January Baby Bears 2017 ~ 48 Momma Bears: 21 Blue, 17 Pink

[shobbs]

Evening all

Haven't been on here for a few days it's been manic with work and the OH working away. My boys are currently on summer break from school so my parents have been helping out loads. I now have 4 days off to spend with them before they head back to school.

AFM I've not been too good lately I've been terribly hormonal with this pregnancy and currently like the crazy lady that cries at everything and seems to take everything personally. I don't think it helps that my anxiety is on the rise the closer I get to 28 weeks as that is the gestation I gave birth last time and also lost my son.

With regards to movement this baby goes a few days with constant movement and then will be very quiet for a day or so. It's started a little pattern going on but still worries Mr when I don't feel baby.

I'm thinking of going to the doctors with my hormones and anxiety at the minute.

Lovely to hear all the recent updates/scans. I can't believe how fast the recent weeks have gone just over 17 weeks until due date and just 12 days until V day

Here is my most recent bump pic taken a couple of days ago

https://[URL=https://s1254.photobucket.com/user/selina224/media/Mobile%20Uploads/2016-08/20160831_082707.jpg.html]https://i1254.photobucket.com/albums/hh607/selina224/Mobile%20Uploads/2016-08/20160831_082707.jpg[/URL]

 

[Literati_Love]

Pompey - that is really nice you'll get close to 14 months. I will be taking about two weeks of unpaid holidays before mine as well, so it'll technically be a year and two weeks. None of my time off is fully paid though. 4 weeks will be unpaid and the rest is 55% of my income.

Shobbs - such a beautiful bump! Very sorry you're suffering from anxiety. That makes sense you'd be feeling more worried the closer you get to 28 weeks. It is a good idea to talk to your doctor about how you have been feeling. You shouldn't have to suffer alone.

I haven't been feeling great this pregnancy either and am starting to get really emotional about stuff as well. Thankfully, I haven't been feeling too much anxiety, as I do suffer from that as well.

 

[vrogers]

Slammer- congrats on the boy!! My dh wanted a boy so bad but I think he's slowly getting used to a girl.

Shobbs- cute bump!! I agree that you shouldn't have to suffer alone and it is completely understandable and normal that you have anxiety because of what happened. I have days where baby seems more active than others, although when I use the Doppler (no movement scares me too) she's moving like crazy, I'm just not feeling all of it.

OT but this 8 second target ad is making me want to throw my phone. Love target, hate the ad.

Also I know this is still a few months away, but how does everyone do visitors after delivery? My dh and I are super private, and I really want it to be just us in the room and to tell everyone AFTER we are able to spend a couple hours bonding with the baby alone. I know everyone does this differently and it's a personal decision but I'm struggling with how to not upset everyone. My mother (who I do NOT have a good relationship with) got pissed at me when I told her nobody else but my dh is allowed in the delivery room. And a week or two ago my MIL and I were talking about how my mom had gotten mad and she was laughing about it and saying she didn't want to be in the delivery room but did want to at least be in the waiting room. I get that our families will be anxious to see her but I can't stand the thought that she would be taken from my arms and passed around to countless other people. I'm just not sure how to let everyone know and I'm sure some will be upset no matter what. I guess I still have some time to figure it out, just wanted to hear from other mamas who have been there or what everyone else is doing!

 

[Angel5000]

Today we got news that a student of ours who graduated last year was in a fatal car wreck today. He was my TA last year. I'm never going to get used to losing children. Our first day of school with students is Tuesday, and it is going to be so very hard for our kids. In my 10 years of teaching, I've had four or five instances where students in my school passed away. I've always worked with small schools so even if these weren't students in my class we always know who these kids are. I'm so very sad today.

Wait, the 12 weeks you're given in the US isn't paid? Wtf? So the only way you can actually take the time off is if you can financially afford to go without pay for that time? That's ridiculous! Wow... Yet again, the USA surprises me with stupid "benefits". Sorry, US ladies, that really saddened me this morning

Canadians... enjoy your maternity leave!

Nope, the 12 weeks isn't paid at all. AND not all jobs have to give the 12 weeks. The 12 weeks is federally required under Federal Medical Leave Act (FMLA) but only certain jobs fall under the requirement to give FMLA (They have to have at least 40 employees, plus a couple other requirements). So smaller jobs don't have to do that at all. Almost no jobs in the US give paid maternity leave. As a teacher most of us usually bank our sick days for years to save up to take maternity leave. I had done that but unfortunately I changed states two years ago and all my sick days built up in Texas DO NOT transfer to Washington and so now I have no sick leave except what I'm given this year (I had 12 days later year but I used most of them due to family emergencies and all the medical testing I had done).


