I've really had enough of my mil

[heather91]

Hmm I understand how your MIL could be annoying, but sometimes you really have to bite your tongue. Is it really important that you have all 3 scan pics? Surely 1 or 2 to look back on is enough? I say this because if you carry on being negative about your MIL, Im sure your OH will start to get tired of it and take offence and it's not worth letting something so trivial cause problems in your relationship. It is his mom afterall, so he'll naturally protect her. x

 

[countessbump]

it may seem like a small thing, but little things add up! the MIL isn't being considerate of her DIL's feelings, and that isn't right.

My mother has always been similar, and 'little things' become big things. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries with friends and families. I think that if the OP was complaining about a friend the posts saying that she is being unreasonable would be different.

 

[Kimboowee]

Its not the pic thing i'd be annoyed about, its the comments she made about the baby being a waste of life...Thats unforgivable, sorry x

 

[hypnorm]

its the comments she made about the baby being a waste of life...Thats unforgivable, sorry x

I dont think her MIL said that, i thought it was the karate people that said it.

 

[mama2b]

It sounds like you need to sort it out with your mil asap before it turns into world war 3.

I understand there are some other issues to and I really think you should get it all sorted before you start to get to stressed.

There are always going to be family members that rub us up the wrong way and I wouldn't be to happy if my mil refused to give photo back !

My aunty told me that instead of having cash for xmas (which is what i usually have) I either have to have a present for the baby or a mothercare voucher otherwise I would just spend the money on myself, errrrrrrrrrrrr yes it is MY xmas present !!!

I think we all have little things that irritate us, one of mine is that I have asked for either neutral baby clothes or vouchers. Reason being we are not finding out sex of baby (and i don't want loads of pink/blue clothes) and as we won't have a nursery until we move house there is no point in buying stuff for that as we don't know what colour scheme we are having. The amount of people that have refused to give vouchers or buy neutral clothes is unbelievable, so many have insisted they wait until baby is born so they can buy 'a little pink dress' or whatever, even though its not what i want !!

Some of them probably think I am being ungrateful but that is just how I feel, cant help it !

Can't your oh have a chat with his mum ? Can you try avoiding her for a while, if you don't see her for a few weeks might make you feel better

 

[Sarah88]

If I were you I would go buy my own stuff and not use any of hers,
she's always buying ugly clothes and crap for her.
I would just ignore her and not give her the time of day if you can.

You know there are some very ungreatful people out there! Post like these make me quite annoyed.
If this is her only son then she has a right to be excited. If she wasnt interested and wasnt buying you anything then you'd probably be moaning about that too.

Just be glad that you have family who are interested, some people would be glad of that.
My great grandparents buy Ewan some really cheap and nasty stuff, i make sure that they see him in it at least once or twice, and then it goes into storage, clothes they grow out of pretty quickly anyway, and any items she has bought you could use as spares at her house.
That way you are not hurting her feelings or causing a rift.

Are you sure she wasnt joking when she said 'nothing but an actual scan pic will do' I'm sure she will loose interest in the scan pic once she has real pictures of the baby.

Just chill and try and enjoy things, life is too short to be wingeing and moaning!

Not everyone is a saint like you!
Jayleigh said that she wanted to used cold water tablets instead of a steam steriliser which is what I was referring to about not using them. How come people always refer to the first grand child being so special? What happened to your first child being special? Having the MIL buy everything means u miss out on going shopping for stuff. I know coz my MIL went and bought us a cot which is quite ugly and I didn't get to go shopping for the one thing I was really looking forward to. We had told her that it was good if she wanted to buy it but take us with her so we could chose one.

 

[Hevz]

I agree with you Sarah....it's like when people decide to get married abroad etc and everyone gangs up on them coz it's "for the family" ....sometimes we need to do what's right for us and a 1st, 2nd, 3rd child etc is soooooooooooooo special. They've had their turn already and probably hated their parents for doing this kind of stuff too, so I can't understand why they bloody do it to us


My MIL was clearly "against" breastfeeding and even mentioned that she found the whole thing perverse....I mean WTF. Whenever they come to visit and I've had a baby she always comments things like

"ooooh, feeding again. We were told it was every 4 hours blah, blah, blah"



Ahhhhhhhhhhhh piss off


.....oops, am I ranting?

