January Baby Bears 2017 ~ 48 Momma Bears: 21 Blue, 17 Pink

[TTCBabyG2015]

Ana - I too have to agree with the others and think it may be an addiction problem. I'm so sorry this is happening to you, I wish I lived closer to help. Please reach out if you ever need anything

Greats - so happy Livia's birthday went well but, hope she feels better soon My anatomy scan is on the 29th of this month, I'll be 20 weeks on that day.

 

[newbie2013]

Ana, I have to agree with the others too. I wish I could help you out. You don't need that stress while pregnant and with your kids as well. Take care of yourself and I hope it gets sorted out.

Thinking of you.

 

[Anababe]

Thankyou so much everyone. Not been able get on today I've been so poorly being sick and feeling dizzy. I guess morning sickness wanted to make a one off reappearance.. hopefully a one off anyway!

Regarding my OH.. There's no addiction problem so to speak.. meaning he's not dependant on any drug or drink. However when we have an argument he does use it as an excuse to go and have a massive blow out which is usually just beer or weed.. however the last couple of weeks he has been using coke which massively disappointed me as I can't say enough how the person he is now isn't what he has been for the last couple of years I've known him. He didn't come back home last night and haven't heard from him all day. I have been told off a friend that he's gone a bit crazy today and between him and his friend they are pretty off their head on stuff. So I assume he's on another planet at the moment and when he realises he's no where to go in a few days he will come back. I'm not doing it anymore though. I don't take drugs, I don't judge anyone who does but I personally don't need it in my life or around my children. I'm going to assume he needs a few months to get it all out of his system and will eventually realise what he had. It's hard because people hear he's 23 and just assume he's not ready for a family but up until a couple of months ago not long after we found out we was pregnant actually, he was so devoted to me and my children. He is amazing with them and in the house he's not lazy in the slightest we have been so happy I just can't believe mixing with the wrong people can turn him like this towards us.

He says I'm controlling because I don't like him seeing this friend but I just know what happens when they are together. He loses all thought of how he's making me feel so I feel I have a right to say whether he can or can't spend time with him. I told him it's that life or this family he can't have both, and he said if he's given an ultimatum he will choose friends everytime because I should never do that to him. But what else am I supposed to do.. keep him around and just let him do whatever he wants

Anyway on a happy note baby is so super active at the moment I just love feeling her little kicks

 

[Angel5000]

I think you're doing the right thing Anababe. I'm not usually a fan of giving ultimatums but when it comes to your children's safety, your safety and your sanity, (especially when drugs are involved) then it's definitely time to give one. Hopefully he'll figure out what he is missing and get his head straightened out in a little while. Until then do what you have to do for your little ones.



AFM - OB appointment today was good. Baby HB was in the 140s. when she was pushing a little on my stomach while checking for HB she said she could actually feel baby so I should start to feel it soon. I find it so odd that she could feel but I didn't feel anything and baby is inside me.... too confusing. But hopefully soon! I have the referral to make my Anatomy scan now, I called but they can't make the appointment until the referral comes in and they haven't received it yet so I'll call again tomorrow. Sometime in the next 2-3 weeks is what they're thinking.

 

[Literati_Love]

Hi all. I've been away camping the past couple days and briefly skimmed people's posts but don't have time to reply to everyone. Hope all are doing well.

I've been throwing up still for the past week but today and yesterday I have felt ok so hopefully I am out of the woods now. Also still feeling tired and needing lots of naps.

I am getting antsy for my Aug 17 appointment so I can get my referral for my anatomy scan as well.

 

[Anababe]

Literati - Glad your feeling a little better last day or two. I'm also still feeling quite tired during the day.

Angel - yeah ultimatum's are never good and I generally don't agree with them but sometimes there comes a time where it's needed. Glad your appt went well.. how lovely she felt baby.. hopefully not long until we can feel baby from the outside

 

[danser55]

Sorry about your situation Anababe.

Wow so many of us coming up on anatomy scan, Mine is 8/24 in three weeks, it feels like forever away.

