Hi LouLou. I'm so sorry for your loss.
I haven't posted on here for a long time, but I felt I had to contact you. I also lost one of my twin boys, in May. Although my circumstances are different I understand the feeling of grieving for one son whilst trying to enjoy your other son. I had James and Harry on 10th May 2010, 8 weeks early. James did not have any kidneys (we knew this from wk 17 of my pregnancy) and he died two days before he was born. Harry is a beautiful, healthy, happy 7 month old - he is such a content baby and I know James lives through him.
I am not really good with words, but I just want you to know I understand all of the different emotions you will be experiencing and if you want to ask me any questions please do. 7 months on my grief is still quite raw and I am finding the run up to Christmas quite emotional. I just have to do my best to be a good mummy to Harry and make sure he grows up knowing he has a big brother who is always watching over him.
Take care. With love. Roobie xxx