 

[loz]

she just really excited and wants to show everyone what she is happy about. i know mil's can be annoying, me and my ex mil did not get on very well and she stuck her nose in where not wanted but involving her in my pregnancy but making sure she new i was doing things my way brought us closer and she adores my little girl. i think about what i would be like if i was going to be a grandma n i know that i would want to show all my friends a pic ov my grandchild

 

[countessbump]

it should be up to the parents as to who gets to see the scan pics - this isn't a pic post-birth here, folks.

 

[sammie18]

I dont see what the big deal is lol Its just a picture of your baby, not like she is showing a naked picture of you to everyone. I just dont see how its uncomfortable to you for her to show your ultrasound pic around. Shes excited and happy. I gave my MIL copies of my ultrasound pics so she could show them around and keep for herself I was happy to do it to, it made her happy to show off her grandchild.

 

[bugalugs]

Here's my 2p worth lol...

I think she's really excited about her grandchild, and wants to show every one the scan pic because she is proud. BUT, she should give you the original back if that's what you want. If it was me I would just copy all the originals and give MIL & your mum a set each. Then just let it go, it's not worth it in the big scheme of things.

As for me, I'm really pleased my MIL & FIL are excited and want them to be involved as much as possible, because my own mum isn't too well, bless her and my dad & sister are a bit too laid back about the whole thing really and don't seem that interested. I sent my family and close friends an email of our scan pics and sent copies in the post to my mum, then they can show who they like

 

[hypnorm]

Not everyone is a saint like you!
Jayleigh said that she wanted to used cold water tablets instead of a steam steriliser.
Having the MIL buy everything means u miss out on going shopping for stuff

I was very glad that people were buying things for our little one, as we weren't in the position to buy stuff our selves. (most of Ewans stuff is 2nd hand)
Not a case of being a saint.

 

[Sarah88]

I agree with you Sarah....it's like when people decide to get married abroad etc and everyone gangs up on them coz it's "for the family" ....sometimes we need to do what's right for us and a 1st, 2nd, 3rd child etc is soooooooooooooo special. They've had their turn already and probably hated their parents for doing this kind of stuff too, so I can't understand why they bloody do it to us


My MIL was clearly "against" breastfeeding and even mentioned that she found the whole thing perverse....I mean WTF. Whenever they come to visit and I've had a baby she always comments things like

"ooooh, feeding again. We were told it was every 4 hours blah, blah, blah"



Ahhhhhhhhhhhh piss off


.....oops, am I ranting?

Thanks, you've made my day!
Don't know how anyone could find bfing perverse!!

 

[mrscookie]

my mother inlaw does my head in too, before we even knew the sex she bought us a BOYS outfit. So as you can imagine I was really upset as I felt that was the sex she would have prefered us to have. There have been a number of disagreements between us since I have been pregnant, she always buys us clothes and we do appreciate them no matter how ugly/ unsuitable for the season (jumpers for summer) lol. But the first thing we did after both scans was give her a copy of each pic. I don't mind anyone cooing over our baby pics, even though there have been the odd '' errr it looks like an alien'' comments, its sad and annoying but you get over it.

xxxxxxxxx

 

[JayleighAnn]

Oh right.

JayleighAnn, you have another scan right? That's the best one!

Yeah I have on 26th Feb, I'll be 22weeks 6 days, my mum said their a lot clearer than the 12 weeks ones

 

[JayleighAnn]

I dont see what the big deal is lol Its just a picture of your baby, not like she is showing a naked picture of you to everyone. I just dont see how its uncomfortable to you for her to show your ultrasound pic around. Shes excited and happy. I gave my MIL copies of my ultrasound pics so she could show them around and keep for herself I was happy to do it to, it made her happy to show off her grandchild.

