IVF/ICSI/FET 2011 everyone welcome

[Megg33k]

Sorry, but I'm about to rant. You lot are the only ones who could possibly understand...

I've convinced myself I'll be getting bad news because I literally feel 100% normal. I'm usually symptom spotting by now, but I can't! Other than my boobs being mildly tender (which isn't abnormal for me whilst in cycle) and a hot flash here and there (as of tonight)... I have nothing. I don't even feel like they were transferred. So, I've caught myself assuming that means its over.

I guess its a bit early to count myself out... but I can't get the embryologist's words out of my head. They made my gorgeous (IMO) little embies sound like trash! I don't know how to stop hearing that bit about "they might not survive"... I believe in them... But, its so hard when a professional pretty much tells you that its useless. I had to hear so many awful things that day... "They're grade 3's, which isn't a good sign"... "They're weird"... "They look dark and too grainy"... "It indicates that they might not survive"... Then, the transfer went so badly, which could lower my chances again if it stirred up any blood or mucus in my uterus.

I'm frustrated, because my head and heart are in 2 different places. My heart has so much faith in them. But, my head says that I'm setting myself up for a fall if I believe. I spend most of my day trying not to think about it and failing. Only 1 week till I know, and I can't even imagine what news I'll be getting. I have no idea what to expect this time. I want to think I'll be celebrating, but I suspect I'll be in shambles again. And, this is it... I'm not going to be back in the game for over a year. That's a lot to face. I really needed this time to work...

 

[Donna210369]

Oh Megg, sweetie, I know how you feel. Not that they trashed my embies but I feel that's it's probably not worked. I poas'd this morning 8dp3dt not because i'm impatient (although I am) but because I thought the right thing for me to do is get my head around a negative slowly. So wanted to ease myself into it gently. I'd rather not get a big shock on day 14 and fall in a heap. This way the hope will get less and less each day but will make it easier for me. I know this doesn't work for everyone but is def the right decision for me. so i'll be testing morning and night time from now till thursday. As far as what the embryologist said, they are giving you their honest opinion but they will not always be right in the outcome. your embies could be doing much better now that they are home and they wouldn't have put them back if they thought they had no chance at all. Try and stay positive hunni and don't worry about ranting, that is DEFINITELY what we are here for. Nig hugs x

 

[davecr033]

Sorry Megg that they did that to you. They should have been more sensitive. Talk to your little beans. Miracle of life is amazing and the docs don't know everything. Big Hugs!

 

[dreamofabean]

I was never told not to wear perfume or deodorant or anything!
Megg please don't give up honey, you really just don't know!! I've taken the bfn so the bfp is def on it's way to you xxxx

 

[dreamofabean]

Oh Megg, sweetie, I know how you feel. Not that they trashed my embies but I feel that's it's probably not worked. I poas'd this morning 8dp3dt not because i'm impatient (although I am) but because I thought the right thing for me to do is get my head around a negative slowly. So wanted to ease myself into it gently. I'd rather not get a big shock on day 14 and fall in a heap. This way the hope will get less and less each day but will make it easier for me. I know this doesn't work for everyone but is def the right decision for me. so i'll be testing morning and night time from now till thursday. As far as what the embryologist said, they are giving you their honest opinion but they will not always be right in the outcome. your embies could be doing much better now that they are home and they wouldn't have put them back if they thought they had no chance at all. Try and stay positive hunni and don't worry about ranting, that is DEFINITELY what we are here for. Nig hugs x

Donna I'm not saying you will be the same and I pray you're not but I did the same. It allowed me to half process it before hand. Yes it still hurt like he'll on Wednesday but I'm ok now. I used a lot if tears up before the result and I do think it kinda helped xx

 

[Megg33k]

Thanks girls!

Aww... Dreamy... Don't say that! Yours is just waiting for you!

 

[dreamofabean]

It is, just wasn't meant to be this time, and if someone is gonna get it instead of me it better be you my darling xxxx

 

[Donna210369]

Dream how are you holding up hunni? x

 

[Wallie]

I suppose the no perfume thing is because they don't know if it will affect them, so better safe than sorry. I suppose they're only trying to give embies the best chance. They probably have no clue if they get affected or not though...

