Is Love Blind: dating an "ugly" person

[lhancock90]

Quite honestly if anybody asked me or remarked on my OH not being "good enough" for me, they'd be out of my life. I choose my OH, i fell in love with him and i know the measure of who he is. If other people can't respect that, they can take a walk. I know he feels the same.
As for levels of attractiveness, i personally view myself as the least attractive, but regardless the reasons we are together are wayyy above physical appearance and its always been, whats on the inside, for me that counts. (By inside i mean personality, not organs )

 

[CormacksGirl]

Anyway. I was not asking for advice about my relationship. What is said in this thread does not determine my relationship. (Else I would have posted it in a different section)

I think it does determine your relationship especially when you've said it makes you think if you can spend the rest of your life with him.

Just my opinion though!

 

[emyandpotato]

I've never had a successful relationship with someone who I thought was gorgeous at first sight. My two longterm relationships, marriage included, have been with people I didn't find attractive at first and fell in love with because we were good friends and I liked their personality. I might not be crazy about someone I didn't find attractive at first, but I certainly wouldn't be derogate about their looks or assume I was too good for them, that's horrible.

 

[Kirsty3051]

I think my husband is good looking but I'm sure there's people out there that would look at him and have a little cringe when thinking of him as more than a friend. I fell in love with him as a person. Our marriage wouldn't work if he was drop dead gorgeous but a complete dick. I'd take an 'ugly' man with a good personality over a boring, uptight Leonardo Dicaprio any day.

Hopefully my husband won't read this post and realise how our son got his name.

 

[Pearls18]

I think we have different feelings on what we find attractive and the personality of a person can enhance or detract from that, I know some very good looking people but they repulse me because of their personalities! I've known DH all through school but he was never a boy I had looked at and fancied he was just another boy in our school, until we were 17 and he did one kind thing for me and I saw him in a totally different light and have been attracted to him ever since (10 years...!) in fact I find him more good looking as we get older and I'm not sure if that's as my feelings deepen or because he's doing that annoying man thing of ageing much better than me I don't think he had really fancied me in school either until he knew I was interested in him lol, guess he thought I was better than nothing we've never had comments comparing us apart from banter at hubby's work, but all I know is I find him gorgeous inside and out and I gather hubby thinks the same of me...I couldn't be with someone I wasn't attracted to but I don't think attraction comes just down to looks.

 

[tallybee]

I've never had a successful relationship with someone who I thought was gorgeous at first sight. My two longterm relationships, marriage included, have been with people I didn't find attractive at first and fell in love with because we were good friends and I liked their personality. I might not be crazy about someone I didn't find attractive at first, but I certainly wouldn't be derogate about their looks or assume I was too good for them, that's horrible.

I know where you're coming from here, I knew my oh for about 12 years as part of the social circle and didn't actually fancy him until when we got together in March. Since then though I'm incredibly attracted to him!

 

[emyandpotato]

I've never had a successful relationship with someone who I thought was gorgeous at first sight. My two longterm relationships, marriage included, have been with people I didn't find attractive at first and fell in love with because we were good friends and I liked their personality. I might not be crazy about someone I didn't find attractive at first, but I certainly wouldn't be derogate about their looks or assume I was too good for them, that's horrible.

I know where you're coming from here, I knew my oh for about 12 years as part of the social circle and didn't actually fancy him until when we got together in March. Since then though I'm incredibly attracted to him!

It's funny how it can work out isn't it?! Every time I've chased a guy I thought was beautiful from the start it's been a very messed up relationship I think my OH is beautiful now though so it's all good, and clearly he's not that bad as I think my LO is gorgeous!

 

[loeylo]

I couldn't date someone who I found unattractive. It just comes down to human instinct, you want to reproduce with someone attractive to have more attractive offspring.

I'd say I'm average attractiveness - sometimes I look at myself and think I look pretty, other times I look at myself and think there is a lot of room for improvement! There are some aspects of my partners physical appearance which are, I guess, conventionally less attractive - his teeth aren't that great for example - but I don't even notice it any more, I notice his attractive features like his amazing eyes. I definitely find him more attractive than when we first met, so it must be about a lot more than physical appearance. I can't imagine myself with anyone else now.

 

[Noodlebear]

I don't necessarily believe it is shallow to think of yourself as the more physically attractive one in the relationship (I think that can show a nice level of confidence) aslong as there wasn't an air of 'I can do better', if anyone was to think that then they probably should be with someone else... I also don't think it's shallow to recognise that perhaps your OH isn't your usual type or wasn't someone you found attractive until you got to know them better - I'd actually say that was the exact opposite of shallow. Loving someone for who they are and not what they look like.
Looks don't matter a great deal to me, I'd draw the line at things something like poor personal hygiene Words would be had! I dislike the word 'ugly' though

 

[MikaylasMummy]

I believe whole heartedly that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.if you are with someone romantically then there MUST be physical attraction no matter what it is about them that has attracted you.everyone is totally different and unique in what they see and find attractive in people.so I think it is extremely rude,disrespectful and downright nasty to make a comment like that based purely on looks and not personality and the way they treat you.it has now cast doubt for you when you would most likely have been blissfully unaware.

 

[Quackquack99]

When I got with my OH, his friends all did say to him how did he 'pull' me. And at first I didnt know if i was instantly attracted to him but as time went on, it turned to a wow yes. I don't care if others dont find him attractive but aslong as I do.

