IVF/ICSI/FET 2011 everyone welcome

[Megg33k]

Megg, praying for success for you on this cycle! I would probably find a way to keep trying if I didn't have my son.
It's funny, the day I had my beta early and got the neg result, it was just he and I alone in the house, and I'm in my room crying. He heard me and came in. He said, "mom, why are you crying?" and I said, "I don't want to tell you, I don't want you to get upset." Mind you he had no idea we were actively trying. He does know some of the things involved with his IVF however. He persisted and I said, "well we are trying to give you a brother or sister and it's just not working!" Do you know he said to me, "mom, it's okay. We WANT one, but don't NEED one!" And he gave me a hug and just walked away. Like it was no big deal! I think he thought at first something was really wrong, I was so upset.
Just put it in perspective for me right there.
Then just this morning my husband's sister, who is 35 I think, told he she has just been diagnosed with Lupus. I thought, wow, okay. I need to just start really living again.

Your son sounds amazing!!! I totally understand the need to live again. If I have even 1, I can be done. I've promised myself that I won't go through IVF again to try for a 2nd child. If I happened to have one naturally, that would be great... but I'll be happy with even just 1. I've already been through too much. I just hope that I'll have a child as lovely as your son one day!

 

[psp2011]

Thanks Megg! He is pretty awesome! But I'm biased! I think it made a huge difference for me that we had him almost 8 years ago. And it seemed so easy back then. We walked into the FS and started the same day as the consult. I just happened to be in the right part of my cycle. In only a few weeks I was pregnant and I really never thought it wouldn't work. I never questioned any symptom or any part of the procedure. Just followed what they said to do when they said it. And now that I am out of school and coming up on 35, I just knew I had to think about it one more time. He really wants a brother or sister and I know he would make a great big brother. I just don't see it happening now.
But it's going to be okay. If this is the way it's going to be then not a whole lot else I can do. We tried. And we are lucky one of the tries was him.
I so hope everyone is able to be a mom someday soon. One way or another.
Good luck and I'm going to stalk you all!!

 

[Ttcne]

I hope I didn't cause any offense. I know we all know why we are doing it. I know I could not go on without trying one more time but I know that this isn't the healthiest pursuit for me at times. I see births everyday at work and I know what a life changing event it is (even if I have never experienced it). I don't and won't ever take that for granted. It is amazing and I wish for nothing more for everyone who wants to experience it to be able to.

PSP you give me hope that there is a great end result to all of this.

 

[Megg33k]

Oh, I wasn't offended, if that's what you mean. I have the same thoughts, honey. I only said what I said to reiterate to myself why I keep doing. Consider it thinking out loud! Trust me... I wonder all the time why I bother! You're just saying what we all think... I was just answering the question!

 

[Kaylakin]

Hm, I hear what all of you are saying here. Of course we know why we're doing it, but it's just so damn hard. PSP, I think you have a great perspective on things. It is great that you have your son, and he sounds like a great kid.
Today at work I had a moment that really put things into perspective for me. I was working with a patient of mine who has a c6/c7 spinal cord injury and has tetraplegia. The reason he was injured is because he was rear-ended and then his car collapsed upon him. So, at the end of the day he was just breaking down and crying, and he was saying how it wasn't fair and he never did anything to deserve this. He was saying he was a good person and it didn't matter because bad things happened to him. We talked for a while, but I knew there were no magic words that would make it better for him. In a way, my own struggle with infertility helped me in that I could say to him that there is no rhyme or reason, it just happened. It doesn't matter if you're a good person. He did nothing to deserve it, etc. It just really put things into perspective. I mean, I don't know what my path will be or what will happen with me, but I'm so lucky to be healthy and have a healthy family. I can walk, I can get in/out of bed, I can take a shower, I can brush my teeth, I can pick up a cup and take a sip of water. These are all things that he is unable to do at this time. It's like...wow...I'm fine. I'm really fine, you know what I mean?

 

[psp2011]

Kaylakin, I've been thinking the same thing lately. I was thinking of reading that book, you know, that guy with no arms and legs, Nick Vujicic, Life Without Limits. He is just amazing. Not sitting around feeling sorry for himself. I'm sure he's had his moments, but the way he lives, just inspiring. I see sick people every day at work. Some die. I'm glad to be alive and I intend to take full advantage of it!
Btw, what do you do for your job?

 

[Kaylakin]

PSP - I haven't heard of Nick Vujicic - I will check that out, though. I am a physical therapist on a rehab unit in an acute care hospital
We tend to take patients who are more involved than the average "rehab patient." I see some really sick people, as well, and it always reminds me what's important.

 

[psp2011]

Kaylakin, okay, I get ya. I'm a RN at a hospital. I work in Med/Surg and ER.
You should check out that book, or better yet, go on YouTube and look him up. You will be amazed!!