AFM just heard today I get to start DR tomorrow. Then I've to wait on an appt for my baseline scan coming through. It's come early, normally I start DR'ing on CD21 but tomorrow is CD2.

 

[dreamofabean]

Dream how are you holding up hunni? x

I'm doing ok thanks honey. How about you?
I had pretty much accepted is before we had the result. I'd experienced pg symptoms after the hcg and knew i had none then, my ohss had disappeared totally, i just knew. It actually helped though to have had the upset before. Of course wednesday and yesterday morning were tough but today i feel absolutely fine. I am determined not to wallow in self pity, but move forward. We have an appt on 5th july to discuss our next step and have decided that this time we will tell noone. No family, nothing, its just less pressure!x

 

[Kaylakin]

Sorry, but I'm about to rant. You lot are the only ones who could possibly understand...

I've convinced myself I'll be getting bad news because I literally feel 100% normal. I'm usually symptom spotting by now, but I can't! Other than my boobs being mildly tender (which isn't abnormal for me whilst in cycle) and a hot flash here and there (as of tonight)... I have nothing. I don't even feel like they were transferred. So, I've caught myself assuming that means its over.

I guess its a bit early to count myself out... but I can't get the embryologist's words out of my head. They made my gorgeous (IMO) little embies sound like trash! I don't know how to stop hearing that bit about "they might not survive"... I believe in them... But, its so hard when a professional pretty much tells you that its useless. I had to hear so many awful things that day... "They're grade 3's, which isn't a good sign"... "They're weird"... "They look dark and too grainy"... "It indicates that they might not survive"... Then, the transfer went so badly, which could lower my chances again if it stirred up any blood or mucus in my uterus.

I'm frustrated, because my head and heart are in 2 different places. My heart has so much faith in them. But, my head says that I'm setting myself up for a fall if I believe. I spend most of my day trying not to think about it and failing. Only 1 week till I know, and I can't even imagine what news I'll be getting. I have no idea what to expect this time. I want to think I'll be celebrating, but I suspect I'll be in shambles again. And, this is it... I'm not going to be back in the game for over a year. That's a lot to face. I really needed this time to work...

Hey Meg,
This whole thing is such a mind f*ck, and in the end, whatever happens, will happen, and so much is out of our control. I think the embryologists just have to probably tell you the worse case scenario so that they feel they have done their job. Just like, all along when the doc/nurses were telling me the risks of some of the procedures, like they may not be able to reach the ovary for egg collection, etc, and I found myself worrying about that as well. But they had to tell me because it was part of the process as one of the things that potentially could happen. Any point along the way, we worry - which you know. I also think that there is so much more that embryologists can't tell by looking at the embies - they are still perfecting it. I was just reading an article today online about this very subject. They said that determining which embies are the best is still somewhat of an art rather than a science, and that they have come a long way, but there are many things they just do not know yet. Anyway, hang in there as best you can...not easy I know..
Do you plant to POAS or wait for the beta?

 

[Kaylakin]

I'm doing ok thanks honey. How about you?
I had pretty much accepted is before we had the result. I'd experienced pg symptoms after the hcg and knew i had none then, my ohss had disappeared totally, i just knew. It actually helped though to have had the upset before. Of course wednesday and yesterday morning were tough but today i feel absolutely fine. I am determined not to wallow in self pity, but move forward. We have an appt on 5th july to discuss our next step and have decided that this time we will tell noone. No family, nothing, its just less pressure!x

Glad to hear you are hanging in there, Dream. This all is so hard. I know I always say it, but there's no way around it - it is just so difficult and no one not going through it can really understand. I'm glad that you have a follow-up appointment already - that will be good. I forget, did you have any frozen embies or will you be doing a fresh cycle in the future?

I know what you mean about pressure. My parents were so excited just after I told them about my transfer going well and I showed them (texted) a pic of the embies. They are excited, and I feel like if this doesn't work, I'm going to be letting a whole lot of people down again - just like I felt last year after my miscarriage. I know in actuality that this is not true, but you can't help but to feel like it anyway...

