Is Love Blind: dating an "ugly" person

[BlueWater]

Now before I start I don't want anyone reading this to think I'm shallow.
I don't want anyone to get offended.
And I hope no one offends anyone else.
This thread is purely just for conversation, and I just want to listen to others' views.

Would you or do you date someone who is not as attractive as yourself? (For the purpose of argument lets consider the other person would be considered "ugly" by most)

I'll start... my OH is not the best looker in the world. So I get comments such as "you can do better". But its crazy, cause then I start thinking ooo can I really imagine living the rest of my life with him.....
I mean physically we do look like a mis-matched couple.. but he's more of a man than some of the 'better looking' men I've dated.

TIA

 

[Logan's Mum]

That really is shallow.

If someone said I could do better I would honestly rip them apart. My OH means too much for me to let anyone say such a cruel comment and get out alive. If anyone really thinks that maybe they could do better than being with their OH, then their OH needs to leave them and find someone more worthy to be with them.

In fact, my OH could do better than me, Im just thankful he hasnt realised

 

[MiniKiwi]

I find the whole "too good for/can do better" thing quite childish and would reconsider my friendships if friends said things like that to me. If anyone was nasty about my OH, I wouldn't talk to them ever again. I would expect that he'd react in the same way if someone was cruel about me

 

[BlueWater]

To Logan's Mum
Well I'm committed to my OH, I mean I've only been with him for nearly 5 years, and I shouldn't let what others say bother me. But you don't know my situation to judge me as shallow. But thanks for being supportive (not)

 

[BlueWater]

I find the whole "too good for/can do better" thing quite childish and would reconsider my friendships if friends said things like that to me. If anyone was nasty about my OH, I wouldn't talk to them ever again. I would expect that he'd react in the same way if someone was cruel about me

What do you do if it's family who say it?
Obviously I ignore them and let it go over my head, but still your blood, I don't care what friends say.

 

[BlueWater]

Anyway. I was not asking for advice about my relationship. What is said in this thread does not determine my relationship. (Else I would have posted it in a different section)

 

[MiniKiwi]

I'd tell my family to shove it. They'd never be so shallow or unsupportive though, so it's easy for me to say that they could go f themselves.

If it was a personality thing, if the guy was abusive then it'd be ok to say that you could do better/do without him but...it's about the way he looks! He had no say in that! They're as bad as racists! I wouldn't want people like that in my life, blood or not.

Eta: I think Logan's mum was calling your friends/family shallow, not you. Could be wrong though :/

 

[BlueWater]

.

 

[dani_tinks]

Urgh I really hate the world ugly, especially when it's directed at a person. It's childish and shallow. If someone told me I could do better i'd wonder why they're in my life. I don't think love is blind, everyone is beautiful in their own way.

 

[tallybee]

Urgh I really hate the world ugly, especially when it's directed at a person. It's childish and shallow. If someone told me I could do better i'd wonder why they're in my life. I don't think love is blind, everyone is beautiful in their own way.

Yep

 

[Logan's Mum]

To clarify, what I find "shallow":

- Looking at your OH and calling yourself the "attractive" person in the relationship.

- Other people who say you can "do better". This includes family members, if it was purely on looks. If a family member was concerned as your OH was out all night every night spending money recklessly etc, then of course their opinion is valid and necessary.

I dont see people as ugly or un-attractive physically anyway, what I do find ugly are people who are morally ugly, like if your OH was out drinking all night as I have said above. A character can be ugly, not a person's appearance.

 

[the why bird]

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.”

I'd have no problems dating someone who wasn't conventionally attractive (and I consider myself thoroughly average). But I wouldn't say romantic love is blind. Physical attraction is a part of romantic relationships, at least in the beginning. We are animals after all, and sexual chemistry comes into that. I think tastes vary so much that for any type of face and body there's someone out there who thinks that's hot.

You're obviously into your partner and find him attractive - I hope - so I guess the real question is does it bother you if people think your partner/date is ugly. I would be furious that they questioned my life choices because of something shallow and it would make me think twice about who they are as a person if they determine someone's value based on their looks. But it wouldn't stop me dating someone if they were 'ugly' by popular standards.

 

[Missnurse]

To be honest I'm more interested in the person they are their personality and how we click. Other people would probably think my oh wasn't the best looking(I think he's gorgeous) but he would do anything for anyone, is an amazing person, great personality and always has me laughing, we never run out of things to talk about and he is an amazing dad to our children, we just click and really are each other's other half. If anyone was to pass comment I just ignore it because either they are shallow or jealous

 

[BlueWater]

To clarify, what I find "shallow":

- Looking at your OH and calling yourself the "attractive" person in the relationship.

- Other people who say you can "do better". This includes family members, if it was purely on looks. If a family member was concerned as your OH was out all night every night spending money recklessly etc, then of course their opinion is valid and necessary.

I dont see people as ugly or un-attractive physically anyway, what I do find ugly are people who are morally ugly, like if your OH was out drinking all night as I have said above. A character can be ugly, not a person's appearance.

I'm not saying that I'm the attractive one in our relationship. I'm just saying that people judge our relationship.

 

[BlueWater]

To be honest I'm more interested in the person they are their personality and how we click. Other people would probably think my oh wasn't the best looking(I think he's gorgeous) but he would do anything for anyone, is an amazing person, great personality and always has me laughing, we never run out of things to talk about and he is an amazing dad to our children, we just click and really are each other's other half. If anyone was to pass comment I just ignore it because either they are shallow or jealous

Like all it is some members of my immediate family just take him for face value. In fact those members of my family judge anyone else's relationship, they always have something negative to say about others, they're always the first to express their opinion.

I love my OH.

 

[tallybee]

Who is to judge anyway? Surely if you find your partner attractive that's what matters. If you didn't then you wouldn't be with them?

 

[sue_88]

To Logan's Mum
Well I'm committed to my OH, I mean I've only been with him for nearly 5 years, and I shouldn't let what others say bother me. But you don't know my situation to judge me as shallow. But thanks for being supportive (not)

You're so committed a 4 word sentence from someone insignificant makes you question whether you're going to spend the rest of your life with someone 'ugly' yeah, that sounds really committed.

I think if people are looking at a person and judging them purely on what they look like then they need to seriously sort their life out.

I'd be mortified if someone called my LO ugly in the future, I've been called ugly many times and that hurts, and always always stays with a person.

I couldn't care less if I dated the elephant man, if we had the same values, we're sweet and kind then so what?

 

[lovelylaura]

It would not bother me at all. I would say both me and my husband are equal in the looks department. But if anything ever happened and this made him 'ugly' i wouldn't leave him, its about more than that. Obviously first appearance's are made through 'looks' but if you have spent 5 years together and an immature comment that has been said is making you question things then well i would say there is an underlying issue other than this.

 

[Natasha2605]

I think ugly is a despicable word. Absolutely hate it. Imo there are no "ugly" people by looks, but there are many "ugly" people by personality.

 

[Mummy May]

I think if someone called my OH ugly, regardless of who it was I would be having a word with them to keep their nasty thoughts to themselves.

This thread does make you sound shallow though even if it wasn't intended that way