 

[Megg33k]

I think being in a medical field does put things into perspective that some of us lose sight of. Don't get me wrong... I've actually had a really great life. And, if I used up all my luck already, its because I was lucky enough to be adopted into an amazing family whom I wouldn't trade for the whole world. I know a lot of children who were given up for adoption don't get so lucky... And, they really were worth the thought of using all my luck at 8 days old. I couldn't imagine having been raised by anyone else. If that's the way it goes, then so be it. A great childhood is something that's hard to come by these days! I have a husband who loves me... amazing family and friends. I have a house, a nearly brand new car, great pets, food and clothing, a warm bed, a hot shower... We're not rich and do live paycheck to paycheck sometimes, but we never want for anything and could have extra money if we tried just a little harder. And, we're healthy! My life is a million times better than a lot of people's lives... I totally get that. I do lose sight of it sometimes though, because the pain in my heart has the ability to dwarf all that happiness some days. Lately, not so much... but some days. There is still a massive chunk of "what could have been" that floats around in my head and takes me back to the darker times... and I just want to maybe put it a bit further behind me.

 

[psp2011]

Megg, sounds very fair to me. I think we've all been there plenty of times. Even for different reasons, each our own. And in that moment, that reason is very valid and real. No discounting that. We all want to make our life just a bit better, whether it be by getting that job, house, child, etc. Whatever it is, it is important to us at the time. Seems like we have to keep trying to improve things no matter what is going on. Just once in a while smell the roses. Evens out the times when you can't see the roses anymore, ya know?

 

[Megg33k]

I do like roses!

 

[MrsJPC]

psp im really sorry chick x

well ladies me and dh have been talking and we are feeling ready to try again, might not be for a while mind ive recently started a new job and i want to get back in shape from the last go first, we also need to find a better clinic i was not happy at all with the treatment received at the last one especially considering it cost nearly £7000 we have also decided to keep the next go hush hush from everyone x

That's great news Raf - glad you are back! Good luck honey

x x x

 

[dreamofabean]

Hey all,
How's everyone doing?
I'm a box of nerves today! Ive been told I can call tomorrow morning to see how our embies are growing. It's killing me not calling today! Really praying that they're still growing nicely and we can go for blastie transfer on Saturday!
How have you all coped with the wait? I'm already climbing the Walls!! X

 

[littlemouse]

Hey Dreamofabean,

I didn't find the wait between EC and ET too bad to be honest, mainly because I felt so terrible I was just relieved I had a 5DT and my little embryo wasn't returned to me when I was in so much pain!

Are you off work? I have become a total couch potato in the past 10 days, done lots of reading, movies, crap telly, EATING and sleeping!

Do you have any kind of relaxation CD you can listen to? I've got the Zita West one and have been doing it every day since ET to keep me sane. But any relaxation thing would do, it doesn't have to be a fertility one specifically.

X

 

[dreamofabean]

I'm off work at the moment but hoping to return Friday for the day and then maybe take a couple of days at beginning of next week?I would prefer to be at work tbh as id be busy but I'm a teacher and need to be ok or kids would run rings around me!
I haven't tried any relaxation, will try that! It's a bizarre feeling, not stress like I had before collection, just a mix if anxiety and a bit of excitement!
How are you feeling now?? Xxx

 

[littlemouse]

I feel fine today, but it has taken me a while to feel fine. I felt almost normal again by the time I had ET but then felt totally exhausted and quite down afterwards. I did loads of sleeping on ET day and for a couple of days after. I think it was just my body and brain recovering from the experiences of the previous month!

Today my energy is back, I don't feel too bloated and I feel positive again, thank goodness! No symptoms whatsoever, which I'm trying not to worry about as it's v. early days...

X

 

[dreamofabean]

Yeah it's still very early!!don't worry about it
I find that I'm generally feeling fine, but when my bladder is full I get sore and tender! Must just be the pressure?

 

[littlemouse]

Your ovaries will still be quite big and tender and recovering, so yes must just be the bladder pressing on them. Frequent peeing then!

Right, have to go and actually do something away from my computer now. Step away from B&B littlemouse!

X

 

[dreamofabean]

Ha ha I'm the same, addicted! X

 

[dreamofabean]

Morning girls,
Today has taken an unexpected turn!
Called to see how embies doing. All 8 are still growing but some are slow growers and they can't say whether they will catch up! I've got a few that are growing very well and are at 6 cells and just under the perfect criteria which she said is good. They said they want to transfer this afternoon just incase. She asked how Many I want so I said two!
Feeling disappointed that we won't go to blastocyst as I know there's a better chance then!
Any words of wisdom or hope??? Xx