Is he overreacting or am i in the wrong?

[jd83]

OP, I don't think anyone here meant to be upsetting you in this, but definitely wanted you to see that this behavior is concerning and something you guys should address. I think you must agree to an extent if you've been thinking about it a lot. Also, addressing behaviors doesn't mean ending a relationship. It means discussing this with him, working on it, and trying to move forward in a more healthy manner that isn't upsetting either of you with pranks that go way too far. It's learning healthy boundaries. I also hope you are doing okay. Hugs hun.

 

[cncem]

To be honest I don't think you should have sent the photos the second time, he told you he didn't like it. I know you say you do these things to each other all the time, but if he asked you to stop and you didn't I can see why he'd be angry. My husband works hard and I know he wishes he could be the one to stay home with the kids, and while we joke with each other as well, I would take his feelings into consideration and not tease him in this way.

 

[sparkle_1979]

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I'd have sent the picture a second time too, to let him know how stupid his reaction was the first time.
To me as an outsider, he definitely sounds like a bully. If ANYONE called me fat or ugly they'd be evicted from my life immediately, I can't imagine how it must feel hearing it from someone who's supposed to love you. The 'pranks' do sound a bit much (that said, FOB sports a scar above his eye from a time he tickled me years back - I cannot handle tickling, it was a snap reaction). Do you think he'd stop them if you let him know it upsets you? If he wouldn't, it's not really just jokey pranks and I'd question how much he actually cares about you.
Either way you both definitely need to talk.

 

[RaspberryK]

I'd have sent the picture a second time too, to let him know how stupid his reaction was the first time.
To me as an outsider, he definitely sounds like a bully. If ANYONE called me fat or ugly they'd be evicted from my life immediately, I can't imagine how it must feel hearing it from someone who's supposed to love you. The 'pranks' do sound a bit much (that said, FOB sports a scar above his eye from a time he tickled me years back - I cannot handle tickling, it was a snap reaction). Do you think he'd stop them if you let him know it upsets you? If he wouldn't, it's not really just jokey pranks and I'd question how much he actually cares about you.
Either way you both definitely need to talk.

DH threw a pint glass of water in my face after I deliberately spilled a bit in his belly button to get him out of bed. Unfortunately he completely misjudged it and actually got me in the face with the glass not just the water. I sported a black eye for over a week... he was really so sorry he couldn't have done or said enough, it was a snap reaction too so I am not completely non understanding about the "pranks" either...

but I agree completely with this, there is no way my DH would have been upset about those photos, I send stuff like that to him all the time. And it wouldn't stop me sending it again a second time, because the reaction was pathetic.
And he IS bullying you, would you put up with this from anyone else?
He's controlling you by these "pranks" imo and making you think it's OK because he loves you, and that you can't get him back because of all the reasons you mentioned before.

You guys definitely need to talk, personally I'd walk...

xx

 

[Gaige]

DH threw a pint glass of water in my face after I deliberately spilled a bit in his belly button to get him out of bed. Unfortunately he completely misjudged it and actually got me in the face with the glass not just the water. I sported a black eye for over a week... he was really so sorry he couldn't have done or said enough, it was a snap reaction too so I am not completely non understanding about the "pranks" either...

OUCH!! Ohh I cringed a bit reading that.
Although I mis-read that as "DH threw a pint glass at my face" which made me do this face until I'd read what you'd written again!!

I remember once my OH thought it would be amusing to sneak up behind me and tickle me in the ribs (I'm highly ticklish) and I jumped a mile and ended up elbowing him in the face. Luckily it didn't bruise but his face went so red, bless him.
I felt awful.


https://www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[RaspberryK]

DH threw a pint glass of water in my face after I deliberately spilled a bit in his belly button to get him out of bed. Unfortunately he completely misjudged it and actually got me in the face with the glass not just the water. I sported a black eye for over a week... he was really so sorry he couldn't have done or said enough, it was a snap reaction too so I am not completely non understanding about the "pranks" either...

OUCH!! Ohh I cringed a bit reading that.
Although I mis-read that as "DH threw a pint glass at my face" which made me do this face until I'd read what you'd written again!!

I remember once my OH thought it would be amusing to sneak up behind me and tickle me in the ribs (I'm highly ticklish) and I jumped a mile and ended up elbowing him in the face. Luckily it didn't bruise but his face went so red, bless him.
I felt awful.

If I ever bring it up dh is so upset, as he obviously completely didn't mean it. I milked it for all it was worth and told everyone he'd hit me in the eye with a pint glass so I can imagine your face!
I am also extremely ticklish so he knows not to do that to me xx

 

[MumMumMum]

I wouldn't like the pranks he plays. I also think (even without those) that his reaction to your photo was too much.

Was his reaction because you were out with LO or because you had a beer? If it was because of LO then that's crazy - does that mean you can't send pics of LO having a nice time? If it's the beer then that's worrying that anyone could get so wound up over an alcoholic drink.

I can see why you sent a second photo given what he does to you. I think you just need to talk to each other and explain how you feel.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

I dont understand the pissed off at photos either. How can u be jealous of someone you love having fun?

