Is it wrong of me? Honest opinions

[IsabellaJayne]

I have been offered a care job that I really need as it will enhance my chances of being accepted on to my midwifery degree next year. I'm studying an access currently and that's ending in 3 weeks and also want a job to support myself and my daughter and help my partner out with money.

I didn't tell them I was pregnant when they offered me the job, I have 10 days to accept it.

I told my Dad I was happy I'd finally got a job and he said I was committing fraud. I said it wasn't illegal for me to not tell them I'm pregnant. He said it's immoral. I didn't want to tell them so they could discriminate against me and not give me the job and say it was because of other reasons, as I know I'm well over qualified for the job. Obviously I am right for it because they offered it to me.

Now I don't know what to do. Do I accept it? Do I reject it? Or do I say I've just found out I'm pregnant but really want the job if you're still willing to offer it to me?

I need this job for my future...

 

[missk1989]

I think it would be dishonest of you to walk into this job and a few weeks later declare how pregnant you are. If I was your employer I would be a bit pissed. I do understand you wanting and needing this job though and I wouldnt have told them at interview either. I would go with "I just found out I am pregnant and am *insert number* of weeks pregnant. I would still love the job though if you are willing to take me on".

 

[Tanikins]

I wouldnt tell them. Id just be like oh you couldnt tell?

 

[Koifish]

I'd tell them you'd love to accept the job, but I'd like to let you know I just found out I am "# weeks pregnant". Go from there. I know someone who did this though she did tell them at her interview and still got her job. Better to tell them then not tell them.

 

[IsabellaJayne]

I'm going to tell them. I don't have a bump I'm still flat stomached so you can't tell. I'm not sure I want to tell them how far I am. But I will tell them I'm pregnant

 

[mummy2_1]

I would tell them how far u are, and if they were still prepared to offer u the job, I'd tell them how much linger u plan on working, when u intend to return from maternity,how many hours you are willing to return to, and maybe sweeten the deal with getting all ur appointments out of work hours so not to interfere if ur willing of course

 

[spunky84]

I don't think it'd be fraudulent or immoral. I don't know how employment works in the UK, but I know in the states that jobs often have probationary periods. Many women accept jobs without disclosing pregnancy until their probationary period is up (especially if before 20 weeks). This may upset some employers as it may look like bait and switch. Some disclose at the time of offer as it would be illegal for the employer to take back the offer at that point.

I don't know about the UK, but in the states it's illegal to discriminate against pregnancy for employment.

I think you should do what you feel is right for your situation.

If when you accept the job offer, it wouldn't look bad on you to mention your pregnancy. That would technically be telling them at the time of offer and don't think that would make you look bad as you're being up front.

But I think at the end of the day, you have to do what you feel is best. I don't know UK laws and how they work, but if you truly feel that not telling them until after your probationary period is what is best, I also don't think that makes you a bad person. It's done both ways here in the states. Personally, I would tell them at the time you accept it, but I would do what you feel most comfortable with.

 

[Bekah78]

In care work honesty and trust are so important. I think you'd start off on the wrong footing with your employer if you didn't tell them.

 

[teal]

I completely agree with bekah. You're entire career in health and care should be based on honesty being a huge factor. It may come around that when you apply for midwifery they require a reference and it comes up that you weren't honest. I do appreciate it's difficult when it's something you feel you need. Since they've already offered the job I don't think they'd legally be able to withdraw the offer though. Good luck!

 

[TTC First]

I think if you do what Koifish said. You tell them that you would really like to accept the job that was offered and let them know you are pregnant. At this point it has been confirmed that they offered you the job, you are being honest....but they can't really turn it around and take back the offer because it is discrimination. They are informed and kinda have to accept it from there.

