IVF/ICSI and time off work

[slinky]

Hi ladies,

I'm just wondering how you manage work and IVF/ICSI at the same time?

I'm going to be going through ICSI at some point soon, and I'm just waiting for my Manager to get back to me about what HR have said about time off when it all happens. I have said that I would rather work from home as much as I can when it happens. Trouble is I work for a really big corporate company and sometimes I think that's not the best thing, however I have been there nearly 10 years and am pretty much 1 step down from my Manager (unofficially). So what I guess I'm saying is I have given them so much over the years and really all I may be asking for is just 2 or 3 weeks of their time back.

Before I get the news back from HR, I just wanted to get an idea from some of you so I can go in armed with information.

Thanks xx

 

[Leilani]

It's a tough one. I've just been ponderring it in my journal. I'm a teacher, and if this non-IVF cycle goes to plan (28-30 days), then my IVF and egg collection and transfer will happen during my september holidays, which means I don't really need to tell anyone. However, I'm on CD16 and no sign of OV yet, so this cycle might be a bit drawn out. Ideally I'd like to do nothing from EC through to the day after the day after ET - which is 7 days max. Added to this, we don't know for certain how long I'll be on the drugs for, so it could still be a bit off-target, and of course we only know when it's all systems go when we are told to trigger so maybe 48 hours before you need to be off work. Luckily, if need by, my clinic and the blood-test lab are on my way to school, so I don't need time for those sessions.

Have you got your plan from your clinic yet? Whilst the dates can change, they are usually not that far off (maybe a week), but that's not the most useful thing to tell your work. Also do you know how often your clinic does scans etc?

I hope your work are good to you. If I need time off school - I will still be logging in from home and doing thr problem-solving/admin part of my job - only because the problems will only accumulate if I don't clear them as they happen. My classes will all be revising for their exams come October, so I;m not that worried about missing lessons - and I teach nerds!

Gosh - that was a lot of waffle! I guess the short answer is, there is no short answer.

 

[Springflower]

Hey Slinky

I told work I was going through IVF and that I would be leaving the office early or coming in late for appointments. They were fine with this. I also arranged to have one week sick and one week holiday straight after EC. What i would say is you can't be 100% with dates, I ended up leaving suddenly a week before I was expecting to. So be prepared for that!

I'm glad I worked until EC, being at home even working would have driven me nuts. It was good to be at work. While I remember I also had a day off when AF arrived as it was full force!

 

[slinky]

Hi Leilani,

Thanks for your reply I've not actually had my first consultation yet, but the wait may not be too long I have been told...poss have first appointment in Sept. So I'm kind of getting ahead of myself really but only because I'm due to hear back from HR soon so I wanted to be prepared.

It's good that your work are being so accommodating, I really hope mine is too. It's quite possible that if my ICSI happens this year it would fall in my works peak season which is quite a stressful few months so they really need to think about what to do with me!!


Springflower - good to know that because I guess it would drive you crazy sitting at home waiting for things to happen. On the other hand there are many boxsets out there that I think I could quite happily pop myself in front of the tv and watch for hours on end!

x

 

[mercyme]

Yes, please, more answers! I'm eager to know about this, too. I've not heard about being out of work between EC and ET -- is this standard? I have a fairly flexible schedule, but I'm wondering how many full days I should expect to take off (and maybe build my syllabi around those times).

Thanks!

 

[Leilani]

You medically don't need any time off other than the day for EC and the 15 minutes for ET, so it really is down to what you are comfortable with. No matter what procedure your clinic use on you for EC - sedation/anesthetic/nothing etc, they are sticking a needle through the wall of your vagina and then sticking it into the outer part of your ovaries, it hurts and aches for quite a while (up to a week, maybe more). I love laying on the sofa watching TV and will take every opportunity to do so. Others like to be out and about and busy!

 

[slinky]

I'm just having a rant over on my journal about this, but thought I would bring it over on to here as well. Work today confirmed that as it is not an illness but is treatment I would not receive any time off covered as sick, in fact any appointments that I now attend will have to be covered by holiday.