 

[Bevziibubble]

I think he totally overreacted. I wouldn't have sent a picture a second day as well knowing that it upset him the first time, but it was definitely an overreaction.


His pranks on you sound horrible and verge on bullying

 

[CathiiNoo]

It makes me so sad reading this! my ex and I used to play fight a lot in the beginning of our relationship. Like if I was brushing my teeth while he bathed he would soak me in water and even once pulled me into the bath with him (fully dressed) but I thought it was funny. But as he got bored of the relationship, the "jokes" got worse and he started hiding my keys when I was already late for work or take my money out my purse so when I got to the shop and got everything I needed, I was embarrassed at the till. Okay, he didn't put bruises on me but he was a bully and it was abusive and I felt ashamed.

I did make a lot of excuses for him to other people why be did things like that because when you're being abused they make you blinded to wrong and right. Your oh is very disrespectful and abusive. He shouldn't be pulling your skirt up in public and humiliating you. And dunking your head in dirty washing. As pp said what happens if there was a knife left in the sink and it stabbed you in the eye or something. Sound harsh but it's true, my oh would never "play joke" with me by throwing dirty washing at me. There's no part of any of that that's funny. Tickling you back, or pinning you down playfully would be better than throwing you down so hard that you bruise.

Please please sit him down and have a talk with him.

 

[Becky61]

Thanks ladies for all your advice, opinions, experiences & well wishes.

OH & i had a very in depth chat last night about it all (plus other things troubling us). I feel like a weights been lifted & if it wasnt for this thread bothering me (couldnt think of a better word), i dont think i would of got round to sitting him down & talking it through. It would of just bubbled up inside me until we broke up from fustration & resentment probably! Communication really is the key.

Thank you all

 

[x__amour]

Hope you're okay. Thanks so much for updating us. Sometimes there's threads where we never hear back and worry a lot. I hope you guys can work things out.

 

[jd83]

so glad to hear you guys have talked about All this. Thanks for the update hun

 

[Feff]

Thanks ladies for all your advice, opinions, experiences & well wishes.

OH & i had a very in depth chat last night about it all (plus other things troubling us). I feel like a weights been lifted & if it wasnt for this thread bothering me (couldnt think of a better word), i dont think i would of got round to sitting him down & talking it through. It would of just bubbled up inside me until we broke up from fustration & resentment probably! Communication really is the key.

Thank you all

Glad you talked things through keep us updated! x

 

[lilyd]

Glad you've managed to have a chat about it x

 

[Natasha2605]

Glad you are okay hun and have talked things through xx

 

[Bevziibubble]

Glad you've both had a good talk about things

 

[BabyMamma93]

ive not read all the repluies, only half of them i think.
I totally get this, and if im honest, i disagree with people saying hes a bully etc.
me & my OH have the same sort of relationship, we play fight.. alot, like every day, he wipes bokeys on me, whips me with the towel, slaps me with the spatula, stabs me with a fork, ok he doesnt dunk my head in dish water, but i guess the first time i would probably laugh it off, but if i was you id of told him there and then you didnt like it etc.
but otoh i know what you mean he can give but not take. if my OH punches me (more of a playful tap, please dont say hes abusive cos its not like that) i will do it back, probably harder, he will do it again, and this will go on until i just dont hit him back, bcos he cant let me get the last one in, and god forbid i wipe a boogey on himhe would well flip out, same if i fart (we all do it lol) he moans 'thats gross if i smell that just watch' but he can fart almost in my face,
anywhere i guess where im going is, if your really sick of him, tell him..
i personally wouldnt go as far as saying hes a abusive bully, but if you dont like it tell him, if he doesnt, tel him to deal with the shit you do to him!
my OH also calls me fat, and ugly and whatever else, but in reality i know he wouldnt be with me if i was, so hes obv joking, i know when he is and when he isnt,.
i dont think your a 'dumb naive woman' nor do i think you are being abused, i am probably in the same boat as you to be honest. some men are just quite maturely immature lol. email me if you need hun x

Wipes bogies, stabs u with a fork and calls u names. If these things were happening in a classroom I'm pretty sure it would be classed as bullying .. Why is it different in ur own home

Its different because we are adults who joke and play about, i dont want to sit there all serious cuddling all the time in each others pockets, when he calls me ugly and fat if im honest, it doesnt upset me at all, i call him it back and i dont mean it, its very hard for people on the outside to read or hear about a relationship that isnt all perfect hearts and flowers like theirs is, i guess yeah for people to read that he stabs me with a fork sounds abusive and bullying, but i find it funny, i laugh about it, if im honest its what makes our relationship fun and not boring.
but this thread isnt about me, i knew id get some stick for it too but its not my thread, im happy with how things are..


im glad you spoke with your OH i hope things change to how you want them, if things got too far i would say something too, but it hasnt got to that yet, its good that the BnB ladies have helped you but IMO i dont see it as abuse, if you do then change it, but have a think about it, and if you do see bullying or abuse, then its serious, only YOU know your relationship and i hope you can sort things out.

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Id call it bullying too. Id not let my kids do that to each other