I've really had enough of my mil

[JayleighAnn]

My mil asked to have one of our scan pictures, and I really didn't feel comfortable with it, as I already feel she's very interfering with my pregnancy.

I told OH I didn't feel comfortable with it, but he insisted we give her one, so I relented thinking I was just being a bit mean as I'm feeling a bit cold towards her as she's been funny with me about certain things since being pregnant.

We gave her a scan picture (guilty of giving her the crap one out of the 3) and she showed it off to all her work mates, which made me feel uncomfortable as I don't know these women, nor have I ever met them, and find it really weird that she's showing off my pictures to them.

We popped into my mums work on the way back from the scan, to quickly show her before we went to OH's parents for dinner, when we got to theirs for dinner, MIL asked for her picture, so I cut one off for her, and then said "I need to take it to my mums later to show her properly as she only had a really quick glance" she clutched the scan to her chest, looked at me with wide eyes and said "but I need to show the ladies at work tomorrow" and flatly refused to give me back the photo. I got very flustered and angry, bit my tongue and told OH I wasn't happy about it when we walked home after dinner.

We popped in today to ask to have the scan photo so I could take it to my mums, and MIL said "Ummm OK I suppose, but I need it back to show everyone at the karate Xmas dinner tomorrow."

To which I flatly refused, told her I am not showing off my picture to the people there as a few have been horrible about my pregnancy (one even said our baby is a waste of life )

She sat there with this awful lemon-sucking look on her face, and I really don't care, I have had enough and don't really know what to do to make her stop being so interfering in our pregnancy. She's acting like this is her pregnancy (she's done other stuff, not just this picture stuff)

I've told OH exactly how I feel about this, and he doesn't agree, thinks I'm being horrible about his mum and can't understand why I feel like this

 

[Serene123]

I think you're being unreasonable. She is excited. I'm sure if it was your mum you wouldn't have a problem

 

[Kimboowee]

I think that her wanting to keep the photo before your mum had seen it was a bit out of order. I think i would of put my foot down on that one! Can you keep a distance from her for awhile? I dont know how often you see her, but jst for a few days. She will eventually get sick of calling and guess somethings up...
Im suprised her husband hasnt said anything to her about it, but then again most men are spineless when it comes to their mums/wifes. I know my BF is towards his mum, she can do no wrong!

Hopefully she will calm down once she gets used to the idea
x

 

[JayleighAnn]

I think you're being unreasonable. She is excited. I'm sure if it was your mum you wouldn't have a problem

No it would of been the same if my mum had asked for a scan picture, I don't see why she needs one

It's mostly the issue of not giving me our photo back to show my mum, my mum was gutted that she only got a quick 2 second look at it, yet MIL gets to say when she will give me my own photo back, then she wants to show it to people who have been rude and nasty about my pregnancy

 

[Hevz]

I understand how you feel as this is the sort of relationship I have with my MIL and find it hard to "tolerate" her....not coz she's necessarily out of order but just rubs me up the wrong way IYKWIM?


I think she should have understood that you wanted to show the pic to your Mum 1st.

I just copied mine with my printer/scanner and gave a photocopy to my siblings and parents etc

 

[JayleighAnn]

I think that her wanting to keep the photo before your mum had seen it was a bit out of order. I think i would of put my foot down on that one! Can you keep a distance from her for awhile? I dont know how often you see her, but jst for a few days. She will eventually get sick of calling and guess somethings up...
Im suprised her husband hasnt said anything to her about it, but then again most men are spineless when it comes to their mums/wifes. I know my BF is towards his mum, she can do no wrong!

Hopefully she will calm down once she gets used to the idea
x

We see them once, sometimes twice a week, so yeah I can keep distance, I just don't think its right that she refused to give me back my own photo to show my mum.

She's been less than supportive of all my choices (homebirth, breast feeding, cloth nappies) but yet won't stop buying things, mostly to undermind me, when she asked if I was buying a sterilizer, and I said we'd decided to use cold water tablets, she went out and bought us a steam sterilizer.

 

[JayleighAnn]

I understand how you feel as this is the sort of relationship I have with my MIL and find it hard to "tolerate" her....not coz she's necessarily out of order but just rubs me up the wrong way IYKWIM?


I think she should have understood that you wanted to show the pic to your Mum 1st.

I just copied mine with my printer/scanner and gave a photocopy to my siblings and parents etc

I suggested this, and she wouldnt have it, told me that she would accept no less than the actual photo

 

[Hevz]

I would have said tough shite then....these are for my keepsake box/book

 

[JayleighAnn]

I wanted to get an album and start off by putting the photos in, but now I'll only have two to put in, as she wants to keep this forever.