They have said they do not want me to work in the 2ww as they understand how important this time is but they have offered it to me as holiday or unpaid.

Needless to say I have kicked off and am awaiting further feedback.

I want to say I am shocked, but actually I'm not - big corporate companies are crap to work for.

 

[Springflower]

My clinic offered to give me a sick note (fit note as they are now called I think) for 2 weeks from EC. If you had a that then it would be sick leave!

 

[slinky]

That's what I think I will have to do. There is no way I am taking it unpaid or as holiday.

I can't believe they have just heaped a whole load of extra stress on me!

So your company were cool with you taking the 1st week as sick? x

 

[Springflower]

Yes, I think I'm really lucky though. I decided not to go through HR though and went straight to the head of the London office and told her everything. She offered me 2 weeks sick but I'd already been storing my holiday up so was happy to take a weeks holiday. I've pre-paid for three attempts at ICSI in a year so if this doesn't work I'll be trying again in October. Hence why I felt more comfortable splitting the time. I don't want to end up with a ricidious amount of sick, when I'm not actually ill.

I'm surprised your firm is being like this, most corporate firms are very understanding. Some already have an IVF policy in place!

 

[slinky]

I don't think they had a policy in place..I'm going to ask that tomorrow.

That's so nice your company have been so good about it. x

 

[Starbright]

Sorry you've had a negative outcome.

Unfortunately, time off for fertility treatment is seen as elective, so they don't have to give you the time off as paid leave. But, the ET is technically an antenatal appointment - as soon as the embryos are put back you are considered to be pregnant. So, this appt should be treated as antenatal.

I have been very lucky. I work for a medium sized employer and they are quite good to the staff. I told my manager that I would be having IVF to prepare him for any mood swings and to let him know that I'd need a lot of time off. He took this to the HR manager and they have actually devised a new policy to cover this. What they have done (just in case this may be of any help to you) is allowed me 3 periods of up to 3 days that I can take as paid 'other' leave. Any more than that have to be booked as holiday, taken as sick leave or unpaid leave.

The following websites may be useful to you:

https://www.magrath.co.uk/employmen...he-inconceivable---ivf-and-employment-law.asp

https://www.gordonsllp.com/legal-updates/employment-e-brief-ivf-and-the-workplace-13304

https://www.charlesrussell.co.uk/UserFiles/file/pdf/Employment/briefing note - Undertaking IVF.pdf

Good luck with your meeting. I hope you get a more positive response.

 

[slinky]

Starbright - you really are a star!! Thanks for all this - sending all these links to my work email to take into my meeting. I think a little bit of flexibility from work isn't too much to ask for. xx

 

[Debbie82]

My employer has a HR policy on fertility treatment which i have read (not there yet but no harm in being prepared).

You get as much time as you need off for any apps etc but after that you're expected to work or get a line.

To be honest i don't think i'd want my work knowing, at the moment they think i am at the docs every other week for irregular periods but don't know it is fertility related.

 

[MillieMoo]

I'm really glad you started this thread because i was starting to think about this myself. We have an appointment on 25th August where we will find out whether we go for IUI or ICSI. I'm really worried about what work are going to say. I haven't told anyone anything! When i go in for my appointments i don't tell anyone what its for and when i had my lap and dye they knew i had an op but didn't ask what for.

The thing that worries me the most is that i work in a male company. I work for a contractor as a project manager and i have my own team of 6. 2 of them are women (admin) and the rest are men! I really worry tha no one will understand. My boss is a man and the 2 directors are men! I currently have a very good position within the company but i'm worried if they know they will think i'm less serious about my job and more likely to leave so they might start to push me out! And by the looks of it after reading the links above we don't actually have anything to protect us from this discrimination!

I also don't have any holiday left this year so will i have to wait til next year for the treatment? Has anyone gone through this without taking any holiday?

 

[MrsF]

Heya ladies,

apologies for butting in, but i wondered if my experience may be of use? I went through ICSI last year.