 

[dreamofabean]

Thats exactly how I felt. Like i'd let everyone down. It's complete and utter crap but i think its natural. Now i'm just refusing to let it get me down.
Yeah we have 2 frosties that were frozen on day 1. I worry that theyll be crappy quality too but we can have an FET free of charge as part of our NHS cycle so it'd be silly not to try. Im hoping we will be able to have it this summer. I'm a teacher so would be fab to have it done over the holidays so it doesnt affect school again.

 

[Donna210369]

morning ladies, just a quick one as today is the first day of a new me (I hope) I am 9dp3dt and have another BFN I know there is the tiniest chance that I may still be in but I doubt it very much. I am using FRER which detects at 12.5miu, so only needs a really really low HCG level. I've always told myself how lucky I am to have 2 beautiful boys and when I talk to myself (which I have been a lot lately ) I say i'd rather someone who doesn't have any children be successful rather than myself. IVF has taken over my life and today is the day it stops. I'm 42 and the only reason I went down this route is because the Dr's told me i'd have bad eggs and ivf was the only way. Well i've proved them wrong. 'Great embryos' is what they said. So maybe we can make great embryos on our own, maybe not. We still have a snowbaby too, so we'll see. I will still come on here to catch up with you all and watch lots of successes and support the not so successfuls but in my mind i'm letting go a bit. Thanks to everyone for all the support and good luck lovely ladies. xx Not a quick one at all was it?

 

[Megg33k]

Sorry, but I'm about to rant. You lot are the only ones who could possibly understand...

I've convinced myself I'll be getting bad news because I literally feel 100% normal. I'm usually symptom spotting by now, but I can't! Other than my boobs being mildly tender (which isn't abnormal for me whilst in cycle) and a hot flash here and there (as of tonight)... I have nothing. I don't even feel like they were transferred. So, I've caught myself assuming that means its over.

I guess its a bit early to count myself out... but I can't get the embryologist's words out of my head. They made my gorgeous (IMO) little embies sound like trash! I don't know how to stop hearing that bit about "they might not survive"... I believe in them... But, its so hard when a professional pretty much tells you that its useless. I had to hear so many awful things that day... "They're grade 3's, which isn't a good sign"... "They're weird"... "They look dark and too grainy"... "It indicates that they might not survive"... Then, the transfer went so badly, which could lower my chances again if it stirred up any blood or mucus in my uterus.

I'm frustrated, because my head and heart are in 2 different places. My heart has so much faith in them. But, my head says that I'm setting myself up for a fall if I believe. I spend most of my day trying not to think about it and failing. Only 1 week till I know, and I can't even imagine what news I'll be getting. I have no idea what to expect this time. I want to think I'll be celebrating, but I suspect I'll be in shambles again. And, this is it... I'm not going to be back in the game for over a year. That's a lot to face. I really needed this time to work...

Hey Meg,
This whole thing is such a mind f*ck, and in the end, whatever happens, will happen, and so much is out of our control. I think the embryologists just have to probably tell you the worse case scenario so that they feel they have done their job. Just like, all along when the doc/nurses were telling me the risks of some of the procedures, like they may not be able to reach the ovary for egg collection, etc, and I found myself worrying about that as well. But they had to tell me because it was part of the process as one of the things that potentially could happen. Any point along the way, we worry - which you know. I also think that there is so much more that embryologists can't tell by looking at the embies - they are still perfecting it. I was just reading an article today online about this very subject. They said that determining which embies are the best is still somewhat of an art rather than a science, and that they have come a long way, but there are many things they just do not know yet. Anyway, hang in there as best you can...not easy I know..
Do you plant to POAS or wait for the beta?

Thank you... I'm sure you're right. It just sucks to hear. I'm planning to wait for my beta, but we'll see! LOL How about you?

Thats exactly how I felt. Like i'd let everyone down. It's complete and utter crap but i think its natural. Now i'm just refusing to let it get me down.
Yeah we have 2 frosties that were frozen on day 1. I worry that theyll be crappy quality too but we can have an FET free of charge as part of our NHS cycle so it'd be silly not to try. Im hoping we will be able to have it this summer. I'm a teacher so would be fab to have it done over the holidays so it doesnt affect school again.

