting at 6 months, home educate, and delayed some vaccinations on sound medical grounds to do with specific allergies my children have, also none of mine have had the BCG vaccine as we don't live in an inner city or particularly urban bit of greater London and while my OH was born abroad he comes from a country with rates of TB that are similar; if not lower these days to the UK on the whole-plus looking into it the BCG only protects against one particular type of TB effectively that tends to affect under-15s only. As for the other things; hai-ai!

I never told the HV I co-sleep because she just saw his carrycot when he was younger and assumed he only slept in there. I did end up getting into a bit of an unpleasant discussion regarding the vaccine delaying because my HV said she didn't think there was such a thing as reacting badly to a vaccine and when my two other boys got really poorly, it probably was just a complete coincidence. I said I have looked into it and even the NHS are suggesting those with milk allergies avoid a certain ingredient that is in the vaccine I have delayed; she then admitted she didn't really know anything about vaccine ingredients or allergies and shut up.

From other people I get a lot of crap about the BLW; 'how can he eat pieces of x food that big, won't he choke?', 'how can he eat spicy food, isn't that dangerous' and so on and so forth. I've also been told my children will turn out weird and unable to socialise because they are home educated (despite them going to a part time school in the afternoon and taking part in various social activities and going on trips with other kids their own age) xx

 

[sequeena]

And I'm fed up of being told that because I FF (BF'd for 2 weeks) then it's more dangerous for me to co-sleep than a BF mother. I have never continued sleeping when my child stirs, I wake straight away.

Another way for me to feel guilty that I couldn't continue BF I suppose! But my son was very ill and my supply was gone by the time he left hospital

 

[snowflakes]

I part-time co-sleep, babywore with my second youngest (but youngest has never been keen), BLW starting at 6 months, home educate, and delayed some vaccinations on sound medical grounds to do with specific allergies my children have, also none of mine have had the BCG vaccine as we don't live in an inner city or particularly urban bit of greater London and while my OH was born abroad he comes from a country with rates of TB that are similar; if not lower these days to the UK on the whole-plus looking into it the BCG only protects against one particular type of TB effectively that tends to affect under-15s only. As for the other things; hai-ai!

I never told the HV I co-sleep because she just saw his carrycot when he was younger and assumed he only slept in there. I did end up getting into a bit of an unpleasant discussion regarding the vaccine delaying because my HV said she didn't think there was such a thing as reacting badly to a vaccine and when my two other boys got really poorly, it probably was just a complete coincidence. I said I have looked into it and even the NHS are suggesting those with milk allergies avoid a certain ingredient that is in the vaccine I have delayed; she then admitted she didn't really know anything about vaccine ingredients or allergies and shut up.

From other people I get a lot of crap about the BLW; 'how can he eat pieces of x food that big, won't he choke?', 'how can he eat spicy food, isn't that dangerous' and so on and so forth. I've also been told my children will turn out weird and unable to socialise because they are home educated (despite them going to a part time school in the afternoon and taking part in various social activities and going on trips with other kids their own age) xx

This is totally true you are right! I have, and still do i suppose, a reaction to the tb shot. Its pretty horrible. Its been like this since i was an infant.

 

[summer rain]

Over here they used to give the TB shot at between 12 and 15 years and only after doing a skin prick test and for those who had no natural immunity to it whatsoever (if your arm swelled when they did the test; you didn't get the jab), in the UK there is no one set policy now but since they realised the jab isn't as useful in teens and adults they have decided to give it to babies under one year-but there are massive differences between different areas and a lot of the policy is based on really worrying generalisations such as foreign country automatically=country where TB is rampant, there are many countries even some developing countries with a lower TB rate than the UK. Also I do have friends whose babies did react badly to the TB jab as well, some developed abscesses which went right down to the bone and never healed for months and months until they were left with a very disfiguring deep scar in their arm and sometimes a lack of mobility in that arm, if we met any of the 'risk criteria' for TB then we would definitely consider having it for our boys but since we don't I think the risks of the jab outweigh any benefits. xx

 

[ashley2pink]

I did in the past. I nurse on demand too and was told I fed my baby too much, that why would I co-sleep, baby will never be out of our bed, I need to stop holding my baby so much etc etc. Well I'm on my 3rd and still doing the same, but now I dont feel like I need to hide it. I just nurse whenever she wants, and now my mom(who was the biggest downer) tells me she must be hungry, or she wants boob, whenever my dd starts crying. I still dont think she agrees over co-sleeping but oh well. She hasnt said a word about me constantly holding my babies since my 1st dd was a tiny baby.