Newbie - good luck with the open house stuff! I've heard a ton of those stories about parents constantly wanting to change their kids out into someone else's class. It's ridiculous how pushy some parents can be before they even give their kid's teacher a chance. Good luck with that! I could not do Admin side. I'll stick with my classroom.


Slammer - CONGRATS ON THE BOY! I'll have to go back to work at 3 months mark but I'm lucky my mom's agreed to come up for the remaining 3 months of the school year and help with childcare until I'm out for summer but I will have to find childcare when we go back the following September, and that sucks. Daycare costs are outrageous.

 

[froggyfrog]

Angel, I'm from Texas too! We move for dh's job and are currently in Georgia, but hoping to be back on Texas soon!

 

[AliJo]

Shobbs - Beautiful bump!! I would at least talk to someone. They might have some good suggestions to help you deal with the anxiety.

Angel - I'm so sorry for the loss of a student. I grew up in a small school system and it definitely impacted everyone when someone passed away. Our whole school was one building (K-12) so you start to know everyone. We had a girl murdered from our school who was in my younger brother's grade at a mall. It was so hard watching her family go through all that pain.

Yeah maternity leave in the US is a total joke. I know some people are trying to push for a change. Some women just do what they have to, but I don't want to do that. I want to do what feels right. I get so anxious when I don't feel my child is where they should be. Work was so agonizing when I had my son in daycare for the month or so I did it. Which turned out not that great of a person to have him with which makes it even harder for me to trust others.

I do expect there to be a change. I don't expect it to happen till after I'm done having children, though.

I just wish I had more reliable family members around. So many have their parents and I really don't. My DH's parents aren't capable, nor would I feel my child is safe with them. I would never leave my son with my mother. My dad and stepmom are too busy and I don't like my son out there without a constant eye on him anyways because there are hazards plus too many dogs. I just don't want something stupid happening that could have easily been prevented, but they both just "kind of" watch children out there.

In other news.. I've been having burning/tingling nipples sometimes. Which is what always happened during my let down. I've been having leakage for awhile, too.

 

[Literati_Love]

Angel - I'm sorry about the loss of your student. So sad.

Vrogers - I am quite a private person, but my mom was present for my dd's birth. She was a labour and delivery nurse for many years, though, so she'd really seen it all and it made me feel more comfortable knowing someone who knew what s/he was talking about was there. She didn't take the baby away from me or anything after, but she was able to hold her while I was showering and such after. It was nice having her there for support, but this time around I don't think we will have her. She is the only one I trust to have an overnight with my dd (who cannot go through the night without co sleeping), so I think she will just be caring for dd while I am in labour. I think it will be nice to be just us this time. As for other family, we messaged some family an hour or so after dd was born, and they came to visit much later that evening for a short visit. MIL, my dad, etc, all did not meet DD until she was a good 16 hours old! No one was offended that they weren't in the waiting room or whatever. the thought of anyone else in the delivery room even right after the baby is born makes me sick! It's such a private time. I've never felt more humiliated and exposed than when I gave birth last time! It was the worst experience of my life, but thank goodness DD was worth it! Haha.

 

[Angel5000]

Don't be deceived Froggy, I'm originally from Oregon. I lived in Texas for 11 years and then moved to Washington to be closer to my sister and the rest of our family.

AliJo - I think our community will have a very hard few weeks.
As for childcare, I'm torn but I know that if I want us to be able to continue to live comfortably then I have to keep working. And I love my job too much. We could maybe get by with just DH's salary but it would be really tight and I want my kids to have the options I never did as a kid. One of my coworker's has a wife who runs a daycare in her home but I found out it's only Preschool, so ages 2.5+ However he said he'd ask his wife for a list of local people who will do infants and that are "good", so that helps me a lot. I love the idea of my mom watching our kid but only because my mom left my dad a year ago. If they were still together I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't feel safe with my children anywhere near my dad,and he wouldn't have let her come up and stay for a whole week at a time (she lives 3 hours away).

 

[vrogers]

Angel- oh no I'm so sorry to hear that. My dad is a high school teacher (well, he's an ROTC instructer) and it's always sad when a student dies in an accident and especially when a suicide happens.

Literati- oh I bet it was nice having a family member who knew what was going on and was able to make you feel comfortable! My dh actually said he would feel more comfortable with his mom in the waiting room because she's a NP and knows all about labor and birth and if there was a problem he could ask his mom for clarity, so maybe I'll end up letting close family be in the waiting room but allow us time to bond with baby. And I can't imagine how exposed and humiliated I'll feel haha! I know people say when you're giving birth you don't care but I imagine that'll come afterwards. She'll definitely be worth it!