OH says it's family tradition in his family, and I understand this, I really do, but surely if I'm not ok with it, then we should come to some sort of comprimise

 

[Serene123]

You still have two? Most people I know only got one.

 

[JayleighAnn]

We got 3, everyone I know here (leicester) get 3

 

[babycakes76]

Well i really admire you for keeping your cool so far - I'm getting annoyed with your mil just thru reading this!! Lol

If i were you i would ask for the photo back (well i would demand!) as you want to photocopy it - tell her she will get it back but when you do give it back give her the photocopy!! if she kicks up a fuss tough s**t its yr photo and baby its up to you on what you do with it and if your OH doesn't like it then tough s**t too!!

Ooo i feel better for saying that now, lol!!

Well done though for keeping your cool xx

 

[JayleighAnn]

Well i really admire you for keeping your cool so far - I'm getting annoyed with your mil just thru reading this!! Lol

If i were you i would ask for the photo back (well i would demand!) as you want to photocopy it - tell her she will get it back but when you do give it back give her the photocopy!! if she kicks up a fuss tough s**t its yr photo and baby its up to you on what you do with it and if your OH doesn't like it then tough s**t too!!

Ooo i feel better for saying that now, lol!!

Well done though for keeping your cool xx

I've been thinkin about doing this, as then she will still have her copy and we will have the originals, and we don't need to ask for hers when we want to show the rest of my family

 

[Kimboowee]

I would ask for the photo back, then give her a copy. I got 3 copies as well and kept all the original ones. One for a frame, one for a book and one for my purse. Everyone else can have copies! Feck them!
Let her know the steriliser wont be used, its pathetic, you've told her you plan using cold water then she goes and get it anyway...
Grrrrrrrrr....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im glad my MIL lives in France hahaah, i can dislike her from afar!

 

[AubreyK80]

wow well i dont feel comfortable telling you how to feel about your MIL, because mine well ... Not easy at all, we actually live with ours ( only till baby comes ) and its really bad, she and i had a Great relationship pretty much till i got pregnant, It was like she took No interest, when i showed her the Ultrasound pictures on the computer she said .. "OH OK ", i mean she never asked to see the actual ones, my mother who lives in another state is so happy about my pregnancy, but my mother in law i swear feels like im taking her son away even more now instead of enjoying the blessing of having her first grandchild on the way .... You are lucky your MIL wants to show off your baby, BUT your mother deserves to take joy and see the actual scan pictures ... mine pretty much said to me its too early to get overly excited, i was devestated she said that to me, it broke my heart, i wish you and everyone the best with your MIL ...its not easy at all, they are sometimes so hard to handle it drives me nuts and i will never understand them ... for those who have loving supporting ones ... well you are soooo lucky .....

 

[danapeter36]

I am so sorry, I don't know the whole situation but I do know how it feels when you don't get along with in laws very well. Sending huge hugs.

D xx

 

[FEDup1981]

why didnt u buy an extra one for ur MIL, then u couldve kept ur copies, and given her one.
When i had my scans i bought copies for my mum and MIL

 

[Jkelmum]

Ive read a few of your threads and i think she is just over excited with it being her only son and her 1st grandchild , I would tell your OH its your pregnancy and although u wont stop mil u want to do things your way xx

 

[JayleighAnn]

I've spoke to oh and we're giving her a printed copy of the scan and the originals will be put in the baby album when we get it.

I am glad she's excited and not unhappy or unenthusiastic about it, I just wish she'd show it in a nicer way, it just feels like shes trying to push me and my family out of it sometimes

I think a lot of how I feel is undoubtedly due to hormones

Fedup - we were told we could only get 3 pictures and no more, and it isn't really the issue of her having a scan, yes it made me feel uncomfortable, but I can deal with that, its the fact that she refused to give me it back to show my own mum. It just feels like one thing after another, I think if she hadn't suggested for us to have a termination when we told her the news, I wouldn't feel so hard towards her.

We got on great before my pregnancy, now she expects me to do everything her way, anything I wish to do that isn't the same as she did with my OH is wrong to her and I'm getting very upset and angry towards her and I don't want to as its my OH mum

 

[tasha41]

Hmm she just sounds really, really excited!! Maybe annoying too though ..

PS you are lucky, we have to pay $3 per picture at my hospital!! Exact change only, and they get annoyed when you ask for more than one or make you feel cheap.. (I've asked for 5 with $15) as they use the $$ as 'donations' for their continuing education program.. argh.