Is he overreacting or am i in the wrong?

[hunni12]

The other ladies are very right

It's all fun and games until someone ends up hurt.

 

[RaspberryK]

Oh Dear, I just read this thread and agree with a lot of the ladies, this is just unhealthy and abusive.
At first I thought your OH was a dick, then the more I read the worse feeling I got for you.
I think all of his behaviors are a complete overreaction, and seems to do some downright nasty things, he is spoiling for a fight and taking out his work stress on you especially when you've only been together 9 months this is not usually the way.
I can honestly say if my DH treated me like that he would be shown the door.
xx

 

[Wriggley]

me and my OH are that couple you see running down the super market isle one giggling and looking over their shoulder whilst the other is not far behind with a bread stick light saber - we play jokes on each other - however... were as with us if one was to lean out the bed to reach something the other would give them a poke to make them wobble so they have to steady themselfs... i get the impression your OH would just full on shuve :/ (I know you havnt mentioned this prank im just referring to a prank we often pull and showing you the difference between a prank and a 'gone to far' version of it).

another prank I will do is if we have just gone to bed and i need to get back up to get something/put something away etc.. instead of getting out my side of the bed il roll over the OH.... he finds it funny....

Hun his pranks on you are NOT pranks they are just plain mean

 

[lilyd]

I have to say I'm with everybody else, these are not pranks.

I think the way you describe his behaviour is quite concerning and my suspicion would be that over time he could possibly become far more controlling and physical. Sorry, I may be wrong, but behaving the way he does at 9 months in is showing huge red flags for me.

If he really thinks what he's doing is funny, then he seriously needs some help. The only people that go around lifting skirts are 12 year old boys - and I doubt even they do it nowadays.

I hope you're okay as this thread has obviously taken a bit of a turn from your original post x

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

This is uneasy reading he is not good at all

 

[Abigailly]

I think it could be both or either he's completely over reacting and/or I think you were cruel to do it a second time. It depends on the type of relationship you have. I can't tell just from reading a few posts.

The other day I sent DH a photo of me lying in the garden in my bikini with a cider and DD playing in the pool. I knew he was trapped in the office and thought I'd rub it in. He was pissed, but in a jokey way. So he sent me back a photo of him dripping with sweat and a huge bottle of water saying 'Cheers for that fuckface, I'll take you and I'll raise you'. So I sent him a photo of the sun and he replied with a photo of a fan. That evening to show me how cruel he thought it was he brought home a Caramac (my ultimate favourite chocolate) and ate it infront of me as payback. I can laugh about it because I deserved it.

That was a joke. We both took it well. However if he had been genuinely pissed off I'd of sent him a better photo the next day and one the following day. Because that's how we are, always winding each other up. He tickles me with straws when I'm washing my hair so it feels like I have a spider on me. He comes up behind me and smoshes bubbles in my face. He launches water balloons out the window at me when I'm sun bathing. He rugby tackles me in the middle of the supermarket and shouts things like 'think of your teeth baby, think of your poor teeth'. When I'm trying to choose a treat.

Yes they all piss me off, the make me fume and they make me want to give him a dead arm. But they don't 'irritate' me. I'm pissed because I never got him first etc.


What he is doing to you is cruel. To be a prank you both have to find it funny eventually. I think you should both sit downa and have a chat about boundaries.

 

[BabyMamma93]

ive not read all the repluies, only half of them i think.
I totally get this, and if im honest, i disagree with people saying hes a bully etc.
me & my OH have the same sort of relationship, we play fight.. alot, like every day, he wipes bokeys on me, whips me with the towel, slaps me with the spatula, stabs me with a fork, ok he doesnt dunk my head in dish water, but i guess the first time i would probably laugh it off, but if i was you id of told him there and then you didnt like it etc.
but otoh i know what you mean he can give but not take. if my OH punches me (more of a playful tap, please dont say hes abusive cos its not like that) i will do it back, probably harder, he will do it again, and this will go on until i just dont hit him back, bcos he cant let me get the last one in, and god forbid i wipe a boogey on himhe would well flip out, same if i fart (we all do it lol) he moans 'thats gross if i smell that just watch' but he can fart almost in my face,
anywhere i guess where im going is, if your really sick of him, tell him..
i personally wouldnt go as far as saying hes a abusive bully, but if you dont like it tell him, if he doesnt, tel him to deal with the shit you do to him!
my OH also calls me fat, and ugly and whatever else, but in reality i know he wouldnt be with me if i was, so hes obv joking, i know when he is and when he isnt,.
i dont think your a 'dumb naive woman' nor do i think you are being abused, i am probably in the same boat as you to be honest. some men are just quite maturely immature lol. email me if you need hun x

 

[RaspberryK]

Baby mamma that's not a respectful relationship either, sounds very one sided your dh seems to have double standards.
I can't believe you excuse him for saying horrible things because he can't mean it otherwise he wouldn't be with you.
Xx

 