 

[AliJo]

I only allowed DH in the room during delivery. My close aunt and stepmom tried to linger outside the door, but the doctor shooed them off. I didn't mind having close family visiting during labor, although I wasn't much entertainment when I was laboring till I broke down and got the epidural. Took me 8 hours and that darn Pitocin really sucks!

My mother lives hours away and I wouldn't even tell her if I was in labor. I wouldn't even want her around anywhere near the birth. She gets on my nerves bad enough, I won't apologize for the words I say when I'm in a hormonal swing!

Visitors can be 1) a good distraction, or 2) a big annoyance. Or both..

 

[vrogers]

Ali, I'm the same with my mother! I do love her but we have a strained relationship and I'm just not comfortable with anyone other than dh in the room. I'm thinking I may have to get over it and let close family in after a little bit but maybe for a short time? At least I dont have to figure it out right now!

 

[Vankiwi]

I think you have to do what you want. For me it's easy as we have no family in the country we live in!

However, if that wasn't the case, no way would I want others besides DH in the delivery room or the waiting room!

 

[Ally2015]

newbie2013- i have checked with my PhD programme, i won';t get any pay. Sucks! but i can take time off. Bit stressful as my hubby doesn't have much work just now, and we are tight for cash. might end up moving back in at my parents for a year or so, while we save and hubby finds more work. My parents are cool though and have a big house, so plenty of room for us.



shobbs- beautiful bump! i've been feeling quite hormonal too, feel like i get moodswings. one min im crying in kitchen for no reason, then later i feel fine. understandable that you might be feeling more hormonal as you reach closer to 28 weeks. sending you hugs...

vrogers- this is my first, it will just be me and DH in delivery room, and i would prefer everyone to wait at home rather than come to the hospital, but i dont really mind. My MIL is very excited so i think she will be at the hospital waiting... most important thing to me is that it is just me and dh in delivery room. I just want that time to be between us.

Angel - sorry for loss of the student, how very sad

im sipping fennel tea, have horrid heartburn. I feel quite lazy and fat, when i go for a walk, i start getting pains in my belly and a stitch. I really miss my running. however the boy has been quite active the last couple of days, and i love it. 19 weeks to go

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

At my first I had my mum, my sister and babys dad in the room

2nd mum, sister, babys dad and MIL(!) In room

3rd just me and babys dad (I wanted my mum!)

This time home birth x

 

[newbie2013]

I definitely want dh in the room (although I'll be praying he doesn't pass out!) and my mum will probably be there. Given the culture I live in, in the in the likely that every man and his dog will be intended the waiting room - SILs, MIL, along with anyone else from dh's family. I wish they won't but they probably will... Thank goodness the hospital room will have an outer seating area outside the bedroom so i can kick them all out there when I need privacy...

 

[slammerkin]

With my first it was just DH and my mom in the room, and I was happy with that. This time it might just be me and DH, and my mom can stay with DD. She wasn't that much help with the birth, but she was great afterward. I think you should just not tell people when you're in labor or going to the hospital. They don't need to know until baby is born and you can decide when you're recovered enough for visitors. Thankfully my family is spread out and not nosy or obnoxious. And DH's family is in another country.

 

[vrogers]

I know everyone's different, I just can't imagine anyone else (other than dh) in the delivery room with me. I feel uncomfortable when my own family tries to touch my stomach so I could only imagine everything being on display haha. I really think I'm leaning towards not telling anyone until after and just letting them get over it, as I would be the one having to actually give birth. They'll see her, just not until after we've had a little time to bond with her ourselves!

 

[pompeyvix]

A very quick update from me as I have a busy evening planned getting ready for my daughters birthday party tomorrow, but had scan and we're joining team blue!! I knew it all along, strong gut feeling and a different pregnancy than with my first.

Hope all you ladies are good!

 

[vrogers]

Congrats on the boy Pompey!!

 

[froggyfrog]

Congrats pompey!!!

My dh and my mom will be in the room. We live out of state so none of my other family will even see the baby until we fly home a few months later. My mom is a labor and delivery nurse so I want her there to kind of be my advocate so that dh and I can just be and I won't have to worry about anything else. I have already talked to her about wanting it to be our special time and she agreed so she is just going to leave us to our moments. I also want her to take pictures of labor and me and dh. And then after the baby is born she is going to leave and come back to my house and wait for us to come home.