Initial visit tomorrow....

[missk1989]

And I am terrified! I am so worried I will say something stupid or they will say we are not committed enough because we could not get out of work earlier than 4pm, (on future occasions we will take half days off work).
Worried we will not be able to commit to the dates they suggest due to my job and that they will see us as being awkward and also worried because I have to be back in work an hour away from home at 6pm and they are coming at 4pm! Any idea how long it takes? I don't really want to tell my boss just yet but I think I will probably be late back so have no choice!

 

[missk1989]

Sooooo, it went really well I think. We have officially applied now so need to wait and see if our application is accepted. Quite nervous but all fingers crossed. We need to start telling people as if we get accepted they will be called upon as references. I am starting with my boss on Friday.

 

[helloeveryone]

Glad everything went well, exciting times but worrying times ahead as well.
You will be fine, take one day at a time. Xx keep us updated ..

 

[missk1989]

Thanks, we are eagerly waiting to hear if it has been accepted.

My only concern is that I could only think of one friend to put down as a reference and so put 2 family members and one friend rather than the other way around - it ws a cousin though the 2nd family member. My friends are just in very different places right now and most of them wouldnt have the capacity to write us a serious reference, (I don't have many friends).
Fingers crossed it will all be fine.

 

[Axl2]

Hey missk1989, I know in Canada we have to have 2 friends and 1 family member for reference. If we don't then they will send it back. I hope they accept it tho.

Good luck!!!

 

[missk1989]

I am assuming they have accepted our application as they have sent us the paperwork for the medical checks.

 

[Axl2]

Well that's good!!

 

[missk1989]

Yes, unfortunatley I cannot get to see a doctor for over 2 weeks which is frustrating. I may start our family tree to pass the time.

I am wondering how honest I should be though... I have an uncle who has one biological child and 3 adopted children who ended up back in the care system, would you put them in and hope they dont ask questions? I also have an aunt who is fostering her grandchild as her son is in a psychiatric hospital and the mother had the child removed from her care. Would you avoid mentioning this?

 

[missk1989]

DBS complete. You think things are going to halt but there is always something to do it would seem!

 

[silverbell]

Never, ever lie or avoid mentioning something during the process. The truth often comes out and it will be far worse if your Social Worker sees you as somebody who lies. They need to know you're being completely honest from the start.

 

[missk1989]

Never, ever lie or avoid mentioning something during the process. The truth often comes out and it will be far worse if your Social Worker sees you as somebody who lies. They need to know you're being completely honest from the start.

Thanks for your reply. I don't know how to bring these things up though or how it would even drift into conversation. If it simply didnt crop up is that the same as avoiding it?

DH has already decided we should not mention it - if they asked we obviously wouldn't lie but I don't know...

 

[helloeveryone]

Totally agree with silverbell, always tell the truth.

 

[missk1989]

Oh buggar! DH just had a text to say that a friend had received their form to be a reference which means all our references have....2 of those are parents and we have not told them yet!

I am trying to get hold of my mum to see if I can talk to her before she gets the post but she probably has it already...This is not how I wanted them to find out

 

[missk1989]

Well...they seem okay with the whole thing. My parents have always been supportive when the family mentioned above adopted/fostered and my mum just told me my dad was a reference when my Aunt applied to foster her Grandchild. I am going to see them next week (and DH) to talk it all through with them just to make it easier to answer the questions they have been given. I am glad they know even if it wasn't the best way to do it. Now I have to go to my MIL and talk it through with her once DH has gotten over his hangover.

 

[Axl2]

I would mention it to your social worker. They are not going to judge you based on what your family has done. That's good that everyone is being supportive! I had a discussion with my parents, my MIL is our reference so we asked her first and our 2 friends.

 

[petitpas]

I think it could be seen as an advantage to have such a family background as you are not going in with rose tinted glasses. Be honest and spin it as a good thing that you are aware of possible problems and where children in care can come from.

Good luck with everything!