[sparkle_1979]

ive not read all the repluies, only half of them i think.
I totally get this, and if im honest, i disagree with people saying hes a bully etc.
me & my OH have the same sort of relationship, we play fight.. alot, like every day, he wipes bokeys on me, whips me with the towel, slaps me with the spatula, stabs me with a fork, ok he doesnt dunk my head in dish water, but i guess the first time i would probably laugh it off, but if i was you id of told him there and then you didnt like it etc.
but otoh i know what you mean he can give but not take. if my OH punches me (more of a playful tap, please dont say hes abusive cos its not like that) i will do it back, probably harder, he will do it again, and this will go on until i just dont hit him back, bcos he cant let me get the last one in, and god forbid i wipe a boogey on himhe would well flip out, same if i fart (we all do it lol) he moans 'thats gross if i smell that just watch' but he can fart almost in my face,
anywhere i guess where im going is, if your really sick of him, tell him..
i personally wouldnt go as far as saying hes a abusive bully, but if you dont like it tell him, if he doesnt, tel him to deal with the shit you do to him!
my OH also calls me fat, and ugly and whatever else, but in reality i know he wouldnt be with me if i was, so hes obv joking, i know when he is and when he isnt,.
i dont think your a 'dumb naive woman' nor do i think you are being abused, i am probably in the same boat as you to be honest. some men are just quite maturely immature lol. email me if you need hun x

Wipes bogies, stabs u with a fork and calls u names. If these things were happening in a classroom I'm pretty sure it would be classed as bullying .. Why is it different in ur own home

 

[Pearls18]

How can it ever be funny for someone to call you ugly? That's so personal.

 

[jd83]

How can it ever be funny for someone to call you ugly? That's so personal.

totally agree. My DH once made a comment in a roundabout way about me being overweight and not needing a dessert, and I bawled my eyes out. I was upset for days. And this was pre-kids, so I was actually not even overweight at all at that point! After seeing how upset I was, he apologized a ton, said he didn't realize I wouldn't know he was joking, etc. Well, he knows now that I don't find that topic funny at all. Joking about peoples appearance is never funny, IMO. No matter if you're joking, I feel like there has to be some truth in your opinion to it to have even said such a thing.

 

[Noodlebear]

My OH and I are very much like this too but I think you're struggling to see that it can go too far. We call eachother silly names, play fight etc but there's a line. If he made me cry he'd stop, I don't understand why you wouldn't stop unless your intention was to hurt the other person further. It's totally abusive. Doing something on purpose that upsets your partner....what else would you call that?

 

[Noodlebear]

And yeah my OH called me obese once (I'd pinned him down by sitting on him lol) and although he was joking it upset me....I told him, he apologised and has never said anything like that since.

 

[Natasha2605]

OP, I really hope you are okay xx

 

[Becky61]

Thanks lilyd & Natasha 2605 for asking if im okay. Really hadnt expected this thread to go this way.

& thanks also to all you other wonderful BnB ladieis who have shared your opinions & thoughts on this matter & given me your advice on how to handle it.

I have to admit though that for the first time in 2 years in this forum, im a little lost for words! I dont know what to say.

Im a little upset by it all & its affecting how im treating my OH as this thread is all i can think about

ETA: I read that back & it sounded abit needy! I just really genuinly dont know what to say, or even think!

 

[Nut_Shake]

I hope you're ok OP. I'm not trying to upset you, but what everyone has said is the truth, I wouldn't call what he does to you 'pranks', it's bullying. Going back to the original question you asked, you both seem to be in the wrong. He shouldn't have gotten so upset about something like that, but you shouldn't have done what you did a second time after he got pissed about it the first time round. It does sound very much like tit for tat behaviour and it really doesn't sound like a healthy relationship for you to be in xx

 

[Feff]

Thanks lilyd & Natasha 2605 for asking if im okay. Really hadnt expected this thread to go this way.

& thanks also to all you other wonderful BnB ladies who have shared your opinions & thoughts on this matter & given me your advice on how to handle it.

I have to admit though that for the first time in 2 years in this forum, im a little lost for words! I dont know what to say.

Im a little upset by it all & its affecting how im treating my OH as this thread is all i can think about

If you're happy with this relationship then don't let this thread get to you. I don't think you honestly are 100% if you're complaining (not moaning but can't think of a better word!) about the things he does to you. You wouldn't be thinking about this thread and treating your oh differently if what the ladies have said didn't have an impact on you.

I hope you're okay (i did say before!). X

 

[Feff]

And I agree with the others, if a boyfriend ever called me fat or ugly I would go absolutely crazy just like I would expect him to if I called him any of those names!

I told my ex he had shit hair because he blew me off to go out with the boys and he was so angry, we were about 14 though

 

[Nut_Shake]

Thanks lilyd & Natasha 2605 for asking if im okay. Really hadnt expected this thread to go this way.

& thanks also to all you other wonderful BnB ladieis who have shared your opinions & thoughts on this matter & given me your advice on how to handle it.

I have to admit though that for the first time in 2 years in this forum, im a little lost for words! I dont know what to say.

Im a little upset by it all & its affecting how im treating my OH as this thread is all i can think about

ETA: I read that back & it sounded abit needy! I just really genuinly dont know what to say, or even think!

That must be very hard for you, I guess the answers have forced you to see things from a different angle, I'm sure you feel very unsettled by it. Maybe first off try talking to him, telling him how these pranks make you feel? Having a joke and mess about is one thing, but pulling down your bottoms in public/putting your face in dirty dish water etc are taking it several steps too far. Communication is always the first step, like your eyes have been opened by the answers on this thread, maybe he needs the same, and by you discussing it with him it will open his eyes to how inappropriate this behaviour is xx

 

[Pearls18]

If you feel comfortable maybe you could show him this thread? If he doesn't do stuff maliciously subconsciously or consciously I would think this thread would shake him up a bit and maybe make him appreciate how his actions could be perceived? But I worry from how you've described him he wouldn't take this thread very well either. Either way I hope you're ok, I hope you feel supported and not jumped on, I'm sure no one has done it to be controversial