I'm a closet co-sleeper! Anyone else feel they have to hide their parenting choices?

[MrsHedgehog]

I'm co-sleeping, feeding on demand, baby-wearing and doing everything that will apparently 'spoil' my baby. To me though it all feels so natural that I'm certain of doing the right thing for my little girl. However, I feel like I have to hide all of these things from family and friends as nobody else seems to understand. Nobody apart from my husband knows that we co-sleep and if she's hungry when other people are here I lie and tell them she last fed 3 hours ago when really it was only 20mins ago! If anyone sees her napping in my arms I pretend that she's just dropped off to sleep rather than admitting that she always naps in my arms. I know I'm doing the right thing but everyone else makes me feel so guilty.

 

[Brookey]

its hard isnt it. i co-sleep sometimesand my family and friends are all supportive but i have had some people that are quite rude about it. at the end of the day, you know you are doing the right thing by your baby, screw everyone else!

dont be ashamed of your parenting styles, stick with it and be proud! good luck hunni xxx

 

[Lauki]

I don't tell family that I'm co-sleeping. According to them she should be sleeping for at least 12 hours in her own cot now. I'm lucky if I get 2 out of her .

 

[darkangel1981]

I feed on demand too and co-sleep sometimes...

Im 100% for letting my LO lead the way for what he wants from me.

I have to kind LO dummy from my mother though. I don't know why i should care so much

 

[aliss]

I recommend not hiding it hun Yes, you'll get some comments at first, but as time goes on people will leave you alone. People always asked why I had Alex in "that thing" (my sling) but by 17 months they've shut their traps long ago and I do what I want, when I want, without annoyances. And he still feeds every 3 hours during the night, no comment

 

[Snowball]

I tend not to mention that I co sleep with Louie. Not that I don't admit to it if asked but loads of people have looked at my with horror and asked if I was worried about rolling onto him... Then swiftly following it up with a story about it happening to someone.

It works for us. I never co sleep if I have had a drink, I'd rather sleep on the sofa (he sleeps in his bouncer) but on a normal day to day, it suits us.

 

[Ri_bena]

i cosleep and im proud of it! its literally the only way i get sleep! she sleeps alone til about 3am then wont go down unless we cosleep so it works for us, one person said 'you dont want her to be coming to your bed when shes like 8' and i was like, well 8 isn't that old so thats ok and for goodness sake shes only 2 months, chill out people!haha xx

 

[SammieGrace]

I understand where you are coming from...I have been honest about BF on demand, cosleeping, baby wearing and letting LO nap on me and frequent night waking. Sadly, I have received a lot of criticism from my parents about how I choose to care for my son. They think I am very permissive and coddle him. No real advice here, just keep doing what you know is good for your baby. Sometimes I wish I had been less honest about it, but feel guilty lying, iykwim?

 

[midori1999]

I always tell people things. I find it helps if you give the evidence/reasons right away as people find it harder to disapprove. I've never met any negativity.

For example, when MIL asked how long I was going to BF for, I said 'well, it's recommended to BF for at least two years and then after that as long as the Mother and child want. There are benefits for as long as you continue feeding and children need milk in their diets, so human milk makes more sense to me than cows milk'. Cue open mouthed shock from MIL, but she did try to smile and nod in her defence...

 

[Periwinkle]

I've not hidden anything from anyone. If anyone did say anything to me about my cosleeping I'd offer them the opportunity to try and get her to sleep somewhere else and see how they like sleep deprivation! I breastfeed on demand as well, anyone who says I should ignore my baby's screams of hunger would be told where to shove it too.

No one has said anything negative though to be fair.

 

[leanne_h_89]

My LO sleeps in his cot which is right alongside me. He usually goes to bed around 10pm wakes at 4 for a feed and goes back into his cot from 5-8am. By the time I've finished feeding OH had left for work and I usually just put him alongside me in bed and a cushion so he can't roll off (I'm just paranoid). And I'll entertain him for a little and put tv off and we have a snooze.
We don't have him sleeping between us, it just doesn't work for us.
My problem is that I don't tell OH that he sleeps with me when he leaves in the morning. Because he always says he is afraid of co-sleeping. Sometimes he'll come how and he'll ask why the pillows are different and I say we lay down together (not slept).
I'm scared to tell him. I just feel so tired in the mornings as like most mummies I do everything all day mon-fri and it catches up with me.

Before I had LO I did prejudge cosleeping but now because I'm in the situation myself I totally understand. We don't sleep with LO between us mainly as OH is a nightmare and rolls onto me all the time, even when I'm feeding/changing LO through the night!
Thanks for this post hopefully it'll help me too.