I'm a teacher and was very worried about taking time off outside of holiday time as we get a fair bit anyway. For me, to tell my line manager everything was really important to me in order to rid myself of any extra stress, so i was upfront and honest and stated that i was about to embark on the treatment and what it involved, and the expected times off i would need (for scans, injection training, EC and ET). In that meeting i explained that i would be able to plan (for my absence) for the "pre-transfer" stuff, but as far as mother nature was concerned, i couldn't predict my time off after that (this was due to possible day 2-3 embryo transfer v day 5 blasto transfer). As it turned out, my line manager was extremely sympathetic and allowed me the flexibility to take time off when i needed it. I made sure my school work was always prepared and passed on to my very understanding colleague (who covered lessons for me when needed), and when it came to the EC, i had one extra day off than planned (I'm such a wimp and just needed an extra day to recover...!!!)

When it came to the ET, i had day 5 blasto transfer, then had one week off before half term. All of the "sicknotes" the clinic gave me were non-committal - they didnt specify IVF/ICSI procedures so i needn't have 'fessed up in the first place. But for me, i wanted to be upfront as i couldnt cope with the added pressure.

In terms of my work record, the odd days off were passed off as "doctors appointments" (so full pay), and my week off after transfer was put down as "sick" (cos of my "sicknote").

I guess what i'm trying to say is that if you feel more comfortable letting your boss know the score, then do - sometimes peace of mind wins the day. But at the same time, i completely appreciate that it's not always that easy. I guess i was lucky that my manager was empathic - but i wouldnt have known that if i hadnt have said anything in the first place.

Also, i do remember ladies on here back then talking about their employers regarding IVF/ICSI as cosmetic treatment as it's an "elective procedure" (as someone mentioned earlier - sorry - cant remember who as i cant scroll back that far whilst typing!!!). But, if your clinic gives you a non-committal "sicknote" then employers cant contest it.

It is a minefield - if you're in union, consult them, they will have the insight to help you more (i guess each sector is different)

Apologies - didnt mean to ramble on for this long! But i hope my experience helps guys

one final thing - with regards career progression - my headteacher knows my situation, yet i've still been encouraged to go for promotion, and i have been given extra responsibility within the past year. I am lucky employer-wise, and it makes me so angry when i hear of other ladies whom have been (what i would deem as) mistreated.

I'm about to go for a FET and i will tell school the situ. for me, it reduces my stress load.

Wishing you ladies all the babydust in the world for your forthcomin treatments x x x

 

[Leilani]

Thanks Mrs F - and added to what you say, I don't think it maters if you are in a male or female dominated workplace - as for nearly every woman going through IVF, there is a man too. Men generally don't talk about TTC, they just talk about babies once they arrive (or when expecting), so you never know if they are going through something similar. Also a lot of blokes don't like to talk about the specifics of IVF/IUI/Women's problems and wiol say yes to shut you up!!!

 

[slinky]

Thanks everyone for your replies, it's so good to know what everyones experiences are of this. I've got a meeting with HR tomorrow so will report back on what happens. I'm not expecting much to be honest, but I feel like I am making them sweat a bit. They asked me a couple of days ago to put together an email of what I am expecting, but instead of that I emailed them asking for a copy of the company policy...and what a shocker I am still waiting for it!!!

 

[Mrs-G]

Hi, sorry to gate crash thread but I'm attending 1st IVF scan and consultation next week. I work for a very small family run business, only about 14 of us and they are really shit hot on sickness/time off. I'm very dedicated and haven't taken a single day off sick or to attend doctors until I started fertility investigations, there is no way I can tell them whats what as me being pregnant does not fit in well with business plan and I can see it having a negative impact on my relationship with my boss which I don't want as there is no guarantee I will even get pregnant. So far I've just said I have had a little operation but am ok, next weeks appointments are follow ups!!!! I have no idea how to blag my way through this or what effect the treatment is going to have on me!!!!! Any advice greatly received!

 

[Mrs-G]

Just thought I'd update! After my 1st appointment I decided there would be no ay I could do all that without work knowing, so I made the decision to tell my boss and swear him to secrecy and he was fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It took off so much stress I am so glad I took the plunge!