 

[snowflakes]

Over here they used to give the TB shot at between 12 and 15 years and only after doing a skin prick test and for those who had no natural immunity to it whatsoever (if your arm swelled when they did the test; you didn't get the jab), in the UK there is no one set policy now but since they realised the jab isn't as useful in teens and adults they have decided to give it to babies under one year-but there are massive differences between different areas and a lot of the policy is based on really worrying generalisations such as foreign country automatically=country where TB is rampant, there are many countries even some developing countries with a lower TB rate than the UK. Also I do have friends whose babies did react badly to the TB jab as well, some developed abscesses which went right down to the bone and never healed for months and months until they were left with a very disfiguring deep scar in their arm and sometimes a lack of mobility in that arm, if we met any of the 'risk criteria' for TB then we would definitely consider having it for our boys but since we don't I think the risks of the jab outweigh any benefits. xx

Yes i agree with you. Lily has not has her jabs. It has been recommend by her dr to wait until her medical issues have all settled down a bit. She has just been poked and prodded so much. And now the cardiologist is asking us to wait a little longer now. So who knows when she will have them. But i'm ok with that to be honest, atleast for now. She is not exposed to really anyone but me and oh. I'm a sahm for the moment (decision made after LO was born and her medical probs started popping up, i just couldn't bear the thought of leaving her with someone else who might not treat her as i do kwim?) and we don't go out to much to heavy populated areas, ex. malls, shops, coffee houses etc... We do go for lots of walks together. Her biggest risk of catching something is all her hospital and dr visits, which do scare me a bit.

 

[MizzDeeDee]

And I'm fed up of being told that because I FF (BF'd for 2 weeks) then it's more dangerous for me to co-sleep than a BF mother. I have never continued sleeping when my child stirs, I wake straight away.

Another way for me to feel guilty that I couldn't continue BF I suppose! But my son was very ill and my supply was gone by the time he left hospital

Yeah.. that's pretty obnoxious. I Combi-fed until 4 months and then I just FF.. but I still co-sleep.

I have heard about co-sleeping from day 1. I don't hide it but sometimes I wish I had.

 

[Fascination]

Oh, totally! I'm doing all the same things as you and whilst most people have been really supportive, some haven't. Like my gran when she found out we were co-sleeping, I said that's the best thing for some babies and she said yes, the best way to kill a baby! So rude. I've been told countless times to stop breastfeeding because, "She shouldn't need feeding AGAIN!", "She would obviously prefer something more filling, like formula." or the classic, "Who wants to be waking up every 30 minutes at night? Put her onto bottles and be done with it." >.<

I've had quite a few people disapprove thinking about it, lol. Ah well! If I choose to let her fall asleep in my arms or take her everywhere or let her sleep in our bed or feed her on demand, that's nobody's business but mine cos they're not the ones that have to do it, I am, so why it even bothers them so much IDK! x

 

[eleda]

I do my best to be open about my parenting. The only way for attachment parenting practices to become normal is for more people to be open about them. Besides, it's not like I can hide the whole babywearing thing when I walk in wearing Adele in the manduca while everyone else has their baby in a pram - but sometimes I'm guilty of just not mentioning stuff because I can't be bothered dealing with the reaction.

I was at a coffee group the other week with a group of parents with babies Adele's age, and they were all going on about putting their babies on schedules and bemoaning their lack of sleep. Then I mentioned that I get plenty of sleep because Adele spends at least half the night in bed with us and there was this horrified silence. Like I'd told them I was bludgeoning her to sleep or something.