 

[xxClaire_24xx]

you shouldnt hide what you do as a mum, some of the things you choose to do I wouldnt do it but I would never comment on you doing it as its you and your baby xx

 

[bumpy_j]

I feel awkward telling people my own age I still breastfeed at 9 months and intend to do it for a lot longer. Awful isn't it?

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I don't exactly shout from the rooftops that I don't reward OR punish Ruby and never intend to. Most people just cannot be bothered to listen properly to the reasoning behind this and why the traditional reward / punishment stuff might not be the only way of doing things - they just take it that I 'don't discipline' my child, so I just smile and nod in discussions about it IRL.

 

[puddycats]

i co-sleep, jakes does sleep between us we sleep facin away from oh, jakes usually sleeps on me with me leaning upwards against my pillows, i dont broadcast it cuz if someone judge id tell them piss off, my baby i dont need other people thoughts on it, my dad goes youll need to get out of doing it otherwise youll have problems when older, i sed if you can get him to sleep for a few hours in his baskets instead of literally 10 mins be my guest, and if my baby does sleep for some one else longer its cuz they aint his mummy and dont smell like milk which he constantly wants from me.

end of the day we all raise our lo's and do things what works for us, screw everyone else thoughts.

 

[k4th]

I don't often publisise that I have a nap schedule for lo. She was such a bad napper & the schedule has really helped her to be a happy little girl but people can be so critical & judgemental. I'd rather focus on being a mum than defend my choices all the time. Ive mentioned it a few times on bnb & nobody's had a go about it (yet - eek, don't all shout at me now!!!) but I'm very aware it's not the strongest preference on this forum.

So... "my name's Kath, and I'm a happy, closet scheduler!' as far as the rest of the worlds concerned anyway

Claire - does that not punishing/rewarding style have a name? I'd love to google & find out a bit more. Sounds interesting

 

[tiggerpony]

I wouldn't do some of the things you choose to do with your baby but that's cos were all different and I respect other peoples choices. I tried co-sleeping for 3 nights and didn't leep at all - hubby couldn't sleep either and on the 4th night of trying to put her back in her cot she screamed...and screamed and screamed and I had no choice but to do CC because she was demanding to be sleep in the bed with us every night after that when she had been fine in her cot before...but now everythings ok and she self settles in her cot. I don't think you should hide, if you feel what your doing is right screw other peoples opinions!

 

[XJessicaX]

I co-slept for a good 7 weeks. The nursery is downstairs and has a single bed in it so I left my husband in the main bedroom upstairs as he needed to work and I slept in the nursery. Most of that co-sleeping was literally sleeping with my baby on my chest! I felt comfortable doing it, we both slept better doing it and as I was breast feeding I hardly had to wake up at all. (Yes I know it was a SIDS risk, but I felt confident enough doing it)
I told people on here that I co-slept this way, but very few people at home. I had a co-sleeping cot (3 sided cot that attached to my bed in the nursery) so told most people that this was they way we slept. After 7 weeks my LO transitioned to the bedside cot, but then all my friends babies seemed to be sleeping in their big cots, and some in their own rooms! I stopped telling people that we were still sharing the same bed as those that I did tell looked surprised or commented on it! Gets tiring having to justify your actions and fight your corner saying that its not creating a rod for my own back!

I am glad I co-slept. I think waiting for my LO to transition naturally to her own little cot, then to the big cot, and then finally having her own room going by what she wanted, made the process relaxing and tear-free!

As for breast feeding on demand, I didn't realise there was any other way!

 

[Mum2b_Claire]

I don't often publisise that I have a nap schedule for lo. She was such a bad napper & the schedule has really helped her to be a happy little girl but people can be so critical & judgemental. I'd rather focus on being a mum than defend my choices all the time. Ive mentioned it a few times on bnb & nobody's had a go about it (yet - eek, don't all shout at me now!!!) but I'm very aware it's not the strongest preference on this forum.

So... "my name's Kath, and I'm a happy, closet scheduler!' as far as the rest of the worlds concerned anyway

Claire - does that not punishing/rewarding style have a name? I'd love to google & find out a bit more. Sounds interesting

Unconditional Parenting is the basis of it. I wouldn't say I'm a textbook unconditional parent in every way but certain take the main ideas from it. The book about it is by Alfie Kohn.

 

[sapphire1]

I didn't hide the fact that I part-time co-sleep, and I got warned by the HV it was a SIDS risk. I didn't bother arguing, but Holly was 9 months old at the time. I'm pretty sure if I accidentally rolled on her I'd get a swift smack in the face, as I usually get one anyway.