 

[IsabellaJayne]

I've decided to go into the office tomorrow and tell them I'm pregnant before I sign anything. I haven't officially accepted the job yet so I'm thinking if I say I'm pregnant but I really want to pursue the job as its central to my career, not to mention I've been searching for months. I plan to work until 37 weeks and I'll go back to doing 10 hour a week when baby is 7 weeks old. The job is flexible and I can do as many or as little hours I want a week. I state when I want to work. If she's okay with that then I'll go ahead but I'll make it clear to her that if she feels it's not best to offer me the job then I respect that

 

[IsabellaJayne]

I also intend to keep the job throughout my degree (but we discussed that in my interview)

 

[IsabellaJayne]

Also, when I applied for the job I wasn't pregnant at that time

 

[Pearls18]

I would accept the job and then tell them. Women need protection, the reason we have laws protecting us is because we are the ones who have to have the children that maintain our society because men can't, we are disadvantaged in the work environment by this but are just as entitled (and needed) to be in the work place, this isn't a "morality" issue. Your employer cannot, and should not, consider anything about your current circumstance and the ability to do the job, I would tell them straight away for health and safety issues, but you are not being dishonest in telling them after you accept because it is absolutely nothing to do with them during the recruitment and acceptance process, it does not alter your ability to do the job or make you the lesser candidate and the fact it is an inconvenience for maternity leave etc is tough luck, it's life, we need women in the work place, we need women to have babies.

 

[spunky84]

I've decided to go into the office tomorrow and tell them I'm pregnant before I sign anything. I haven't officially accepted the job yet so I'm thinking if I say I'm pregnant but I really want to pursue the job as its central to my career, not to mention I've been searching for months. I plan to work until 37 weeks and I'll go back to doing 10 hour a week when baby is 7 weeks old. The job is flexible and I can do as many or as little hours I want a week. I state when I want to work. If she's okay with that then I'll go ahead but I'll make it clear to her that if she feels it's not best to offer me the job then I respect that

Honestly, I wouldn't say that. If in the UK it's illegal to discriminate pregnancy and they can't pull an offer because of it, you're giving them an out and and alleviating them of legal responsibility. Granted, I don't think they would because they'd still be covering their butts (unless you signed something to that effect). I think they'll appreciate it enough that you're being upfront with them.

I think if it'll make you feel better to tell them that you weren't pregnant at the time of interviewing, that's fine (so they don't think you were hiding it at the time). And even discussing work arrangements and your plans.

I think you'll be fine, tbh, but I definitely wouldn't give them the out of saying you'll respect their decision to withdraw the offer based on your pregnancy.

 

[Pearls18]

I completely agree with bekah. You're entire career in health and care should be based on honesty being a huge factor. It may come around that when you apply for midwifery they require a reference and it comes up that you weren't honest. I do appreciate it's difficult when it's something you feel you need. Since they've already offered the job I don't think they'd legally be able to withdraw the offer though. Good luck!

She is only legally obligated to disclose pregnancy by 25 weeks, they could not state that her not disclosing it prior to that as dishonesty in a reference because she didn't do anything outside of her rights, and I am certain it would contravene the Equality Act to do so.

 

[Willow82]

I agree with what previous posters have said. Accept the job and then tell them. They're not allowed to discriminate on the basis of pregnancy and you're clearly the best candidate for the job!

 

[xLaura]

I was in a similar situation, however I accepted the job 2 days before I found out I was pregnant so slightly different. Anyway by time by DBS checks had come back and I had a start date I was 7 weeks pregnant. I didn't tell straight away and planned on leaving it a couple of weeks and then informing them. I managed to hide being sick at first (very hard) but 2 weeks later I was being contuinsly sick and had to phone in sick for my shift. Totally not ideal but I ended up telling them over the phone I'd just found out I was pregnant and wasn't sure how far along I was. I've actually been off sick ever since with HG.

I felt awful landing it on them how I did, so I think you being further along to start with will make it harder, especially if it takes a few weeks for your DBS to come back and actually start. However it isn't required to let work know your pregnant until 25 weeks so you wouldn't be doing anything illegal by not telling them.

I think what you've decided to do is proberly right for this situation. Personally I would go in, accept the job, and say I've recently found out I'm pregnant, not knowing how far along you are and will be having a scan to date you soon. By accepting the job first they can't discrimate agaisnt you.

 

[Koifish]

I agree with Spunky and Laura. Tell them but don't give them an out. I think your plan is good and I think they will appreciate the fact that you have an idea of how to work it out. Accept the job, let them know but don't give them an out. Saying that you didn't know when you interviewed doesn't hurt and make it clear that regardless this job is important to you.

 

[IsabellaJayne]

It's so hard. I'd hate to be seen as deceitful but I do want to protect myself against discrimination. Which is why I didn't say anything in the first place...