And yeah. I'm not sure if I can be bothered going back to that coffee group.

 

[StarlitHome]

Sort of. I'm not sure if my in-laws really know that Molly sleeps with us? But as long as I just state very firmly whatever it is we're doing, and have an explanation (as with: amber necklace, cloth diapering, baby-wearing, etc) they nod and agree And my MIL has taken to telling me lately that I "must be doing it right because Molly is happy and chubby and content"

The person we get flack from about our choices is DH's aunt - she's 1) old 2) ignorant 3) tactless and 4) has never had children.
When she found out we co-sleep she said "Aren't you afraid you'll roll onto her and KILL HER??"
No.
Amber necklace, "I don't want her to CHOKE..."

Anyway, we just avoid talking about our choices with her and if it comes up we end the subject as fast as possible.

 

[tina3747]

Not really bothered what anyone thinks!! I'd like to think whatever choice I make is doing the best for both of us.

I think alot of people frown on certain things because it's against everything they've been told what's deemed right or safe. Can most people say in here that they've heard of alot of the natural patenting aspects before joining baby and bump?
Mums and dads of ours are from the era of ff, routine led, cot death scares, early weaning ect, it's what's what they did and what worked for them at the time so it's only
natural for them to maybe comment negatively.
Imagine in 20/30 yrs time when our babies are having thier babies, research may have changed again, weaning age may be 4 months or 12 months... Blw may be deemed as detrimental, co sleeping studies may be different... We will be the ones saying 'oh when you were a baby I did this' ... Blah blah . They'll be on baby and bump slagging us all off!

 

[Lauki]

Not really bothered what anyone thinks!! I'd like to think whatever choice I make is doing the best for both of us.

I think alot of people frown on certain things because it's against everything they've been told what's deemed right or safe. Can most people say in here that they've heard of alot of the natural patenting aspects before joining baby and bump?
Mums and dads of ours are from the era of ff, routine led, cot death scares, early weaning ect, it's what's what they did and what worked for them at the time so it's only
natural for them to maybe comment negatively.
Imagine in 20/30 yrs time when our babies are having thier babies, research may have changed again, weaning age may be 4 months or 12 months... Blw may be deemed as detrimental, co sleeping studies may be different... We will be the ones saying 'oh when you were a baby I did this' ... Blah blah . They'll be on baby and bump slagging us all off!

Good point! Before I joined I watched a lot of like Supernanny (Jo Frost) and the Supernanny 911 things. I know it's not with young babies, but I was into the whole strict routines and discipline with time outs etc. I'm superglad I found this site (and a few Facebook groups) and completely changed my mind and are very much into attachement parenting now.

 

[Lollieollie]

So glad I found this post!! I was feeling ashamed and didn't tell anyone other than my mum really our sleeping habits - lo sleeps on me (or whoever else is visiting and wants a cuddle) for nearly all his naps during the day, the only exception being if were out for a walk and he's in the pram. At night, he sleeps in his cot from around 11pm to 2am then won't settle unless he sleeps with us. If we didn't, I'd get about 3 hrs sleep. The way I see it is he's still so small, I don't like sleeping alone and I'm 28, why should he.

Makes you think as well, so many ppl have responded to this, I don't think many ppl are completely honest when it comes to their babies?

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Why do people feel ashamed of how they raise their children? As long as they grow up confident and safe, who's to judge? Everyone said I'm building a rod for my own back by not letting Alex get himself into hysterics and picking him up at the first sign of tears. It's harder to calm an hysterical baby than a slightly sniffly one

 

[sequeena]

Why do people feel ashamed of how they raise their children? As long as they grow up confident and safe, who's to judge? Everyone said I'm building a rod for my own back by not letting Alex get himself into hysterics and picking him up at the first sign of tears. It's harder to calm an hysterical baby than a slightly sniffly one

Because when you have a baby your child is everyone's business apparently

 

[Ozzieshunni]

Psh, they can all go away I just tell them what the score is I'm not ashamed of anything I do with Alex.