 

[Kate&Lucas]

I don't know really. I couldn't be with someone I'm not attracted to.
FOB is much more conventionally attractive than me, I was the one people would say "how did you pull that!?" to It didn't work because he started listening to the people saying "you can do better", got a big head and started to treat me like he knew he'd do better, then eventually cheated.

So if I dated someone "uglier" than myself (tho I mean I'm fat with wonky teeth I don't wanna see the state of the other half! ), I'd be worried I'd treat them like shit. But I also wouldn't date someone much better looking than me again. It's not nice to be the one punching

 

[Kate&Lucas]

Oh I will add actually, thinking about it more. Once upon a time I was very in love with someone who was physically imperfect according to social norms. My best friend told me I could do much better. I don't see that friend very much anymore.
I would absolutely not stand for having my OH spoken about like that, my friend got an earful and I never once questioned my love or the sustainability of the relationship over it. (I mean it didn't work out, but not because of that).

 

[steph.]

I've had ugly boyfriends in the past and tbh even though I tried to convince myself it didn't matter, it did. I was always a bit embarassed about introducing them to other people and sometimes I would look at them and think "Wow you are really quite ugly". Now, I'm not a shallow person, but I do think you have to be attracted to your oh. My dh isn't super good-loooking or anything, but I'm attracted to him and the relationship is very different than with the other boyfriends.

 

[Jes.shortcake]

My husband gets compared to Orlando Bloom a lot so I hope nobody's looking at me like I'm not good enough! I guess by "normal" standards, he is the most physically attractive man I've been with. At the same time, he's not the kind of guy I've normally been attracted to in the past.

I've dated guys who some didn't think were attractive. But ive never been one to just go after "hot guys". If I like you, then I like you. One of my exes has that Rob Zombie look. We got some funny looks. But guess who my celeb crush is? Rob Zombie! We all have our types.

 

[jd83]

Now before I start I don't want anyone reading this to think I'm shallow.
I don't want anyone to get offended.
And I hope no one offends anyone else.
This thread is purely just for conversation, and I just want to listen to others' views.

Would you or do you date someone who is not as attractive as yourself? (For the purpose of argument lets consider the other person would be considered "ugly" by most)

I'll start... my OH is not the best looker in the world. So I get comments such as "you can do better". But its crazy, cause then I start thinking ooo can I really imagine living the rest of my life with him.....
I mean physically we do look like a mis-matched couple.. but he's more of a man than some of the 'better looking' men I've dated.

TIA

I do find that pretty shallow. On both ends. The family/friends who would say something so horrible about someone you love, and that their misguided comment could actually make you question your relationship. Someone else's opinion of your OH's looks should have no baring on whether you spend the rest of your life with someone.

In response to the question: I do think there needs to be attraction in a relationship. However, that doesn't have to be looks-based alone. Attraction to your partner can be from many things, like how kind they are to others, their giving nature, their ability to parent, their thoughtfulness, etc. There are many characteristics that can make up attractiveness, aside from outward appearance. Its shallow to only use outward appearance as a guide in choosing a lasting relationship, as that will never work. If anyone ever commented to me that I could do better, I'd let them know quickly that yes I can, and that's when it comes to them and their unfounded opinions, not my DH. I'm sure that would shut them up pretty fast.

 

[Tiff]

Every person I've had a relationship with is because I've found them attractive. Its the difference (for me) between guys who are friends and guys that I'm interested in. I'm sure some of the people I've dated haven't been model worthy, but then again neither am I.

What matters is that there's a physical attraction, is a good human being and treats me the way I deserve to be treated. Not to mention, it isn't everyone else's relationship - it's mine. So really at the end of the day who cares what other people think?

 

[staralfur]

I've definitely been dubbed the "attractive one" in my relationship with my husband. I don't really see a huge gap in our levels of physical attractiveness but it's been pointed out (usually by his friends) numerous times.

It does make me horribly uncomfortable. I never second guess my relationship with him because of it, I just fear that he'll start thinking badly of himself when it's something I literally never think about.

There was a guy at a bar once that came up to me and started asking me out. I said "dude, my boyfriend (now husband) is sitting right next to me" and he looked at him and said "Really? This guy? Come on, you can do so much better than that." I absolutely lost my shit on him and it took every bit of willpower I had not to kick him in the junk.

I think if people's comments on looks are causing you to question your relationship, instead of making you angry that people are talking so poorly about the man you love, there's something else going on. It's probably got nothing to do with physical attraction at all. I am not overcome by lust every time I look at my DH, and he's not someone I would've been with based solely on looks. But it would never cross my mind that I couldn't spend the rest of my life with him because of that.

 

[Bex84]

Beauty is a cultural perception and also eye of beholder. You grow old and will lose those looks so at end of day being a good person is so much more important. I find my husband attractive and think he could do better but if anyone suggested that my husband was not attractive enough for me I would tell them where to go. What is beauty anyway, I wonder if we would have same perception if people didn't wear make up etc.... I have friends who when take off makeup look like a different person. My husband to me is the most attractive person to me as I love him. I had my in laws make comments about my daughter who has lazy eye which has mostly been corrected by glasses and patches. It breaks me up anyone would judge her for that in future when she is beautiful inside and out

 

[pinklightbulb]

I have always been the one that is getting cracked onto in this relationship by other parties, but I love my OH and think he's the best looking man in the world, even if someone else thinks he's ugly. That's love