I'm upset now :-(

[stacie-leigh]

Now we are apparently bribing Madi. What a bitch!

 

[hotpinkangel]

That's an awful situation to be in, and using the girls like that! My daughter has a different dad to my son, and even though she lives with me, DF and our son, she sees her dad once a week on his day off work and stays overnight with him, his girlfriend and her 2 half sisters. I think it's important for her to see her dad and that side of her family, I have no problem with his girlfriend as they are a stable family. Every Christmas we take it in turns to wake up with her at Christmas and her birthday, and when her dad and his girlfriend were expecting a baby I was quite happy to talk to her about it as much as she wanted. I really hope u can get this sorted xx

 

[Noodlejuice]

If you've got a court order that lays down what is meant to be happening on Christmas Day, is there any way to say that if she tries to stop Madi from coming to your house she's in breach of the court order?

She sounds like a nightmare - I'd probably start saying about the children's best interests and that he's concerned about her welfare, with her manipulating, making life difficult for a 5 year old, bringing a friend to the contact centre when the whole reason she was there was to go with you and then making her feel guilty for going etc etc.

I really do feel for you - my ex tries to use the kids to manipulate; he's got a lot more contact with them at the moment than I'm comfortable with (he lives 40 minutes drive away and has even managed to get them on regular schoolnights) because he kept making a huge fuss about how many sleeps until she sees Daddy, was constantly taking them out to expensive day trips (despite apparently not being able to afford maintenance) which I couldn't ever afford to match, buying both kids expensive presents, taking her to MacDonalds, letting her have her own way about everything (almost no rules) etc etc...all the usual stuff to make a 4 year old want to be one place more than another. I've had to make some concessions, but have said in mediation that I'm not happy about him getting Heather worked up, that I expect her to have a stable life and to be fed healthy food, bathed regularly and put in clean clothes, that I think he's more concerned about what he wants and isn't thinking of their wellbeing and if he can't provide a stable, predictable, healthy life for them I'm not happy that he has their best interests at heart. Oh, and that trying to manipulate the situation using a four year old's emotions borders on abuse and I'll definitely not be agreeing to him having them more if he continues. He still has them a lot more than I'd like (and is still trying for more) BUT he's at least stopped upsetting my daughter to try to get his own way.

I really think your OH needs to put his foot down and tell this horrible woman that if she won't stick to what's in the court order, and if she continues deliberately upsetting this poor little girl and trying to make it hard for her to see her Dad, he'll be going back to a solicitor, as she's clearly not putting her best interests first. Ok, it might be a bluff, but it sounds like this woman needs the sh*ts put up her.

Is there any way you and your OH could qualify for legal aid? I'd never be able to afford this if I didn't.

Try to stay positive hon, even though it sounds like an awful situation, I can't believe there are women like this in the world.

xxxxx

 

[stacie-leigh]

Hi Noodlejuice. At the minute we are really worried about what is going through Madi's head, her mother is manipulating her mind and it is so unfair. We can't afford anymore legal help because we aren't entitled to legal aid. Of course she is entitled, so she can carry on going through the courts for years. Madi won't even look us in the eyes anymore, and there is nothing we can do about it. I have thought about getting Mark to involved social services, for Madi's sake. But is that the right path to go down? All we want is for the girls to be able to see both their parents without being forced to choose. On our contact day the girls receive the question: Are you staying with mummy or going with daddy? In my opinion that is making them chose between their parents and is completely wrong!

Arrgghhh, it makes me so mad

 

[stacie-leigh]

Oh and she breaches the order all the time. But the judge just wasn't interested and said to work it out between us! Which of course is only encouraging her to breach the order. It's ridiculous.

 

[pinkie77]

I'd suggest getting Madi's school involved first before SS (I'm presuming she's at school). They would've noticed any changes in her behaviour and should be able to find her someone neutral to speak to. I know that doesn't solve your problem though, sadly your o/h is at the mercy of the system. I know of too many dads in his position that can't afford to fight against partners that get legal aid

 

[stacie-leigh]

The bitch has made it so Mad's school won't even speak to him. God knows what she tells school about him. The system is completely crazy!

 

[KatyKat]

The bitch has made it so Mad's school won't even speak to him. God knows what she tells school about him. The system is completely crazy!

Does Mark have parental responsiblity? I'm assuming he has if there is a court order setting out contact,, because if so the school can't refuse to talk to him about his daughter? Especially if he has concerns?

it's a tough situation all round but you need to sntand your ground and tell this woman that you are sticking to the terms of the court order, and not what she decides on a whim. Evil witch that she clearly is!

 

[impatient1]

Sounds like my step-sister's mom. She used to ground her from coming to our house. If she got into trouble she wasn't allowed to stay at our house but was still allowed to do whatever at her mom's. She's a real treat, told me that she wasn't my sister as she didn't give birth to me even though her and I were very close. They didn't celebrate Christmas one year as punishment for not being appreciative enough but she was not allowed to come out to our house for a couple of hours after dinner even though we were celebrating and had presents for her.
Hope he can stand his ground and you don't have to spend Christmas morning that way. You are part of their family now as well as your child and their is no reason that you don't all spend it together.