I didn't want to not show her the picture...how cruel would that be?

I wasn't comfortable with giving her one, but I did as I knew OH really wanted to give her it.

The main issue is not wanting to give it back to me to show my own mother

 

[JayleighAnn]

Its not the pic thing i'd be annoyed about, its the comments she made about the baby being a waste of life...Thats unforgivable, sorry x

It wasnt my mil that said the baby being a waste of life, it was a lady from karate (my OH's family are very VERY into their karate, so all the people there are like one big "family" and so they are involved in each of their families, iykwim)

My mil did however suggest a termination when we told her I was pregnant, which I found very rude and not a suitable comment to say to your excited son and DIL when their telling you your going to be a grandma

 

[Shifter]

I'm sorry you're having this issue hun. I don't really get along too well with my MIL either though have nothing to compare to your experience of her suggesting a termination.

To those in support of JayleighAnn's MIL, I don't think you have understood what has upset JA, despite her repeating it several times in this thread.

TBH JA, I think your MIL sounds a bit creepy. It's one thing to be excited about being a grandma (quite a good turnaround from her initial reaction!) but to insist on taking one of only three pictures (it's not like you can replace them once the scan day has been and gone) and refusing to let you show it to your own mum. That's just weird.

No one in my or hubby's family expected an original scan pic. They are quite expensive (£3 each where we are, although the staff seem quite happy to sneak you extras!) and we wouldn't have thought of buying extra for family. It's totally ok to share the images and both sides got copies emailed to them, but the originals are ours to do with as we please.

I'm glad your OH has stuck up for you a bit though hun and I do hope you can all move on now.

 

[JayleighAnn]

I'm sorry you're having this issue hun. I don't really get along too well with my MIL either though have nothing to compare to your experience of her suggesting a termination.

To those in support of JayleighAnn's MIL, I don't think you have understood what has upset JA, despite her repeating it several times in this thread.

TBH JA, I think your MIL sounds a bit creepy. It's one thing to be excited about being a grandma (quite a good turnaround from her initial reaction!) but to insist on taking one of only three pictures (it's not like you can replace them once the scan day has been and gone) and refusing to let you show it to your own mum. That's just weird.

No one in my or hubby's family expected an original scan pic. They are quite expensive (£3 each where we are, although the staff seem quite happy to sneak you extras!) and we wouldn't have thought of buying extra for family. It's totally ok to share the images and both sides got copies emailed to them, but the originals are ours to do with as we please.

I'm glad your OH has stuck up for you a bit though hun and I do hope you can all move on now.

Thank you

We have given MIL copies of all 3, and we're keeping the originals in the baby book. She wasn't pleased about it, and got very grumpy and cold towards us whilst we were there, but tough.

TBH, no one in my family even expected a picture, it's just not something we do, so I think thats why I firstly found it a bit weird that she did.

After feeling underminded by her since announcing my preg, it just feels like one this after another of her stepping on my toes.

Sometimes, the way she talks about my preg to people it sounds like its her pregnancy (she told her sister she can't wait to feel the baby kick...)

OH is being really nice about it now, after I told him that I'm feeling really pushed out by her and he said he didn't realise quite how I felt about it, and that he would stick up for me more when he feels its nessecary

Feeling so relieved today now things seem to be sorting themselves out

 

[sparkswillfly]

My MIL was a bit like this at the beginning. Once I told her my name choice you should of heard the things she said about it. Including "well we are going to call her grace" She even referred to her as 'ours'... hmmm... I think Grandparents get a bit carried away sometimes and cant control themselves. You kind of just have to let it go instead of just stressing about every little niggly thing they do because you could really wind yourself up and dont forget your going to have to deal with this woman for the next 20 odd years! Mines alright now and I really appreciate the stuff they buy for us because we really cant afford to get everything ourselves. Maybe she will calm down in a few weeks once she gets used to the idea.