 

[froggyfrog]

anababe. I would put as much space between you as possible until he can get his act together. I hope he realizes what he has done soon, and changes his ways because you certainly don't want that around your kids. And if you don't stay together it might be nerve wracking if he has shared custody.

I can't wait to see everyone's scan photos coming up, mine isn't until September 7th or 8th. So excited to be 15 weeks today!! I think I felt baby again two nights ago. It felt like bubbles, and I guess it could have been gas, but it was exactly where I hear him on the doppler. I can't wait to feel him more!

 

[vrogers]

I agree with how you are handling the situation, Ana! Doing what's best for you and the kids is most important and I really do hope he comes around sooner rather than later and is back to the man you knew him as.

Literati, I'm sorry you've still been sick but glad the past couple days have been better!

My anatomy scan is 8/22, feels like forever away. I'm handing my Doppler over to my husband to put in his safe because I've had a hard time not using it while I still don't feel baby. Every time I use it I find her hb within several seconds and hear her moving/kicking like crazy but I feel like I'm just annoying her and giving myself more anxiety with it, so in the safe it goes and maybe I'll use it when I hit a new week + appointment days.

 

[Angel5000]

So I'm having some twinges in my abdomen. It's something kind of like a pinch or a poke maybe. I'm not sure if that's some mild cramping from the uterus expanding (doctor said to expect that over the next few weeks) or if it's baby. I'm so desperate to feel baby I think I'm making stuff up. lol

 

[Literati_Love]

Froggy - yay! It was probably baby. I'm sure my scan will be around the same time as yours.

Thanks vrogers and Ana.

angel - when I feel my
Uterus expanding it feels like really mild menstrual cramps. I hope the twinges you are feeling are baby!

 

[chitown28]

Sorry to hear about the stressful situation, Ana. Personally, I think you're doing the right thing by focusing on you and the kids and not taking any of his crap. I would be very careful about ever letting him back into your life unless he's clean, sober, and fully committed.

Anyways, I'm so excited for everyone's upcoming anatomy scans. I agree it feels like forever away, but it's actually quite close! I was very crabby this morning because my original scan was booked for 8/22, but there was a schedule conflict so they had to move it back to 8/26. Blech, 4 extra days of waiting time! I'm waiting to announce on facebook until the 20w scan. I'm too paranoid to announce in the meantime.

 

[Ally2015]

Hello beautiful ladies, im just catching up not been online, had awful headache yesterday.

Midnight fairy- i don't have a bump yet just VERY bloated and i think i felt flutters a couple of times on one day but not again since- is that normal to feel and then not at all for days? it might not even have been baby, but it felt like a bubble popping one after the other.

I have also been feeling a constant achy pain in my womb, i think its round ligament pain, i feel it more when i bend over or sit down, anyone else??

froogyfrog- i think my migraines are possibly getting less, but when i get them, i am exhausted and day feels so slow.

 

[Ally2015]

anababe- hun, i am sooo very sorry, you do not need this to deal with when you are pregnant. I agree with other posters, ultimatum and don't bother with him, he sounds too immature and silly.
I do wonder whether he is struggling or finding it hard to cope with the thought of having a baby? he defo needs to stay away from the drugs and sort himself out, young he may be, but not too young to have a family.
My husband smokes, but he has slowly cut down over the years and he never smokes around me, he goes outside, but i have spoken to him about quitting it for good, because i;d rather not have it round my baby in any way, and he understands and is trying to make those changes. We have had arguments about it and i have been upset but he gets it and said he will work towards no smoking by the time baby is here. I totally understand you not wanting your OH's bad habits around your children
You are not controlling, i would not want any influence of drugs etc round my children, so you are the one being mature and he needs to face the truth.

sending you lots of hugs- we women are strong and powerful and can get through anything... hell, we can grow life inside us!!

 

[Midnight_Fairy]

Hello beautiful ladies, im just catching up not been online, had awful headache yesterday.

