Jessie's Journey

[jessieles]

Teeny Weeny- I dont know exactly when i did o, but I'm cd25 now, due af in about 6 days.

Pickle- bump buddies here we come!

Babylove- I have everything crossed that o will happen asap for you!!

 

[PrincessTaz]

Hi there, hope you don't mind a new follower?

So so sorry for your loss
I had an early loss after my first ever cycle of clomid when I was ttc ds and it was devastating especially when you have waited so so long. Also had a mmc at 10 weeks and that was even more soul destroying, one of the great things about this forum though is all the support and being able to talk to others who know what you're going through.

Good luck with this cycle, your progesterone level sounds very good, I just had mine done today so hope they're as good as that. When will you be testing? X

 

[jessieles]

Hiya Taz!!

It sucks doesnt it!

Fingers crossed for you, when will you get your results? I'm really nervous about testing! The thought of seeing bfn's is soul destroying isnt it! I last got my bfp on cd29 so Ill wait until Saturday if i can!

Are you feeling any diff this cycle? xx

 

[PrincessTaz]

It really does!

They said I can call on Friday for them but I'm going to be cheeky and call tomorrow afternoon.

Seeing bfn is so so crap, I wish I had the will power not to test. You do right though not testing. I really hope you get your sticky bfp.

I feel no different at the moment, had loads of symptoms up until CD6 and then nothing.

 

[jessieles]

So this morning I stupidly caved and tested with an ic. I got a blazing bfn! I dont know why i did this as now im just going nuts. Half of me thinks af is defo on her way and then a part of me hopes its too early as when i got my bfp last time i was 2 days from af whereas im now 5 days from af, and i only got a bfp on an frer, ic's didnt show a bfp for me last time until a week later!

I honestly dont know how much longer I can keep doing this. The toughest part of it all is that you have no control over any of it! I honestly dont even know myself anymore, i feel constantly down, on the edge of tears, I cant see positivity in anything. I was driving to work this mornin, the sun was shining and i just thought I should be really happy but I'm so miserable all the time! It doesnt help that in an office of 4, im the only girl with no baby, one of the girls is pregnant too so the office is constant baby talk. and the irony is I started trying before anyone else and they are now back from maternity leave!
I try my best to put a happy face on but my poor dh must struggle with me being like this all the time!


Neway, I spose we have to keep plodding along!

 

[jessieles]

so i have been googling all morning and apparently thers quite a common link between clomid and depression!

 

[Babylove100]

Ah hunni, sorry your feeling so down. There's nothing I can say but I'm right here with you!! 5days before af still gives you plenty of time to still get your bfp!!!xx

 

[Teeny Weeny]

You were so early testing. You are definately not out my love.
I am starting 100mg Clomid next cycle so we can do it together. I know it makes me miserable for a week but not on a long term basis. How are you feeling today? Xx

 

[PrincessTaz]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so low. I didn't know there was a link between clomid and depression but I do know it makes me extremely emotional. It also won't be easy so soon after your loss, you need to give yourself a break and go easy on yourself. It's takes time to move on and start to heal.

BFNs are the worst things ever too, I wish I could tell you not to rest early but I'm as bad but it isn't nice to see when you want something so much. You are way early though and loads and loads of time for your bfp!

 

[jessieles]

Aw thank you all

I tested today, 11dpo, bfn and then started spotting so think im out! Maybe thats why I have been so low, pms!

Teeny Ween- As soon as af turns to full flow I will be starting the next batch of clomid so we will defo be on the same cycle together! I am only on 50mg, i think she told me to only double it if i dont ovulate!

Taz- I think you are right, i think im putting too much pressure on myself, i need to learn to think in the bigger picture ill get my bfp soon instead of being adamant that i want it right now! I need to be kinder to myself!

 

[Teeny Weeny]

With my DS I only took 50mg but I did have ovarian drilling prior to that so perhaps that's why my dose was lower.
This time my consultant went straight in for 100mg. I am a little bit scared to be honest! I don't want to turn into a crazy lady. Xx

 

[jessieles]

Ive defo turned into a crazy lady haha! youll be fine, just be kind to urself, i think we need to put less pressure on rselves too x

 

[Teeny Weeny]

You're right there! I put so much pressure on myself to get pregnant again and feel like a failure every month. I must remember that it takes 2 to make a baby and hubby is just as disappointed with the BFN too.
I'm only CD17 here and time is dragging. I want this cycle to be over to take Clomid already.
At least I have half term to keep me busy and a very poorly little boy today with sickness and diarrohea.

 

[jessieles]

My dh often reminds me that he is in this journey too!

Aww I hope your little one is better soon!

 

[jessieles]

So the stupid witch arrived over the weekend! but i have had my crying and ranting and raving. I'm now on cd3 so second lot of clomid this eve!

I am gonna try and calm down this month as last cycle I turned into a raving lunatic.

Onwards and upwards!

 

[Babylove100]

Ah so sorry to hear this Jessie hoping this is your bfp cycle!! Good luck!!!xx

 

[PrincessTaz]

I'm so sorry, really hope this is your lucky cycle!

It's so hard to not let it get to you, you're not the only one who gets crazy!

My temps dropped below my cover line today so af will be here today or tomorrow so we can be clomid crazies together lol.

Hopefully we can both try and be more relaxed this go.

x

 

[jessieles]

Babylove- Thanks hun!

Taz- yes fingers crossed this is our lucky cycle! positive thoughts!

 

[Teeny Weeny]

Do you have any scans or bloodwork follow up Jessie? Xx

 

[jessieles]

Nope, I just take clomid days 2-6 and then have cd21 bloods done to see if I ovulate x