I certainly hope you can have it done over the summer too. My cousin had 2 fresh cycles (1 failed, 1 MC) and her 3rd cycle (FET) was the one that resulted in her little boy. So, don't count them out! It can work!

morning ladies, just a quick one as today is the first day of a new me (I hope) I am 9dp3dt and have another BFN I know there is the tiniest chance that I may still be in but I doubt it very much. I am using FRER which detects at 12.5miu, so only needs a really really low HCG level. I've always told myself how lucky I am to have 2 beautiful boys and when I talk to myself (which I have been a lot lately ) I say i'd rather someone who doesn't have any children be successful rather than myself. IVF has taken over my life and today is the day it stops. I'm 42 and the only reason I went down this route is because the Dr's told me i'd have bad eggs and ivf was the only way. Well i've proved them wrong. 'Great embryos' is what they said. So maybe we can make great embryos on our own, maybe not. We still have a snowbaby too, so we'll see. I will still come on here to catch up with you all and watch lots of successes and support the not so successfuls but in my mind i'm letting go a bit. Thanks to everyone for all the support and good luck lovely ladies. xx Not a quick one at all was it?

I'm hoping its still just too early, honey! FX'd!

 

[dreamofabean]

Donna I really hope your result changes for you! It's crazy just how much this all messes with your head isn't it? Big love xxx
Meggy I have every hope for you lovely x

 

[Kaylakin]

Donna - I really hope you're wrong! That's interesting they said that you would have bad eggs. You certainly did prove them wrong though. Had you tried things other than IVF or gone straight to IVF because of the doctor's recommendation?

Meg - Yes, I'm planning to wait for my beta as well. I just can't stand looking at another stark white BFN. I may just test the very morning of my beta because I can't bear hearing the news from the nurse for the first time.

My transfer went well yesterday - well pretty much. Of the 7 embies that we had fertilized, they were ALL still there and all doing well. I was very shocked by this and the doc said that it is pretty rare. They were all either 7 or 8 cells and A or B (quality?) I was ecstatic to hear this. So, our problem is not with fertilization apparently, though we still are "unexplained."
They put back two embies and gave us a picture. So we had 2 8-cell 3-day embies put back. They are freezing the rest. I think they are freezing them on day 5 though, but he seemed confident they would freeze them all, so I have to ask about that. The actual transfer itself took a really long time! He did a practice run with a different catheter which went fine. Then on the actual transfer, the catheter wouldn't go in. He kept trying and trying, and pushed on the speculum, then he tried a different catheter. Then, he tried a guide catheter and a different speculum..and he was able to get there finally and they were able to see it on the abdominal ultrasound. It was scary because I was freaking out inside my head. He said not to worry and that it didn't affect pregnancy rates or anything, but that it was just a little speed bump. He said that it was at the junction between my cervix and uterus it was tough to get in because I've never had children before. I thought that was interesting. Anyway, I'm glad he is so skilled because I really just had to trust him. It could have been way more traumatic than that. Soo..never thought I'd say it but I'm PUPO! So crazy.. Now, I feel like all the work is done, and whatever happens..happens...

 

[Kaylakin]

Thats exactly how I felt. Like i'd let everyone down. It's complete and utter crap but i think its natural. Now i'm just refusing to let it get me down.
Yeah we have 2 frosties that were frozen on day 1. I worry that theyll be crappy quality too but we can have an FET free of charge as part of our NHS cycle so it'd be silly not to try. Im hoping we will be able to have it this summer. I'm a teacher so would be fab to have it done over the holidays so it doesnt affect school again.

How soon would you be able to start again? Or would you want some time off..I know it is very early after your BFN..everyone's different and I don't know how I would feel..

 

[dreamofabean]

Glad ET went ok Kaylakin!
I'm not sure really. We have to wait for a withdrawal bleed and then once I get Af we can start! I feel ready to move on as soon as my body Is! X

 

[davecr033]

Kaykalin - congrats on the transfer and glad in the end your little beans are safely inside even though it took longer.

Donna and Dream - So sorry sweeties but I love your positive attitudse. You both are such a wonderful people.

Megg, hang in there sweetie! This whole thing is a mind-game of trying to stay positive while you have all these negative thoughts in your head. All these extra hormones don't help either. Big Hugs!!!

AFM - My estrogen levels dropped a bit and even though the nurse said its ok, I am a bit worried. My hcg levels are rising like they should. I can tell the estrogen levels because my boobs are no longer as big and sore. Just worrying me. help!