Jealous three year old

[Thegoodtwin]

I'm barely in the second trimester and my three year old DD is already incredibly jealous. First it started out as just being clingy and wanting more cuddles which was fine but it's since turned into fighting me about everything. The other day after refusing to get out of bed after her nap I asked her why she was grumpy and she said "because I don't want the baby to come. " It broke my heart. I've been trying to include her as much as possible. Taking her to DR appointments, letting her "be mommys Doctor" and find the heart beat on Doppler, shopping just the two of us, but it doesn't seem to help. I'm terrified that it's only going to get worse once the baby comes. Any advice or comfort that it'll get better would be great lol

 

[Fruitmash]

Have you considered getting her a treat? Something special that has nothing to do with baby. With DD we let her go into lush and pick out a bath bomb (it had to be lush since they're so good for the skin). She's wanted one for a while and I told her since she was such a big girl she could go in and pick any one she wanted

 

[Amygdala]

To be honest, I think she's just being a 3-year-old, it's not necessarily about the baby. They're very confrontational at the age and she'll just use the baby as an explanation because she won't understand why she's grumpy herself. I wouldn't worry about it translating into not liking the baby once they're here. But I would try to not make it a big deal, don't enter into discussions about why she doesn't like the baby etc. Talk about how things will be with the baby here and maybe read some books but don't comment when she says she doesn't want the baby. I would bet that it'll pass.

 

[SleepyBaby]

my three year old has decided she IS the baby, shes wanting to run about with a dummy and has started speaking in baby language " gagaogogogo" instead of answering questions lol

im just rolling with it, once babys here there will be jealousy but ill let her know shes still loved and wanted and hopefully things will be good, i wont be going over board with treats and special stuff same as any jealousy tantrums will be ignored otherwise she will play on it and act up as a way to get stuff lol

will be a learning curve, thats for sure!

 

[Jessicahide]

Her comment was designed to break your heart, just sounds like a normal 3 year old being a three year old, they are all rat bags at that age lol Try not to freat xxx

 

[greats]

Totally normal 3 year old behavior! Dd#1 was 3 when dd#2 was a newborn and we had lots of jealousy issues, behavior issues, that looking back to last year were a combination of "jealousy" of her little sister as well as typical 3 year old behavior. She's about to turn 4 and her behavior has done a complete turn around over the past couple months. We still get the usual behavior issues you get from a 3 year old but it finally clicked that she shouldn't act certain ways during certain situations. Just give it time, keep doing what you're doing now, and this time next year things will be totally different.

 

[Jennifurball]

I am going through similar. She is 4 and keeps saying why do I want the baby and not her. I said I want her more than anything and I love them both. I took her to a private 4d scan to help her bond and she just cried cos it was a boy and boys are rubbish, made me sad.

But other times she is amazing, she will listen in on the Doppler with me and get excited, talk to and kiss my bump, she finds blue things for him. She even picked his name. But then starts again, playing up then acting like a baby wanting milk and her blanket and wanting me to carry her.

I suppose it's normal because they are used to it being just them, doesn't help I am a single parent so we are super close and it has been just us for over 4 years, but I am sure once the babies are here our LOs will be fine. Just have to involve them in as much as possible.

I have also ordered a big sister t shirt and bead bracelet as a surprise 'from the baby' to help her accept him when he's here.

 

[2have4kids]

My gf bought books for her toddler and it seemed to help. Also you're doing everything you can by including her in all of the scans. It's a typical de-throwning period for them. I used to be an au pair for a 3 year old and 1 year old baby and the worst was when the 3 year old grabbed 4 crayons and flew around the house drawing on the walls while I was changing LO'd diaper. Include her in e v e r y t h i n g if you can help it. At least you can then keep your eye on her!

 

[ExpatMomKorea]

I don't know if this would be helpful, but there might be a program at the local hospital that hosts a sibling camp. My hospital does a weekend, day camp for children 3-10 years old. Makes having a younger sibling as this important "grown-up" task that focuses on your child's importance in the family.

While I cannot personally attest to it, my co-worker had his daughter go. She went from scared to really excited about her new baby sister joining the family. The camp even gave her a certificate of completion. She spent a good hour running around at the office showing all of us her achievement.

 

[iluvcocopops]

I wouldn't worry too much, she's just being a typical 3yr old. My DD is 4 and her moods towards baby changes with the wind from hugging & kissing the bump to 'I don't want a baby'. I've told her that mummy & daddy are having a baby so she can have a best friend for life & told her that she will be the best big sister ever & her big sister jobs will include picking toys for the baby, playing with the baby, singing to the baby & finding baby's tickles - because they are all jobs she is good at. She always feels happy & proud when I tell her that 😊

 

[Thegoodtwin]

Thanks for the input ladies. Some days she comes around others she's horrid but I guess that's all I can expect from a 3 year old lol we found out yesterday were having a boy and she was NOT happy I'm sure she'll be better once he comes

 

[SleepyBaby]

I decided today to make it more real for my 3 year old so tonight i put up a cot in my room so she can get more used to the idea, when baby comes she will know baby will be in moms room to sleep!

She has also evolved the being a baby theory to shes pregnant as well! tells total strangers she has a baby in her belly!

suppose it will be changing from now until baby comes but we are having fun with it!

Also i watch the " week by week" videos on yourtube and she watches them to, this week baby learned to hear voices and the lady said talk to your baby so shes been big into talking to my belly ( took a few days to get her to talk to belly and not use the exit route as a loud speaker to baby, that was fun in shops.... not lol)