Midnight fairy- i don't have a bump yet just VERY bloated and i think i felt flutters a couple of times on one day but not again since- is that normal to feel and then not at all for days? it might not even have been baby, but it felt like a bubble popping one after the other.

I have also been feeling a constant achy pain in my womb, i think its round ligament pain, i feel it more when i bend over or sit down, anyone else??

froogyfrog- i think my migraines are possibly getting less, but when i get them, i am exhausted and day feels so slow.

I don't have a bump really...I feel babe loads some days and not others. Is normal I think depending how they are led xxx

Ana....massive massive hugs sweet. You are not controlling at all. You need him sorted before he can get back x

 

[newbie2013]

Only three hours until my appointment! I'm excited and so is dh. I'm about to head out and treat myself to a manicure and pedicure before work starts next week. I've been meaning to go all week but haven't gotten around to it yet. No time like the present!

Hope you're all having a great day!

 

[slammerkin]

My 20-week scan isn't until September 1st! It seems like forever away. I need to know the sex of this baby so I can either get excited about the girl's name, or resign myself to the boy's name that DH is insisting on.

I feel movement very sporadically. Can seem to go days without noticing anything. I hope it gets consistent soon.

 

[Hotbump]

I keep sleeping on my stomach and when I wake up my stomach hurts a bit but I can't get comfortable in any other sleeping position

Anababe- I'm sorry you're going thru this

 

[greats]

Ana, you completely contradicted yourself saying he doesn't have a drug problem so to speak but then you went on to say he drinks, smokes weed, and has been doing coke recently. Um, hi, that's a drug problem and it's only going to get worse. I get he was a family man but obviously not anymore as he cares more about being with his friend than you and your kids. Everyone else can sugar coat the truth you've laid out to us, but I will continue being blunt about the situation. If he's doing coke, then he's gone and isn't coming back.

 

[Angel5000]

Ally - my round ligament pain is down in lower abdomen and it feels like sharp pains in one or two localized spots. More painful if I make a quick or sudden movement. I've been feeling achiness in the uterus area, like it's tender (and it is worse when I bend over), but I don't know what that is. I'm thinking it's the expanding uterus since my doctor said about this time the baby has caught up to the size of the uterus and they'll be growing together now so I should expect to feel some discomfort.


greats - I don't think that's a completely fair assessment. While I agree that right now she's making the best decision, I don't saying he's completely gone and isn't coming back is not fair. I have a couple friends/family who have gone off and decided to experiment with coke (thanks to some shady friends) and got really caught up in it for a couple months but then realized it wasn't their thing and they were messing up their lives and quit and went back to being the wonderful people they were before. Drinking can be a problem but it can also be that is his way to blow off steam. Not remotely healthy, but at 23 not uncommon. In my young 20s alcohol was my go-to when I had a bad day or a fight with a boyfriend. I'm very glad I grew out of that pretty quickly, but it's not uncommon for a young person to go that route. And, finally, as for weed, I may just be more liberal than most because I live in Washington State but I don't find it to be an issue if it's done in moderation and not around the kids or when you have to take care of the kids. But I grew up around smokers (pot) and I've seen people who abuse it and I've seen plenty of fully functioning adults with professional careers and kids who they take very good care of who also smoke (and most people would never suspect). With just about anything, It's a matter of how it's used and the decisions people make. (and not that it matters but just as full personal disclosure: I personally stay away from weed, but that's more because as a teacher I'm very conscious of what I'm doing and my BIL who lives just a few streets down is military so he can't be even in a household where its present.)

My point is that while I don't think she needs to sit there and keep giving him chance after chance, I don't think it's fair to say he can never come back from this. I have too many friends and family who have been through drug and alcohol problems and who have completely changed their lives (or friends/family who smoke weed and you'd never know it) to believe that it is the case. I've also had some friends let it consume them, especially when they get into the harder stuff like coke and heroin. I just like to believe that there is a chance, but we have to be realistic that it won't happen until he reaches the point where he WANTS to make the change for himself, not for anyone else.